Principal called police because our 9 year old rode his bike alone

[cedricandsophie]

I’m just getting caught up with all the notes. And what I am stating here might have already been addressEd.

I too have been through the special Ed system for our daughter who has Down syndrome which of course is a totally different situation. And my husband is a lawyer so we always had legal representation. I would just offer a couple thoughts. We were eligible for a variety of special Ed programs including speech therapy, but the therapy was only 20 min a week because That’s all the school was required to provide. We had a private speech therapist that our daughter had seen for years. She always came to our IEP meetings Both to inform them on what she was doing and the progress she had seen and also be our advocate for our daughter. Of course we paid for her time for prep and for attendance. If you can afford it and haven’t already done it, I highly recommend private therapy on top of what the school provides. again, I’m sorry if you are already doing this since I haven’t read each note in detail.

We were also very lucky to have one incredible teacher who understand our daughter and her needs and developed wonderful approaches designed to make her as successful as possible.

you have mentioned the corrupt nature of the school system, which obviously puts you in an antagonistic position immediately. My experience did not highlight the corrupt nature of the system but the fact that resources are very limited and for the most part, these people had my daughters best interests in mind while dealing within the limits of their system And what they were rewarded for. Personally I believe most civil servants and teachers want to do a good job but have so many obstacles to hurdle. Often it’s helpful to try to see their perspective and put yourself in their shoes. While every parent with a special kid wants to fight for his or her needs to the death, I quickly found ways, during my journey through the special Ed system, to try to collaborate rather an argue. My husband could be the bad cop and I played the good cop. That approach combined with a friendly smile to start each meeting did prove useful occasionally.

my grandson was also having issues in grade school. he and our daughter were living with us at the time. He was having significant anxiety when asked to read, doing multiplication tables, etc. the school kept saying he was fine, because obviously they were not interested in testing him because then they would have to do something. We sent him to a private neuropsychologist who did extensive testing and came up with several diagnosis for learning deficiencies that explained so many things. Nothing bad when taken individually but when combin Ed they were making his life and school experience miserable. We gave the report to the school, along with the recommendations from the psychologist and the school quickly developed programs to help him adapt and become more successful. We also hired a private tutor that was with him from grade school through high school, attending IEP meetings and was a true advocate for him.

obviously we are blessed to have the financial resources to do all this, but I thought I would pass these ideas along. And if I am being preachy, I apologize. So many of us have fought long and hard for our kids and we have each developed approaches that work best for us.
Good luck.

 

[DVCcurious]

This will probably be the final update because there's not much else to say, although I'll probably give you the results of CPS

CPS: We hired an attorney and put down a $3,500 retainer. He's taking it from here.

Special ed: I had to go back and request services. I am going to go to the meeting and say very little because:

Neuro psycologist - We are taking our son to a neuro psychologist who can test for autism, dyslexia, adhd, and other stuff I think. It's like 15 hours of testing over a couple weeks.

It will take special ed like 6 weeks to do their testing and prepare the IEP. The Nero psychologist will be finished at that point and HE will represent me at the meeting rather than an attorney. He has agreed to do that.

Moving: we are looking at houses this weekend. We are going to have a fresh start with another district.

 

[DLgal]

This will probably be the final update because there's not much else to say, although I'll probably give you the results of CPS

CPS: We hired an attorney and put down a $3,500 retainer. He's taking it from here.

Special ed: I had to go back and request services. I am going to go to the meeting and say very little because:

Neuro psycologist - We are taking our son to a neuro psychologist who can test for autism, dyslexia, adhd, and other stuff I think. It's like 15 hours of testing over a couple weeks.

It will take special ed like 6 weeks to do their testing and prepare the IEP. The Nero psychologist will be finished at that point and HE will represent me at the meeting rather than an attorney. He has agreed to do that.

Moving: we are looking at houses this weekend. We are going to have a fresh start with another district.

The neuropsychologist testing is a great plan. You are doing the right thing with that.

