Feb 4 WDW Podcast & "How to Avoid a Disney Divorce"

[VandVsmama]

I watched today's broadcast/podcast on YouTube and the discussion about "How to Avoid a Disney Divorce" struck a chord with me and I'm curious what you guys thought about the topic.

My DH enjoys our Disney trips, but there are times when he totally OD's on it...to the point where he says regularly, "Can we NOT do a Disney trip this year?" I'm totally on board with doing other types of vacations, but my DH, God bless him, doesn't have the best imagination on this sometimes. His recent suggestion was for us to spend a weekend in Denver. Doing what? "Driving around and looking at stuff." What sort of stuff? He doesn't know.

In our family's case, we live closer to Disneyland rather than WDW (we live in AZ). So when we do a Disney trip, it's usually to Disneyland. For our family, I've learned that there's a magic formula for DH enjoying himself 3 days in a row at Disneyland:

• whenever possible, stay at a close hotel within walking distance (i.e., on Harbor Blvd)
• get to the parks for rope drop
• leave the parks by ~ 1:00 pm and take a break at the hotel
• use early and late park hours strategically to reduce DH's wait time in line to 15-20 min or less. If it's >20 min, we skip it and do it later.

My kids are now of the age where they'd love to go from open to close all day commando style. But DH gets Theme Park Fatigue, which results in him being grumpy, tired, and very cranky. So we manage our day in order to have everybody get a bit of what they want/need.

A couple of summers ago, we went to WDW for the first time...in June. We went because DH had to be in Orlando for a work convention. DH was frustrated because the work convention was so tiring yet he wanted to go to more of the parks with us and just couldn't spend as much time with us in WDW as he would have liked. So I sweet-talked him into an adults-only trip to WDW. We're planning on going at the end of January 2021. I sold DH on it with a few things:

• we can go horseback riding one afternoon
• the weather won't be super hot
• we can pay for all our meals ahead of time (dining plan!), so DH, you won't have to stress about how much it all costs because it'll all basically be paid for
• the kids won't be whining about not wanting to wait for DH and how they want to go on another ride and...and...etc., etc.
• we can spend a day at Cape Canaveral (something that really interests him and it's not related to Disney at all)

Earlier in our relationship, we never went to Disney parks at all because we just couldn't afford it. We didn't start going until the kids were 4 and 6 (they're 11 and 13 now). This summer, we're doing a non-Disney family vacation. And in March, we're spending a quick 2 days at Disneyland so we can go experience Star Wars Galaxy's Edge. I've learned that DH is the sort of person who definitely needs a little quiet time/down time away from lots of people, noise, and even away from myself and our 2 kids. Not a lot of time...just even if it's for an hour or hour and a half. So we've learned to adjust and communicate our needs to each other and we don't take it personally.

I think some time down the road, there will probably be a mother-daughters trip in our future. I've mentioned it before to DH, but he usually feels torn because he doesn't want to miss out, yet he OD's a lot more quickly on Disneyland than I do.

 

[ExtraMagic]

It struck a chord with me too! Disney has no magic whatsoever for my husband. For a few years he skipped Disney trips, but he doesn’t want to miss out on the special time with our kids so has come along the last few visits. It’s a real challenge. For an upcoming trip I’ve picked several things to do that I think he’ll like and I have fingers crossed that he won’t be (visibly) miserable! It’s the most magical place on earth, for goodness sake

 

[disneyworldsk]

I couldn't find the article on the website, can someone tell me where on the website it was? Thanks!

 

[SorcererHeidi]

https://www.wdwinfo.com/disneylandcalifornia/how-to-avoid-a-disney-divorce/

 

[jbish]

His recent suggestion was for us to spend a weekend in Denver. Doing what? "Driving around and looking at stuff." What sort of stuff? He doesn't know.

LOL, OP - my story in a second. But last year I, too, suggested a trip to Denver in our "off" year! But one of my boys is a HUGE Colorado Rockies (Baseball) fan. So this was an opportunity to take him to see his favorite team and also do some hiking, which speaks to DH's way of traveling. Win win! And good luck on the couples only trip!! I can't wait to do that with DH again soon!

