We went from a fun semi family reunion to...

[A Mickeyfan]

A very sad situation. My mom has been fighting lung cancer since 1999 & has been beating it. She just turned 78. Her sister (my aunt), sisters DH and their DS, his wife and children are coming down to Disney tomorrow. I was going up to meet them. I was getting my mom & uncle (their brother) and they were going to stay with me at my hotel. My sister and her kids were going to join us too. Well my mom went into the hospital last week. Her lung cancer has spread throughout all of her good lung, she now has congestive heart failure and pneumonia. Today her scans came back showing that the cancer has also spread into her brain. She is too week for any chemo at this point. They are going to try some radiation. They are still waiting for the results of her bone scan. If the cancer has gone to her bone, there is no hope left. My family will be arriving at Disney tomorrow, we all have everything set & my mom will not be there. My mom doesn't want us to cancel... The hospital is only about 90 minutes from Disney. I plan on going up there every day (long weekend for me) to see her. She told me not to.. she wants to be by herself. Has anyone ever had a loved one that has gone thru this.. and have they acted this way? We all want to be with her & she doesn't want us there.... I was at the hospital this past weekend and she was mad that I was there.. I had my DS & DD (ages 22 & 20) with me. I left my DD (15) home. This weekend I would have my younger one with me.. and she is really afraid to see her Nanny... I am so upset, I wish I lived near my mom.. my sister does. She doesn't realize how lucky she is to be near her. All she sees is that she has carried the burden of taking my mom to the doc's.. but in my eyes, she has had my mom there with her... I haven't...
thanks for letting me vent.. I am very upset now and do not know what to do..

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Just like all moms...she doesn't want you to hurt... she wants you to enjoy the time with family this weekend, and she doesn't want to take away from that. Tell her you'll compromise... see her at the beginning of the trip and at the end...and promise her you will have a good time if she promises to allow you those visits....
Hugs to you

 

[nannerbadnanner]

My dad went through a period of depression when he realized that he was nearing the end. He just didn't want anyone around for a while. We let everyone know what was going on. It didn't last too long, but I think it was hard for him to see people because it reminded him that he was dying. Fortunately, this didn't last too long. I think your mom needs this period to cope, but you also need to be there for her whether she likes it or not. She loves you so she will forgive you!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Ohhhhhhh..

I think this, right now I would do whatever she wanted me to do and abide by her wishes. She wants you and everyone else to go to Disney and have that good time that you were all suppose to have. She does not want you not to have that at her expense. I think she is trying to get her head around what the doctor just told her. She has been battling for a while and to hear now that it is so advanced is difficult to hear and to know that maybe there are no more options left for her even harder. Oh Gosh.....it breaks my heart.

Do what you can do, as the previous poster maybe see her before or after... not sure but you can only go by her lead.....this is her illness, her fight and right now, I think she may need some time. I will pray for her and for you all...

 

[A Mickeyfan]

thanks for your responses. I am getting ready to go to work. I almost wish I didn't come on this board this morning. I am sitting here crying now. But it is tears that I need to shed before going into a classroom. I know I can do it here. It is funny how you can never really meet someone yet they can be your best friends in a time of need.. Thank you! I think I am going to try the option of the compromise with my mom. I will see her on Saturday (not tomorrow night, it will be too late when I get up there) and then on Tuesday before I head home, or maybe Monday night. I may not really enjoy myself without her there, but I will not let her know that...
I will keep you all posted.. and again... thanks for being here for me

 

[safetymom]

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. I agree you should do what she asks. Keep posting here. It really does help.

 

[DVC Kathy]

I'm so sorry for you and your family.

Shortly before my mother died (she had COPD), she threw us out of her room. One of the nurses told us that often the patient will know that the end is near, and start distancing herself from her family. That may be what your mother is doing.

That was a Saturday afternoon. Mom returned to the hospital on Sunday morning, and passed away Monday afternoon.

I left when Mom threw us out. That was the last time I saw her conscious. She knew I loved her, but I do miss that I didn't get to say it one more time when she was aware.

I would go to see your mother once. Tell her you love her, appreciate her - anything you would regret not saying if you lost her.

