When DH wants absolutely nothing to do with Disney anymore

danjoealexis3006

Mouseketeer
Joined
Jun 21, 2005
So things haven’t been going great between DH and I for a while (20+years). The other day out of the blue he said he wants nothing to do with Disney anymore. Which is fine, I get it, we’ve been a million times over the years. I was shocked when he said that I am no longer allowed to talk about it or go. He said that it’s not fair that I go, he would never think of going anywhere without me. When I asked him where he would like to go he said to DC, when I asked him when he said “he didn’t know”. We usually travel in the spring bc this is a slow time for him. I am also not allowed to make any purchases that are related to Disney, not that I do make hardly any. Yes, I like to look at what’s new on the Disney store website but I don’t make purchases. I have some Disney pandora jewelry that I love to wear but I haven’t bc of how he feels (he purchased it for me).This isn’t about money. Does anyone have a Significant other who is like this? If so how did you handle it? How did you get them to understand that it’s ok if they don’t want to go but it’s your happy place?
 
Not liking Disney is one thing. Banning you from talking about Disney or making Disney-related purchases is creepily controlling. Get to counseling ASAP.
I just don’t know where all this is coming from?!? I knew he was over Disney but this is a whole new level. It really is breaking my heart.
 


Second what PP said. it's totally OK for him to be all set with Disney, overloaded on Disney, not wanting to go anymore.

It is NOT ok for him to think he can BAN you from talking about it, buying Disney items, even planning a trip there without him. That is controlling and unhealthy behavior that needs to be nipped in the bud NOW.

If this is brand new behavior for him, is something else going on that might be affecting his personality, his moods, etc?
 
Second what PP said. it's totally OK for him to be all set with Disney, overloaded on Disney, not wanting to go anymore.

It is NOT ok for him to think he can BAN you from talking about it, buying Disney items, even planning a trip there without him. That is controlling and unhealthy behavior that needs to be nipped in the bud NOW.

If this is brand new behavior for him, is something else going on that might be affecting his personality, his moods, etc?
I think he’s having some kind of midlife crises. I was just shocked when he was angry about it and the four trips in the past I went on (2 with our boys, one with my mom, and one with a friend) These trips were over the last 15 years.
 
Seconding, thirding and fourthing what has been said. Not enjoying Disney or losing a like you once had for it is one thing; usurping control over your own, personal and internal thoughts, feelings and "self" is another. You are your own human, woman and person. It's entirely unacceptable, regardless of reason. If it is in fact very new and very sudden, it does seem like there would be something else underneath the surface.
 


I think he’s having some kind of midlife crises. I was just shocked when he was angry about it and the four trips in the past I went on (2 with our boys, one with my mom, and one with a friend) These trips were over the last 15 years.

Yeah, he needs to see a counselor. That kind of behavior isn't going to get better if you don't address it.

I've typed and retyped a response to this several times because there's just SO MUCH wrong with everything you have described. Even if he won't see a counselor, you should go to one yourself anyway so that you have a neutral party helping you see things with clear vision.
 
Fifthing even sixing what has been said. Controlling behavior is a red flag. A big glaring neon red flag. Being sick of something is fine but it should go like this:

Me: "Hey hubs, I can't take anymore Star Trek. I'm gonna go read in another room while you watch it."

Not like this:

Me: "Hubs, I can't take any more Star Trek. No more watching it, and put away your model ships because I don't want to see them. You're banned from buying any more as well."

Marriage is a partnership. Partner means equal footing in the dynamic. No partner should ever be banning another from enjoying whatever it is they enjoy. Counseling wouldn't be a terrible idea. A lot of insurance companies do cover marriage counseling so check your benefits, you might be able to talk to someone for free.
 
So things haven’t been going great between DH and I for a while (20+years). The other day out of the blue he said he wants nothing to do with Disney anymore. Which is fine, I get it, we’ve been a million times over the years. I was shocked when he said that I am no longer allowed to talk about it or go. He said that it’s not fair that I go, he would never think of going anywhere without me. When I asked him where he would like to go he said to DC, when I asked him when he said “he didn’t know”. We usually travel in the spring bc this is a slow time for him. I am also not allowed to make any purchases that are related to Disney, not that I do make hardly any. Yes, I like to look at what’s new on the Disney store website but I don’t make purchases. I have some Disney pandora jewelry that I love to wear but I haven’t bc of how he feels (he purchased it for me).This isn’t about money. Does anyone have a Significant other who is like this? If so how did you handle it? How did you get them to understand that it’s ok if they don’t want to go but it’s your happy place?

I am not married, but I will be up front and tell you that there are a lot of red flags going on here. While I would not presume to tell you what to do with your marriage, I can see, just from this post, that you two seem to have much deeper problems that need to be addressed soon before you resent each other. I would look into couples therapy in this situation. Now, I know not everyone enjoys the Disney parks, but perhaps you two may find some of the offerings from Adventures by Disney or Disney Cruise Line to be a good compromise? I know Adventures by Disney has some adults only trips as well. Whatever solution you find to this problem, I do wish you luck.
 
Fifthing even sixing what has been said. Controlling behavior is a red flag. A big glaring neon red flag. Being sick of something is fine but it should go like this:

Me: "Hey hubs, I can't take anymore Star Trek. I'm gonna go read in another room while you watch it."

Not like this:

Me: "Hubs, I can't take any more Star Trek. No more watching it, and put away your model ships because I don't want to see them. You're banned from buying any more as well."

