How fast it all changed.

Lol, Snowflakey! I know what you mean. I sort of feel like it's the end of the story too. Kind of in my real world too. I have this sense of 'ok, now what?' I want to keep posting because I found a lot of support here but really, how much do people really want to hear about me trying to learn what pool chemicals are needed, how the house purge is going (not too quickly for sure!), if my kids earn any credits this semester and whether or not we prevail on the bank insurance issue. As IRL, people move on, as they should, because life does.

But we do want to know how you move forward with all of these things.

You have been an inspiration to many of us and we hope that if we were faced with the same struggles, that we could be half as composed as you have been.
 


Rodeo, I discovered this thread over the weekend and have been making my way through every post as time permitted. I didn’t want to post until I knew all of what had happened. Every time I read, I cried. I am so, so sorry for this hellacious journey you have been on. Thank you for sharing and allowing us to grieve with you. My husband asked several times (as he sweetly picked up my mound of used tissues) why I was continuing to read something so sad. Sadness for your family, grief at losing my own loved ones, happiness for those I have left, and of course the realization that your situation or a similar one could strike any of us, anytime. Life is so fleeting. You are a brave and strong wife and mother, and I admire you. Be gentle with yourself, but keep putting one foot in front of the other. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
Rodeo - I am raising my hand up high as one who wants to continue to hear from you. Please continue doing what you're doing and we will all be here to help, smile, cry or celebrate whatever is coming your way.
 
Rodeo, continuing to send prayers to you all. I also hope this thread will give you some comfort. Things have happened so quickly & I am sure you are in shock. Having this thread as a timeline might help you later as you process everything you all went thru.
:hug:

This is so true, focusondisney! I reread the thread today because I was forgetting when certain things happened. Now I'm glad I posted it for more that the original reason. I'm really happy to have that reference now when I start looking back at it all. Every post took me right back to the day I wrote it and actually this helps me process it all.

I've been reflecting on something all day, and I hope it's OK to share. Since Rodeo first posted, countless people have come together on this thread. We don't the color of each other's skin, how we vote, who we sleep with, what God we worship, etc. And it hasn't mattered -- at all -- because we have been united in our shared compassion, our empathy, our humanity. How amazing that such beauty can be found even in tragedy.

Rodeo, I see this thread as a powerful tribute to your husband, to you, to your family and to the love that will live on. Continued prayers for peace and comfort.

This also struck me again today as it did then. Also true - none of the differences people normally find to bicker about matter. It didn't matter as everyone was being so supportive and that drives home how it really doesn't matter at all. In the end we will all have gone through similar struggles whether early or later in life, losing parents, siblings, spouse, children. Everyone will have their own journey with grief and it's so heartwarming to see the compassion and care shown here - to me, to excited family and everyone who shared their own stories of loss.

OK - I appreciate those still following along. When I think about it, I actually don't really want to let this thread die. It's been a lot of things to me. Sanity, dumping ground, grief counselling, support and now a link to DH and my last weeks with him. So I guess now planner, journal? I don't know what to call it now, but it remains really helpful and important to me.

One of my dad's cousins brought a thumb drive with video clips from our wedding to the Celebration. He is a semi professional videographer - although I never knew he took video that day - and I'm looking forward to watching it. When I have a strong day.

My SIL helped me before they left by "basement shopping." Their kids are about a decade younger than mine. For this trip up they flew to Buffalo and rented a vehicle large enough to take some things back home with them so they spent a day going through all of those boxes my kids never unpacked once we moved in here. They loaded that SUV right up and that was a little kick start to me to get going. Not that I have yet - but I'm somewhat more motivated to do so now. They are coming back in August and she said she will take the whole week they are here and help me with the purge, so that will help me push on through also. My current plan is to have the house purged by the end of the year. In the new year we'll move over to my parent's house (they live right behind and over one house with a gate between our yards) and I'll start the prep for showing the house. Paint, bathroom remodel and the basement needs new carpet and lighting. Hopefully we can be ready to list it around March or April and hopefully the housing prices don't drop too much between now and then. Our area has had huge gains in housing prices over the past few years but in the last year or so it has cooled somewhat. Our area and street/location on the street (last house on a dead end next to a forest) is still quite desirable so I'm hoping that holds for another year!!
 