Then you can follow her wishes. It may be laughter through tears, but Disney World can help heal a lot of hurt. Go hug your favorite character.

Kathy

 

[kimis]

Bless your heart. You all are in my prayers. Your mom sounds like a great lady. I agree with the OP==I think she just wants you all to have a great time. Go and have a good as time possible and then spend time with her. She soundls like she loves you so very much. Remember the hardest thing to do with a loved one so sick is to do what they want. I have been there and I understand.

 

[mrs_hower726]

I believe that your mother wants you guys to enjoy yourselves and she doesn't want to ruin it for you. She reminds me a lot of my mother, she knew she had breast cancer when she visited me back in May for my graduation and she didn't say a word until we got home from WDW 10 days after graduation because she didn't want to ruin our trip.

Go visit her before and after your trip. My sister lives about 1 mile away from her and I live 350 miles away so I know where you're coming from on that matter. I do what I can, daily phone calls and lots of visits.

I'll keep your family in my thoughts.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

Today did bring some glimmer of hope, her bone scans came out clean. So there is no cancer in her bone.. just lung and brain. Yeah, I know that still isn't good. If it were in the bone, there would be no hope, at least we can still have hope...
My aunt went up to see her today. She was happy to see her Let's hope she stays that way by Saturday when I get there.... I will keep you updated when I can.. and thanks again...

PS .. I almost made it thru the day without crying at work.. up until someone asked me how my mom was... then it all came out... I was lucky it was at lunch and not in the hallway around the students. I tell you, the students do not realize it, but they really did cheer me up... in their own crazy way with their behaviors...the little hugs and smiles really meant more than they knew today....

 

[A Mickeyfan]

My mom was moved from the hospital to a nursing facilty where she can be placed into a rehab/therapy wing. She still isn't strong enough to start on her Chemo. The doc did start her on a pill that fights cancer, one in three respond to it. She still is having major breathing problems. We are at a stand still sort of. This is all about the lung cancer. The brain cancer, while the doc said he believed she did not have it, he wanted to confirm it by looking at her old scans. The place that did them claim they sent them to him, he claims he hasn't rec'd them This has been going on for a week now. Her old scans are in limbo someplace! What that boils down to is, there is no confirmation that the spots he is seeing are from the surgery My family is getting a bit peeved with this. How on earth can scans get lost. They are old too.. do they not have copies to resend It isn't like they can just retake them.
My mom has an appointment with her doc on Monday, we will see what happens then. The nursing facility will transport her there & my sister will meet her. I will keep you all updated on what happens.

Our mini family reunion went as well as possible. My aunt & uncle went to see my mom, but my cousin did not. In fact, my aunt went up several times from Orlando to see her (an hour away). My aunt flew home yesterday, my cousin is still in Orlando. I think, God willing, my aunt & uncle will be down for Thanksgiving. My sister and I have ressies for then in Orlando as well, but with any hope, we can all spend it all together, with my mom... I want to think on the positive side. If not, and she cannot travel, we will cancel our ressies & we can just all spend it at her & my sister's house.

 

[goofie4goofy]

I know what you are going thru and you are in my prayers.

My father died of colon cancer at the age of 65 after 3 years of chemo without remission, many operations, experimental procedures and medications. He had a colostomy and at the end a feeding tube. I was there all the time with my Mom. We would get to Sloan Kettering at 4am to see his doctors, and to see my Dad. We always got the feeling he did not want us there. Later when he came home to hospice (he died at home after being there for 1 day) - they explained that that is part of the natural dying process. They start to disconnect and encourage their family to go on. It took me a while to understand but I understand now.

My husband and I were there all the time for my Mom and Dad. My brother lives close, but really did not help too much in any way. I wish I did not bear witness to the things I saw, heard and experienced, so in that regard, do not feel guilty, but consider yourself lucky, as some of those things really changed who I am.

I am so sorry for you and your family. The best advice I can give is to go to WDW and try to enjoy yourself with your family. It is truly what your mother wants you to do. Other than that, just take it one day at a time. Crying is a good thing, you cannot supress your emotion. I did, as I felt I had to be the one to be strong and take over because no one else could handle things.
supressing your emotions at a time like this is not a good idea. So cry when you need to.