Mothers Day without Mom

[Tinklvr]

I completely understand how you feel. Mother's Day is one of the most difficult days of the year for me. My mom passed away in November 2003 after battling Inflammatory Breast Cancer for 1 1/2 years. I miss her every day, but Mothers Day is especially hard. I work in a drug store, so I see everyone crowded down the card aisle looking for Mother's Day cards and it makes me so sad.

Every year, my siblings and I participate in the Race for the Cure in memory of my mom. I am so glad to have the opportunity to be a part of this because it gives up something special to do on Mother's Day to keep my moms memory alive.

to you.

 

[Dianewes]

I really know how you feel, last year in January we found out my Mom had cancer of the uterus...by April she had died. Last year, the first Mother's Day was such a strange day. It was also my nephew's birthday so we put the focus there. But now that the shock has worn off and the every day life has returned, Mother's Day just seems so sad to me. I too am a mother so I know I will put on a brave face and appear to be enjoying the day, but inside I will be so sad because I am so alone since my Mom is gone. I still have her phone number pre-programed in my phone and call it once in a while just to say "hi" (Even though all I get in return is "the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected"):

 

[JandJ]

I just wanted to give a big hug to all of us motherless daughters (and sons) for this Sunday.



To everyone who is a mom - Happy Mothers Day - enjoy your day and have a wonderful time with your kids (and grandkids if you have them)
I am not a mom (yet) and that I think just makes Mothers Day worse but I will put on my brave face and celebrate with my DMIL and make her day special. DH is an only child and she always wanted a daughter and I'm glad to fill that void for her.

Take care everyone!

 

[rainesstuff]

Thank you! I just finished ordering flowers for moms grave for Mothers Day. She is buried in our home state of Kansas and I can't put the flowers on her grave myself. The cemetary has assured me that when the flowers are delivered they will put them on the grave and call me to let me know what they look like.
I was 49 when mom passed. She didn't even get to see me hit the big 50!
I do know she is so much better off in a better place but I am not in a place yet where those words are a lot of comfort. Soon maybe.

My Mom passed away April 27th 2007 she had been sick a very long time and I know she was ready to go and in a much better place and it does help give me comfort, Mom had been a Preacher's wife for many years and was a Child of God but I knew my Dad and my Brothers and I would have a hard time this weekend because it has been such a short time since she has passed.
But I know God will be with us and so will Mom in Spirit also, I cryed yesterday and I felt arms wrapped around me wheather it was Mom or my Angel it helped to cry it made me feel better so I can enjoy Mother's Day with my Children.
I hope and Pray every Mother and Child can find some joy in this Mother's Day.
May God Bless You All.
Vanessa

 

[aspcamhreditor2]

This is a poignant thread for sure.

Kimis...
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother just less than 2 mos. ago. I too am having difficulty with this first Mother's Day. I haven't even been able to shop for cards for my m-i-l and my husband's grandmother.

A couple of weeks ago I started doing 2 things. 1) I started making sure I walked every day and started trying to eat better & lose a little weight. At least I "feel" a little better now.

#2) I've been spending a little more time her on The DIS. I started writing my trip report just as a way of having something to occupy my thoughts.

All my best to you.

 

[bumbershoot]

I wasn't going to comment on this but it's been gnawing at me. It does not matter whether a child loses their mother when the child is 10, 20, 40 or 60 - and it does not matter if the mother was 20, 40, 60 or 90 - a child has lost their mother whom they were very close to. You are always your mother's child no matter your age. Of course it's sad for a younger child, orphaned or left with another parent or relative, to lose their mom, but it's insensitive to suggest that if your mother was older (mine was only 65) when she passes, and you were older (I was 35) that you should somehow "get over it" faster or feel differently because of the age

Absolutely.

The thing is, with that poster, is that you don't know until you know. I had friends growing up who had lost a parent, and I thought it was sad, but I just did NOT get it. And I'm a sensitive, empathetic, sympathetic person!!! But until I knew what it was like, I had NO idea what it was like.

My mom has been gone 7 years now. I met my now-DH 8 months after she died. Sadly, he had gone through cancer only utilizing non-Western medicine (macrobiotic diet, enzyme treatments, and barometric chamber got rid of his inoperable, benign, BUT growing so fast the diagnosing MDs "gave him" 6 months), and he would have been a PERFECT person for my mom to know (she died thanks to the medical procedures she endured, she was in remission at the time).

DH thought he got it, but he didn't. Now he's closer to getting it, as his dad died the day after Thanksgiving. I'm so sorry that he knows.


The thing with grief is that it doesn't matter that the person next to you might have "more" to grieve. Your grief is still your grief. If you try to happy your way through it, if you push it away...it will still be there, waiting for you.

I'm glad that everyone rejected what that poster said. A healthy lot, I say! Oh, and all my friends thought the same way...and they still have all their parents...it was really hard for me when they were all asking me "aren't you done being sad yet?" only a few months afterwards...


And the reality is...with time, you get, well, more time. More time between bouts of sadness. When the sadness comes, it will still be as strong as ever. But the time between is the gift that time gives us. That's what those around me, who KNEW, told me to help me make it through, and it's absolutely true.


Hugs to us all.

 

[safetymom]

After my husband died I mentioned to a few people that they didn't get how I was feeling. They said of course they did. I had to explain until you go through it you don't understand. Sorry that is the truth.

Everyones story is a little different and we all grieve differently. There is no timetable when you should be over something. It has been 12 years since my mother and husband passed away and there are still days when it seems like yesterday. But I also realize how far I have come since then.

So I don't ever say to anyone I know what you are feeling because I still don't. I can offer love and support and I am much better at doing that now because I understand how important that is.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

HUgs to all who have posted here. It does not matter how old we are when we lose a loved one or how old they were, if you loved them and they were an intricate part of your life, then you will grieve and miss them on special days and just regular days..

I ask that we all be respectful of each other' ways of grieving.....I miss my Mom everyday, she was 72 when she died, I was 40... I grieve that she never saw my first daughter get married, I grieve that she never saw her first great grandson, but most of all I grieve as I miss her advice and love. When things get tough, I would go to her for counsel.. I miss that and I miss her hugs...I feel for my daughters that they did not have more time with this loving woman.. I have my memories of her and they do too....but more time with her would have been wonderful for all of us.

Hugs all around.. yesterday was not an easy day for a lot of us..

 

[kimis]

Well Mothers Day is over for 2007. I prayed for all of us who are new members to this "club". I also prayed for all those whose mom has been gone for a long time because I understand we never get over the passing of our mothers. I am grateful for my adult children. They went above and beyond to make sure my day was nice. It was perfect (except my mom is spending it in Heavon).
I appreciate the fact that I am able to come to the Dis board and discuss things like this. There are people who are going through what you are all over the world and this board brings us together. Thanks to all of you for your prayers.