Rodeo, I too hope you keep up this thread. As beneficial as it has been for you, it is also a gift to those of us who follow it. To know how you're doing, and to be able to, hopefully, offer some support. I feel humbled by your journey and, as you said, grief has or will come to us all at one time or another. Sadly, we'll all have our turn. Reading how you've coped after such a sad loss, you have my admiration, and my prayers.
 
I think everyone in attendance - we ended up with just over 80 who came, felt that it was completely in keeping with DH's personality and what he would have wanted. The morning was a little chaotic, with neither of the kids helping out with the chores I'd asked them to do. I had to stop getting ready midway through to vacuum the house because DD took three hours to get herself ready. DS eventually got up and did the main floor bathroom as asked but it was kind of a half @ssed job. I had to do another once over when we got back and before people started arriving. So, we started the day out bickering. Once we arrived, though everything was fine.

DD started crying when I got up to announce the tribute dance to our wedding song. I couldn't look at her once I saw her starting or I wouldn't have made it through what I wanted to say. The dance was just beautiful. I can't remember if I mentioned it but our first dance was to Frank Sinatra's "Fly Me to the Moon". A good friend of DS's who he competes with and his partner did the tribute. He wore black costuming and her gown was white with some blue and purple detailing. They looked like a bride and groom and their dance was just such a lovely foxtrot. They're very high level competitors and it matched - or actually beat anything you'd see on DWTS! I was so happy with it! I wish I'd taken my phone up to the podium but I forgot and DD was still crying so no one filmed it. I think my brother may have filmed some clips but he hasn't sent them to me yet.

My brother then started the ball for anyone who wanted to get up and say a few words and we had about five people who chose to do so - funny stories and one both funny and touching.

DS decided he wasn't going to dance. He almost did. His friend who danced walked over to him as one of his school friends was asking him to and heard DS say sure - give me $5 and I'll dance. His dance buddy said I'll give you $20. It became a thing and more and more people upped the $$ value and DS got more and more reluctant. In the end he said he just wasn't up for it. He had been crying earlier while watching the photo slideshow and I think that just set his tone for no. He said later he wanted to but just didn't feel in the right frame of mind. He did however, when most of the guests had left, take his girlfriend up to try and teach her salsa. :rotfl:

Afterwards, we packed up the leftover sandwiches (all the pizza and sliders went quickly - the pizza being another thing that DH had insisted on for the midnight table at our reception.) We took it all back to my house and some of my closer friends came back for drinks and leftovers. DS's dance partner and her parents were there and came back. DS had a large group of friends come also and then after a while, they all wanted to go to the coffee shop where they normally hang out, so she asked to go too. I was happy to see that as she will be staying with us for a week in August before a big comp. Her family will spend the summer on the east coast and she is coming back to stay with us so they can practice before we travel to the comp. She'll be staying in our room so I was glad to see it evolving to a friendship as well as partnership. She gets along with DD also which is great! The last of our friends left at about midnight, so it was a long and tiring day, but it gave me what I needed. Well almost - aside from having him back.

That last line, breaks my heart .. I wish for you , peace and glorious memories to last a lifetime
 
Although I don’t post much I am still following along and very much invested in your journey. I too hope that you will continue to post as long as it helpful to you in any way.
 
It means so much to me that something I wrote touched you. There is such a sense of connection in this thread. It is truly a reminder of our better angels, and that’s a reminder I know I needed in the current world climate.

I continue to send you prayers for peace, strength and healing.
 
This is so true, focusondisney! I reread the thread today because I was forgetting when certain things happened. Now I'm glad I posted it for more that the original reason. I'm really happy to have that reference now when I start looking back at it all. Every post took me right back to the day I wrote it and actually this helps me process it all.



This also struck me again today as it did then. Also true - none of the differences people normally find to bicker about matter. It didn't matter as everyone was being so supportive and that drives home how it really doesn't matter at all. In the end we will all have gone through similar struggles whether early or later in life, losing parents, siblings, spouse, children. Everyone will have their own journey with grief and it's so heartwarming to see the compassion and care shown here - to me, to excited family and everyone who shared their own stories of loss.