Just know that the school district can choose to reject any outside testing, in terms of the services they provide your child. They will base those decisions on their own evaluations of educational need. The report from the neuropsychologist might be welcomed by them, but it might not. Districts handle that differently, from my experience. Ours here, for example, will not even look at them, but they do very comprehensive testing here that is honestly just as thorough, if not more so. The reports I get from the triennial evaluations are each about 70 pages long.

Think of the neuropsychologist testing as something for your own personal records and knowledge.

In addition, just one note based on something you have said a few times. "Least restrictive environment" doesn't mean what you think it does. It does NOT mean that a mainstream class with peers is the least restrictive and a self contained class is the most restrictive. What it actually means is how much does the placement itself restrict your child's ability to access the general education curriculum with supports. For many children, a typical classroom with 25-30 students and no aide is actually the most restrictive environment, whereas a smaller class with maybe 8-12 students, a teacher and several aides that can provide direct assistance and small group instruction is the least restrictive, as it allows a child to get the help he needs without the interference of the noise and chaos and the lack of 1:1 help in a larger class with just one teacher. A middle ground would be a mainstream class WITH a full time 1:1 aide, with pull out services for academic areas where your child is off grade level and needs additional help to catch up. There are levels. Be aware of this. It trips people up all the time, even lawyers have argued over this terminology with no clear way to define it. It is important to understand that.

In the end, if your child is 2 years behind grade level in certain subjects (as you stated earlier), your argument to keep him in a mainstream class full time won't go very far. In that situation, the teacher cannot be expected to provide a modified curriculum for just your child, and she/he cannot spend 15 minutes working 1:1 with your son to help him, as that becomes unfair to every other student. And you need to also be aware that without intensive interventions, he will never just "catch up" to grade level. The chasm will simply get larger and larger and by the time he gets to high school, if he can't access the general education curriculum and take grade level courses, he will not be eligible to graduate with a diploma. I would urge you to accept as much assistance as you can get at this stage in life, and make your ultimate goal for your child to be ON GRADE LEVEL in all subject areas. Dont worry so much about the actual placement. Make them write the IEP to reflect these goals. If he is behind in math, for example, make them write specific, measurable and actionable goals to get him caught up. I know you are moving, and the new district will do their own evaluations and write their own IEP eventually, but by law they have to accept the one you show up with and can use it for up to one year, so make sure it is a strong one.

And when you finally do move, and you meet the new team at the new school, don't be the parent they expect to meet. Be a collaborator. Work with them. Be firm and persistent, but do it with a smile on your face. A genuine smile. Make them WANT to work with you and help your child. In the end, that is what is important here. I have had amazing relationships with all the IEP team members in our district over the years. I don't go in guns blazing. I don't bring lawyers. I dress casually. I have a sense of humor about my life and my kids special needs and I genuinely want to be a partner with the teachers, administrators, therapists, psychologists, etc. By this point, over 30 IEP meetings under my belt, I have a good reputation and all my meetings are pleasant and productive affairs. I've been challenged a couple times and I have calmly but firmly argued my position and provided supportive arguments and evidence and have gotten my way each time. It doesn't have to be contentious, ever. No one is out to get your child, and the sooner you realize that, the better. It is a good thing you are leaving this district and I hope a fresh start will be good for everyone.

 

[Tigerlulu]

I wish you the very best in this. I know how hard these decisions you are facing are. I know many school districts don’t actually have the best interest of the child at heart like they should and that’s frustrating. Education at the district level and above is still a business full of money and it shouldn’t be that way. I hope your new school is welcoming and you escape the reaches of the district and cps you are dealing with now. Please update us.

 

[DVCcurious]

Here's another update

Neuro-psychologist: The psychologist did three rounds of investigation. First he met with our son and performed a ton of tests on him. That took about six hours. Then he met with us and asked us 1001 questions about our son's behavior, likes/dislikes, development, etc. Then he did another 3 hours of testing with our son. Our son does not have ASD or any other neurological thing. The psychologist doesn't know what the big deal is. He says our son is just an intellectual introvert. He also said that our son is extremely stubborn and gets bored with the testing and was intentionally giving incorrect answers and the psychologist said normally the test instructions tell you to stop but he pushed through and kept questioning my son to get to what he really knows. He said many less-skilled professionals would only go by the book and not actually dig in to see what's going on inside my son's head.

