Why doesn't family ask for advice before they book?

[happymommy]

Hi, fellow Dis-ers!

I just need to vent. I've been to WDW 30 times now. I've had my brother-in-law ask me a few times over the years if I can give him advice (he's been once as a small child, has no memory of it), as he and my sister-in-law have a 7 year old and they have never been (they don't vacation much, not due to money just maybe lack of interest as they are much older parents). I offered some good advice, especially since he's a colonel in the Marine Corps reserves (and works with the gov't at the Pentagon), that they can buy military tickets, get discounts, or stay at SOG, etc....

I just got back and was told by another family member they are going soon (like next weekend), staying only for 3 days, staying off site, my SIL asked my oldest how was parking at the theme parks (he said it's best not to drive), they have no fast passes (my son asked if they had them, she asked how much did that cost? He's like, nothing, they're included!).

So they're going over spring break, staying off site, have no idea how fast pass works, maybe have no tickets, no dining reservations. I know that is how many folks go into Disney (I witnessed it a lot last week, folks not understanding how their tickets worked, how to get a fast pass, what MDE app is).

They have not called me, and it's killing me, but I am not going to call them about this either. My fear is that they see us go and (other than this trip last week, which is a long story), we always have such a good time, plan our fast passes, enjoy good food, but they will likely not see or do much of anything.

Oh, and also she told my son that my BIL hates crowds. It's spring break! Pandora area at DAK was so crowded the one day we went last week, we chose to not return until a trip later (we did ride FOP with a disability return time as my youngest is in a wheelchair, but thought it was just okay).

Funny thing is years ago, my other BIL did a similar thing. They knew we had been many times, but didn't ask any advice. They went over just a weekend (Memorial Day), stayed in a house off site so they could cook (?), rented a mini van (they took my MIL and FIL), just did the MK and complained that all they did was stand in lines.

If I were going to London, Paris, even though I've been there, I'd ask friends who had been for advice!

 

[dledger]

I literally just had the same exact situation with my in laws. we tried to make dining reservations for them and they refused to put a credit card number in to hold it. Then, my FIL insisted his hotel would just “do it all for him”, as though they were the concierge in Vegas.

My dh and I basically just had to walk away from the situation and tell them good luck. We gave them a list of restaurants we reccomend and that was all we could do.

Just don’t take it personal. Some people just think they know best, or simply just don’t realize how much work this type of vacation takes.

 

[happymommy]

Thanks for the reply!

I do think that one issue is that they have absolutely NO idea how huge Disney World is. I mean, there are many things I've never done (Kali River Rapids is one by choice; I don't want to get possibly soaked in a sundress!).

Also, they are cheap. Plain and simple. They are millionaires (seriously), but cheap to a fault. That is one reason they don't take vacations. So they booked the Holiday Inn (which if it's the Disney Springs one, I would totally stay at, as it looks fine for a short trip when I won't use the room other than sleep), but I don't know what Holiday Inn they booked!

I think they think it's just the Magic Kingdom, and they can show up, at spring break, with no plans, drive there and park (not knowing the area as they've never been to Orlando as adults).

I so wish they had asked my help, and I could have planned it for them (I've planned Disney trips for others, including a group of 10 that I was the "tour guide" for at 25, when a group of my dad's business associates came over from Japan. I had printed itinerary for our daily plans, all rides and meals planned out). I would have put them on site for a first trip, told them they need a week with some down time, etc.... Now I'll just let the chips fall, but I feel bad for their son. It will likely be his only trip there (or anywhere "fun" for a kid), as they will likely hate it.

 

[rg35]

Yeah, unfortunately there's nothing you can do in this situation. Some people are stubborn and think they don't need help.

 

[RevKjb]

I keep telling family and friends the people who go to Walt Disney World without a plan are called people who stand in line. I'm going to help anyone who asks given our 25+ trips to the world. As well we have been on DCL five times. Just ask and you don't have to suffer! There's no accounting for choices....

 

[QueenIsabella]

All you can do is bite your lip...and consider it a lesson learned--for them. In truth, they may like doing a no-planning trip--personally, I think it's the wrong destination for that, but I'm not them. Their vacation, their choice. OTOH, if they come back, crabbing about crowds, long lines, and so forth, it gives you an opportunity to say, "You know, in my experience, the vacation goes a lot smoother if you make ADRs/get fastpasses/be there at rope drop etc."

 

[Lavitz]

If I had to guess I'd say that they're not asking because they honestly have no idea what's in store for them. They'll see the light and ask when planning the second trip after their first trip is a little bumpy, or write Disney off as an overrated waste of time and never go again. I know my first trip a few years back we found out what fast passes were but besides that treated it like a regular theme park since we didn't know. Was a good trip but could have been better obviously.