OK - I appreciate those still following along. When I think about it, I actually don't really want to let this thread die. It's been a lot of things to me. Sanity, dumping ground, grief counselling, support and now a link to DH and my last weeks with him. So I guess now planner, journal? I don't know what to call it now, but it remains really helpful and important to me.

One of my dad's cousins brought a thumb drive with video clips from our wedding to the Celebration. He is a semi professional videographer - although I never knew he took video that day - and I'm looking forward to watching it. When I have a strong day.

My SIL helped me before they left by "basement shopping." Their kids are about a decade younger than mine. For this trip up they flew to Buffalo and rented a vehicle large enough to take some things back home with them so they spent a day going through all of those boxes my kids never unpacked once we moved in here. They loaded that SUV right up and that was a little kick start to me to get going. Not that I have yet - but I'm somewhat more motivated to do so now. They are coming back in August and she said she will take the whole week they are here and help me with the purge, so that will help me push on through also. My current plan is to have the house purged by the end of the year. In the new year we'll move over to my parent's house (they live right behind and over one house with a gate between our yards) and I'll start the prep for showing the house. Paint, bathroom remodel and the basement needs new carpet and lighting. Hopefully we can be ready to list it around March or April and hopefully the housing prices don't drop too much between now and then. Our area has had huge gains in housing prices over the past few years but in the last year or so it has cooled somewhat. Our area and street/location on the street (last house on a dead end next to a forest) is still quite desirable so I'm hoping that holds for another year!!
:grouphug: Good plan - it's good to move slow(ish) and take things a little at a time because you never know how or when your feelings might evolve to send you in a slightly different direction. As to the reno v.s. house value, I'd urge you to talk to a realtor and see if you might just get as much for it as-is as you would after you put a bunch of money and work into it. It sometimes goes that way especially if a market is cooling.
 
:grouphug: Good plan - it's good to move slow(ish) and take things a little at a time because you never know how or when your feelings might evolve to send you in a slightly different direction. As to the reno v.s. house value, I'd urge you to talk to a realtor and see if you might just get as much for it as-is as you would after you put a bunch of money and work into it. It sometimes goes that way especially if a market is cooling.
I agree 100% with speaking to a realtor! A neighbor of mine just spoke to one about selling her house which is right on a lake. She discussed the updates she wanted to do and the realtor told her not to do any of it. Save yourself the time and money if you can!

Rodeo - what is your plan if your house sells? Will you stay in the area?

Love hearing from you! I read your posts and you just make me happy and inspired. Your calling in life is to do something with people as you really do have a positive effect.

Praying for continued strength.
 
Rodeo, you and your kids are on my heart and mind today. Hope you’re doing well (as well as you can). I keep you all in my prayers as you navigate everything that’s been thrown at you. You’re not alone.
 
Believe me ronandannette, I am moving verrrrry slowly! My wins this weekend (with my dad's help) were to figure out how to get the sprinkler system going and water the grass and beds, learn how to operate the pool systems and make a dent in the piles and piles of wet laundry from when I flooded the house last week. :scared1:

So, to answer your question Snowflakey, yes we will stay in the area - right behind our house in fact. When DH and I decided to buy this house we did so with the plan to be on hand to help my parents as they age, especially as my only sibling moved to Boston and established himself there. Neither parent particularly want to go into a retirement community or home, but every year the upkeep gets a little harder.

Our current home sits behind and over one house to my parents' house (my childhood home.) There is a gate through the back yards and we go back and forth frequently. Over the decades, they have renovated extensively and there is more than enough room for all three of us to move in, with a few modifications such as a fire safe exit window in the basement for DS who will have his room and his own bathroom and sitting room down there. My parents have their master/en-suite and office area in the original bedroom 'wing'. DD and I will share the second story they added on with two bedrooms, bathroom and a sitting room. There is a living room that my dad complains gets used at Christmas only, a family room and a great room off the kitchen which will become my dad's TV room when DS takes over the basement. We're all fairly happy with the prospect as a solution to a problem no one wanted.

