Long post alert!
Hey! How ya been? You been running? That makes 1 of us. What started off as a few scheduling conflicts, has turned into a complete lack of motivation and me rage quitting my plan. I’m probably not going to do my 10k or Half Marathon any more..,
The trouble is that, I honestly don’t know why I’m struggling so hard. My diet has gone completely out the window and where I had almost lost 10 pounds I’m not back to where I started at the beginning of the year.
My last run was only a mile and it was an attempt to bring motivation back to me, but my feet have not stopped hurting from that one mile. (2 weeks ago) It’s not extreme pain, but it’s there. When you add on me not wanting to get injured (although it kind feels like I already am somehow) with my already low levels of motivation…. It’s not pretty.
I’ve also rage quit all my other challenges this year. My husband and I haven’t paid anything extra towards our debt and our google calendar that had our lives organized and planed out hasn’t been updated for over a month.
I think I piled up too much on my plate and tried to attack each and every area with the exact same amount of enthusiasm and then I burnt myself out quickly. So my husband and I sat down and made a list of everything we think is important to us and listed our priorities in order of most importance. They are kind of personal, but that’s never stopped me before, so here they are in order:
1. Good Health
2. Trained Dogs
3. Maintained House (like a reasonable level of organized)
4. A Yearly Vacation
5. Functioning House (AKA Getting our Basement Fixed)
6. Monthly Experiences (think day trips and long weekends)
7. Self Care
8. Spoiled Dogs (Don’t Judge! LOL)
9. Nice Things for Our House (decorated and stuff)
10. Good Quality Food (eating out twice a week or cooking fancy new things)
11. Being Debt Free
12. A Beat-up Pickup Truck
13. Giving
14. Another Nicer Car
15. Kids (not necessarily having them but being ready for them)
I was actually fairly surprised that our Health was number one on the list. Neither one of us go to the doctor ever, but I think that as we were comparing the things it just seemed like a no brainer, obviously Good Health is more important than a truck or food or nice things. We certainly aren’t living in a way that reflects this list. If I’m being honest, I think it would be right above kids, and that’s just because I’m more terrified of kids than a doctor right now.
I have to say that typing this out is actually giving me a revelation into what’s happening inside my head. One of the reasons I’ve been struggling so much is because last year running took up so many of our resources. Our money, our time and our vacations were all planned around what race I was doing that month. It was all I ever talked about. I was obsessed. So This year, I promised my husband I wouldn’t do a race every month because that was too expensive. I’ve felt so guilty that this year we’ve already had to buy new shoes, new tights, new sports bras, a case of GUs, AND start saving for a trip to Disney just incase I managed to get myself where I needed to be for the big ole 26.2. None of those things are cheep!! To be honest, I’ve known that I need to go to a doctor since the 3rd week of this plan but I’ve been lying to myself. And I now I think I was denying it so hard because it’s going to be expensive! I kept saying “oh I just need new insoles.” Or “I just need to foam roll my feet more.” I thought our biggest priority was getting out of debt, so I felt so guilty that we were spending so much on this thing I could technically do for free. I was also trying not to talk about it so much. I’ve been trying to only bring it up a few times a week instead of daily… I’ve been trying to down play it so much that I actually down played it.
I shouldn’t feel bad about any of that! According to the aforementioned priorities, we are both in agreement that our health is #1. Also, my husband never once complained at all about me talking about running. Not a single time. What the F was I thinking?!
I feel really dumb now. I need to email Billy and make an appointment with a PT yesterday!
Okay! It’s been a few days. My appointment will be on 4/4. Don’t give up on me just yet. I’m not running until after I meet with the PT, but I am going to break out the ole 21 day fix on my run days. I feel like I’m back! I haven’t even been for a run yet but this was a huge break through and I feel rejuvenated and mentally ready to run my butt off!