Had my trip idea trounced on......

[FigmentChick]

Well, I was planning a mini-vaca for me and DS, 8.5, for early May. I told my DH I think he deserves it (I know I do) and that he's been doing extremely well lately. He is the middle child and I feel that he has been getting overlooked lately (his sister has been getting into trouble for lying and his baby brother is about to turn two). Additionally, he has days available to take off from school, whereas his sister has come home repeatedly throughout the school-year because she "doesn't feel good" (which amounts to nothing other than "I don't want to be in school".

He'll just be getting done a week of testing the weekend I want to go, but hubby said "NO". He said Disney is too extreme a reward. Deep down, I understand....but right now I'm disillusioned and frustrated....I really thought I could get down there before November.

I know there are others worse off than this and I know I'm lucky that I would be able to do this; I guess I just needed to vent a little.

OK...end of rant. Thank you for listening to me.

 

[twokids0204]

Well, I was planning a mini-vaca for me and DS, 8.5, for early May. I told my DH I think he deserves it (I know I do) and that he's been doing extremely well lately. He is the middle child and I feel that he has been getting overlooked lately (his sister has been getting into trouble for lying and his baby brother is about to turn two). Additionally, he has days available to take off from school, whereas his sister has come home repeatedly throughout the school-year because she "doesn't feel good" (which amounts to nothing other than "I don't want to be in school".

He'll just be getting done a week of testing the weekend I want to go, but hubby said "NO". He said Disney is too extreme a reward. Deep down, I understand....but right now I'm disillusioned and frustrated....I really thought I could get down there before November.

I know there are others worse off than this and I know I'm lucky that I would be able to do this; I guess I just needed to vent a little.

OK...end of rant. Thank you for listening to me.

Sorry to hear... but I do agree with hubby.

I believe taking one child, and not another will give the impression (or expose the reality) of favoritism, and it will have lasting emotional impact.

 

[eva]

Sorry to hear... but I do agree with hubby.

I believe taking one child, and not another will give the impression (or expose the reality) of favoritism, and it will have lasting emotional impact.

I was a school teacher and I totally agree with you. There is no way that I would reward a child in this way and leave the other one at home. The one that is coming home not feeling well and lying needs some attention. A discussion with the teacher might find that she isn't doing well at school or is having issues with another child that needs to be addressed. Depending on her age, it could be a range of things. The son that is doing well might be rewarded with a small day excursion or a favorite toy. But be careful. Rewarding a child with a trip is giving attention to one child and telling the other that they don't matter so much. I would use trips like WDW as family vacations for everyone to enjoy and bond as a family. I know that is may seem like you are ignoring your son because he doesn't need so much attention as the other two siblings. But letting him know that you appreciate him and all the good things he does can be as simple as a nice card with a wonderful letter explaining how you feel about him. He may act like it is nerdy, but he'll love it.

 

[Jill in Chicago]

When a child is acting out and pushing the family away is when he/she needs the family most. I totally agree, do not go on any type of vacation and leave your daughter at home.

I would think of some other options for your son: special ice cream place, movie of his choice to watch as a family, maybe even play a board game, or if you want to buy something a trip to the bookstore.

I also agree, if you haven't already it's time for a talk with your daughter's teacher.

Talk with your daughter about what she would like to do, again give her some options: spa day with mom, hike with the family at the forest preserve with a picnic, dance lessons.... Then make out a plan: so many full days at school in a row, say a month. Do not make it too long.

Be clear about consequences: if you come home from school sick it is straight to bed, no t.v., no phone, nothing. She can read and that is it. Then tell her the next day she will: have to scrub the bathroom floor, scrub down the deck, make it some kind of extra (not usual) cleaning chore. This would be better if she had to do it with one parent. You get "forced" time together where she would talk.

Perhaps this is an anxiety at school and school is overwhelming her mentally. Is she failing at classes even back when she was trying? Maybe a tutor. Tell her this has to be fixed. She has to go to school.

Whatever discipline your are doing right now is not motivating her. Stop. Try to turn it around so that when she does the right thing she gets rewarded. I would not give money, instead I would give time, lessons, outings...

 

[donna in Oz]

....I really thought I could get down there before November.

Totally agree with other posters. Sure you're not just looking for a reason to take a trip yourself ?? (Not that there's anything wrong with that! )

 

[wdwfan16]

I agree with your DH.

 

[WizardLarz]

How about a Moive night at the Theater. Let him pick out a Movie that is coming out soon, Like Toys3 ,or the new Harry Potter ( if you think he is old enough) ,or the How to Train your Dragon!

I think the others may be right that you need to focus on your daughter. Has school gotten to hard? or maybe to easy?

 

[FigmentChick]

Thanks, all. I appreciate the posts and I'll give you a little bit of background.

