When DH wants absolutely nothing to do with Disney anymore

[bookwormde]

I think he’s having some kind of midlife crises. I was just shocked when he was angry about it and the four trips in the past I went on (2 with our boys, one with my mom, and one with a friend) These trips were over the last 15 years.

Do not underestimate the emotional impact of the changes/restrictions due to the pandemic, it could be a trigger. Also if your kids are flying the coop that may play a part.

Are your kids Disney fans, if so that may add more issues.

 

[LovesTimone]

In a word.... control... he is trying to control you, what you think about, and what you talk about, what you buy and where you go...

Not good combination, in my opinion....

There are some pretty big red flags, and you might need to seek some type of professional help, therapist for yourself to figure out your true feelings are?, marriage counselors for you both...,
or
Lawyer - know what your rights are.... get ahead of it... and if it gets to this point, you need to be prepared, for the worst, so know what your asset's are, any type of stocks, or investments, 401K or retirement planning, what are your household bills, where does your money go...
Plus if you have kids you need to think long term for them, thing like college savings, health insurance, and such...

You stated that things haven't been going very well... So it would seem you already know that you need to square thing away... and things aren't right... Not saying that everything has to perfect all the time, just saying you seem to be looking for permission, or validation, to enjoy something you absolutely love... Disney ...

Life is short... You should be able to enjoy what you love...

Sending you a big ole and much pixie dust

 

[jerseygal]

@danjoealexis3006 ...how are things going? Did you and your spouse come to a middle ground on the Disney issue?
Noticed that you haven't posted in awhile...As others have said, pandemic is an issue for many right now, although I believe your post was pre-Covid...

 

[a1tinkfans]

Control! You re not a child nor need permission to think or speak your thoughts. Why you re accepting it as ok is more worrisome. Seek guidance, I imagine this isn’t the Only area of your life that is mandated by your spouse. Best of luck to you, truly!

 

[stephk1981]

I am really hoping this has all worked out for you OP. The world is stressful right now, maybe your DH is feeling like his life is out of control with the pandemic, so he in turn is trying to control aspects to his life that he is able to ( I'm not saying him co trolling you is okay at all.)
My DH doesn't really understand my obsession with Disney. He normally only goes with us once a year so that he can be with the kids where they love to be, but I have a feeling once the kids are older that will end. I understand your DH not wanting to go anymore, I don't understand him not ' allowing' you to go. My DH and I have x amount of money for individual spending per month.....I happen to save mine for Disney. He doesn't travel a lot without us ( only once per year to go on a hunting trip with his Dad and brothers.) The kids and I go to Disney for those 2 weeks, but I take the kids to disney for short trips throughout the year without him ( he is always welcome to go with us though.)
Your children are grown, things are changing in your relationship, try to have a sitdown with DH to see where he is coming from and why he feels you shouldn't be allowed to go without him. How many things do you all do together as a couple now? Maybe it's time to start some new hobbies together. My DH always wants to travel elsewhere too, and we have, but he doesn't like to plan the trips. Maybe plan a surprise trip for your DH to DC. Lots of good thoughts coming your way!

 

[fabledtongues]

Uhhh.... not liking Disney is one thing, but banning you from talking about it, going or buying Disney things? Is controlling and borderline abusive. This is a huge red flag and either needs counseling or a serious reevaluation of your relationship. I don't tolerate things like this in a relationship. You are your own person; even your husband cannot control any part of you.

 

[goofyernmost]

We are all being arm chair marriage counselors which probably isn’t helpful. But if it were me, I would talk to a few close friends of his to see if his behavior has changed recently.

To be honest, I think that any of us that have been through this kind of stuff are better counselors then those with pretty framed degree's and no personal exposure to what those couples are feeling and thinking. Just saying!

 

[Judique]

To be honest, I think that any of us that have been through this kind of stuff are better counselors then those with pretty framed degree's and no personal exposure to what those couples are feeling and thinking. Just saying!

Probably. But as the pain recedes, we learn to keep our mouth shut because most just want to tell us their own problems, not listen to old history.

If your 'loss' is recent, please don't be offended. But after 31 years, I've seen the light and moved on. History ignored means mistakes repeated. But so be it.

