10 year old Aspergers son issues at school

[tiff1228]

I am new to this thread. My 10 year old son has Aspergers ( finally got a definite diagnosis in December 2009) We recently got him a 504 plan similar to an IEP. Just wondering if any of you would like to share any of the exceptions you have for your kids at school. School is hard for him socially, he is so unorganized. Last year he would do many of the assingments and just not turn them in so would get a "0" until we would see the missing assignments on his progress reports. Then I would either email the teacher or tell him to look in his desk and turn them in. His teacher last year would except them lat. He is going into 5th and it is only going to get harder. The teachers feel like the kids need to be resposible and not have to remind them to turn in their work, however I don't know if I should hold my son to this and fight this issue. I want him to do the best as much as he can on his own, but I am always willing to fight for him when I should. Any advice or comments are appreciated.

 

[2luvmickey]

OMG, this could be my son too! DS 19 was just diagnosed last year, and let me tell you, that diagnosis provided more understanding from the teachers.

Here are the requests I made for my son:

Sit near the front, but to the side to keep the anxiety level down.

He needs CONCISE instructions! Our son has executive function issues, it is difficult for him to organize. I let the teachers know that if he didn't turn in an assignment, it wasn't because he was lazy, he didn't understand the assignment.

Due to the Asperger's he is very quiet and reserved. He may not approach the teacher until he feels comfortable. We kept an open line of communication with the teachers on any questions or concerns. Teachers have to understand that these kids see things as black or white - no gray area. Unless the teachers ask for the homework, the kids won't turn it in. Sometimes the obvious goes right over their heads.

Instead of group work, can they work with one or two people only. Due to their social issues, this will work best.

Have color coded folders for each subject, all placed in a large binder. One side of the folder was for papers to keep, the other side for homework. Have him go through the folders at every weekend or so.

See if you can involve the speech therapist to help your child adjust socially. My son went to a camp at a university specifically for college bound students with Asperger's. It was run by the school's speech therapy department. No offense to school social workers, but they were no help to my son. (After I insisted on testing in the 7th grade, I was told he had "anger issues." Okay, why was he angry?).

Since second grade we have sought school and private help for our son. He had learned his own ways to adapt and figure out his way through school. It breaks my heart to know what he went through, but he had many kind (and a few not so kind) teachers along the way.

These children are high functioning ("smart") and teachers need to realize this. My son scored a 34 out of 36 on the vocabulary portion of his ACT and will be going off to college in two weeks, with the help of the Student Disability Services.

Be the best advocate for your child. Be kind to the teachers and they in turn will be kind to your son.

Children with Asperger's just view the world differently. I admire my son for his perseverance despite the challenges.

Good luck, and keep in contact.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My DS15 has Asperger's and we've been through all of the same issues. We found that an interested and understanding teacher was key to our son's success. When he was ready to switch teachers, we would discuss it at his IEP meeting and decide which one we thought would be best for him. In our school, elementary kids would have the same teacher for 2 years so he didn't have to have a brand new teacher every year. I would ask the teacher for a conference at the beginning of the year to discuss my son's issues and how he works best. I would keep an open dialogue with the teacher and pop in most days at pick-up time so the teacher could tell me about any major issues.

One thing that was really important was having printed instructions for each and every assignment. If the teacher verbally told the class to write a paragraph on the moon that was due tomorrow, my son would not write it down or he would get the details or due date wrong. His teachers knew to give him a written assignment sheet, even if it was just quickly hand-written. That was the only way he would get the correct assignment. I helped my son work out a system in his binder to put assignment sheets in one pocket and completed homework in another pocket. We clearly labeled the pockets to make it easier for him. If he didn't turn in an assignment, the teacher would remind him to check his homework pocket.

We also put in his IEP that he's allowed to type assignments in class and for homework. Writing is so hard for him and he'll often write a lot less if he has to do it by hand. When the teacher would let him use the computer, other kids would complain at first but they eventually accepted that he needed to use it.

At the suggestion of our psychologist, we set up a non-verbal system for teachers to use in class with our son. I printed and laminated a set of 3x5 cards with various warnings, reminders or praise. If my son was blurting things out when it wasn't his turn to talk, the teacher would drop a card on his desk with a reminder not to blurt. If my son was distracted and not doing his work, he would get a card reminding him to get back to work. If he quickly turned the behavior around, he would get a card congratulating him on pulling it together. This system saved the teacher from frequently having to stop and talk to my son and saved my son the embarassment of being singled-out all the time.

