A family problem

[tileman]

I have a family problem that is really effecting my wife and me.
Our daughter now 18 soon to be 19 this aug was haveing a problem in her 1st year of our local college
with a few classes so she wanted to do a different major. So she picked a diff one and it was all set till a few weeks ago.

Me and my wife work together and my wife gets a call last fri and its our daughter she tells my wife that she is moving out
and into her boyfriend's sister place and will be going to a diff collage with a diff major.

The place she is moving to is over 2 hours away my wife just broke down and started crying because this came from out of nowhere.
Her and my wife are like best friends and always have been. Her boyfriend is 23 or 24 and only works when he has too and lives from day to day.

They have been toghter for maybe 6 months and this is her 1st true love or as I say its her 1st real boyfrined.
She tell us that he will be moving back home and it just happens to be near the place she is moving to I find that very odd.....

She had a very nice internship here at seaworld but after like 7 weeks into a 16 week thing just stoped working and said it was because she was sick.
She did get a very small case of the hives (like 15 red dots on her leg) and the dermatologist gave her some pills to clean it right up but she never went back to work there.
I think the reason she stoped working was she was gone like 5 1/2 days a week and each day was over 13 hours long and her boyfrined was out playing and she did not like that.
She told my wife and her older sister that she is very very jealous of him.

I want to support my daughter more then anything I fell she is leaving home for the wrong reason (I fell he told her I am moving) so she is just trying to tell us this is a better
school. I will always keep my doors open to my kids anytime they need to come back home.

I do not know what to do at this point her mind is made up I am just at a loss on it all it came out of dark and hit me fast.
All I ask her to do was stay in school
and get a good education.

Sorry to be so long in my post going to our church this sun and hope to see what a little praying can do.

Thanks Ron.

 

[mommasita]

That can't be easy.. In the case I would think you must let her go, and as you say be there for her..

Love is so blind isn't it... When we are young, we are willing to risk about everything for it.. Your live shines through in your words.. Lots of love to your family

 

[LuvOrlando]

My 2 are teens are showing me the push for independance is really hard. Lots of times they say and do things that are wildly out of sync with how my husband & I have raised them, but they are separate human beings and that's a lot to take in. As a general rule I look at it as if they're trying on personalities & life choices to see what fits. What you're talking about seems erratic but truth is most people in this world are erratic & impulsive so she's just trying on what she sees around her. Yyou can't stop it and the best you can hope for is she'll decide that it doesn't work for her with no permanent damage like pregnancy with a guy who will abandon her.

If it was me, first I would take all my money back from college and make it so she has to make her own way. Indepencence is fine but you don't have to pay for it, nor should you, it encourages risk taking- risks people don't take with their own money. Besides the fact, if the guys a bum he might ask her to cash in the tuition and they'll live on it or he might break up with her and she fails an entire semester . You agreed to pay for her to go to a particular college for particular degree she doesn't get to change her mind and expect you to pay for it.

Second, I wouldn't fight about it. Just wish her luck tell you like to know where the address is there going to live so you can stop by and visit.

Third, I'd make sure she knows that her life and everything you and your wife agreed to take care of is waiting for her if things don't work out.

Kids are in such a rush to deal with the real world, well the real world means if you don't follow the contracts & do what people around you expect you to do you have to figure it out yourself.; it's true inrelationships, it's true in college and it's true in employment.

My neighbor/ friend called me a hard --- about my manner, but it's the way the world works & its not changing anytime soon so they might as will figure it out early

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

My 2 are teens are showing me the push for independance is really hard. Lots of times they say and do things that are wildly out of sync with how my husband & I have raised them, but they are separate human beings and that's a lot to take in. As a general rule I look at it as if they're trying on personalities & life choices to see what fits. What you're talking about seems erratic but truth is most people in this world are erratic & impulsive so she's just trying on what she sees around her. Yyou can't stop it and the best you can hope for is she'll decide that it doesn't work for her with no permanent damage like pregnancy with a guy who will abandon her.

