dissapointed in DD

[Dis Ohana]

So we're sitting around the dinner table tonight and I bring this thread up (yes, I realize I am a tiny bit obsessed with the DIS ) - my son is 14 and my daughter is 12, they both couldn't believe that anyone wouldn't want to go to WDW. I think maybe the reason my kids value their vacation time so much is that we were never able to afford to go anywhere until a few years ago. For them just the plane ride alone is a thrill .
But they did come up with some interesting comments about your situation - maybe your daughter is just tired of WDW, did you ever consider taking a vacation somewhere else (that's from my son). Maybe she is interested in a boy and is afraid of being away too long, or maybe she might fall out of favor with her friends if she skips town right now (my daughter's comment).

When my son was 12 years old, he decided he didn't want to go surfing with the family anymore. My husband was so sad, this is something we'd do together every summer. It was our "vacation time". We'd drive out to the country and spend the day at the beach, we'd all have such a good time. But surfing has always been my husbands passion, not my son. My daughter has inherited his love for the ocean so she's fine with it. I know it's not quite the same situation, but I sat my son down and had a conversation with him about how these excursions were not about surfing, or the long drive out to the country, it was about being together as a family. I pointed out to him that we only have a few years that we'll be all together like this, then they'd be off to live their own lives. I think it was a real revelation for him. Until that point I don't think he really thought of what happened beyond him being 12 years old. We still go surfing together, though not as often as before. I do know that my son values his time with the Ohana very much. It took me laying it out for him, but he got it.

Good luck with your situation. On the bright side, they're only pre-teens for a short time .

 

[kacaju]

Well, I can see why she doesn't want to go. Is there a good reason you scheduled this trip the day before her last day of school?
I have a 13 and 11 year old DD's and at this age it is all about them and their friends at school.
I really you said you are leaving next week, but is there anyway you can postpone the trip by a day and let her be at school for that party?

 

[Lucy2005]

Missing an end of the year party is a big deal in the life of a 12 year old. We went to DW and DD13 missed a week of school as well as a friends bday party and another party that would have been her first boy/girl party. When I picked her up on the last day of school she was crying...not the way I pictured our trip I spent so much time planning. I understood what she felt she was missing out on but our family vacation was our family vacation. Maybe we need to rethink the time of year we go in the future. What I did do was allow her to use text messaging on her phone so she was able to keep in touch with her friends while we were away. She was very happy with that. All went well. Good luck with your situation.
Lucy

 

[nbodyhome]

In my teens, my family went to Disney every year and there were a few years I really didn't want to go. But there wasn't anywhere else for me to stay, and I still had fun once I got there (I do wish we'd travelled elsewhere a little back then, but Disney is much better than just staying home!)

That said, I would have been very upset if they took me before the last day of school. Maybe it is just me, but the last day of school was always difficult. I was glad not to have schoolwork but missed seeing everyone until September. I'd not have wanted that to be cut short, or to miss a party if there was one.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Not to say this exactly applies to your dd, just a thought:

When I was a kid, I was happy to GO ANYWHERE! Even going into the city was a highlight for me! But, I was raised in a tiny town on a farm. My only activities out of school were dance and 4-H, so I was ready for some excitement! But today's kids are a different story. Take my dnephew 7: Advanced studies at school all day (way too smart for his own age! Didn't get it from our side!), then soccer, dance, piano lessons, chores (yes, he's a farm kid), homework......etc. etc. etc. Somedays kids are so overworked and away from home, that even a vacation during the summer sounds like just another ploy to keep them on the go! Not that I'm saying to change your vacation time, but maybe if it was scheduled towards the middle or end of summer break, she would have time to get bored of relaxing and ready for some Disney Craziness!

It is your choice of what to do with her. You know your family and what would make them all happy! I personally couldn't imagine taking only part of my family on vacation! Maybe ask her what she likes or doesn't like about Disney and help her to complete your itinerary! 12 seems a little young to be getting her way yet!

 

[labst60]

Thinking back to when I was 12 - if I didn't want to go - and then was ALLOWED to stay home - I think that may have made me want to go more the next time because you see life goes on and everyone has fun without you. If you drag her along - she is still - in her mind - doing what "you said", no matter how much fun she ends up having. If she misses all that fun bc of a temper tantrum/mood swing/"I don't want to go" - I'm sure she'll be sorry once she's heard how much fun everyone else had and it might help her be more enthusiatic in the future (the grass isn't always greener, you know?)

My DD is way too young for this to be an issue - but my inclination is that I would make her go - we get VERY LITTLE family time - so vacation is important to me. However- it is easy to say that now - who knows how I'll feel when she is 12 (I've learned that in parenting, you don't understand a lot of things until you get there!!) Anyway - if you are comfortable with leaving her home with her gp, I just wanted to point out that there may be a "silver lining" in that in the end, she is sorry she missed all the fun for one 3 hour party.

 

[Jiminy'sGirl]

Someone may have said this already, but she may have said this to get a reaction from you and/or hurt you. For some reason 12 year old girls are compelled to hurt their mothers on a regular basis.... They think they are asserting their independence when they do this...I teach kids this age, so I have seen this over and over and over. They do get over it - I promise!

 

[KikiFan]

How about a compromise? Either let her come out a day late (assuming the grandparents are willing to put her on the plane) or offer to throw a big party for her and her friends over the summer.

 

[marivaid]

I have to admit, at first I thought "spoiled!" but now that you explained about the party, I understand. It would have made me so sad at 12 to miss out on something like that, especially since she may not see her friends again at the new school.

How about letting her stay 1 night at her grandparents' so she can go to the party, and they put her on a flight the next day ? Or is there any way you can all leave a day later?

 

[mjkaferle5]

I would still have her go. She will have an absolute blast!!

