I lost my husband

[Dan Murphy]

I am sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking.

I lost my DH suddenly in Sept 2021. He passed in his sleep with no known health issues. However, looking back, I know he had heart issues and I had been telling him to see the doctor. He refused saying he was just getting older and he was not going down the road of tests and doctors. That decision cost him his life, and our family lost a Dad, Grandpa, and my beloved DH.

It is a hard journey to go through and not one that anyone wants to take. You have many things to grieve for. Everyone grieves on their own timeline and don't let anyone tell you when you should be over it. It is up to you. I have people try to tell me that I should be good now and are puzzled that I am not. Grief is not something our society does well. There are alot of emotions. Don't feel guilty about laughing with friends or enjoying something you like. Do what takes care of you at the time. I sometimes feel like if I laugh with friends or am happy with one of my grandkids that it means I am not missing DH enough. But, that is not true. His loss is such a heartache for me after 45 years of marriage that some days I feel like I can't get through the day. I could not stay in the house after finding him gone there that morning so I am staying with my older DS. I just sold my house and bought a condo so I will moving into my own place and living alone for the first time. That will be an adjustment.

It is good that you are seeing a therapist. Be sure to take care of yourself. That is easier said than done but important. Talk with friends and family who are supportive. If you find someone who is not do not feel bad about taking a step back from them for a while. I have had to do that with a couple of people. Cry, yell, throw things, do whatever you want to do at the moment you are in. I read a book recommended by my therapist called It's OK that you are not OK by Megan Devine. I cried my way through it but I found it very helpful. I have talked with women who have been down this road and they say you never get over it but you find a way to live with it. The grief softens a bit and gets integrated into your life. That is what they say, I am not at that point yet.

Feel free to PM me if you want. I know I have probably missed alot of info but frankly my brain is very much befuddled since losing DH.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Nice to see you passing on some of your own personal experiences, Snowy. 's Hope you are doing well, coming along.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Debbie Jean]

Two of my mothers brothers committed suicide 10 years apart and a close friend of my daughters died by his own hand in high school. It is hard to explain the emotions... hard to grieve, to be sad or angry because the guilt can be overwhelming at times. My mother could barely speak of it and I know it hung heavy on her throughout her life. My daughter was able to give voice to that enormous guilt better, I think... feeling that somehow she could have, should have prevented it... if only she had said something, done something.... if only. We can never really know or understand why someone makes that choice, though. The anger for me was in thinking that they had chosen a permanent solution to temporary problems... that if they could only have seen a future, maybe they could have held on. But they didn't see that. And the truth is the choice was never my daughters nor my mothers. It was her friends choice, just as it it was my uncles. As hard as that is to accept, I think it helped my daughter let go, though I don't think my mother to her dying day, ever did. My daughter was better able to accept that whatever despair her friend felt, he was at peace. Right after he died, we went to the cemetery frequently and she would leave notes for him... saying a lot of the things she felt. We still go and leave tokens of remembrance for him, though not as often. I think she turned a corner when she was able to stop focusing on how he died and to talk about all the good times they had without feeling guilty.

I'm so glad you have support in your life to help you through this... please know that there are many people who whether they can share with you or not, really do understand. Many people are like my mother... they hide behind shame and guilt. Many have walked the path you are on and come out at peace and stronger on the other side. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Imzadi]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

[lisaviolet]

I am deeply saddened that you are experiencing such a loss. Love sent to you.

 

[Jonfw2]

My father died by suicide over ten years ago and it's still like it was yesterday. I've come to learn a lot about mental illness since then and I have no judgment whatsoever about people's actions- I also attempt to look at people who seem "weird" or "different" with far more compassion than I did previously. I usually fail. But I try.

 

[penn19]

My neighbors husband was military. Took his own life this year. I know she is angry. Hurt. Any emotions you feel are perfectly normal. Just know you have a family here if you need to vent. Or just talk.

 

[mamamary]

I’m very sorry for your loss.

 

[Neapolitan Ice Cream]

 

[candy0730]

My husband took his own life in February and he took part of me with him. I never knew it was possible to feel the way I do right now- which is every emotion at once. I am beyond sad, I am angry, yet I am happy at times- I even laughed with friends over the weekend and then I feel guilty for having feelings of happiness. I feel guilty for not seeing how much pain he was in. I know he loved me, he showed me and told me all the time and I loved him beyond words. I guess after being in the Army for 29 years, he just felt without purpose. I know how much he missed the structure. These are my thoughts, there was no note. If anyone has experience with anything like this and wants to share here or in a private message, please do. I am truly lost. Yes, I am in therapy.

I am so sorry.

 

[DisneyMim]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[scrump]

I am heartbroken for you, I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Kittyblue]

 

[msjprincess]

I'm so sorry

 

[NAB]

So sorry .

 

[dznymemories]

So very sorry for the awful pain you are going through.

 

[OKW8297]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[kirstenb1]

I'm so sorry. Praying God's comfort for you and your family.

 

[BroadwayHermione5]

I’m so sorry for your loss

 

[smokeyblue]

Oh gosh. I am so sorry. We all have let things go unnoticed or just didn't realize. I'm sitting here next to my mother right now who was just diagnosed with cancer yesterday and we are second guessing everything we've done in the last year. Same with my dad when he was sick, why didn't we notice or do this or that. That type of thinking isn't helpful, but hard to escape. I just wish you so much peace and eventually happiness.