Do you regret not having more kids?

[Disneypro1]

We have 2. Age 14 son. 12 daughter.
Perfect imho. Older son to always watch over daughter. When I’m gone. A long time from now I hope...

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

You are very lucky to be an only child. Or in Dis speak, an only.

Always an interesting topic to me. I was an only for 10.5 years. I hated every year and month of it and was absolutely thrilled when my sibling was born.

 

[Christine]

Always an interesting topic to me. I was an only for 10.5 years. I hated every year and month of it and was absolutely thrilled when my sibling was born.

I'm an "only" and never minded being an only at all. I did have the good fortune to be raised closely with cousins who are my own age and, to me, they feel like siblings but I realize it's not quite the same.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...It isn't to ward off the inevitable "empty best syndrome" (which I can't even imagine as my 2 year old is standing beside me banging pot kids)...

Picturing this gave me a good laugh. "The days are long , but the years are short."

 

[bjscheel]

No, but DH probably does. He would have wanted a boy, but I had enough trouble post-delivery with two that I said no more. I am content with the two girls, they could each have their own bedroom. They are very close sisters- best friends- and being two years apart in school it was pretty efficient (a lot of the same activities and friend group overlap in high school). Older one just did 2 years community college so just one in college at a time too.

We are new empty nesters and I'm doing okay, DH is being more sentimental and hassles them to come home more often! I'm only 43 and younger DD tells me we should adopt a boy but I just don't think I want to bring that into the mix. I tell them we'll wait for sons in law and grandchildren. (I did dream recently that DD18 was pregnant and I was asking if I could raise it while she was in school. Woke up quick after that.)

 

[AppleDumpling]

Yes I have regrets. My son is an only child, not by choice. DH and I hoped to have at least two, possibly three or four; however, due to health/fertility issues, it wasn’t to be. I love being a mom and I’m very grateful for DS; he has given me so much joy. I wish he could’ve had a sibling (I have 5 and we’re all close), but it’s all he’s known.

OP, I think your feelings are natural and will pass with time. We are at the same stage in life (though about 10 years older). DS is 22 and moved out (to another state) last summer, after graduating from college. He is living his own life, as it should be, and doing really well, so we are happy for him. We miss him of course, but have adjusted to the new normal. If someday we have grandkids, I’d be thrilled but am not taking that for granted.

 

[Colleen27]

Always an interesting topic to me. I was an only for 10.5 years. I hated every year and month of it and was absolutely thrilled when my sibling was born.

Growing up I wasn't an only (my brother died a few years ago), but as a middle-aged only I find I don't care for it much at all. It is a lot of pressure to be the only one your aging parent has to lean on, particularly since I still have one kid at home that needs me as well. I'm glad that my kids will have each other to lean on as DH & I age, because I see how much different it is for DH and his two siblings. Nothing can erase the stress of dealing with parents who are increasingly medically fragile or need more help with day-to-day living, but the load is easier when it is shared.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

No regrets. We always planned on having two kids, and we have two boys ages 24 and 21. I love my boys and wouldn't change a thing about my family!

 

[mjkacmom]

Growing up I wasn't an only (my brother died a few years ago), but as a middle-aged only I find I don't care for it much at all. It is a lot of pressure to be the only one your aging parent has to lean on, particularly since I still have one kid at home that needs me as well. I'm glad that my kids will have each other to lean on as DH & I age, because I see how much different it is for DH and his two siblings. Nothing can erase the stress of dealing with parents who are increasingly medically fragile or need more help with day-to-day living, but the load is easier when it is shared.

I have friends who feel the same way, now that they’re in their 50’s and in the sandwich generation. My sister lives a 2 hour flight away, but it would’ve been much harder dealing with my mom’s cancer and my dad‘s Alzheimer’s, and their deaths, without her support. Fortunately they have supportive spouses.

 

[NY Pirate Princess]

I'm trying really hard to decide if we should have another baby. We currently have one wonderful 2 year old boy. I'm an only child and not sure I want him to be but we just can't bite the bullet on having another. I hope I don't regret it.