Having teachers who were willing to make adjustments for our son helped him to do relatively well in 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. When he started middle school, things changed a lot. We still had the IEP in place but our son suddenly had multiple teachers, each with different routines and rules. There were 35 kids per class and our son couldn't get the kind of attention he needed to be successful. The school district didn't have an appropriate special ed class for him so we lobbied for a placement in a private school with an Asperger's program. He just finished 8th grade at the school and will be starting his 9th grade year there in a few weeks. We will be looking at Aperger's programs in the high school district over the new few months and then slowly transitioning him back to public school. We're pretty sure he won't make it in a regular mainstream program just yet so we'll keep the special ed component for now.

Hope this helps give you some ideas for your son!

 

[tiff1228]

OMG, this could be my son too! DS 19 was just diagnosed last year, and let me tell you, that diagnosis provided more understanding from the teachers.

Here are the requests I made for my son:

Sit near the front, but to the side to keep the anxiety level down.

He needs CONCISE instructions! Our son has executive function issues, it is difficult for him to organize. I let the teachers know that if he didn't turn in an assignment, it wasn't because he was lazy, he didn't understand the assignment.

Due to the Asperger's he is very quiet and reserved. He may not approach the teacher until he feels comfortable. We kept an open line of communication with the teachers on any questions or concerns. Teachers have to understand that these kids see things as black or white - no gray area. Unless the teachers ask for the homework, the kids won't turn it in. Sometimes the obvious goes right over their heads.

Instead of group work, can they work with one or two people only. Due to their social issues, this will work best.

Have color coded folders for each subject, all placed in a large binder. One side of the folder was for papers to keep, the other side for homework. Have him go through the folders at every weekend or so.

See if you can involve the speech therapist to help your child adjust socially. My son went to a camp at a university specifically for college bound students with Asperger's. It was run by the school's speech therapy department. No offense to school social workers, but they were no help to my son. (After I insisted on testing in the 7th grade, I was told he had "anger issues." Okay, why was he angry?).

Since second grade we have sought school and private help for our son. He had learned his own ways to adapt and figure out his way through school. It breaks my heart to know what he went through, but he had many kind (and a few not so kind) teachers along the way.

These children are high functioning ("smart") and teachers need to realize this. My son scored a 34 out of 36 on the vocabulary portion of his ACT and will be going off to college in two weeks, with the help of the Student Disability Services.

Be the best advocate for your child. Be kind to the teachers and they in turn will be kind to your son.

Children with Asperger's just view the world differently. I admire my son for his perseverance despite the challenges.

Good luck, and keep in contact.

 

[tiff1228]

OMG, this could be my son too! DS 19 was just diagnosed last year, and let me tell you, that diagnosis provided more understanding from the teachers.

Here are the requests I made for my son:

Sit near the front, but to the side to keep the anxiety level down.

He needs CONCISE instructions! Our son has executive function issues, it is difficult for him to organize. I let the teachers know that if he didn't turn in an assignment, it wasn't because he was lazy, he didn't understand the assignment.

Due to the Asperger's he is very quiet and reserved. He may not approach the teacher until he feels comfortable. We kept an open line of communication with the teachers on any questions or concerns. Teachers have to understand that these kids see things as black or white - no gray area. Unless the teachers ask for the homework, the kids won't turn it in. Sometimes the obvious goes right over their heads.

Instead of group work, can they work with one or two people only. Due to their social issues, this will work best.

Have color coded folders for each subject, all placed in a large binder. One side of the folder was for papers to keep, the other side for homework. Have him go through the folders at every weekend or so.

See if you can involve the speech therapist to help your child adjust socially. My son went to a camp at a university specifically for college bound students with Asperger's. It was run by the school's speech therapy department. No offense to school social workers, but they were no help to my son. (After I insisted on testing in the 7th grade, I was told he had "anger issues." Okay, why was he angry?).

Since second grade we have sought school and private help for our son. He had learned his own ways to adapt and figure out his way through school. It breaks my heart to know what he went through, but he had many kind (and a few not so kind) teachers along the way.

These children are high functioning ("smart") and teachers need to realize this. My son scored a 34 out of 36 on the vocabulary portion of his ACT and will be going off to college in two weeks, with the help of the Student Disability Services.

Be the best advocate for your child. Be kind to the teachers and they in turn will be kind to your son.

Children with Asperger's just view the world differently. I admire my son for his perseverance despite the challenges.

Good luck, and keep in contact.