 

[KPeterso]

Hi, fellow Dis-ers!

I just need to vent. I've been to WDW 30 times now. I've had my brother-in-law ask me a few times over the years if I can give him advice (he's been once as a small child, has no memory of it), as he and my sister-in-law have a 7 year old and they have never been (they don't vacation much, not due to money just maybe lack of interest as they are much older parents). I offered some good advice, especially since he's a colonel in the Marine Corps reserves (and works with the gov't at the Pentagon), that they can buy military tickets, get discounts, or stay at SOG, etc....

I just got back and was told by another family member they are going soon (like next weekend), staying only for 3 days, staying off site, my SIL asked my oldest how was parking at the theme parks (he said it's best not to drive), they have no fast passes (my son asked if they had them, she asked how much did that cost? He's like, nothing, they're included!).

So they're going over spring break, staying off site, have no idea how fast pass works, maybe have no tickets, no dining reservations. I know that is how many folks go into Disney (I witnessed it a lot last week, folks not understanding how their tickets worked, how to get a fast pass, what MDE app is).

They have not called me, and it's killing me, but I am not going to call them about this either. My fear is that they see us go and (other than this trip last week, which is a long story), we always have such a good time, plan our fast passes, enjoy good food, but they will likely not see or do much of anything.

Oh, and also she told my son that my BIL hates crowds. It's spring break! Pandora area at DAK was so crowded the one day we went last week, we chose to not return until a trip later (we did ride FOP with a disability return time as my youngest is in a wheelchair, but thought it was just okay).

Funny thing is years ago, my other BIL did a similar thing. They knew we had been many times, but didn't ask any advice. They went over just a weekend (Memorial Day), stayed in a house off site so they could cook (?), rented a mini van (they took my MIL and FIL), just did the MK and complained that all they did was stand in lines.

If I were going to London, Paris, even though I've been there, I'd ask friends who had been for advice!

I had similar happen to me. Cousin was going there for his honeymoon. Offered some help and was told that they did not help. His fiancee had it all handled and both had been to Disneyland many times since we live in Southern California. Oh and his fiancee knew better than me even though I had been to WDW a dozen times including less than a month before this honeymoon and have a WDW AP and am DVC. Ummm, alrighty then. Asked a few questions and knew disaster was looming.

• Staying onsite? - nope, we were gifted a week in a timeshare. Well ok then.
• Did you make dining reservations? Nope - will just decide when we are hungry. I guess they did eat in China at Epcot and the rest offsite.

It was pre-magic band days and pre-booking fastpass days. I forget what else I asked, but it was not pretty. Oh and they went in October and I have no idea what they expected weather wise, but apparently the fiancee got very badly sunburned, both wore jeans to the parks several times, and they both complained how hot it was.... Insert eye roll here.

His grandfather asked me a few months later if I had helped them with any planning and I told him they did not want it when I offered and he was really angry about that. Hey - I tried even though I tolerate him and have long ago cut her out of my life.

 

[Cupcakesmum]

A good friend told me last week that she's finally taking the kids to Disney. She'll be in Orlando for 4 days over Easter. I told her to plan her magic kingdom day for later to avoid largest crowds but she waved me off and said "Oh no we're planning on going on Easter Sunday". I suggested trying to get there early and she was like "Ya ya". I mention fast passes- she had never heard of them and was glazing over as I explained. She had initiated the coffee meet up to discuss "tips", but I felt like I was bothering so I let it go. I just feel bad for the kids.

 

[Klayfish]

Hi, fellow Dis-ers!

I just need to vent. I've been to WDW 30 times now. I've had my brother-in-law ask me a few times over the years if I can give him advice (he's been once as a small child, has no memory of it), as he and my sister-in-law have a 7 year old and they have never been (they don't vacation much, not due to money just maybe lack of interest as they are much older parents). I offered some good advice, especially since he's a colonel in the Marine Corps reserves (and works with the gov't at the Pentagon), that they can buy military tickets, get discounts, or stay at SOG, etc....

I just got back and was told by another family member they are going soon (like next weekend), staying only for 3 days, staying off site, my SIL asked my oldest how was parking at the theme parks (he said it's best not to drive), they have no fast passes (my son asked if they had them, she asked how much did that cost? He's like, nothing, they're included!).

So they're going over spring break, staying off site, have no idea how fast pass works, maybe have no tickets, no dining reservations. I know that is how many folks go into Disney (I witnessed it a lot last week, folks not understanding how their tickets worked, how to get a fast pass, what MDE app is).

They have not called me, and it's killing me, but I am not going to call them about this either. My fear is that they see us go and (other than this trip last week, which is a long story), we always have such a good time, plan our fast passes, enjoy good food, but they will likely not see or do much of anything.

