Challenge day - thoughts?

[china mom]

My 7th grader participated in Challenge dayat school this week https://www.challengeday.org/

She came home to tell us about it and she had a lot of fun and seemed to have understood the program (anti-bullying, inclusiveness etc). But, she really only seemed to take two things away from it. First, she related to us that while it was fun, it was also very sad. Apparently one of the speakers talked tot he kids about her miscarriage and "everyone got sad and some kids cried".

I don't get the point of discussing this with 7th graders. My daughter is away of what a miscarriage is because we had discussed it after there was a reference to one in a show we had been watching. I do not shelter her but can't put the connection together.

The oly other thing she remembered was an exercise where all f the kids were placed on one side of the room and they would be told "if you have ever______, move to the other side of the room"

One of the questions was if your parents were divorced. I think there may have been a question about having lost a parent. The one question that caused my daughter to cross the room was "If you were adopted"

I know that the exercise was to show that everybody has something and is supposed to teach inclusion and acceptance. But, some of these topics are very personal. I have always taught my daughter that her story is her story to tell or not to tell. She is not ashamed to be Chinese or adopted but she just wants to be like everybody else. She does not want to be the Chinese girl or the adopted girl, she just wants to be a girl.

I have a dear friend whose daughter has a very tragic adoption story involving drug use, child neglect and a parent who eventually died of an overdose. That is her story to tell or not tell.

Has anyone else had a child participate in Challenge Day? Any good or bad vibes? I am usually the last one to get overly sensitive or critical but this struck me as a little wrong.

 

[DopeyDame]

I don't know anything about Challenge Day, but the taking-a-step exercise that you mention is a Privilege Walk. It's definitely controversial in social justice education circles, precisely because of what you mentioned - it can address some very personal topics that the participants may not be comfortable sharing, and it basically "uses" struggles of some people to try and educate other people.

The idea is that it can highlight inherent privilege (white privilege, cis-gender, bio family, etc) and help people get a better understanding of structural issues that people can't control, but that absolutely effect their lives, for better and worse. For example, if you are white and English speaking in suburban America, you might not have ever thought that being able to have a choice of doctors who share your culture and speak your background is a privilege, but it is. It teaches that, of course, by highlighting the "challenges" of some people in the group over those of others in the group.

With the right group, and the right facilitator, I think there can be some value in the activity. But I can also see how in a random school, it can really be implemented poorly.

ETA: I'm less concerned about the miscarriage discussion, because the person sharing that had the *choice* to share it. And by middle school, girls are capable of becoming pregnant, so they certainly aren't to young for the topic of miscarriage.

ETA, again!: Like you, my kids were adopted internationally. I'd also talk with your daughter about how race was addressed in the privilege walk and if she felt singled out about that during the day. It might be worth some processing.

 

[china mom]

ETA, again!: Like you, my kids were adopted internationally. I'd also talk with your daughter about how race was addressed in the privilege walk and if she felt singled out about that during the day. It might be worth some processing.

We did talk about that and is seems that race was not one of the "walking points". I know the exercise you are talking about but this one was different in its objective. It had to do with everyone being born the same - as a blank slate. And then, life happens and those things have an effect, or something like that.

Those who have met our family, can immediately figure out that she is adopted but not everyone has met us and she doesn't want a lot of adoption conversations to pop up.

If I can ask, where are your children from? Are they a different race than you? (no obligation to answer, of course)

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Apparently this has gone on since 1987. Never heard of it.

As for stories being choices to tell, your child could have made the decision to not walk across the room. Maybe, at 12, it's not something she would have thought was an acceptable solution to what you see as a problem.

 

[morgan98]

We did one of these as part of an inclusion/diversity exercise at work at the beginning of December. There were definitely some personal and somewhat awkward moments for even adult co-workers. I must admit that some of the topics and whether you took the step was uncomfortable.

I know this is bad to tell children to do, and detrimental to the exercise overall, but for some things that are just too personal and you don't want to share, just don't take the step...

 

[china mom]

We did one of these as part of an inclusion/diversity exercise at work at the beginning of December. There were definitely some personal and somewhat awkward moments for even adult co-workers. I must admit that some of the topics and whether you took the step was uncomfortable.

I know this is bad to tell children to do, and detrimental to the exercise overall, but for some things that are just too personal and you don't want to share, just don't take the step...

I have always taught her that. She gets to choose what she shares and when she shares it. But, this Challenge Day caught me unprepared so I didn't remind her that it is her choice. Plus she is the absolute most obedient child. She would never not do what she is told.

I have given her a choice about how to handle school assignments such as the family tree or her timeline, milestones etc. I have her back whether she chooses to include her unique story or substitute a fake one.

 

[DopeyDame]

We did talk about that and is seems that race was not one of the "walking points". I know the exercise you are talking about but this one was different in its objective. It had to do with everyone being born the same - as a blank slate. And then, life happens and those things have an effect, or something like that.

Those who have met our family, can immediately figure out that she is adopted but not everyone has met us and she doesn't want a lot of adoption conversations to pop up.

If I can ask, where are your children from? Are they a different race than you? (no obligation to answer, of course)

Huh. In some ways that makes it even more uncomfortable if they were trying to get at things that were specific to someone's life experience (as opposed to racial/structual issues that you might not have control over.) ugh.
My kids were born in South Korea, and we're white, so yup - we're different races.
Like you said below, people that know our family know the kids are adopted, and generally my kids are happy and comfortable talking about it. But I can absolutely see this activity catching them off-guard and wondering how to respond and being uncomfortable.

 

[bellebud]

This seems like good intentions by people who really have no clue. Singling out children is just a bad idea.

Reminds me of "grandparents day" at schools. The kids who don't have involved grandparents, or who don't have grandparents, get to sit there and watch their classmates enjoy time with their grandparents. Who thought this was a good idea? Probably a clueless, but well intentioned person.

 

[wgeo]

I don't know anything about Challenge Day, but the taking-a-step exercise that you mention is a Privilege Walk. It's definitely controversial in social justice education circles, precisely because of what you mentioned - it can address some very personal topics that the participants may not be comfortable sharing, and it basically "uses" struggles of some people to try and educate other people.

The idea is that it can highlight inherent privilege (white privilege, cis-gender, bio family, etc) and help people get a better understanding of structural issues that people can't control, but that absolutely effect their lives, for better and worse. For example, if you are white and English speaking in suburban America, you might not have ever thought that being able to have a choice of doctors who share your culture and speak your background is a privilege, but it is. It teaches that, of course, by highlighting the "challenges" of some people in the group over those of others in the group.

With the right group, and the right facilitator, I think there can be some value in the activity. But I can also see how in a random school, it can really be implemented poorly.

ETA: I'm less concerned about the miscarriage discussion, because the person sharing that had the *choice* to share it. And by middle school, girls are capable of becoming pregnant, so they certainly aren't to young for the topic of miscarriage.

ETA, again!: Like you, my kids were adopted internationally. I'd also talk with your daughter about how race was addressed in the privilege walk and if she felt singled out about that during the day. It might be worth some processing.

Just to point out that the Challenge Day exercise is not actually the same thing as the Privilege Walk. While they sound somewhat similar, they are different exercises, run in different ways with different intentions.

I've heard of people doing the Challenge Day stuff, but neither of my children had to do it specifically. I'm not a fan of it at the middle school age, don't think it's the right time/age for that developmentally.