We sit beside / my parents behind a forest, so neighbours only on two sides for them and one side and behind for us. The area is considered very desirable for the school district and our house in particular for its location on a dead end street next to a forest. My dad put forth an idea this weekend to consider leasing it instead of selling and then move back in for a year down the road to deal with capital gains. He suggested trying to get a corporation to lease for executives - we are about an hour commute to downtown Toronto. I'm considering it, although not sure I want to be a landlord, I do like the idea of riding out the down turn in the market and holding onto the property for (hopefully) future gains.

I am clearly not firing on all cylinders yet. Last week I was filling our water filtering system that sits beside the sink. It's a large unit and takes a while to fill so I went to take some laundry upstairs while it was filling. I got distracted and forgot about it for a half hour. When I remembered and went downstairs, the kitchen was flooded and it had seeped through to the basement laundry room below. There was about two inches of water on the floor on both levels. For some inexplicable reason, DH had covered the floor drain downstairs with duct tape - no idea why - so I slogged in and ripped the drain open, sent DS over to my dad's for the shop vac and grabbed every sheet, blanket, towel and piece of laundry in the house to try and absorb it all. I spent the weekend washing everything. Fortunately, I guess, we have those drop ceiling tiles downstairs to be able to reach all the wiring, pipes etc, so they absorbed a fair amount of water. Also fortunately nothing shorted or caught fire. Four or five tiles need to be replaced, but I was planning on replacing all of them anyway as many are stained and / or cracked.

It was a rough weekend for me. Lots of memories and sadness, so just working through it all I guess. The kids seem to be doing not badly at the moment. DD hasn't missed a school day in a week so that's a plus. Especially as we're in the final three weeks with performance tasks and final exams ahead. I hope they can salvage some credits and then we'll figure out what the summer and next year looks like. I believe both are going to take an online class for a required credit over the summer that both have failed and have stopped trying to pass in order to put their efforts into math, science and English (so they say.) If DD fails one of the major credits she'll need to attend regular summer school and put off the online class until next semester. If DS fails one of them, he'll have to rearrange his timetable next semester to accommodate because he has three major (travel) competitions this summer plus a week long training camp with world champion trainers that are coming in from Europe - a can't miss camp that happens to fall in July - right in the middle of summer school, so that won't work for him. I'm just praying they pull it together this last three weeks so next year isn't as difficult. They are due to get a spare next year so that slot can be used, but they're losing the possibility of more interesting electives and stuck with heavy core loads. When both are fairly disengaged students at the best of times.
 
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Sorry about the flood, and hugs on the school decisions. Things like that are stressful, even the shadow of bigger things.

I think you have a really good plan about the house.
 
I like the plan of holding onto your house and renting it out. Don't worry too much about being a landlord, just get yourself a proper lease to cover everything. Make sure to contact your insurance company to change your insurance on the house if you rent it out.

Sorry to hear about the rough weekend. You will have them. I'm praying that the happy memories and smiles will be more frequent as each day passes. You deserve that.

Remember, don't be afraid to reach out to people you know for help. People WANT to help you. Get a group of your DH's friends to help put the home back in order after the water damage. Don't bear all the burden yourself.

Keep the faith Rodeo. You are doing remarkable.
 
Rodeo, I'm sorry to hear about your rough weekend. I can't believe how well you're holding everything together. You're having to deal with so many changes all while dealing with an unimaginable loss. Your kids are so fortunate to have you. I think you're doing a remarkable job prioritizing their needs considering the weight you have had added to your shoulders. My prayers and thoughts continue to be with you.
 
Hi Rodeo - Just wanted to add that if you decide on selling versus renting I too have a story of how it worked out, going 'as is' (although as I'm typing I'm hoping for some kind of lottery win - some kind of unexpected financial gain! :goodvibes)

I have a friend who was going to make a lot of changes before selling. The realtor told her to leave it and the agent ended up listing it pretty well at market (without taking into consideration all the small repairs and dated look.)

AND someone came in and offered full price almost immediately. It seemed so bizarre to come in full price during just an okay market years ago, but he openly gave an explanation - he was tired/worn down with getting into multiple offers and just wanted to get a deal done. So he took control.

So one never knows.

Sorry to hear about the flooding! And :hug: all around.
 
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Rodeo, I’m thinking of you and wishing you comfort and strength. We’re still here-your Dis family-whenever you need us.
 

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