Special Education meeting: So I had to request services due to the CPS threat. They are doing their pre-screening now and then they are going to finish reviewing the neuro-psychologists report. I'm going to pay the doctor $300 to join the call to explain his point of view to the CSE team. Our attorney said he doesn't need to be on the call but he did tell me to provide the list of services our son is getting from Huntington Learning Center to the CSE team before the meeting and then tell them at the meeting that I'm not agreeing to any services through the school but I'm using their recommendations to make sure our son has everything covered. If he's not getting a service by the learning center we can look for it privately. He said DO NOT agree to anything with the school. He also has never heard of an educational neglect CPS investigation because parents refuse school services and get them privately so he doesn't think we should worry about it.

Bike Riding report: The CPS people are stonewalling my attorney. He still hasn't gotten their official complaint yet. They only sent him copies of the letter that we were indicated for lack of supervision. We have 30 days left to file our appeal. He is writing something but wants to wait until later and then he's going to include in the appeal that CPS did not provide us or our attorney with the complaint against us and therefore the indicated finding should be overturned as we can not properly defend ourselves if we don't have the actual complaint. He said if he sends our appeal too soon CPS could argue they didn't have time to respond, but if he waits 55 days then they can't really use that excuse. He thinks there's a strong chance this will be overturned on appeal and CPS are just being jerks to us.

Moving: we are still planning on moving. Our attorney said not to tell the school anything, don't mention us moving at the CSE meeting, don't tell the teacher, don't tell anyone. He said once we've moved we should contact the new district and ask them to inform our old school that our kids will not be attending for the 2021-2022 school year as we have moved to this new district.

 

[kenchilada]

Moving: we are still planning on moving.

The more of your thread I read, the more I kept thinking I would move. Glad to hear it.

We are homeschoolers partly to avoid exactly this sort of thing. Education has become a huge greedy self-serving self-indulgent administrative monster of an industry. Kudos to you for fighting so hard to shield your son from these people.

 

[DVCcurious]

I attended the special education meeting Monday. I had a pre-written 3 page statement which summarized everything they've done to us (I left out the child abuse, I only included things I can prove). It stated that in April CPS "strongly encouraged" us to contact the school. That I did so under coercion, that I did not reach out to the school of my own free will, and that I felt threatened by the CPS call. It also stated that we took our son to two experts (who I named and gave the website address and qualifications) who told us a restricted classroom would be detrimental to his development. We had agreed to services with the school as long as our son remained in a general education classroom. That they've asked us repeatedly to put him in a restricted class, and that in June 2020 they lied on a form and tried to change his placement without our consent. It stated that I'm May 2021 I had asked the school for a letter stating that if we agree to some special education services they will not change his placement without our expressed, written consent. The school district refused to provide that statement. Finally it stated that we are getting private services for our son and we expect the district to follow the law and allow us to get private services without reporting us for neglect. I did this so if they go to CPS I can just give CPS my statement and argue that I'm willing to work with the school as long as the school puts my son in a general ed class which is what my experts said he needed.

Sure enough the school's opening statement was that the parents reached out to them requesting services. They didn't mention it was in reaction to their CPS complaint. Then everyone went around and told me what my son needed (special ed teacher's help, speech therapy). They said he'd have a speech/language impairment classification. This is all stuff we totally agree with. Then near the end the leader asked me 6 times over 20 minutes if I will agree to put my son in a restricted class. I calmly said "As I've said repeatedly since 2017, we took our son to two experts who told us that such a placement would be detrimental to his development. We will never agree to that. Why don't we go back to his arrangement from the 2017-2020 school years?" Then she'd say "I want to understand what you have against this placement. I don't think you understand what I'm offering. It would be so much better for him" and I'd be like "Our experts told us that the school would try to change his placement and that we have to refuse and keep our son in a general ed class". Repeat this for 20 minutes.

