How fast it all changed.

[flyingdumbo127]

I echo admiration for you, Rodeo. You have indeed shown so much grace and compassion. God Bless you.

 

[maxaroni]

Rodeo, what an amazing woman you are. You are full of grace, compassion, strength and love for your husband. You did the right thing and so glad that you had a friend with you, as well as the backing from the facility.

My mom would lift her arm like she was going to scratch her nose but wouldn’t quite get there and her arm would drop down. That was the day before she passed.

It sounds like you are nearing the end of the journey with your beloved husband. I am so sorry. (HUGS)

 

[MinnieTink]

Praying for strength and peace for you and your family.

 

[manning]

So, confrontation occurred and I navigated the best I could. One of my girlfriends was able to be there for the day with me - my brother was picking his wife up at the airport this morning. The director had spoken with me when I first got there and said she knew DH's wishes were also not to be seen as he is now and that was the primary concern. When MIL and BIL arrived around 11am (which meant they had to be up and on the road around 7, I was in the great room with my friend. They were told at the door that DH's wishes were no visitors, but invited to come in and have a cup of tea or coffee and be in the same space. That was not acceptable so BIL returned to the car at that point but MIL insisted on speaking with me. She is nothing if not determined.

They asked me if I'd speak to her and I agreed. She came over and immediately began with the emotional drama, which was exactly what I didn't want happening over his bed. I said I was sorry but he did not want any visitors and I was going to ensure his wishes were respected. Respect was not a value in his family, so that didn't compute. She tried multiple ways to make me change my mind. I said it wasn't about my choice, it was his. The director backed me and reiterated that to her. She was not willing to hear it. She said just tell me if I'm going to get to see my son and I said I'm sorry, but no. She stood up and said she thought as I mother I'd understand. I said I did understand but that didn't change the fact that I was his wife and standing for his wishes when he no longer could. I said again, this isn't my choice and she said "Yes, I'm afraid it is." and left sobbing. So yes, some guilt, but also I know I did as he wanted. If I were in her position, I'd have never let pride and judgement destroy my relationship with my son for all these decades. Her decisions were hers, now I carried out his.

For those who have mentioned reconciliation - for the children. That is not an option. The kids don't know them, met them maybe twice in their lives - DH's insistence and so long ago now they don't remember. I won't get into all the details as to why other than to say, it's not an option.

Some changes in DH this afternoon. Some congestion and chest rattle. A few pauses in his regular rhythm. RN said small changes have begun so I guess...time is now my enemy. Heading back to the hospice with DD.

You are a brave woman!! You did the right thing, you followed his wishes. I believe in life after death. My mother died 8 hours after I was born. She said "he is going to have a life." I cannot count the close calls I've had and survived.

I am convinced she is my guardian angle and watching over me.

I believe he will be watching over you and the children.

I lost several people close to me. One an aunt who helped raise me. She died from pancreatic cancer. I had mixed emotions, sad and relieved she was finally at rest.

Grieve and you should, but eventually go on with life. Your husband would want you too.

God bless

 

[rodeo65]

Broken.

But so, so proud of my girl. She hadn't seen DH in a couple of days. I tried to prepare her. It was so devastating to watch her take everything in. I told him she was there. His eyes fluttered a bit, hands waved around some. That was so unbelievably hard for her. She cried but stayed, watched. Texted me from across the room and said she wanted time alone with him. Time to say things she needed to, but couldn't do it then. Said she didn't want to "MIL's name all over him" so she will prepare herself tonight and say what she needs to tomorrow. I've explained the sounds she may hear, the images she will have. She is still intent on being present until the very end.

I'm no less proud of DS. He's taken the time to think about what he really wants as his last memories. He has decided not to see DH again and remember him as interactive - their final visit was last Wednesday. He said he will be there in the building on the off chance that he changes his mind at the end, but really just doesn't want to be home alone when it happens.

We're home now to let the dogs out / get a little sleep. They know to call if any changes signal time is short and that it is so important to DD to be there.
Oh no, the hospice just called. We're heading back.

 

[SirDuff]

Broken.

But so, so proud of my girl. She hadn't seen DH in a couple of days. I tried to prepare her. It was so devastating to watch her take everything in. I told him she was there. His eyes fluttered a bit, hands waved around some. That was so unbelievably hard for her. She cried but stayed, watched. Texted me from across the room and said she wanted time alone with him. Time to say things she needed to, but couldn't do it then. Said she didn't want to "MIL's name all over him" so she will prepare herself tonight and say what she needs to tomorrow. I've explained the sounds she may hear, the images she will have. She is still intent on being present until the very end.