Marriage is a partnership. Partner means equal footing in the dynamic. No partner should ever be banning another from enjoying whatever it is they enjoy. Counseling wouldn't be a terrible idea. A lot of insurance companies do cover marriage counseling so check your benefits, you might be able to talk to someone for free.
I am going to talk to him tonight about counseling but I am sure what the answer will be. I agree with everyone that marriage is a give and take. I guess I just needed to hear that I am on the right track. I think this goes beyond Disney but after 20 years it’s hard to hear it from the one you love.
 
I am not married, but I will be up front and tell you that there are a lot of red flags going on here. While I would not presume to tell you what to do with your marriage, I can see, just from this post, that you two seem to have much deeper problems that need to be addressed soon before you resent each other. I would look into couples therapy in this situation. Now, I know not everyone enjoys the Disney parks, but perhaps you two may find some of the offerings from Adventures by Disney or Disney Cruise Line to be a good compromise? I know Adventures by Disney has some adults only trips as well. Whatever solution you find to this problem, I do wish you luck.
I am game for going other places, we went to Chicago in November for our anniversary and had a great time. I just don’t understand where all this is coming from all of the sudden.
 
I am going to talk to him tonight about counseling but I am sure what the answer will be. I agree with everyone that marriage is a give and take. I guess I just needed to hear that I am on the right track. I think this goes beyond Disney but after 20 years it’s hard to hear it from the one you love.

I wish you luck and really hope it goes good for you! You're definitely on the right track.
 
From what you have said this behaviour is out of character. You know him and know him far better than others who are jumping to conclusions. Could there be some underlying issues, worries about work, health or finance? Could he be suffering from depression? Is he grieving for someone or something?
You love him so follow your own instincts. A person doesn’t just have a personality change overnight without some underlying reasons. I hope that he is able to open up and share his feelings with you. Good luck.
 
So things haven’t been going great between DH and I for a while (20+years). The other day out of the blue he said he wants nothing to do with Disney anymore. Which is fine, I get it, we’ve been a million times over the years. I was shocked when he said that I am no longer allowed to talk about it or go. He said that it’s not fair that I go, he would never think of going anywhere without me. When I asked him where he would like to go he said to DC, when I asked him when he said “he didn’t know”. We usually travel in the spring bc this is a slow time for him. I am also not allowed to make any purchases that are related to Disney, not that I do make hardly any. Yes, I like to look at what’s new on the Disney store website but I don’t make purchases. I have some Disney pandora jewelry that I love to wear but I haven’t bc of how he feels (he purchased it for me).This isn’t about money. Does anyone have a Significant other who is like this? If so how did you handle it? How did you get them to understand that it’s ok if they don’t want to go but it’s your happy place?
My hunch is that this is about more than Disney....and I hope you and your DH are able to figure it all out.

DH and I do many things together, but we also enjoy separate hobbies/interests.
I would Never tell DH to quit his hobby, and he would never Not Allow me to do/buy anything that I enjoy.

We support each other as individuals, and I believe it makes us a stronger couple.
 
I don't want to sound negative, but it may just be time to admit that it is over. That stuff does happen. It happened to me after 29 years. I saw it coming but kept mentally denying it. I'd ask about counseling and if the answer is no, then ask if he wants a divorce. It may end up that way anyway. I wish I had read the handwriting sooner and still would have been young enough to actually cultivate another relationship. I know that both of us were a whole lot happier after we divorced, at least I was, I cannot speak for her, but she really wanted nothing to do with me so I can assume she was too and I was OK with that. Just so you know, I did nothing warranting divorce nor did she, other then leaving. No cheating, no heavy arguments ever. Just unhappiness and being tired of being married. Familiarity breeds contempt, I guess.
 
We are all being arm chair marriage counselors which probably isn’t helpful. But if it were me, I would talk to a few close friends of his to see if his behavior has changed recently.

You say it’s not about money but I would check into your finances to make sure something hasn’t happened to your assets recently to make him paranoid about any spending of money. There’s always a chance that he is worried about money and has decided to make these decrees as his way of saving money without telling You why.

And if he said he wants to go to DC call his bluff. Make plans, pick a date and tell him where to be and when.
 
Fifthing even sixing what has been said. Controlling behavior is a red flag. A big glaring neon red flag. Being sick of something is fine but it should go like this:

Me: "Hey hubs, I can't take anymore Star Trek. I'm gonna go read in another room while you watch it."

Not like this:

Me: "Hubs, I can't take any more Star Trek. No more watching it, and put away your model ships because I don't want to see them. You're banned from buying any more as well."

Marriage is a partnership. Partner means equal footing in the dynamic. No partner should ever be banning another from enjoying whatever it is they enjoy. Counseling wouldn't be a terrible idea. A lot of insurance companies do cover marriage counseling so check your benefits, you might be able to talk to someone for free.
Hmm....
Not wanting to watch Picard and Discovery could be a deal breaker if it were me..... :eek: ( a brief moment of levity in a thread with serious marital concerns)
 
So things haven’t been going great between DH and I for a while (20+years). The other day out of the blue he said he wants nothing to do with Disney anymore. Which is fine, I get it, we’ve been a million times over the years. I was shocked when he said that I am no longer allowed to talk about it or go. He said that it’s not fair that I go, he would never think of going anywhere without me. When I asked him where he would like to go he said to DC, when I asked him when he said “he didn’t know”. We usually travel in the spring bc this is a slow time for him. I am also not allowed to make any purchases that are related to Disney, not that I do make hardly any. Yes, I like to look at what’s new on the Disney store website but I don’t make purchases. I have some Disney pandora jewelry that I love to wear but I haven’t bc of how he feels (he purchased it for me).This isn’t about money. Does anyone have a Significant other who is like this? If so how did you handle it? How did you get them to understand that it’s ok if they don’t want to go but it’s your happy place?
Yeah, this is above disboards’ paygrade. You need a therapist, but more likely a lawyer.
 

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