Bridal shower gift

[MrsPete]

Random thoughts:

- A wedding shower and a bridal shower are the same thing. No matter what you call it, a shower can have "a theme" such as lingerie, hardware, etc. If no theme is designated, general household goods -- kitchen, linens, etc. are expected.
- Here in the South, we occasionally see a "Pounding Shower", though it's old-fashioned. It's a shower for a large group where people want to do something small for the bride -- each participant gives a pound of something for the bride's pantry: spices, flour, noodles, even canned goods. A Sunday school class or a Girl Scout troop might have a "Pounding" for its teacher or leader -- it's not typically a big party like a shower.
- Some people would be uncomfortable giving lingerie (or attending a lingerie shower), so if you give that type of shower, the guest list should be considered carefully.
- Shower gift and wedding gift are the same thing. If you've attended a shower and have gifted something nice, you're not expected to give a second gift at the wedding.
- Even if future MIL gave money towards the wedding, a gift is expected at the shower; after all, this is close family. It doesn't necessarily have to be extravagant -- a set of towels or a couple casserole dishes could turn out to be much-used and appreciated.
- Oddly, my step-sister had multiple showers (without many overlapping guests), and her mother was invited to them all. She actually TOOK BACK the gifts and re-wrapped them for her future showers. They were nice gifts, and my sister just laughed about it.

 

[DisneyHardin]

- Shower gift and wedding gift are the same thing. If you've attended a shower and have gifted something nice, you're not expected to give a second gift at the wedding.

I agree with all of your post except this part. I've been to a lot of wedding showers and weddings and have NEVER just given one gift. On the flip, when I got married 12 years ago, everyone who was invited to a shower also came to the wedding and they all brought another gift (mostly money to the actual wedding).

 

[wishuponastar1984]

My future DD is having a bridal shower Sunday..
We gave the kids a few thousand dollars to to help with the wedding. We told them that this was a early wedding gift.
What do I get her for a gift? I cant go empty handed ... and If I buy cheap bowel set I will look cheap

Bolding is mine. I would definitely not get a "bowel set" as that would be very strange.
I think it would help if you tell us what part of the country you live in as types of presents are different in certain parts of the country.

 

[easyas123]

Shower gift and wedding gift are the same thing. If you've attended a shower and have gifted something nice, you're not expected to give a second gift at the wedding.

I've always considered (and am surrounded by same thinking family/friends) that the shower gift & wedding gift to be two different things. Usually a gift off the registry or similar for the shower, and cash at the wedding.
For what it is worth, we shall soon be in a similar situation. Expect our eldest to be getting married in next two years. We'll contribute to his actual wedding (because we want to, not have to - plus they'll most likely have it at our farm) and we have a tradition in our family of parents gifting the newlyweds their honeymoon. I hope to do the same for both my sons, or at least contribute to it significantly, as their wedding gift. I'll definitely be taking a shower gift, too.

Here in the South, we occasionally see a "Pounding Shower", though it's old-fashioned. It's a shower for a large group where people want to do something small for the bride -- each participant gives a pound of something for the bride's pantry: spices, flour, noodles, even canned goods. A Sunday school class or a Girl Scout troop might have a "Pounding" for its teacher or leader -- it's not typically a big party like a shower.

I've never heard of this, but it sounds like a GREAT idea. I love the thought of it!

 

[easyas123]

I think it would help if you tell us what part of the country you live in as types of presents are different in certain parts of the country

I was born and raised until 12 in South Jersey, lots of aunts, uncles and cousins still up there, so lots of family showers & weddings still going on!
From there I moved to Delaware, about 90- minutes south. And now we live on Eastern Shore of MD.

 

[afan]

Usually a gift off the registry or similar for the shower, and cash at the wedding.

This part is totally region specific and has been evident any time a wedding gift thread is started. Where I am on the west coast while it is 2 gifts, it's not normal to give money for the wedding gift unless you are close family. I've always found this all interesting because I would never give friends or even cousins cash for a wedding gift. I might do a gift card for a shower but even that is pushing it as I'd much rather give an actual item for a gift.

 

[Disneyfan754321]

I've always considered (and am surrounded by same thinking family/friends) that the shower gift & wedding gift to be two different things. Usually a gift off the registry or similar for the shower, and cash at the wedding.
For what it is worth, we shall soon be in a similar situation. Expect our eldest to be getting married in next two years. We'll contribute to his actual wedding (because we want to, not have to - plus they'll most likely have it at our farm) and we have a tradition in our family of parents gifting the newlyweds their honeymoon. I hope to do the same for both my sons, or at least contribute to it significantly, as their wedding gift. I'll definitely be taking a shower gift, too.



I've never heard of this, but it sounds like a GREAT idea. I love the thought of it!