Thank you so much for your reply. I sometimes feel like I am the only one going through this. We live in a small town with not many resources, and not many diagnosed kids. It can feel overwhelming because I don't have things to compare with, and really I feel like the teachers he has had so far have had little or no experience with Autism. But hopefully each year they will get to know my son and maybe it can help them in the future if they should have a child in their class again diagnosed with Aspergers which will undoubtly happen.

 

[tiff1228]

My DS15 has Asperger's and we've been through all of the same issues. We found that an interested and understanding teacher was key to our son's success. When he was ready to switch teachers, we would discuss it at his IEP meeting and decide which one we thought would be best for him. In our school, elementary kids would have the same teacher for 2 years so he didn't have to have a brand new teacher every year. I would ask the teacher for a conference at the beginning of the year to discuss my son's issues and how he works best. I would keep an open dialogue with the teacher and pop in most days at pick-up time so the teacher could tell me about any major issues.

One thing that was really important was having printed instructions for each and every assignment. If the teacher verbally told the class to write a paragraph on the moon that was due tomorrow, my son would not write it down or he would get the details or due date wrong. His teachers knew to give him a written assignment sheet, even if it was just quickly hand-written. That was the only way he would get the correct assignment. I helped my son work out a system in his binder to put assignment sheets in one pocket and completed homework in another pocket. We clearly labeled the pockets to make it easier for him. If he didn't turn in an assignment, the teacher would remind him to check his homework pocket.

We also put in his IEP that he's allowed to type assignments in class and for homework. Writing is so hard for him and he'll often write a lot less if he has to do it by hand. When the teacher would let him use the computer, other kids would complain at first but they eventually accepted that he needed to use it.

At the suggestion of our psychologist, we set up a non-verbal system for teachers to use in class with our son. I printed and laminated a set of 3x5 cards with various warnings, reminders or praise. If my son was blurting things out when it wasn't his turn to talk, the teacher would drop a card on his desk with a reminder not to blurt. If my son was distracted and not doing his work, he would get a card reminding him to get back to work. If he quickly turned the behavior around, he would get a card congratulating him on pulling it together. This system saved the teacher from frequently having to stop and talk to my son and saved my son the embarassment of being singled-out all the time.

Having teachers who were willing to make adjustments for our son helped him to do relatively well in 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. When he started middle school, things changed a lot. We still had the IEP in place but our son suddenly had multiple teachers, each with different routines and rules. There were 35 kids per class and our son couldn't get the kind of attention he needed to be successful. The school district didn't have an appropriate special ed class for him so we lobbied for a placement in a private school with an Asperger's program. He just finished 8th grade at the school and will be starting his 9th grade year there in a few weeks. We will be looking at Aperger's programs in the high school district over the new few months and then slowly transitioning him back to public school. We're pretty sure he won't make it in a regular mainstream program just yet so we'll keep the special ed component for now.

Hope this helps give you some ideas for your son!

OMG I love the 3x5 idea, I am definitely going to suggest that to his teachers this year. I think this will help him to keep him on track and not single him out like you said. Also the printed out instructions really would help my son. Do you have that in your IEP because I could see where the teachers might not be so willing to do that since it would be alittle more work for them. We have a 504 plan, but really I need to put more exceptions in it. I am learning as I go, and I thank you for your ideas. It helps me tremendously.

 

[bookwormde]

First thing is that a 504 is nothing like an IEP. I have yet to see a child who was Aspergers have their needs met with a 504 and it is actually almost always a violation of IDEA (individual with disabilities education act) to use a 504 for our kids. From your description of the schools action it is clear the teachers have no training in Aspergers (as they are required to under an IEP and since executive function (EF) is a primary characteristic disability segment, are punishing your child for his disability which meets the definition of abuse.
In an environment where they are getting their social skills/Theory of mind skills taught though a formal social skills program and their EF differentials are accommodated for and linear compensatory skills are being tough, and any sensory needs are met and all the staff (and fellow students) understand what Aspergers is (a genetic evolutionary neurological variation) and the staff are fully trained in Aspergers, our kids do great and have the opportunity to flourish and share their amazing gifts with the rest of the school and later make amazing contributions to society. In the school environment you have describes some our our kids self adapt well enough to survive and make progress but many other develop anxiety from the "abuse" and never come even close to reaching their potential and often develop significant co morbid conditions like OCD, ODD anxiety, bipolar etc.
First thing to do is to educate yourself by getting a copy of The complete guide to Aspergers by Tony Attwood which is available on Amazon for about $17. Call your school and ask for a full IDEA for Aspergers (autism in the actual IDEA classification) and let them know that his needs for social skills/TOM and EF supports and accommodations must be met. DO not let them say that he is on grade level and does not qualify since that is a violation of IDEA. contact your states parent information center and ask for help, and try to find an Apsergers advocate and support group to help mentor you through the process.
You have an amazing child with gifts that will like make significant impact on the world so you are going to have to fight hard to protect his legal rights to an appropriate education in the general school environment.
Bookwormde