I had told the meeting organizer I had a statement for the end of the meeting so the leader is like "would you like to read your statement?" and I said "I can't read my statement until you make your recommendation because it includes my response to your recommendation". Sure enough....she recommended putting our son in the restricted class! Even after we filed the due process complaint when they tried to force this on us last year, even after she had just spent 20 minutes asking me if I'd accept it and me repeatedly saying no. These people are crazy. Of course I knew that's what they'd recommend so my statement addressed that the restricted class would be detrimental to my son's development.

So I read my statement and then I emailed it to them. We'll see what happens next with CPS.

 

[DVCcurious]

We moved over the summer to a new school. My son is getting pretty good test scores. At the very beginning of the school year I told the teacher that we would NEVER agree to special ed services and explained what happened to us. Well they pushed it a few times and I just kept saying, "get your attorney to send us a signed letter stating that the district won't change his placement without our expressed written consent and then we will consider services."

We have filed a complaint against his last teacher for failure to report abuse. By law a mandated reporter must report when they are told of possible abuse. We told that teacher he was abused and she never reported it. Hopefully we can get her put on probation. But our lawyer says nothing will happen.

Speaking of which: we are guilty of child abuse and are on the New York State register of abusers. We lost our appeal. We could have had a hearing but our attorney said that we could only present our case we can not cross examine the state's witnesses. See, it's a CPS case so the state's witnesses are anonymous. So I can't ask the principal "what evidence do you have our son is autistic" because the principal doesn't need to testify. The whole system is rigged.

Last night was the parent teacher conference with the new school. John has been acting out. When they come over and try to work with him at his desk he'll get up and walk away. He says things like "Am I in trouble", "Am I doing bad in school", "Are you going to send me to the baby class", etc. I just lost it and went off on the teacher. I told her that she knows he's been abused because I told her that when school started. I told her that no one will help us and that the previous school reported us to CPS as retaliation. I told her this is exactly what's going on in Virginia, a girl gets raped, the school denies it happened and then arrests the father when he makes a scene. I said the school system is like the police or the Catholic Church and when there's an abuser they all work together to cover for the abuser. I said "the next time you're watching the news and you see that abuse has been going on at a school for years and no one did anything you know why, because YOU are part of the problem". I told her that by law she's required to report the abuse that we've told her about. She asked if we've taken John to a therapist. I told her we called 6 and all had the same response "we refuse to get involved in abuse at school because then we have to report it and we will be blacklisted by the school districts in the area". Finally she told me to write down the name of his abuser so I gave her the name and the school. Then she asked for an example of abuse and I said "do you really want to go down the rabbit hole". She said "I don't, but I will if I have to". I told her about 5 things John told me, then I asked if she wanted the full report and she said "fine". So this morning we are sending the child abuse claim to her so she can report exactly what happened to our son.

 

[quandrea]

The attorney should be there to do your talking. At this point, anything you have done has dug your hole further, rightly or wrongly.

The nice thing about an attorney talking is the hole can't get bigger, it can only get smaller, b/c nothing the attorney says can be attributed directly to you. In fact, if I was at the meeting, I would say my attorney was going to do all the talking and I was gonna be the listener and to have the school proceed.

I do wish you luck OP. I know you're moving. If it were me, I'd have moved out of state, b/c that would end this, particularly if you went private or homeschooled in the fall - once you're another state's problem, your 1st state stops caring.

And I would tell you that the system has square holes they want everyone to fit in. It is enormous and runs as an assembly line. You want your child to stay a circle in that line, so of course, the system will do what it can to reject the circle and force it back to a square. If you keep staying in that system, this is gonna keep happening and piss the system off more.

And I know you keep rejecting it, but homeschooling is where many, many special needs kids and "weird" kids who didn't fit into the system comes to rest. Some get there b/c they don't get services, some get there b/c the services they get suck, some get there b/c their mental health needs it after always being labeled the "bad" kid or the "strange" kid, and some get there b/c their parents don't want to hold them academically behind, so they work on their other needs in gentle, 1-on-1 ways while allowing them to excel academically. If you get this current issue settled and you want to keep your child from the state's decision on your son's needs, you'll want to take back your right to personally educate your child, which right now you have given to the state.