If it was me, first I would take all my money back from college and make it so she has to make her own way. Indepencence is fine but you don't have to pay for it, nor should you, it encourages risk taking- risks people don't take with their own money. Besides the fact, if the guys a bum he might ask her to cash in the tuition and they'll live on it or he might break up with her and she fails an entire semester . You agreed to pay for her to go to a particular college for particular degree she doesn't get to change her mind and expect you to pay for it.

Second, I wouldn't fight about it. Just wish her luck tell you like to know where the address is there going to live so you can stop by and visit.

Third, I'd make sure she knows that her life and everything you and your wife agreed to take care of is waiting for her if things don't work out.

Kids are in such a rush to deal with the real world, well the real world means if you don't follow the contracts & do what people around you expect you to do you have to figure it out yourself.; it's true inrelationships, it's true in college and it's true in employment.

My neighbor/ friend called me a hard --- about my manner, but it's the way the world works & its not changing anytime soon so they might as will figure it out early

I totally agree. She makes her own decisions, but also must face the consequences of that decision. It's a very fast wake-up call for most kids!

 

[tileman]

Thanks guys for the info

I totally agree with what was said I did buy her a new truck for her high school
graduation and I am still making payments on it. She said she would leave the truck here and just get rides from his family I do not see this working out or lasting to long. I would hate to see her get up there with no ride and get stuck
with no way to leave if she wanted to go.

I have always let both my kids know you are always welcome home any time night or day. As was said love makes you do crazy stuff

She is a very giving person and always wants to make others fell good.
I just hope she dose not get stuck in a bad way of life and see no way out.

I fell god will tell her and she will know in her mind when to get out I hope.
What I do not under stand is her last 4 years of school was in a church setting and knows this is not right to do.

Thanks for the help and info guy's you are great.

Ron.

 

[Southern Bell]

The hardest think for me to learn as a parent, is standing by and watching your child or children make their decisions when we think they are wrong. I want to catch them before they fall or stand them on my shoulders to see further than I did! Not to say they still don't get to hear my opinion. LOL! But eventually all you can do is let go, and let them know that you are here if they need you. Sometimes all your worry is for nothing and everything works out better than you think its going to! Someone told me the other day they never worried. Why worry when you could pray!

 

[tina.tina]

My 2 are teens are showing me the push for independance is really hard. Lots of times they say and do things that are wildly out of sync with how my husband & I have raised them, but they are separate human beings and that's a lot to take in. As a general rule I look at it as if they're trying on personalities & life choices to see what fits. What you're talking about seems erratic but truth is most people in this world are erratic & impulsive so she's just trying on what she sees around her. Yyou can't stop it and the best you can hope for is she'll decide that it doesn't work for her with no permanent damage like pregnancy with a guy who will abandon her.

If it was me, first I would take all my money back from college and make it so she has to make her own way. Indepencence is fine but you don't have to pay for it, nor should you, it encourages risk taking- risks people don't take with their own money. Besides the fact, if the guys a bum he might ask her to cash in the tuition and they'll live on it or he might break up with her and she fails an entire semester . You agreed to pay for her to go to a particular college for particular degree she doesn't get to change her mind and expect you to pay for it.

Second, I wouldn't fight about it. Just wish her luck tell you like to know where the address is there going to live so you can stop by and visit.

Third, I'd make sure she knows that her life and everything you and your wife agreed to take care of is waiting for her if things don't work out.

Kids are in such a rush to deal with the real world, well the real world means if you don't follow the contracts & do what people around you expect you to do you have to figure it out yourself.; it's true inrelationships, it's true in college and it's true in employment.

My neighbor/ friend called me a hard --- about my manner, but it's the way the world works & its not changing anytime soon so they might as will figure it out early

Wow! Excellent advice. She is young. Let her make her own mistakes now so she can learn from them. Pushing her to go to school or whatever will only make her rebel more.

Leaving the truck at home is another rebellion. Let her do it. Then she will learn. I know a 40 year old who recently put her vehicle in her boyfriend's name. She left him and he reported that she stole the truck- which is legally true.

The most important thing is to preserve your relationship with her. As the above poster says, let her know you are there for backup and moral support.