I ended up buying a carry on suitcase off her registry... It was funny how it turned out. I only stayed a few mins... the party was at someones house and it was super full of 24 year old girls.
Besides being one of the oldest in the room at 44 not a single person was wearing a mask.

 

[TCRAIG]

North East is usually something off the registry or similar for shower - cash for the wedding gift. The South is a bit less ‘pricey’ since traditionally, Southern weddings were a lot simpler and less expensive (unless you were a leading family in the area) - the wedding itself was elaborate with lots of attendants but receptions were usually in the church hall with punch (no booze) and some small snacks. That has been changing over the last dozen years or so but I’m not sure the gift ‘philosophy’ has. My daughter was married in Charleston SC a few years ago - reception had ALL the extras...open bar, fabulous plated dinner, coffee bar, elaborate cocktail hour with passed hors-d’oeuvres, gift boxes in each hotel room, pashminas for each female guest, full breakfast reception for all overnight guest- you name it - we had (and paid) for it. Our Northern friends and relatives did shower gifts and $$ wedding cards...Southern side - 1 gift - usually off the registry.

 

[ZJ5/9D47]

I ended up buying a carry on suitcase off her registry... It was funny how it turned out. I only stayed a few mins... the party was at someones house and it was super full of 24 year old girls.
Besides being one of the oldest in the room at 44 not a single person was wearing a mask.

Leaving early also likely saved you the trauma of knowing what lingerie your DD received and might be using soon.

 

[MrsPete]

...we have a tradition in our family of parents gifting the newlyweds their honeymoon.

That's a nice tradition.

I've never heard of this, but it sounds like a GREAT idea. I love the thought of it!

Yes, it's something that maybe a ladies' book club would do for a member. It's the kind of thing that's done in a large group where people are casual aquarintances more than friend-friends.

... because I would never give friends or even cousins cash for a wedding gift.

Yes, Southerners don't give money. It's looked at as "you didn't really try" -- you just threw some money into an envelope.

Leaving early also likely saved you the trauma of knowing what lingerie your DD received and might be using soon.

Yeah, do you really want to know what your DIL wears for your son?

 

[johnsontrio]

Our DD is scheduled to marry in March, probably not happening... at least at that time. Her in-law's side is giving a shower in August, our side will be close to the wedding date. We wanted to do one large shower but his family wants to do their own thing. My DM and I are invited. DH and I had decided to gift them bedroom furniture and I don't want to show up empty handed at the shower. She has many items on her registry, large family on both sides. I decided upon a darling Kate Spade vase which I know she will love because she picked it out, but I know she will remember I gave it to her because I love having fresh cut flowers in the house and buy them often. Pick something that reflects a common interest or will have some significance to her. I have many wedding gifts and shower gifts that I can still remember, 30 years later, who gifted them to us. Enjoy! and may they be blessed on their marriage!

 

[sk!mom]

North East is usually something off the registry or similar for shower - cash for the wedding gift. The South is a bit less ‘pricey’ since traditionally, Southern weddings were a lot simpler and less expensive (unless you were a leading family in the area) - the wedding itself was elaborate with lots of attendants but receptions were usually in the church hall with punch (no booze) and some small snacks... Our Northern friends and relatives did shower gifts and $$ wedding cards...Southern side - 1 gift - usually off the registry.

Yes, Southerners don't give money. It's looked at as "you didn't really try" -- you just threw some money into an envelope.

I’m in the South and have been to one church wedding in the past 10 years or so. And even then the reception was offsite in a hall with a meal, DJ and dancing. It was in the church because the couple met there and were very involved.

As far as gifts, either my Southern circle is an anomaly or times are achangin’. I always purchase something from the registry for a shower and take a card with cash to the wedding.

My DD married last November. She had two showers with almost all shower gifts being registry items or gift cards. Her bridesmaids gave her a lingerie shower as part of her Bachelorette weekend. That seems to be commonly done around here as it adds to the bawdy fun of that weekend and insures no awkward moments of work friends, or your grandma, watching you open lingerie.

There were 180 guests at DD’s southern wedding (venue not a church) and only one brought a gift. All others (who brought something) brought a card with cash inside. I have no idea who did or did not bring a wedding gift but I do know that DD and SIL were shocked at the amount of cash. They honestly had no idea. They bought a house as soon as they came back from their honeymoon and used the wedding cash for new furniture. They had a ton of gift cards saved from the showers for all the small things a new house needs.

 

[easyas123]

As far as gifts, either my Southern circle is an anomaly or times are achangin’. I always purchase something from the registry for a shower and take a card with cash to the wedding.