Oh, and also she told my son that my BIL hates crowds. It's spring break! Pandora area at DAK was so crowded the one day we went last week, we chose to not return until a trip later (we did ride FOP with a disability return time as my youngest is in a wheelchair, but thought it was just okay).

Funny thing is years ago, my other BIL did a similar thing. They knew we had been many times, but didn't ask any advice. They went over just a weekend (Memorial Day), stayed in a house off site so they could cook (?), rented a mini van (they took my MIL and FIL), just did the MK and complained that all they did was stand in lines.

If I were going to London, Paris, even though I've been there, I'd ask friends who had been for advice!

I'll put a different spin on this, and no offense meant. It's OK if others don't ask them about WDW. Yes, I'd say I'm a very well seasoned vet, maybe even an "expert" relatively speaking. But I'm not expecting someone to ask me if they choose not to. I'll politely let them know once that I've got a lot of experience and would be happy to help, but I'll leave it at that.

Also, keep in mind your perspective isn't necessarily theirs. You mention several times that they're staying offsite and seem to imply that's a bad thing. Maybe they want to stay offsite. I wouldn't stay onsite if it were free...seriously. No way. It would be a total deal breaker. Offsite is the only way to go for us. True story...in our approx. 15 prior trips, we've stayed offsite each and every time. This past summer, we thought we'd surprise the kids and try one night onsite. We booked the Dolphin, and it was free through my credit card reward program. We had fun for a few hours, but by 7pm, we all decided to just leave and go back to our rental house.

You also say "so they could cook (?)". What's wrong with that? We bring all of our food into WDW, and wouldn't have it any other way. Just like staying onsite would be a deal breaker for us, so would having to eat at WDW restaurants. And we don't spend hours slaving over a hot stove, we actually have it well organized that food prep time is insanely small. We do buy treats for the kids or ourselves sometimes...but in a 17 day trip, we'll actually buy a full meal in a restaurant maybe twice.

Years ago, before FP+, we went down without tickets. We bought them when we got there. We also had zero plans as to what park we'd do on what day. We had a wonderful time each time. Now with FP+, we certainly make our 3 FP+ at 30 days out, but that's it. We do almost zero planning and change the few plans we do make pretty often. We're very much "wing it" people. Having a schedule (i.e. spreadsheet) would be another deal breaker for us. I fully agree that people going now should learn MDE and FP+, but all isn't lost if they don't do so ahead of time. Still very possible to do it after you get there.

I hate crowds normally too. I will go out of my way to avoid them in other places. But at WDW, they don't bother me one bit. We've gone on 4th of July (many times), Thanksgiving, Xmas, NYE. Had a wonderful time.

I don't mean at all to sound harsh. They may go and have a miserable time, because I can see how that may happen. My only point is that depending on their particular style, maybe they won't. The things they are doing may be what works for them.

 

[Asellus]

I don't see the point of pushing dining reservations on them either. There will be a restaurant or two they can get into when they are there. Sure, it's not going to be BoG or the Castle...but I'd imagine there will be some.

I've never stayed on site and will only be staying on site because we won't have a car this trip. Last trip, we stayed at the Mariotte Grande Vista for half the cost of a value (that was a 2 bdrm villa)...having a sister working in the hotel industry really pays off for travel but it also makes it hard to justify on site. I'll miss my balcony this time because I don't think we can manage the cost of a deluxe.

(I don't make reservations when I'm going to Disney....I don't want to take that much time out of my day for a meal.....If I want a nice sit down meal, I'll have it when I get home at a local restaurant)

 

[Hikergirl]

Maybe they just don't want your help. Maybe they want to find out things for themselves.
I have a family member who has been to WDW a ton and when we planned our first trip I asked about a few things.
It wasn't personal against them that I didn't ask them to plan for me, it just isn't how I do things.


If you feel the need to help people plan a WDW vacation you should become a travel agent. That way people who want your help will come to you for it and you can earn money to take more WDW vacations yourself!

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I prefer people don't ask me to help them with their WDW plans since 99% of people don't vacation to WDW the way I do. So my advice would be pointless. Most people I know stay offsite in a condo or house, do an Orlando based trip so they don't even know which day they'll hit a Disney park, only go to MK and maybe Epcot or on of the other parks, don't make ADR's, they usually cook, book FP+ the day before or day of, drive, sometimes buy tickets when they drive up to the park, etc. And you know what......they all have a GREAT time!! They never ask me for advice but they always seem to enjoy themselves.

I did have one coworker ask me to help her. I helped with which rides to pick for FP+ based on her girls ages and which ADR's I thought her girls would enjoy. That's all she asked me about and that's all I helped her with. She did the Poly for a week (I did refer her to my TA who does exclusive deals) with DDP and park tickets. She also had an awesome time!