One of my 6 year old said over and over he didn't want to go to Disney. I think he was really just frightened at the thought of going so far away from home. Once we got there, he didn't want to leave!!!!!!!!

I realize your situation is different and with an older child, but just have her go. Although it is a different situation, I am sure the end result with be the same as with my son.

She will not want to leave the World!!

 

[scrapbookworm]

I'm betting that once the end of the year party is over, it will really sink in that the family went on vacation without her. That could go two ways: "Gosh, WDW sounds way more fun than that party was- next time I'll know better!", or "I can't believe that they couldn't reschedule the stupid vacation for a couple days later- they really went without me!!!"

 

[xyzabc33]

I'm betting that once the end of the year party is over, it will really sink in that the family went on vacation without her. That could go two ways: "Gosh, WDW sounds way more fun than that party was- next time I'll know better!", or "I can't believe that they couldn't reschedule the stupid vacation for a couple days later- they really went without me!!!"

LOL...my other half just said pretty much the same thing when I was telling him about this thread. YES..I bring up internet boards at the dinner table too. SO SAD I know.
His comment was that after her party was over, she would probably be bored the rest of the time.

I like the idea of maybe just having the grandparents put her on the plane a day later. Is that possible.? I would almost guarantee the party is her biggest issue right now. Knowing how far in advance most of us plan WDW vacations I bet you that you probably had this trip planned well before the school announced they were having a party.
This would be a good lesson on teaching her prior responsibilities. Did she know about and agree to go to WDW before the party came up? If so you must tell her she must commit to what she agreed to do first. Especially at this late date.

You really need to talk to her and ask her EXACTLY WHY? she doesnt want to go.
I agree with others and speaking from experience that if she doesnt give you a straight answer (and not the party thing--sorry prior plans) then she goes, happy about it or not. She will put this little victory over you in that little file in the back of her head and will take advantage of it in the future. Devious things they are at that age. I was one too, so not pointing fingers.
It is a little much to expect a friend to take her place less then a week from a trip. You will have to get a written permission for medical treatment from the other childs parents, change names on all the reservations/plane tickets, etc. Too much work on not just your part but the other parents and the poor travel ppl who have to hurry and change all that stuff.

Here is what my response to my own child would be. "Had you told me a month or 2 ago, possibly I would consider it. A week in advance, NO plain and simple."

 

[dixie lolly]

So many of yall have touched on the things that i was thinking. I would leave later but the party is 3 days after we leave. The school is crazy this year. We are leaving early saturday am but the school is not getting out until monday and the party which is parent sponsored not school sponsored is on monday night. The trip was planned way before the party was planned. She and all the girls in her class are also wanting to have a get together during the week we are going to be gone. She is my social butterfly!!
Also she does have a boy that she is talking to but she could talk to him some while we are away because we have nationwide minutes on the cell. So that would not be a problem. I also dont think she realizes that if she stays with grandma that she will be stricter on her than i am. so she will be in for a rude awakening if she stays home. And yes my girls are spoiled....it is my fault but we had some serious family trauma a few years ago and i lost both my parents within a couple of months of each other and i sunk myuself into the kids to help get over it. Therfore i created monsters....not really but they are spoiled.
I also can remember not wanting to go on some of our family trips when i was younger and i also can relate. Although i was a bit older.
I can tell all of ou that my decision is made and if dd14's friend is unable to go then i told her she is going to be able to stay eith grandma and i will just cancel her off the ressies but i will make sure that we have the big talk about things and from now on trips will be family!!!

 

[scammermom]

I see you have made a decision.

Just another quick thought - having her help you with planning. I don't know if you have included her or your other daughter in seeing the maps, learning about some of the newest rides, attractions, etc. Maybe including her in some of these decisions will help her feel like she does have some say.

Sorry on the loss of your parents but I really think now that she shouldn't be allowed to stay home. You never know what's around the corner. Her friends will still be here. Time with your family is precious.

Good luck to ya!! I know your trip will be fantastic with or without the one daughter.

 

[dixie lolly]

Well I now have changed my mind.... I am going to make her go. She was smart to me today and lost the chance that she may be able to stay with grandma. The more i thought about it i knew that she needs to be with family and i want her to be there...not that i didnt want her i just think the bonding will help the attitude we are starting now that we are a teen. I am sure most of you moms know about that....
The whole family helped with planning so everyone got to pick ADr's and what we were gonna do.

 

[scammermom]

Personally, I think you are making a good decision. Maybe you can have a function when you return with the friends as a compromise. And you're right about bonding as a family is very important especially with the teenage years upon you.

Hugs to ya Mom!! Happy Mother's Day!!

 

[dixie lolly]

I just wanted yall to know that since dd now knows she has no choice but to go she has gotten more excited about it and i think she now knows it would have been a mistake to stay at home.

 

[terri01p]

Well my 2 cents is because she has the school plans and you made the reservations before knowing, and her grandparents are responsible, let her stay. You said you have a camping trip planned as well so you will have your family vacation yet, why be forced to go on a vacation ? To me in life there are so many pick and choose battles, and I say if she wants to stay with grandparents and they want her, more power to her this doesn't make her a bad kid, think how you felt about end of the year school events it's like closing one door and going though another in the right way. My kids ( now grown ) are my life too but if they ever didn't want to go on vacation and stay with grandparents it was fine, this only happened once in all my vacation planning but life is short let there be give in take. Just make sure after the party she doesn't cry to join you all

 

[Dis Ohana]

Looks like you made the right decision . Happy Mother's Day!

 

[scammermom]

I just wanted yall to know that since dd now knows she has no choice but to go she has gotten more excited about it and i think she now knows it would have been a mistake to stay at home.

Good to hear!
Another thing she can blame you for to her friends. There will be plenty of school functions.

Enjoy your trip!