Inspiration or Motivation?
I think if there's one thing I've been brutally honest about, it's my mental state when it comes to this mission of running.
I cried and barely slept the night before my first 10K - it was mostly nerves and fear of the unknown.
I cried two days before and barely slept the night before my first half marathon - once again, it was nerves ... but this time, it was the fear that I couldn't do it. I had nightmares all week leading up to the race that everyone was gone except the people at the finish line, just waiting for me to finally finish, way after everyone else.
But I went out and did it. I finished. I was never last (though, I came close in that first half marathon), but each race I learned something. I checked more boxes. I put more notches in my "race post". And then, I became slightly apathetic about the whole running thing.
When I started this challenge for myself, the goal was my first half marathon in September. Peer pressure (not on this board, but from some of the most important people in my daily life) made that point moot when I ran my first half in March.
If I could go from barely running to half-marathon finisher in a little over eight weeks, then with all the time in the world - I could totally be ready for Dopey. Albeit,
@FFigawi provided the needed peer-pressure push there, but it was another challenge I needed.
So, I jumped feet first into the Higdon program (WEEKS early, BTW, but a challenge will do that to you) and I finished my second half marathon the Sunday after Dopey registration.
And then, much like the rain that has plagued my poor state, apathy struck again.
It has rained for much of May. My neighborhood is a water-logged, fallen tree-filled disaster. My normal trail run course is still flooded - or the dry parts are so mosquito-infested that I only just ordered a mosquito run setup so at least I can get off the Dreadmill and get some runs in outdoors, in the sun, with the wind. So I can learn to deal with the heat and figure out my hydration better, and my fueling, and what run attire and clothing works best for me.
But during these "tough" times, I've again learned another lesson about myself - but I've also faced a big question. What makes it happen for me? Is it motivation? Or is it inspiration?
When I first started lurking on the race threads here on DIS back in November/December '14,
@Belle Ella was my total hero. She really inspired me because she got to run all these races.
@bumbershoot was involved in that, too!
When I decided to run
Disneyland, my friend M became my motivation - because this was her one-and-done (still is!) for a half marathon. And she is a lot like me, and jumped in feet first for the training.
When it came to Wine & Dine - finishing my first 10K and knowing that I could do it was the motivation. No inspiration there.
And then there's Dopey. Everyone in my real life thinks Dopey is too much - and they could be right. Doctor S and Doctor K are seriously worried about me getting injured, not during training but on the actual race weekend and seriously hampering my life quality. The husband, while supportive, doesn't really agree with any distance longer than a half marathon (and certainly not all the mileage during the same weekend).
Except for my parents.
I was born with a severe clubfoot deformity of my left foot. I spent the first three years of my life in "castings" to try and correct the deformity. And it helped, but it wouldn't be enough. Over the course of my first 19 years, I had four experimental surgeries - including a fusing of three joints of my midfoot, and double extension of my Achilles tendon, and a heel construction using cadaver bone. And that's just my foot! I've had other surgeries on my knees and hips to help make up for the (roughly 3/4-inch) difference in my legs.
My parents? My parents are my motivation for Dopey. Up until my running mission, my Mom always felt responsible for my deformity and if she could have done something different (OMG. She was pregnant in 1980 - that's basically like olden days compared to now, if you think about it). They flew all the way to New Orleans to see me run my first 10K. My Mom has been out for both of my half marathons. My Dad is encouraging me to run halfs in more cities across the country. And they can't wait for me to run Dopey in January, so close to their house.
So that's my motivation. And that should be enough, right?
Yeah, no.
I've been inspired by (and a little bit jealous of!)
@Ariel484 and
@mbwhitti on the heels of their Dopey pursuits. I want pictures with all those medals!
After all of that, I've got lists of both things that Motivate or Inspire me on this journey. Things that I think about when the runs on the Dreadmill get long. Pictures I imagine in my brain when the mosquitos are getting to me. Dreams I have to remind myself of when I really just want to stay in bed.
So. I ask.
What's your Motivation? What's your Inspiration? Can you have both? Or just one?
This Week's Motivation/Inspiration:
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." -- Walt Disney