My son just went on his senior trip and got his tickets 30 days before. He booked no FP+ until he got there even after I tried to persuade him to do so. He wanted to book with his friends once they were there and decided which park they would go to. He didn't ask me for any advice and that was perfectly fine!!! The only tidbit I gave him was to try and get additional FP+ after he used the first 3. That amazed him and really saved him and the group he toured with. And he still had a GREAT time!

Not everyone needs to vacation like you to enjoy themselves and get value out of their trip.

 

[ajwolfe]

I've had lots of friends and families ask for advice when booking their trips; I always just leave it at a simple if you want help let me know and let them decide how much help they want or need.

I don't mean it to sound snarky at all, but I feel like in a lot of these situations people don't want someone lecturing them or being high and mighty about how they should take their vacations. Everyone vacations differently so it's hard to say what works for one family will work another. Like the above pp who says they cook every meal in a rental house - UGH sounds awful to me - vacation isn't about cooking to me it's about relaxing, having fun and letting someone else do all that work.

 

[happymommy]

My reference to cooking was that when my MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL took their 2 little girls, they flew and only went for a weekend trip. Not sure when they would factor in time to cook.

I have cooked on lots of vacations, but for only a weekend I'd just wing it.

I'm guessing my other BIL and SIL that are going soon will just go to MK, and buy their ticket at the gate. I'm sure they will have an okay time, but after he had asked me multiple times for help, I just felt bad that I could have offered some advice.

They are likely staying off site due to being frugal (although they are very wealthy, like their house cost $1M+). I find for a first trip, letting Disney do the driving helps immensely, so would have suggested that rather than getting a rental car.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My reference to cooking was that when my MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL took their 2 little girls, they flew and only went for a weekend trip. Not sure when they would factor in time to cook.

I have cooked on lots of vacations, but for only a weekend I'd just wing it.

I'm guessing my other BIL and SIL that are going soon will just go to MK, and buy their ticket at the gate. I'm sure they will have an okay time, but after he had asked me multiple times for help, I just felt bad that I could have offered some advice.

They are likely staying off site due to being frugal (although they are very wealthy, like their house cost $1M+). I find for a first trip, letting Disney do the driving helps immensely, so would have suggested that rather than getting a rental car.

You stay wealthy by being frugal! lol

 

[KenHutch]

I help people at my temple and my god daughters school for the exact reasons you mentioned. Years ago I was talking with some friends at temple and the wife said to me how did you have so much fun staying at that little hotel (French Quarter) and we didn't at CL Grand Floridian. Well I talked to her and found out her better half didn't believe in getting to the parks before 11:00. He wasn't going to pay for fast passes and claimed that GF told him staying there meant they could eat anywhere. They had the deluxe plan and the only TS they got was Tony's and Hollywood & Vine. Her husband swears to this day he is going to get even with me. She let me plan their next trip and I made her ADR's and this was in the day of paper fast passes. I explained rope drop and what to do. Her husband hated the experience. Her and the kids are now regular visitors. You can with a little luck teach people.

 

[Tigger in a kilt]

I have a good friend who is a DVC member and I didn’t tell her until after we booked our upcoming (first) trip because I didn’t want to impose on her. It wasn’t until after we made the booking and I started researching everything that I realised there is a huge group of people who enjoy planning Disney trips! She was quite frustrated that I didn’t get her advice, but I honestly just didn’t want to impose on her kindness.

I hope your family has a nice trip.

 

[Hikergirl]

I have a good friend who is a DVC member and I didn’t tell her until after we booked our upcoming (first) trip because I didn’t want to impose on her. It wasn’t until after we made the booking and I started researching everything that I realised there is a huge group of people who enjoy planning Disney trips! She was quite frustrated that I didn’t get her advice, but I honestly just didn’t want to impose on her kindness.

I hope your family has a nice trip.

I honestly don't understand why people would be frustrated because someone didn't ask them for advice about a WDW trip.
I get the idea of wanting to help someone, but if they don't ask (for whatever reasons) and you get frustrated it kind of comes across like you only wanted to help to show someone just how much you know.

 

[Tigger in a kilt]

I honestly don't understand why people would be frustrated because someone didn't ask them for advice about a WDW trip.
I get the idea of wanting to help someone, but if they don't ask (for whatever reasons) and you get frustrated it kind of comes across like you only wanted to help to show someone just how much you know.

I understand what you are saying, but I think in this case she was frustrated because I was stressed and she knew that she could have helped me, had I asked her. We have travelled all over the world and I have never needed hand-holding before, but WDW is unnecessarily complicated, something I didn’t know and she did. In retrospect I would have given her my credit card and let her sort out the entire thing for me!