 

[Luv Bunnies]

OMG I love the 3x5 idea, I am definitely going to suggest that to his teachers this year. I think this will help him to keep him on track and not single him out like you said. Also the printed out instructions really would help my son. Do you have that in your IEP because I could see where the teachers might not be so willing to do that since it would be alittle more work for them. We have a 504 plan, but really I need to put more exceptions in it. I am learning as I go, and I thank you for your ideas. It helps me tremendously.

The printed assignment instructions were not listed in his IEP but his 4th/5th grade teacher was willing to do it. Sometimes it was a matter of me looking at the board after school and making sure my son had written everything in his notebook. The teacher usually had assignments sheets for major projects so it was usually smaller ones that he needed help with. In middle school, he had an aide (after much fighting) who would help him keep his homework straight. But by the time the aide was finally assigned, it was apparent that public middle school wasn't going to work for him. His specialized school has lots of procedures in place to help with organizational skills so things have run smoothly since he's been there.

 

[2luvmickey]

Thank you so much for your reply. I sometimes feel like I am the only one going through this. We live in a small town with not many resources, and not many diagnosed kids. It can feel overwhelming because I don't have things to compare with, and really I feel like the teachers he has had so far have had little or no experience with Autism. But hopefully each year they will get to know my son and maybe it can help them in the future if they should have a child in their class again diagnosed with Aspergers which will undoubtly happen.

The key is "Not many diagnosed kids." I can tell you, there are lots of kids (especially boys) who have Asperger's in your town. They are the "quirky" kids.

I was told by our high school social worker that there weren't many boys like my son - which was untrue in a school of 2300 kids! Because most are high functioning, they tend to fall through the cracks. My son was smart enough to know how to "hide" his anxiety and figure out each teacher via trial and error.

I LOVE bookwormde's advice. Get the Tony Attwood book. Another one I like is "Quirky, Yes---Hopeless, No: Practical Tips to Help Your Child with Asperger's Syndrome Be More Socially Accepted." by Cynthia La Brie Norall. It really helped me understand what is going on in my son's head.

Each child is different and things need to be adjusted for them. They are truly gifted individuals that can contribute to the world. As my sister says, half of NASA and most CEO's have Asperger's!

 

[bookwormde]

Note cards are great, providing paralell curiculum in non linear (typicaly visual) format and 1 on 1 support and scribing when formulating output are all helpful.

bookwormde

 

[elan]

We have a 504 also. My dd is in middle school.

A big help to her is leaving class early so she can get to her locker and her next class before the halls fill with all the other students. (She was given a choice of leaving early or late and picked early-I thought she would of picked late just so she would feel like she wouldn't miss anything).

She is allowed to leave the cafeteria when she is finished eating. She hasn't done this often but just giving her the option seems to help.

She is excused from all assemblies.

Teachers will notify her and me if there is a change in class format.

Teachers accept late homework. If she doesn't turn it in on time for any reason she has a hard time turning it in late. Normally she will have the work done but turning it in is another matter.

P.E. was very hard for her last year. It is a very social class and her teacher was not the best of looking after her. Since she will not have it this year I will not have to address this before school starts.

My dd was diagnosed just before school started last year, we are very new to this.

 

[toodycat]

I always meet with DS' teachers about three weeks into the school year. I give them background on my son and his diagnosis. I go through his IEP and make sure they are adhering to it and if they aren't, I find out why. (For example, although he has preferential seating, if there is a class where the troublemakers are in the front row, my son might not be in the front row.) I mention all his strengths and weaknesses and tell them that the only thing I don't like are surprises and missed opportunities to problem solve. Therefore, if my kid misses a homework, I expect a phone call the next day so we can discuss how to avoid a repeat of that problem, not a failing grade because of missing homework I was not informed of ten weeks later. Your child will be more successful if the teacher keeps you in the loop whenever there is a problem. I am a teacher and none of us can just opt out of contacting parents. It is the teacher's obligation to keep you informed. If the teacher is resistant to that, ask what time you can call each week to get an update. If the teacher refuses to cooperate, you need to contact her supervisor. Make it clear that you expect to maintain a continuing dialogue. Good luck!

