Homeschooled child concern

[Aladora]

My son is 13, has NO friends and spends most of his free time on the computer too. He is perfectly happy. He also happens to have autism. He is not a social being, by choice. And that's fine by me! He goes to public school because homeschool would not suit either him or me. He is a straight A, honor roll student. But at school, he basically doesn't socialize at ALL.

It sounds like your 13 year old and my 12 year old would get along really well...if either of us could get them off the computer long enough to get to know each other that is!

OP, my opinion echoes just about everyone else here...as concerned as you are about your niece, she is not your daughter and her education and/or socialization is not really up to you.

 

[DLgal]

It sounds like your 13 year old and my 12 year old would get along really well...if either of us could get them off the computer long enough to get to know each other that is!

OP, my opinion echoes just about everyone else here...as concerned as you are about your niece, she is not your daughter and her education and/or socialization is not really up to you.

LOL! Honestly, he has a little brother (also autistic) who is probably his "best friend" but he hardly even interacts with him, even though they share a room! He is just completely indifferent towards other people. He just doesn't care to engage on a socal level. He is super sweet and caring and very aware of everyone's needs and stuff, but he just prefers being alone the majority of the time.

 

[Aladora]

LOL! Honestly, he has a little brother (also autistic) who is probably his "best friend" but he hardly even interacts with him, even though they share a room! He is just completely indifferent towards other people. He just doesn't care to engage on a socal level. He is super sweet and caring and very aware of everyone's needs and stuff, but he just prefers being alone the majority of the time.

DS is also autistic, which is likely why they are so much alike! Just about everything you said to describe your son, I have said to describe mine.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My cousin's wife homeschools their four kids. They definitely don't maintain a traditional school-day schedule. They only have dedicated school time for a few hours each day. When you think about it, the school day includes quite a bit of non-academic time. Plus some kids learn faster than others. A teacher needs to spend time on a concept until the majority of the class has it down. In a one-on-on situation, you can move as quickly as the child grasps each concept. If the student is on track with his or her grade level, the amount of time spent on homeschooling isn't really relevant.

 

[wgeo]

OP on a slightly different angle - if you are really concerned then talk to the parents (one of them is your brother or sister right?) Just ask how things are going for niece since she left school and if she's adjusting ok. If brother or sis says, yeah things are great she's really happy. Then you're done. If they say, well there are a few issues, then you perhaps could offer to listen IF they felt like talking about them. BUT that's the best you can do - offer a listening ear IF they want to talk.

 

[cabanafrau]

There are some personalities, even younger people, that utilize time alone to immerse themselves in particular passions. You see this with artistic pursuits, certain hands on pursuits like inventive minds or designers, etc. Extended periods of solitary pursuits may not be a bad thing for all. If you feel your niece is unhappy and corrective action to pursue social outlets for her are being ignored or neglected and it is having a negative impact, then gently but directly address it. If her parents are simply pursuing a path and means that deviates from your ideas, butt out.

 

[luvsJack]

Op, you are a brave soul. I started a thread years ago about a home schooling family and was almost crucified. Lol.

Some cases of home schooling aren't schooling at all. And that was the case in the family I knew. The girls tried to test back into public school 3 or 4 years into being at home and neither had moved beyond the level they were at when they left.

Most homeschooled children do very well and tend to be above grade level in one subject or another. It sounds like your niece falls into this category.

The late nights and late start days are just how some people operate. As long as your niece is learning, I am sure she will be fine.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I just don't think it's any of your business so stay out of it. Their kid - their choices unless there is harm to the child then you don't get an opinion.

 

[katie01]

Aw... your daughter sounds like me at that age.

If it's any help at all, the only thing that helped was changing schools. Repeatedly. Each time I got a fresh start, and could try not to repeat the social mistakes of the past. This, plus maturity on my part, eventually led to me finding my first "real" friend in Grade Seven. And eventually, by high school, I even had a small circle of friends.

My daughter didn't have friends in middle school, either, but unlike me, no one was overtly cruel to her. They just ignored her and she ignored them, burying herself in books. She was very surprised, in eighth grade, to discover that people liked her, even if they didn't want to be friends with her. And in Grade 9, she found her first real friend, but unfortunately by Grade 11 she was back to being generally-liked-but-friendless again. Fortunately, circumstances change! She's been in university for four years now, worked in a biolab most of that time, and she actually has a social life (lunches with friends, occasional gaming) for the first time ever.

Not everyone has tons of friends. Not everyone needs tons of friends. And sometimes it just takes you longer to find your people.

Anyone remember this storybook? Ferdinand the Bull. His mother was wise, and when she saw that he didn't want to run and butt heads with all the other little bulls, she let him be alone.

Thank you for that, and your kind words. DD has changed schools, and I do see her developing social skills and confidence. She is a sweet girl and I think friendship will happen for her some day. She has ADHD, so she is socially a bit behind. I pray that some day it will all fall into place for her

 

[nancygirl1]

The sleeping until 11:00 am wouldn't bother me at all. We are late risers in our family so that would have worked for us. Staying up ALL night on the computer would concern me, but if I had already offered my opinion and it was brushed off then I would keep my opinion to myself. I would be concerned with her having no outside social life. But, if this is a recent change in their lives as a result of bullying maybe she needs to heal. If at some point you find that they are looking for your input then that would be time to offer it.

If this is a first time homeschooling then I'm sure they are still figuring things out. But, as others have said, homeschooling is designed to fit into peoples schedules and often the teaching isn't what you would traditionally find in schools. I wouldn't force my opinion on them. Be there if they need your help.