Yeah, I have a cousin who lives in Alabama (transplant) and her new husbands family (long time Alabama and Louisiana residents) almost all brought cash to wedding, and gifts or gift cards to shower.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had two... one with lingerie with my friends (and the game about breaking the bows being the number of kids), and one with my mom and aunts, etc., with household items. I don't think there was any distinction in the name of the party or the invitation, but two different audiences.

For the OP, you could give a card with something tucked inside. No one else needs to know what was in there. It could be just a note about the wedding money, but the audience would think it's a gift card, check, etc. I think it would be rude to announce "it's a check for $100" so when we open cards we just read them and move on and let the audience fill in the blanks.

What would the note say? “I already gave you money towards the wedding so no shower gift for you”

 

[mjkacmom]

This part is totally region specific and has been evident any time a wedding gift thread is started. Where I am on the west coast while it is 2 gifts, it's not normal to give money for the wedding gift unless you are close family. I've always found this all interesting because I would never give friends or even cousins cash for a wedding gift. I might do a gift card for a shower but even that is pushing it as I'd much rather give an actual item for a gift.

And as a new bride wanting to buy a house, I’d MUCH rather receive cash! I can’t imagine getting gifts for the shower and wedding, that’s a lot of stuff.

 

[afan]

And as a new bride wanting to buy a house, I’d MUCH rather receive cash! I can’t imagine getting gifts for the shower and wedding, that’s a lot of stuff.

Not everyone has big weddings or showers. Others also see it as a gift and don't want to help pay for someone's house or honeymoon. Some don't want to give cash because if you only give 50 it might look bad but if they do the equivalent off the registry it's fine. And some just don't want to give cash period.

If people just want cash then don't register for stuff but know if you don't you're going to get crap you don't want.

Again, I think it's all quite regional and cultural as well.

 

[MrsPete]

As far as gifts, either my Southern circle is an anomaly

Yes, I this is the truth. What you describe isn't what I see, and I have a part-time job in the wedding industry, so I see a lot of weddings -- not just my own social group.

What would the note say? “I already gave you money towards the wedding so no shower gift for you”

Yeah, the idea of giving a note doesn't seem to play out well.

And as a new bride wanting to buy a house, I’d MUCH rather receive cash! I can’t imagine getting gifts for the shower and wedding, that’s a lot of stuff.

We just had our 30 year anniversary last week, and I'm still using things I received as shower /wedding gifts -- and I still remember who gave them to me. I know I received a few cash gifts, but I don't remember who gave them or how they were spent.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, I this is the truth. What you describe isn't what I see, and I have a part-time job in the wedding industry, so I see a lot of weddings -- not just my own social group.
Yeah, the idea of giving a note doesn't seem to play out well.
We just had our 30 year anniversary last week, and I'm still using things I received as shower /wedding gifts -- and I still remember who gave them to me. I know I received a few cash gifts, but I don't remember who gave them or how they were spent.

My grandma gave me my flatware that we still use today for my shower and $1000 as a wedding gift. When my parents passed away, I sold their house and had to go through everything. I found a spreadsheet from my wedding, with names, addresses, if they were coming to the wedding, and how much they gave.

 

[AnnaS]

Here where I am from and all the showers I have been to,

Bridal/wedding shower - are usually held at a different date before the wedding. It's a whole separate party/get together. It can be in a house, yard, restaurant, catering hall, etc. One gift - bride is usually registered.

The only time I have seen some sort of lingerie as a gift has been from the bride's mom, maid/matron of honor or the bridal party. It used to be all women. Now many times, some men are present.

Wedding - is another day, different party - separate gift. Very few here bring "gift" - it is usually a cash gift.

There is no right or wrong - different places use/have different customs. It's all good. If I were to go to a wedding in Canada - I try to follow/do - up to a certain point - what they use/do there.

Not a big deal, one way or the other. Also - one gives what they can afford regardless of where/who the couple is.

 

[Disneyfan754321]

Our DD is scheduled to marry in March, probably not happening... at least at that time. Her in-law's side is giving a shower in August, our side will be close to the wedding date. We wanted to do one large shower but his family wants to do their own thing. My DM and I are invited. DH and I had decided to gift them bedroom furniture and I don't want to show up empty handed at the shower. She has many items on her registry, large family on both sides. I decided upon a darling Kate Spade vase which I know she will love because she picked it out, but I know she will remember I gave it to her because I love having fresh cut flowers in the house and buy them often. Pick something that reflects a common interest or will have some significance to her. I have many wedding gifts and shower gifts that I can still remember, 30 years later, who gifted them to us. Enjoy! and may they be blessed on their marriage!

My mom has a really cute vase that was a gift, she also got flowers every month in some flower of the month club.. she always makes little jokes that she thinks about them all the time when those flowers show up. Thats a grear gift