My story - well, we are that couple, too. And, in my case, I thought we would be banished from taking family vacations to WDW after our June 2016 trip. (Note: I said "family vacations" because I would have just gone by myself, or with friends, do RunDisney, etc.) And DH doesn't "hate" Disney or WDW. But never would have gone before kids, had it not been for me. And wouldn't go nearly as often as I would like, if it weren't for me.

The June 2016 trip, to this day, is lore in our household. I overplanned. I ran the kids ragged. DD (9 at the time) was so exhausted one night she begged to go back to the hotel DURING Wishes. Like fireworks exploding behind her as she was asking if we could go back to our room! I was so upset. It was bad. And DH had a "talking to" with me about a month later, saying he just didn't enjoy it and didn't want to go again. So I hung my head in shame, and stayed quiet for a year. Didn't bring it up again. But, one day, he asked if I wanted to go to WDW. Uh...do I??? And so we went back June 2018. Now, here's how we do it:

• Plan for down time every day. The kids love to swim (we have a pool in our neighborhood at home - why can't we swim there???) so I plan FPs in the morning and we try to head back for lunch or early afternoon to swim and chill (drinks from the pool bar are key!).
• We don't go commando - we're either rope dropping, or strolling in later with the intent on staying late.
• I'm also very comfortable, now, that we WILL be back. So we don't have to do everything. We just can't. Last trip, we were in MK on two different days - and never made it into Adventureland! How is that even possible?
• I don't always get PH. I feel like PH makes me so stressed to do more so that I can get my money's worth!

This year, we just couldn't find an ideal time of the year to go that wouldn't be affected by the kids' schedules, so we're going during Spring Break. I've warned everyone that it will be madness. But I've got a Water Park day, a Disney Springs day, and two after hours events, so that we can be efficient and not feel the crush of shoulder-to-shoulder park touring. Then we have two days planned at HS so those will be early mornings. Guess we'll see how he responds to that!

 

[Jennasis]

DH loves it as much as I do...maybe more. We good!

 

[giantwiant]

The article and the podcast discussion were great on this topic. I thought my husband enjoyed trips to WDW. For the past 3 years, the kids (ages 13 & 9) and I will go for 6 days, and hubby will join for the weekend. However, I'm trying to plan a trip this year to do ROR and Mickey & Minnie's RR, and I asked him a question about what weekend he would like to go, and he exploded with "I could care less about a trip to Disney!" Yikes!

So now I'm torn between planning the usual weekend trip for him or just doing a Monday to Friday trip with my kids.

I guess the moral of the story is communication is key in a relationship whether you're a Disney fan or not. Don't bottle in your Disney hate & then explode at your spouse!

I made a list of things I enjoy about WDW, and plan to share it with hubby. Perhaps if he understands what I like it, then he can see it a bit through my eyes instead of viewing Disney as expensive, overcrowded parks full of stressed parents.

 

[jbish]

Because I can't give multiple reactions to one post, I'll do it the old fashioned way:

The article and the podcast discussion were great on this topic. I thought my husband enjoyed trips to WDW. For the past 3 years, the kids (ages 13 & 9) and I will go for 6 days, and hubby will join for the weekend. However, I'm trying to plan a trip this year to do ROR and Mickey & Minnie's RR, and I asked him a question about what weekend he would like to go, and he exploded with "I could care less about a trip to Disney!" Yikes!

So now I'm torn between planning the usual weekend trip for him or just doing a Monday to Friday trip with my kids.

I guess the moral of the story is communication is key in a relationship whether you're a Disney fan or not. Don't bottle in your Disney hate & then explode at your spouse!

YUP

I made a list of things I enjoy about WDW, and plan to share it with hubby. Perhaps if he understands what I like it, then he can see it a bit through my eyes instead of viewing Disney as expensive, overcrowded parks full of stressed parents.