 

[morgan98]

OP, I think you are focusing too much on the fact she is staying up at past 11:00am on school days. (While I do not have children, nor have I homeschooled, I know people who have, have discussed it, etc.) I think part of homeschooling is that you are no longer on the schedule of a brick and mortar school because you do not have to be, and it may not work for certain families. In certain homeschooling families, one (or both) parents can still homeschool while working outside of the home. I know of a case where the main breadwinner, that works a M-F 8am-6pm type job, teaches most of the math and science to their homeschooled children. Therefore, these lessons occur after dinner, on weekends, on an occasional day off, etc. Homeschooling also allows for material to be taught in different, and in some cases, more hands-on ways. I would not try to think of homeschooling as a student sitting in a chair for 6.5 hours a day with a bell ringing between classes and a break for lunch and gym class. Learning happens at different hours, sometimes on weekends and often continues over the summer when other schools are on break.

As to the Facebook thing, your niece would not be the first children to be online more or at different times than parents would like. Not sure this issue relates to the homeschooling issue.

 

[SmallWorld71]

You may be right, they may be lousy parents and your niece may not be in the situation that is best for her. However, people have the right to be lousy parents. They don't have the right to be abusive or neglectful. If something like that occurs, please report it.
Otherwise, as someone who has many nieces and nephews, I figure my job is to let them know how much I love them and that I am there for them if they ever need someone. And, I take them to fun places.

 

[Marchand63]

Op, you are a brave soul. I started a thread years ago about a home schooling family and was almost crucified. Lol.

Some cases of home schooling aren't schooling at all. And that was the case in the family I knew. The girls tried to test back into public school 3 or 4 years into being at home and neither had moved beyond the level they were at when they left.

Most homeschooled children do very well and tend to be above grade level in one subject or another. It sounds like your niece falls into this category.

The late nights and late start days are just how some people operate. As long as your niece is learning, I am sure she will be fine.

I wasn't coming back but her question wasn't about homeschooling per se, she voiced her opinion when noone asked her. She was basically criticizing the other parents parenting style. Homeschool or not - not your kid keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself. Then gut all butt hurt when noone was appreciative of that & told her to mind her business.

Edited to add - I have 1 DGD who is Homeschooled & 1 in public, the 3rd who knows where she will land but I trust their parents to do their best for them. Their kids - their business

 

[Skywalker]

I home schooled one of my kids for Grade 6&7, due to him having some emotional and anxiety issues. At first, I tried to mimic traditional school as much as possible with a strict class schedule and start and end times. I quickly realized, it made no sense to stick to the artificial rules & schedules of "in school". It was just me and my son so it was whatever worked for us. If he started at 9:00 am he was usually done his work before lunch - flexibility is one of the perks of homeschooling. My son successfully integrated back into Grade 8 at school, he was more emotionally mature and blended in better and did great, also was a full grade level ahead of his classmates, but he chose to stay in Grade 8 to be with his peers.

Staying up late on Facebook also doesn't concern me. Facebook is no different at 1:00 a.m. than at 1:00 p.m. You just have to follow the rules. Besides, maybe she stays up late to talk with friends. My son often is up late because he talking with friends in Wales. Who knows?

So my opinion is, nothing to see there OP...move along.

 

[MrsDuck]

Keep your opinions to yourself. Sorry OP.

(for the record, this sounds like bs home schooling but I certainly wouldn't mention that to my friend at all)

 

[elgerber]

My son is 13, has NO friends and spends most of his free time on the computer too. He is perfectly happy. He also happens to have autism. He is not a social being, by choice. And that's fine by me! He goes to public school because homeschool would not suit either him or me. He is a straight A, honor roll student. But at school, he basically doesn't socialize at ALL.

Not everyone thrives on social interactions and contrary to popular belief, not everyone needs tons of friends. Unless your niece becomes socially isolated to the point where SHE starts suffering, acting out, or becoming depressed, stay out of it. I'm sure her parents know her and what she needs better than you do, and it's not your business, family or not.

This was pretty much my son. Except the straight A part. He had the brains, but by high school, he struggled to actually get the work done. He was more of a b student then. He didn't have friends, and people were sometimes mean to him. I could have never homeschooled.
However, he then went to community college for 2 years, made a couple of friends and got a 2 year degree in computer networking. He is now 24, still spends every waking minute on that darn computer, stays up to all hours, but does every once and a while go out with friends. He also just got promoted into a new position at his work in IT, and makes more money than I do, at 24! No one working help desk had ever been promoted straight into the department he is now in, so it's a pretty big deal.
Everyone is different and needs different things. And I agree, mind your own business.

 

[wgeo]

I'd be more curious that she was on FB to begin with lol. My daughter is 12, son is 14 - and neither of them would be caught dead on FB. Lots of other questionable social media sites that I'm constantly trying to stay aware of, buy Facebook - not a chance.

 

[DisneyOma]

In my family, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc - we are all in it together. We're that way with my husband's side too - my daughter is currently staying with her aunt and uncle to help out with their kids. And we talk about parenting all the time. It's a village around here.

Two things I'd be concerned about if it was my niece:

1) the running away and hiding from the bullying. What has that taught her?

2) the unsupervised internet access late into the night - who is she communicating with, is there cyberbullying going on?

 

[Hikergirl]

Keep your opinions to yourself. Sorry OP.

(for the record, this sounds like bs home schooling but I certainly wouldn't mention that to my friend at all)

All the OP mentioned was that her niece is homeschooled and she sleeps until 11. Can I ask why you think it sounds like BS homeschooling?

 

[Magpie]

All the OP mentioned was that her niece is homeschooled and she sleeps until 11. Can I ask why you think it sounds like BS homeschooling?

Yes, I'm curious, too.

Especially since the OP doesn't seem at all concerned about her niece's academic welfare, only her social life and sleep habits.