I’m a special education teacher by profession. I’ve always said that if ever one of my children presented with an exceptional need of any kind, that my first act would be to remove my child from the public education system. It’s broken. I’m in Canada, but your experience sounds much like something that would happen here. I have no confidence in it. Homeschooling or private education would be my way forward.

 

[AZMermaid]

It makes me sad that you went to the new school on the defensive vs trying for a fresh start. It sounds like she’s trying to be honest with you about his troubles and fears (baby school etc) and in your own words “you lost it on her.” I hope she continues to be open with you about how he's doing, but I think she will be afraid of being attacked again.

 

[DLgal]

Here we go again. This poor kid...

 

[DVCcurious]

Just got off the phone with the new principal.

She asked if we've already reported the abuse. I told her of course we reported it to everybody (school, police, pediatrician, ER social worker, CPS). She then said there was nothing they could do in regards to the abuse, if it's already been reported they're not supposed to report it again.

She said she talked individually to his teacher and then to his speech therapist (they do speech therapy in class since I refuse to let them remove him from the classroom but I allowed it if it was in the classroom) this morning. Both the teacher and the speech therapist say John shows signs of an abused child and that our story is plausible. So she asked if we've taken John to a therapist. I said we called 6 and they all refused because they didn't want to get involved with a school issue. So she's going to have her school psychologist call some therapists in the area and see if one will agree to see John. She said we may have to sign a waiver with the therapist saying that we can't call them as a witness in a trial (if we sue the school district, for example). She said their fear is probably not having to report it but instead it's being called as a witness in a civil suit.

So we'll see where this goes from here. Maybe we will actually be able to get him some therapy.

 

[AZMermaid]

It sounds like you are in a great school/classroom. I hope you feel better and can have a positive partnership with the school.

 

[DVCcurious]

It sounds like you are in a great school/classroom. I hope you feel better and can have a positive partnership with the school.

Thank you for that. After we were reported to CPS in March through about mid-September after we'd moved and school had started and seemed to be doing well I had very high anxiety. I never slept through the night, I had a racing heart, etc. I got a physical in June and my doctor told me I had very high blood pressure and wanted to put me on medicine (I'm 45 year old man). I told him about the school issue and that it was stress related and that I wanted to wait until after my next physical in 2022 to see if the blood pressure is resolved naturally by decreasing stress.

I'll tell you the real problem is this:

My son was abused. And no one cares. And no one will do anything about it. And we are on the child abuse registry because we reported the abuse.

That is impossibly difficult to deal with.

So, yes, when the new teacher begins the parent-teacher conference by criticizing my abused son's behavior I'm going to get pissed. Have some freaking empathy for him and what's he's gone through.

Teachers say they care about children. The truth is when the rubber meets the road nobody cares.

 

[AZMermaid]

I see it differently. I see it as she did care enough to talk with you about it and share what she is seeing. It’s not easy to have those conversations and she was honest with you. Obviously you know the tone in which it was delivered, but there’s nerves there too on her side. She knows this is a trigger point but approached the subject anyway. Good for her for being honest and trying to help him (by telling you).

It is awful that you guys got put on the registry. It does feel like the old school was being retaliatory. But if you reported the abuse, they investigated, and it’s not currently happening anymore, the new school has no further obligation. The danger has passed. If you had gone in and said his Grandma beat him when he was 4 but we moved away because CPS found her innocent. Please watch out for these behaviors stemming from that time, the school would not report Grandma again. They would see you as good parents who removed him from the environment as you try to move forward. Yes, Grandma could be doing it to someone else, but unfortunately there’s nothing you could really do.

It seems like you have trauma from this too. Counseling may help. It can’t feel good to be angry all the time at something that happened in the past. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be angry, but a therapist may help you move forward as well.

 

[Disneyfan754321]

Please don't talk to any more government officials without a lawyer present. You are in the system now, with the official CPS complaint. You want ALL talking now done by your lawyer, no matter how "friendly" the government official seems.