Good plan. And also, both of you can be okay with doing Disney separately. I'm glad DH will still go every other year - but if he ever said he didn't want to go but would be okay with me taking the kids, I'd have no hard feelings about that too. Good luck with your presentation! LOL

 

[kylenne]

DH loves it as much as I do...maybe more. We good!

My partner is the same. We both have fond childhood memories of the parks and hers run pretty deep even though she only went twice as a kid. She has cystic fibrosis and was in the hospital a lot as a kid, loved Mickey and taught herself to draw. Her first trip was through a Canadian Make a Wish sort of group. She grew up wanting to be a Disney animator and imagineer and went to art school. She had not been back to the World since our first trip together in 2018, and it honestly made me cry seeing her so happy! I got us a FP on our arrival day to meet Mickey at Town Hall and we both lost it lol. And I think we stared at one of the walls in Asia for like 20 minutes so she could try to figure out how they made the signs look so naturally weathered! (She does art restoration for a living, so she gets real geeked out about this sort of thing)

There are other interests that we don’t share though, like she’s a huge beer fanatic and I can’t stand it lol. I love Formula 1 racing and football/soccer and they both make her head spin. But we support each other in those interests. I like what Kevin said on the show about John and their Egypt trip, he was happy just seeing the person he loves happy about something. I feel the same way. Like pp have said communication is everything too.

 

[travelgirl77]

So appropriate. My husband sees Disney as a one and done whereas the kids and I...well, we are obsessed. The issue that we have is that if we want to do Disney and he doesn't, and I argue that we can go it alone, he doesn't like that all of the cost will go towards a trip he is not a part of, which I understand. We have gone to many other places and we are a military family so we have lived all over the country. But, trying to find a happy medium is never easy. For example, he has to have a gym when we go to Disney which limits our resorts. He doesn't want to ride a ride more than once. I am glad we are going again this summer but I know I have to let him go when he has had enough. The kids and I will troop on.

 

[disneysteve]

Honestly, I couldn't really relate because a love of Disney was a requirement for me in a partner. I would have considered it a deal breaker in a relationship. I took my future wife to WDW for her very first time (I had already been numerous times by then) in 1990, about 7 months after we started dating. She fell in love with the place as soon as we walked onto Main Street the first day. To this day, she jokes that the trip was a test to see if the relationship would work. She passed.

I couldn't see marrying someone who totally wasn't into something that is a huge part of my life. I was a major collector of Disney memorabilia. I had a side business selling Disney collectibles by mail and at toy and collectible shows (and later online). And I visited WDW every year. A partner who wanted nothing to do with any of that just wouldn't have worked out.

 

[disneyworldsk]

I think john and kevin have it right. it's about compromise. just because you don't love or like something in a relationship doesn't mean you can't get joy from watching your spouse who does. My dh is a huge lego fan. i'm not. but i enjoy watching him enjoy his hobby. yes, occasional eye roll from me , but overall it's a respect issue. a partnership works when one doesn't feel you have to sell your soul for the other. nor should the partner want them to. and many times disney, or a passion of something to give it up is like selling your soul, a part of you. partnerships evolve over time, partners gain or give up hobbies, passions, interests, thus the relationship has to evolve with them within reason of course.

 

[disneysteve]

I think john and kevin have it right. it's about compromise. just because you don't love or like something in a relationship doesn't mean you can't get joy from watching your spouse who does. My dh is a huge lego fan. i'm not. but i enjoy watching him enjoy his hobby. yes, occasional eye roll from me , but overall it's a respect issue. a partnership works when one doesn't feel you have to sell your soul for the other. nor should the partner want them to. and many times disney, or a passion of something to give it up is like selling your soul, a part of you. partnerships evolve over time, partners gain or give up hobbies, passions, interests, thus the relationship has to evolve with them within reason of course.

This is very true, especially the last part about things evolving over time. I can tell you that my wife got into quilting a few years ago and her sewing supplies have taken over one full room of our house as a result. I had no expectation of that when we started out years ago (probably would have gotten a bigger house had I known).