First, DD is at the top of her class and, no, the school district will not do anything to supplement her. Yes, she probably is bored and DH and I give her extra work to do at home but we were told by the school she is not allowed to bring anything additional into the classroom. Her teacher does not even allow her to read when she completes an assignment. I've taken the issue all the way to the superindent with no luck: what the teacher says is gospel. And homeschooling or private school is not an option.

Second, the things she is lying about regard eating food in her room (and hiding the evidence) and telling her father she's doing one thing when she's actually doing another. For instance, I have a private area in our garage with certain tools. She told DH that she was going to look something up on the Internet with her friends who were over; instead, she was showing them my private stash. She knows this stash is OFF LIMITS and she was trying not to get in trouble. Same with the food thing - it was her brother's little league candy. She knew she wasn't supposed to eat it (not only because it's candy but it costs us big $$$), but she did it anyway....and tried to hide the wrappers in her room (the baby found them, it was actually quite funny).

So, to sum up, she's not lying because we don't pay her any attention or because she's flunking school....she's doing it because she doesn't want to get in trouble for doing something bad. I have literally ripped the cable and DVD player out of her room, taken away ALL electronics and left her with only books, had one-on-one conversations with her....nothing is working.

We do things all the time as a family. The weekend TS3 comes out - we'll be there (even the little one - he LOVES Pixar!). We go to the zoo all the time, we go to museums in Philly. I had read a couple of trip reports where a parent does take one of their children and thought it would be a good idea; guess not, though. And it's not like I wouldn't do it for my daughter. It's just, in my opinion, she does not deserve it right now. When she can be honest, then she can be rewarded. In our house, it's honesty above all else. Even if the kids do something horrible or it may hurt someone's feelings, we are honest. I punish my kids a lot less if they were honest from the get-go (although, like I said, DD is NOT being punished less at this point).

OK - sorry to go off on a tangent, just thought I would explain myself a bit.

 

[RMulieri]

Sorry..I agree with the DH..Whether you mean to or not you are also setting up a possibility of resentment by the other kids.

 

[MareSINY]

I've taken my nieces on solo trips, so I don't think there's anything wrong with rewarding one kid for doing something good. Heck, it might make your daughter realize she needs to start behaving so she can get rewarded as well.

 

[FigmentChick]

I've taken my nieces on solo trips, so I don't think there's anything wrong with rewarding one kid for doing something good. Heck, it might make your daughter realize she needs to start behaving so she can get rewarded as well.

Thank you! You actually raised my spirits! I was just telling my DH that I feel like the worst mom on Earth right now after reading the other posts. Have a wonderful day!

 

[bumbershoot]

Her teacher does not even allow her to read when she completes an assignment. I've taken the issue all the way to the superindent with no luck: what the teacher says is gospel. And homeschooling or private school is not an option.

Just gotta say, that would be my own little version of torture... If I were a kid stuck in such a class, I'd be freaking out too. Any chance to change schools or skip a grade? Could she at least read ahead in the book for the CLASS? Though she's probably already done that...

Will she have the same demonic teacher next year? If not, could you make a count-down chain to the end of school when perhaps she can look forward to getting a teacher who doesn't like tormenting her better students?


I read while brushing my teeth...the idea of having to sit somewhere just staring makes me feel ill.

 

[8gr8mouseketeers]

Please don't feel like the worst mom ever, you are not. One on one time with your child is never a bad thing. Your heart is in the right place. I do agree with PP's though that a DW trip is probably not the best way to go about it.

 

[FigmentChick]

Just gotta say, that would be my own little version of torture... If I were a kid stuck in such a class, I'd be freaking out too. Any chance to change schools or skip a grade? Could she at least read ahead in the book for the CLASS? Though she's probably already done that...

Will she have the same demonic teacher next year? If not, could you make a count-down chain to the end of school when perhaps she can look forward to getting a teacher who doesn't like tormenting her better students?


I read while brushing my teeth...the idea of having to sit somewhere just staring makes me feel ill.

Believe it or not, she's already skipped a grade...and they can't let her advance again because of some rule on the books that she has to be "age appropriate" for the grade. Basically, the district told me that they are worried she wouldn't fit in with the students that would be two years older than her. My answer: and she fits in now? She runs circles around the other students and they resent her for it.

No, she will not have the same teacher next year. She moves on to middle school, so she'll actually be changing classes and they have offered to let her do an independent study class - meaning she can do a couple of different electives throughout the year (they have some really cool ones like Math in Music - love it). And I can sympathize with her - I was that kid. But my school district was progressive - they allowed me to work at my own pace. By the time I was in fifth grade, I had a spelling book from the high school.