I'm no less proud of DS. He's taken the time to think about what he really wants as his last memories. He has decided not to see DH again and remember him as interactive - their final visit was last Wednesday. He said he will be there in the building on the off chance that he changes his mind at the end, but really just doesn't want to be home alone when it happens.

We're home now to let the dogs out / get a little sleep. They know to call if any changes signal time is short and that it is so important to DD to be there.
Oh no, the hospice just called. We're heading back.

You can see your strength in your children.

Gutted by your last line. My thoughts go with you.

 

[Mickeynutty]

Praying now.

 

[Neesy228]

My thoughts are with you and your children...wishing you peace and strength.

 

[novajeanjellybean]

Ive been following along and your family is in my prayers.

 

[nancygirl1]

May the Lord be with all of you at this time...

 

[bethy]

Lifting you and your precious family up in prayer at this time.

 

[Vicki926]

Broken.

But so, so proud of my girl. She hadn't seen DH in a couple of days. I tried to prepare her. It was so devastating to watch her take everything in. I told him she was there. His eyes fluttered a bit, hands waved around some. That was so unbelievably hard for her. She cried but stayed, watched. Texted me from across the room and said she wanted time alone with him. Time to say things she needed to, but couldn't do it then. Said she didn't want to "MIL's name all over him" so she will prepare herself tonight and say what she needs to tomorrow. I've explained the sounds she may hear, the images she will have. She is still intent on being present until the very end.

I'm no less proud of DS. He's taken the time to think about what he really wants as his last memories. He has decided not to see DH again and remember him as interactive - their final visit was last Wednesday. He said he will be there in the building on the off chance that he changes his mind at the end, but really just doesn't want to be home alone when it happens.

We're home now to let the dogs out / get a little sleep. They know to call if any changes signal time is short and that it is so important to DD to be there.
Oh no, the hospice just called. We're heading back.

I know as a mom, having to see your children go through this is probably the worst part of this whole horrible situation. I’m just devastated for your family. Please know you are being thought of and prayed for so often by so many.

 

[kimblebee]

I have a huge lump in my throat.

I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

 

[Planogirl]

I'm thinking of you. Blessings to you and your kids.

 

[Bella Paige]

I know these moments Rodeo - I just lived through them. My heart is heavy for you tonight for I know too well what lies in the coming hours.
I know that there's little I can do from afar but tonight I pray for peaceful moments with your husband, a chance for your daughter to say every word that weighs on her mind, and a calm night for your dear husband.
I know this is your worst nightmare come true and I'm so very sorry. I'm sure your husband is so thankful that you made sure his wishes were respected even when it meant a difficult confrontation for you.
Praying for peace tonight.

 

[OhhBother]

Praying for peace, comfort and God's arms wrapped tightly around your family.

 

[Wendy31]

Praying right now for strength & peace & comfort for you & your daughter & your son & that you each will feel His presence with you.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

My heart is heavy for you and your family. May your husband find peace having you and your children nearby tonight.

 

[fhtpdw20]

Praying for that period of wakeful lucidness that comes just before the final end. DH had been sleeping 23 hours a day, but the day before he died, he was awake and restless for a whole day. I hope you all find the closure you need. I know your life celebration will be a loving tribute that even the in-laws (outlaws) can't spoil. God be with you all.

 

[rodeo65]

At Rest. And our protector until the end.

Everything we thought we were planning for didn't happen. They called at 12:09 to say his breathing had changed - had become very rapid and laboured. The nurse still thought he had until morning but because I had stressed DD wanted to be there she thought it best to call. We got up and ready and arrived at the hospice at 12:34. He had taken his last breath while we were driving there. The nurses had freshened him up while we were coming and told him we were on our way. He had other plans. He waited until after midnight - until dad's birthday was over, but didn't let us witness his distress.

DD didn't get to have her last words while he was alive. Both kids wanted to see him. I asked DS if he was sure - it would be very unsettling as he hadn't seen him in a week. He did. I told DD his spirit would still be there for a time after his passing. She could still say what she needed to say. So she did. She asked for time alone and said what she had planned to say. Then DS went in and spoke with him also. We all sat with him after that. The nurse brought us each a butterfly ornament with a poem / saying attached and DS decided he wanted DH to touch his. He actually moved his hand up and placed the ornament under his hand for a while. DD asked me to do the same with hers. We took a picture of just his hands holding the butterflies.

In the end it was the one who didn't want to see his dad in his final moments, didn't want to see what he looked like at the end, who didn't want to leave. He asked for private moments several more times, DD asked for one last moment also. In all we spent about 90 minutes with him at peace. I'm so proud of my kids for doing what they needed, taking the time to allow themselves closure.

35 days that changed our lives and who each of us are, forever.