 

[Simba's Mom]

In our house, that's what solo trips are for. DH surprised me with my first solo trip, and now almost all my trips are solo-he has virtually no desire to go. However, fortunately, he hasn't banned me from talking about it, although he hardly ever asks about my trips.

 

[goofyernmost]

Probably. But as the pain recedes, we learn to keep our mouth shut because most just want to tell us their own problems, not listen to old history.

If your 'loss' is recent, please don't be offended. But after 31 years, I've seen the light and moved on. History ignored means mistakes repeated. But so be it.

It's been twenty years, and believe me I don't think about it unless I read something like the OP. My X has died in the meantime so there is no anger anymore or even pain. Just very clear memories of how it ended and some innate desire to let others grasp reality and see the signs before it's to late. That means taking whatever action is necessary like counseling to talk it out. You know as well as I do that all that is would be an opportunity to vent in a safe location and maybe, just maybe let couples possibly see the other side of the story. If that doesn't work, there is no reason to continue whatever pain both feel while waiting for the rainbows and unicorns to arrive. I'm not speaking against counseling based on the idea of what I described. Looking for obvious points to make known, but unless they have been through the same thing are only spouting theory and in my experience supporting each ones viewpoint so no one feels like the victor or the victim. A very good thing to do, but, not necessarily a marriage saver. That has to generate from inside the individuals. If either one doesn't want to save it, it will not be saved.

 

[Judique]

It's been twenty years, and believe me I don't think about it unless I read something like the OP. My X has died in the meantime so there is no anger anymore or even pain. Just very clear memories of how it ended and some innate desire to let others grasp reality and see the signs before it's to late. That means taking whatever action is necessary like counseling to talk it out. You know as well as I do that all that is would be an opportunity to vent in a safe location and maybe, just maybe let couples possibly see the other side of the story. If that doesn't work, there is no reason to continue whatever pain both feel while waiting for the rainbows and unicorns to arrive. I'm not speaking against counseling based on the idea of what I described. Looking for obvious points to make known, but unless they have been through the same thing are only spouting theory and in my experience supporting each ones viewpoint so no one feels like the victor or the victim. A very good thing to do, but, not necessarily a marriage saver. That has to generate from inside the individuals. If either one doesn't want to save it, it will not be saved.

A noble thought. But, I think in order to grasp reality, the people need to work their way through it. Everyone thinks they are unique when it's happening to them. You may think they are listening to your experience, but in reality they are deep within themselves. So support them and listen to them and let them discover their own peace.

My friends let me ramble on without obvious judgement at the time. The counseling was a bust because he was, in his mind going to counseling for me, and I was going to try to save the marriage. Two different objectives. The other thing that comes to mind is I did not want others bad mouthing him. It was okay for me (in my mind).

The other reality is that there is always two sides to each story. The OP may be only telling what they want us to hear - and making him out to be a nasty villain that is killing her Disney joy in a marriage long gone wrong. So listen and make your judgement (everybody does) but remember that OP wants sort of unconditional sympathy from this board and is probably never going to give both sides. We see it a lot on here. Someone else will come along, say something OP doesn't want to hear, and then OP departs the thread.

 

[goofyernmost]

A noble thought. But, I think in order to grasp reality, the people need to work their way through it. Everyone thinks they are unique when it's happening to them. You may think they are listening to your experience, but in reality they are deep within themselves. So support them and listen to them and let them discover their own peace.

My friends let me ramble on without obvious judgement at the time. The counseling was a bust because he was, in his mind going to counseling for me, and I was going to try to save the marriage. Two different objectives. The other thing that comes to mind is I did not want others bad mouthing him. It was okay for me (in my mind).

The other reality is that there is always two sides to each story. The OP may be only telling what they want us to hear - and making him out to be a nasty villain that is killing her Disney joy in a marriage long gone wrong. So listen and make your judgement (everybody does) but remember that OP wants sort of unconditional sympathy from this board and is probably never going to give both sides. We see it a lot on here. Someone else will come along, say something OP doesn't want to hear, and then OP departs the thread.

I don't disagree, but in order to do a lot of things one has to really want too. No amount of counseling will help if one of the pair does not want it to fix. I guess that unless that one wants to at least attempt to fix things they have a chance be it small. If not nothing positive is going to happen.