I could not agree more.
As my issues are not the same as yours we to had CPS investigation due to a school complaint.
(Ours was our first grader son ate with his hands.)
The first thing I was told , dont talk to anyone and dont agree for any home or CPS office visits.

Our case went away as quick. We did move our child from that school it seemed as if they were grasping at straws because they lost. I'm sorry for all you have and are going through. I am really tired of they cant let kids be kids. Kids will do things in there own time. As long as they are healthy I say let them be.

 

[DVCcurious]

You are not on a child abuse registry because you reported abuse. You said yourself they cited you for abuse/neglect for failing to provide for your child's educational needs. The idea that reporting abuse puts the reporter on a child abuse registry is absurd.

we are on the registry because the school retaliated against us.

We are on the registry because we allowed our son to ride his bike alone. It has nothing to do with "educational needs". I mean for god's sake read the title of the thread!

How many kids ride their bike at that school on sunny afternoons? I'll tell you, it's like 30. How many of those kids has the principal called CPS on? One.

We are absolutely on the registry because we reported the school for abusing our son. The fact you would protect the school over an innocent abused child shows what type of person you really are.

You probably defend the superintendent in Virginia as well.

 

[DLgal]

we are on the registry because the school retaliated against us.

We are on the registry because we allowed our son to ride his bike alone. It has nothing to do with "educational needs".

How many kids ride their bike at that school on sunny afternoons? I'll tell you, it's like 30. How many of those kids has the principal called CPS on? One.

We are absolutely on the registry because we reported the school for abusing our son. The fact you would protect the school over an innocent abused child shows what type of person you really are.

You probably defend the superintendent in Virginia as well.

How many 9 year olds can't tell someone their name and address when asked? He should not have been riding his bike alone. He was a vulnerable child with special needs and you know it. I didn't let my children ride bikes alone at 9 because they could have easily gotten into situations they wouldn't know how to handle and didn't have the communication skills to be that independent. THAT is why you are on the registry. Neglect.

I am not protecting the school at all. And I don't support anything about Virginia either. My kids got subpar special education there and it left lasting impacts. My son was in a school where there was abuse happening and the principal sided with the abusive aide, so I know that happens. Thankfully, it wasn't happening in my son's classroom. However, the principal of that school was a witch and she demanded that the entire special education program be relocated out of that school because those students were "bringing down test scores." So, my son had to change schools after 3 years. We eventually left and moved back to where there was QUALITY special education. We will never step foot in that state voluntarily again. I am ALWAYS on a child's side. Always.

Stop pointing fingers and take some responsibility. The state/county doesn't have some conspiratorial agenda against you. Your child's NEW teacher has concerns. Listen to her. Forget about the old school and the ax you have to grind with them. Move forward and help your son.

 

[bookgirl]

Had a longer answer but honestly after reading this thread why talk to a brick wall.

Only person not wrong in this scenario is the kid, who deserves better from everyone in this situation.

 

[DVCcurious]

How many 9 year olds can't tell someone their name and address when asked?

Do you seriously teach your kids to talk to strangers? You want them telling a strange man their name and address? Because we've enforced a no talking policy to any adult that they don't know since birth. We have pounded that into them. I'm very proud that my son refused to tell a stranger his name and address. And you'll say "well the claim was it was a 14 year old girl so it wasn't an adult". Yeah, you got me there! My son should DEFINITELY tell strange teenagers his name and address! That sounds perfectly fine to me!

THIS WAS RETALIATION.

You are so obsessed with protecting the school you refuse to see the truth. And it's not just me. Schools use CPS to harass parents a lot:

https://hechingerreport.org/when-schools-use-child-protective-services-as-a-weapon-against-parents
"Fed up with what they see as obstinate parents who don’t agree to special education services for their child, or disruptive kids who make learning difficult, schools sometimes use the threat of a child-protection investigation to strong-arm parents into complying with the school’s wishes or transferring their children to a new school. That approach is not only improper, but it can be devastating for families, even if the allegations are ultimately determined to be unfounded."

Doesn't that quote sound pretty much what happened to me?