Now, my DS is another story - his teacher allows us to supplement his work in class and he reads additional books in class. We sent in a workbook earlier in the year and she lets us know when he needs another one. I worry that he might get my daughter's current teacher in two years. *shudders*

 

[eva]

Believe it or not, she's already skipped a grade...and they can't let her advance again because of some rule on the books that she has to be "age appropriate" for the grade. Basically, the district told me that they are worried she wouldn't fit in with the students that would be two years older than her. My answer: and she fits in now? She runs circles around the other students and they resent her for it.

No, she will not have the same teacher next year. She moves on to middle school, so she'll actually be changing classes and they have offered to let her do an independent study class - meaning she can do a couple of different electives throughout the year (they have some really cool ones like Math in Music - love it). And I can sympathize with her - I was that kid. But my school district was progressive - they allowed me to work at my own pace. By the time I was in fifth grade, I had a spelling book from the high school.

Now, my DS is another story - his teacher allows us to supplement his work in class and he reads additional books in class. We sent in a workbook earlier in the year and she lets us know when he needs another one. I worry that he might get my daughter's current teacher in two years. *shudders*

It sounds like you have an idea of what is the problem with your daughter. As a teacher, I've found that children that are bored in school tend to act out and have behavior problems. So the misbehaving and lying at home are most likely linked to the issue at school. Have you taken this issue up the line of command? After the teacher, I would be speaking with the principal and then the superintendent. I can't find any reason why a child can't read a book in class after all work is complete. What is the teacher's reason for this? I'm not sure why a private shool is out of the question. But students that are gifted can often get scholarships.

 

[cramgal]

I was the middle child with a younger sister who really did some crazy acting out. Too long a story to go into here. I would have loved to be rewarded for my good behavior. I always felt like I was ignored for being good. Not that it changed much for me, but it was hard to get the attention every once in a while. It makes me make sure I do it for my middle one (although the others aren't bad the older one is just very busy and the younger is well just younger)

So maybe not a Disney trip, not worth a fight with DH, but definately do something for them. Good behavior deserves attention just as much as bad behavior!

 

[Brian_WDW74]

I've moved this thread to the Theme Parks Community board.

 

[LoveDisney!!!]

Thanks, all. I appreciate the posts and I'll give you a little bit of background.

First, DD is at the top of her class and, no, the school district will not do anything to supplement her. Yes, she probably is bored and DH and I give her extra work to do at home but we were told by the school she is not allowed to bring anything additional into the classroom. Her teacher does not even allow her to read when she completes an assignment. I've taken the issue all the way to the superindent with no luck: what the teacher says is gospel. And homeschooling or private school is not an option.

Second, the things she is lying about regard eating food in her room (and hiding the evidence) and telling her father she's doing one thing when she's actually doing another. For instance, I have a private area in our garage with certain tools. She told DH that she was going to look something up on the Internet with her friends who were over; instead, she was showing them my private stash. She knows this stash is OFF LIMITS and she was trying not to get in trouble. Same with the food thing - it was her brother's little league candy. She knew she wasn't supposed to eat it (not only because it's candy but it costs us big $$$), but she did it anyway....and tried to hide the wrappers in her room (the baby found them, it was actually quite funny).

So, to sum up, she's not lying because we don't pay her any attention or because she's flunking school....she's doing it because she doesn't want to get in trouble for doing something bad. I have literally ripped the cable and DVD player out of her room, taken away ALL electronics and left her with only books, had one-on-one conversations with her....nothing is working.

We do things all the time as a family. The weekend TS3 comes out - we'll be there (even the little one - he LOVES Pixar!). We go to the zoo all the time, we go to museums in Philly. I had read a couple of trip reports where a parent does take one of their children and thought it would be a good idea; guess not, though. And it's not like I wouldn't do it for my daughter. It's just, in my opinion, she does not deserve it right now. When she can be honest, then she can be rewarded. In our house, it's honesty above all else. Even if the kids do something horrible or it may hurt someone's feelings, we are honest. I punish my kids a lot less if they were honest from the get-go (although, like I said, DD is NOT being punished less at this point).

OK - sorry to go off on a tangent, just thought I would explain myself a bit.

Can I ask what your "private stash" is??? The way you phrase it makes it sound like drugs.


I don't think it's right to take one child and leave the others. If you are already having issues with your daughter, then leaving her at home while you and your son go to WDW will make things worse. She may be acting out to get attention.

 

[Dorisk3]

I think you need to look at the true motive for this trip. Are you taking it because YOU want to go, and are using your son as an excuse to go? I'm sorry about your daughter, and you are certainly not a bad mother to want to reward your child and teach your other other child a lesson. But, as the other posters state, a trip to Disney is really way too big a reward and way too big a punishment for your daughter as well.

 

[Charlotte!]

I think you need to start planning a trip for everybody and you will get back in a good mood! I am always sad if I have no trip planned. I need to have one to look forward to, even if it is a year away!