My dd is almost 12 and is the only child of two only children. I was so happy to have her after 4 losses, but at 39 years old we had to think fast. I realized while i didnt want her to be an only child, i couldnt face the heartbreak of pregnancy loss again. I also felt like you do now, unsure of wanting more. She says now she is so happy to be an only! I am sure i made the right choice for us all. A part of you might regret not having another child, but dont let the concern keep you from enjoying what you do have to the fullest.

 

[Andrea Simmons]

I'm 56 and don't have kids through choice. I knew at the age of 15 I'd never have any. People never stopped telling me I'd regret the decision, change my mind etc. I've never changed my mind and I've never regretted my decision as I have absolutely no maternal instincts.

 

[HannaBelle]

Thank you for all of the responses! I love reading about everyone's different journey and what they decided.

This is a perfect quote on what I am feeling...

...it will be sad and weird.

It is sad and it is weird. I am a potter as my "side hustle" and DH helps me sell at a few festivals a year. So, I am not really bored or have nothing to do. I just really hate sitting down for dinner with just the two of us. No friends coming over, no groups of teenagers laying on the couch needing to be mothered. We were always the house everyone hung out at, I made sure we had lots of snacks and everyone was welcome. There was no better way to get to know who your own kid was friends with...

On the other hand, the reduction in the amount of laundry has been nothing short of fabulous!

 

[leebee]

DD is an only child, and now is 26 and married. I wish we'd had another child so she would have had a sibling. I miscarried twice, and we tried adopting from China but ran out of money before things were finalized, so DD is an only. It makes me sad sometimes, looking at the pictures of my nieces (22 and 19) walking arm in arm, laughing together, etc. Oh well... can't change it.

 

[VAfamily1998]

Well, for a long time (before I was married) I said I wanted 10 children....

I have 4 (all boys) and they are now teenagers (13-19.) Part of me wishes I could experience being the mom of a daughter.
I am 44 and my husband is 50 so we are done.

 

[robinb]

Nope. I was one and done.

 

[Magical2017]

I am 51. I had my first at 37 and my second child at 40. It is just right for our family- no regrets.

 

[Lumpy1106]

The plan was 2 so they would each have a sibling - boy did that backfire! The two of them fought like crazy...until we had an out-of-plan 3'rd, 9 years later. The first two both went through a phase where they wanted us to take the third kid to the fire station and drop her off, but honestly she's the greatest thing that ever happened! The first two get along now and they are both excellent big siblings to the 3'rd who couldn't be happier. Not having any more and no regret there. To be honest we were too old when we had the 3'rd and lucked out that she was so easy compared to the first 2.

 

[lifesavacation]

No regrets, but I have 4 kids and that’s a lot. I only have 1 left at home and thankfully she’s easy going and trouble free because I’m getting old and tired.

 

[DisneyOma]

Nope, two was plenty. There are plenty of humans on this planet already - no need to increase the infestation, LOL! If we did want more, we'd have looked into adoption. Lots of children need homes.

 

[indimom]

Before kids, I told DH I wanted a large family, like 8 kids. He wanted one. We compromised on two. We were pretty happy with that, but have said once or twice that we could/should have had one more.
We are fairly recent empty nesters also. DD22 is in college five hours away and much, much too busy to visit more than about 3x a year. DS20 is in the Air Force about 26 hours away. We see him about once a year.
DH and I enjoy our day-to-day quiet life; but, we both wish they were closer so we could visit more often. We talk and text often, but it's hard to be so far apart.
Neither of my kids have had a boy/girlfriend yet, so grandkids are not even something we've talked about. But, I hope they might be a little closer when those days come because I want to enjoy the little things with my grandkids someday. For now, I do enjoy spending time with a great-nephew who lives nearby. He's a fun little guy and the first of his generation so he's getting a lot of spoiling and attention from his great aunts and uncles, lol.