What would you do... cruise without oldest child

We had an experience last year at this time that might help with this situation. Wife and I (grandparents) did a B2B Med./WBTA on the Magic. Our daughter, husband and three grandkids (7, 10 & 12) went on an earlier DCL cruise with us and really wanted to go on this adventure, too. Because of school, jobs, dance classes, etc. they just couldn't do the 18+ nights with us. In order to make them feel a part of our trip we called on Flat Stanley (book written many years ago about a boy flattened by a school chalkboard, then mailed to his grandparents...many school classes do a FS project to study geography). Our SIL got mug shots of each family member and spliced them on their favorite Disney character, mostly, of course, princesses. They became the flat Murrys. We photographed them in Spain, Italy, Portugal and Nova Scotia. They met princesses, mice, dogs, etc. on the ship, too. We got some strange looks, then smiles when we explained what we were doing. The Murrys enjoyed their virtual cruises, saved some $$ and sort of visited other parts of the world.
Perhaps a virtual experience might work for the OP.
 
I thought you were going to say that it was already booked, and I was in the "he will have to miss out" camp. BUT.....since you haven't booked, and he would like to go, I would absolutely, 100%, wait. Can you get two insides, or an inside across from an ocean view or veranda, to make it more cost effective?
 
I have twins, our oldest, who just left for college. I completely understand. While I'd like to think that they will travel with us whenever they are able, I know it won't be as guaranteed as it has been in the past. Once I went to college, I missed out on some family vacations - spring break didn't coincide, summer school happened, etc. Today's kids do more summer school and winter "mini-mesters" than ever.

I'd talk to him about costs, and how he feels. If you have the finances, I'd do both. If you don't, then I'd have a heart to heart with him about which he'd rather do. Making him skip his friend trip to vacation with you may just make him resentful.

FWIW, I'm surprised at the number of people who are surprised that a teen wants to vacation with their family. Are they speaking from experience or stereotype? My kids have never been anything but excited to travel with us.
 


I suppose I'm coming at this from two directions -- both as the parent of a college age child and as a child who grew up.

When I was in college, my mom offered to let me go on a trip to Europe, but I had classes and couldn't go. I thought I was being really responsible by staying for a summer semester to get a jump on my coursework, but in retrospect, I still regret that, even though I made a good choice in the sense that it was super helpful academically, and gave me the opportunity to spend a year working as a co-op student in an assignment I couldn't have gotten any other way. But my family seriously missed me, and I missed out big time, and there was never another opportunity (though now mom is talking about maybe going to Ireland with me someday, once my kids are grown up more. That'll be at least another 13 years at this point.)

Just recently we reached a point in our lives where we're able to travel with my parents occasionally, but it's still hard to find times working around the kids' school schedules. I never really thought beyond 'well, the day will come when we can better manage it' until we almost lost my dad overnight to a major heart attack 3 years ago this fall. Even with making it a priority, both financially and scheduling-wise it's a challenge to get together. This upcoming cruise will only be the 3rd time we've managed to travel with them since I was an adult, and we only manage to get everyone together in one household even here in the US a few times per year. Just this past summer was the first time I managed to go on a trip with my brother since I was in high school (even though our parents didn't get to go, just his family and mine, it was still so wonderful to get to spend more than a single day with him again!) Those occasions have given the opportunity for so many precious memories. I treasure them more than I can say.

So long story short, I treasure each and every single opportunity I ever get to spend time with my parents and/or to bring my kids along -- and I definitely see myself doing whatever possible to include my college student (and in years to come, adult children and their families) as much as possible. The years are short.
 
So my oldest is graduating high school in May. He has 2 very best friends; they have been friends for years. One of the friends moved away to CA a few years ago, but he comes back to visit at least twice a year, the two boys here have been to see him in CA. They are tight. CA friend is coming here to see my son and other local friend graduate, then CA friend's family has invited my son and the other best friend, to fly out to CA to see CA friend graduate, then they are taking all 3 boys to Disney's Aulani resort for a week.

I think all of that is awesome and amazing. Here is my question: I was thinking of booking a Disney cruise for me, hubby, and my younger two children (14 and 13) to go on while older son is in Hawaii. Older son wants us to wait and let him cruise with us after he gets back. My thought is, we are paying his airfare to Hawaii, so it would be cheaper for us to cruise without him, as we would have to fly to the port, plus we could get a cheaper room for 4 if older son didn't go with us. His graduation gift is the Hawaii trip. I wish we could all go to Hawaii, but we can't afford it. And we are trying to get him a decent car for graduation also. (He drives a beater that needs work done more often than not).

Am I a bad mom to consider cruising without him while he is in Hawaii (at a Disney resort, no less!!) having the time of his life, with his best friends, right after his graduation? I just really want to go on a cruise and it would be much more affordable for 4 than 5.

We have been on one Disney cruise before as a family of 5, back in 2015.
I didn't get anything for graduation besides my diploma. Not a trip, not a car, nothing. I went on my first and only trip to Hawaii at age 35, and my very first cruise at age 40. And I considered myself lucky, and still do.

Your son is already getting a car and a great Hawaiian vacation with friends, which are two extraordinary gifts.

One additional graduation gift you can give him is the information that in the real world he is about to join, finances are not unlimited, and you don't always get everything you want.

Take your younger kids on a cruise while your oldest is in Hawaii. It's the best thing for everyone involved, including your oldest.
 
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He's going to Hawaii and getting a car. If he wants to go on the cruise too, he needs to decide which is most important.

No matter what, don't let an internet board of strangers make you feel bad about whatever you do. It's your family. You do you.
 



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