 

[Schmeck]

Please read Attwood carefully - I had my students go through it with me, and they found so many incorrect generalizations in there that it made them angry. These were students diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome!

Another thing to be careful about is advocating too many 'exceptions' for your child. Don't fall into the avoidance technique trap! Children with Asperger's Syndrome can learn to pass in assignments, can learn to write them down in an assignment notebook, etc, but it takes a lot of practice, and if your child doesn't start practicing now, he'll be playing some major catch-up later in life.

 

[Dancind]

Why is it so hard for these kids to hand in an assignment? It always amazed me that DD would do the homework, put it in her folder, and next time I checked, there it would be.

I think she's doing better now that she is in college, but the two D's last semester (both in big lecture hall type classes) don't bode well.

We could never really get any help in the classroom, sitting in front was about it.

 

[mickey&minniealways]

You can purchase Wright's Law, or Download it, but that can be just as costly. The same with No Chil Left Behind. You can also attend seminars by Pete and Pam Wright. It is worth the expense. Meanwhile I would go to a local Educational Advocate. Make sure to find wone who works as a non profit charity. If finances are a problem they can work with you. They are many different paths to get were you want. If you can't find one try a local SEPAC group. Special Education Parent Advisory Committee. They can usually direct you in the right direction. You can call a team meeting at school any time you want and rewrite the 504/IEP anytime you want. You do not have to sign the IEP/504 at the meeting. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Take it home. Look it over. Add or delete things. Reword to what you need it to say. Ask for specifics as to how things will be handled. If it says he will do something 80% of the time then word it to say 8 out of 10 time in however many trials deemed appropriate for your child. If you need to record the meeting then do so. Write a letter of intent that you would like to do this. Offer to give the school a copy of the recording. They are more willing to agree to it this way. You can bring whoever you want to a meeting or request specific people be there. Do not agree to any changes to IEP/504 over the phone. If you pm me I can give you a template for organizing a binder for all the paperwork. When you go to a meeting bring a plate of cookies or something. It is blatent manipulation but it works and puts everyone at ease. Bring a printout with you of all the points you want to discuss preferably in order of importance. When you enter the meeting introduce yourself to everyone individualy and hand them a copy of it. This puts you in charge of the meeting and are more likely to be taken seriously. Hope all this helps.

 

[Brer Shay]

Please read Attwood carefully - I had my students go through it with me, and they found so many incorrect generalizations in there that it made them angry. These were students diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome!

Another thing to be careful about is advocating too many 'exceptions' for your child. Don't fall into the avoidance technique trap! Children with Asperger's Syndrome can learn to pass in assignments, can learn to write them down in an assignment notebook, etc, but it takes a lot of practice, and if your child doesn't start practicing now, he'll be playing some major catch-up later in life.

Agreed. As parents of these kids, we know that while there are DEFINITE similarities, no two are alike.

Knowing when to push them to get through a difficulty rather than accomodating it is a hard line to walk. We want to make it acceptable for our kids to process differently but be careful, especially in the school setting, not to characterize them as disabled.

 

[Schmeck]

Agreed. As parents of these kids, we know that while there are DEFINITE similarities, no two are alike.

Knowing when to push them to get through a difficulty rather than accomodating it is a hard line to walk. We want to make it acceptable for our kids to process differently but be careful, especially in the school setting, not to characterize them as disabled.

Exactly! It is hard, and I agree that it is a very fine, hard line to walk. As a parent, I feel when my kids are frustrated. I want them to be happy and successful, and it's natural to want to jump in and get rid of the painful, frustrating obstacles. But then they never learn to go beyond that level, and that is doing them a great disservice.

I love the part I highlighted - that's what it's all about for me at my job at our local high school as a SPED tutor. The students I work with can process things just as well as the valedictorian going to MIT, but they present and process that info in a different way, that's all. They can come up with valid answers that make me think beyond the textbook in front of us, beyond the lesson plan of the day.

Finding that balance, the accommodation that has the student working on weak skills while enhancing strong ones too, is the key to success, IMO.

 

[bookwormde]

Yes we always want to "push" them but not to the point where it generates damaging co-morbidities. It is always important to remember that IDEA is about discrimination not disabilities directly for many of the students. The school system (and society at large) is designed for the majority with NT minds. Physical discrimination is much more concrete and easy to appreciate. Our kids are going to have to live in the real world, although hopefully in the future one that has a better understanding of this as a discrimination issue and appreciates their gifts, so giving them the skills to be able to decide to what extent they choose to "fit in" is important. The trick is to avoid permanently damaging them in the process.

bookowrmde