That said, I do think Disney is different than someone collecting snowglobes or doing jigsaw puzzles because it's much more of a lifestyle than just a "thing". I can't even tell you how much of our life has revolved around Disney over the years. From working at collectibles shows years ago, running a mail order and internet business, traveling to WDW frequently, belonging to a local Disney enthusiasts club with monthly meetings and events, attending DIS meets around the country, becoming volunteers at GKTW, and even doing non-Disney travel with the DIS crew like the Podcast Cruise. And so many of our friends today are people we met through our shared love of Disney. It would have been difficult or impossible for me to have done all of that if my wife wasn't 100% onboard.

 

[disneyworldsk]

This is very true, especially the last part about things evolving over time. I can tell you that my wife got into quilting a few years ago and her sewing supplies have taken over one full room of our house as a result. I had no expectation of that when we started out years ago (probably would have gotten a bigger house had I known).

That said, I do think Disney is different than someone collecting snowglobes or doing jigsaw puzzles because it's much more of a lifestyle than just a "thing". I can't even tell you how much of our life has revolved around Disney over the years. From working at collectibles shows years ago, running a mail order and internet business, traveling to WDW frequently, belonging to a local Disney enthusiasts club with monthly meetings and events, attending DIS meets around the country, becoming volunteers at GKTW, and even doing non-Disney travel with the DIS crew like the Podcast Cruise. And so many of our friends today are people we met through our shared love of Disney. It would have been difficult or impossible for me to have done all of that if my wife wasn't 100% onboard.

lifestyle meaning also money involvement too. yes. a quilt as far as money goes isn't the same as what you are describing in terms of financial spending. money is a huge issue in partnerships obviously so that's it too....it's a huge deal when money is on the line....now for the room with the quilts and the legos!! haha!!!

 

[disneysteve]

lifestyle meaning also money involvement too.

Definitely. We've been married for 27 years. I am quite sure we have spent well into 6 figures if we added up all of our Disney-related spending over the years. You both need to be fully onboard to do that.

 

[Heluvsme]

.... go to Denver... and do what??



Yep, this is US! Disney has shaped our vacation style, we want our vacations to be packed, busy, running around, maybe ONE down day at the pool or beach, but then right back at the fast FAST pace! And being entertained all day long! And eating fun, yummy food!!! And, and.... all that is Disney!

Any place not Disney feels, well, boring now. We do Isle Of Palms every spring, and it feels like we aren't doing enough. Even a Carnival Cruise from a few years ago felt, slow.

We're ruined for other vacations

 

[DisLiss]

"Driving around and looking at stuff."

My family would go do that in a heartbeat. We love going someplace new and finding out where's there. Heck, that's what we're planning on doing our arrival day this WDW trip---hitting up other resorts and seeing what's there.

 

[Lindsey17]

The article & discussion definitely struck a chord with me. I've always loved Disney movies and went to WDW at 5. Growing up my family just couldn't afford to go, but Disney was always. Not the case for my husband. His family went when he was 4 or 5, but LEFT HIM HOME with grandma while his brother and sisters got to go. I was horrified when he told me that and still hold it over his mom's head. Unless really small how do you take all but 1 child? They also weren't into Disney movies much so Disney wasn't a big part of this life ever. Fast forward to 2018 and our first trip with our kids and his first trip ever. I became obsessed right away and watching my kids face light up was possibly the best part. While my husband enjoyed it and really was amazed at the Disney details (like seashells in the concrete by Ariel's grotto and peanuts by Dumbo) he wasn't as wowed as I was. Somehow I was able to convince him to go back in 2019 with the promise that I wouldn't even ask again for a few years...

Although he still doesn't care about it nearly as much as I do he's coming around. He admitted that he does enjoy it and has a lot of fun, but it's the expense that makes it hard for him to truly love it, which I can understand. We were debating when to go again as we have a CA trip planned for 2022 for our 10 year anniversary and if we go after that we're getting close to our son being adult pricing so to my shock and delight he's the one that decided we should go again in 2021. I'm super excited, but also slightly panicked about choosing the best time to go with the 50th celebration.