If I invite mother, who should pay for what?

[Barbruka]

I am thinking of inviting my mom to come with us for our trip planned for October 2003. I know, it's a long way off. But how do I handle finances? She will be 77 at the time, and in fairly good health. She hasn't been to WDW since 1974, and I know she would love it, as she loves to go to Six Flags with us. She has always wanted to see Epcot.

Now do I pay for everything, or say just resort and food? She is not rich, but not poor either. I was thinking of having her pay air and park tickets. What do you think? With her, there would be five of us. My two younger sons, who will be 10 and 14, and dh and I. For any grandmas out there, did you feel comfortable sharing a room with daughter's family, or would I be better getting two moderate rooms instead of a deluxe that sleeps five? She loves my family, so we get along fine.

 

[meeshi]

We have been bringing my mother on vacation with us since my father passed away about 10 years ago. We usually drive down to the outer banks in NC and we usually split everything. We all get along great and enjoy her coming with us. She would never go anywhere alone and is happy to go with us. If we were to go to Disney together I'm sure she would pay her own way. She is also not rich but not poor either, and we are not rich so there is no way we could afford to pay for her. I'm hoping after our Make A Wish trip my husband will want to go back and we'll be able to have another disney vacation, this time with my mom.

Anyway.....I hope this helps!

 

[Snow Shoe]

Well my feeling on the subject is, you should pay all of it. Remember, your the one who is inviting her along, and besides....it's your mother. When we have invited and taken other family members along with us, or the occasional extra "kid", I've always felt it was our obligation to pay for their part because "we invited them along", while them asking you if they could come is very different story. Some people don't see it that way, but we do. It's like asking somebody out to dinner and expecting them to pay their part. I realize that dinner and WDW costs are not the same here, but the "premise" is. This is all IMHO.

 

[Barbi]

I invited my Mom with us for our trip in July 2000. She paid for her Airfare and PHP.
I had already paid for the room, and felt that I was responsible for that. As far as food and things like that, if we had a sit down meal I usually paid, counter service I think she paid for those.

There was only myself, DS10, DD13, and Mom, we stayed at All Star Sports for 8 days and had plenty of room. The memories we have of that trip are wonderful. To look at pictures and remember the fun we had... I think we did her in though. I asked her if she would like to go again in a few years, and she politley declined.

 

[Jordan's MOM]

Why don't you invite her and wait and see what she suggest as far as expenses. I bet she will offer to pay for what she feels she can afford to pay. Older adult have a lot of extra bills and are often on a more fixed income. I say take her no matter who pays. The memories will be so special to your children.Also remember that two years is a long time. Health and finances can change a lot for a 77 year old in that time frame.Have fun planning for that specail trip.
Jordan's mom

 

[Barbruka]

You're right--two years away is still a long time when you're talking about that age. I don't think I'll mention it for awhile yet, and see how her health goes. Right now she is in excellent health, but who knows what could happen in that time span. We all love being with her, and she with us. I know she would love the trip, but woudn't want to inconvience us if she were ill. I don't care if we have to get a wheelchair and push her the whole time (we probably will anyways to save her legs). Those memories of her coming will be priceless to all of us.

 

[Deb & Bill]

We brought our two nieces (8 and 10) along on our first trip. We stayed at the Polynesian so we had enough room for the five of us. My sister sent along spending money for them and we paid the rest. Our son was only 4 at the time and we thought he might enjoy having someone along nearer to his age. It worked out great. We had a MKC discount on our room and on our tickets.

 

[josierac]

meeshi
I see that you are taking a make a wish trip. Is this through Make a wish foundation? If it is a co-worker just came back from one of these and stayed at Give the Kids the World. They loved it. They couldn't believe everything that was done for them.

 

[Dr. Happy]

If you do the inviting, you should be doing most of the paying. Afterall, you are inviting her and invitations are always extended to guests. Besides, I think she would have a better time if she could enjoy your hospitality!! Wouldn't it be fun to surprise her with some unexpected experiences?? I would definitely do the 2 rooms and give her the option of having some of the grandkids sleep with gramma in the same room (you could easily get adjoining rooms). If she did offer to pay for something, make it something that is a token expense, like dinner or souveigners for the kids. This is your opportunity to treat her to a good time, rather than her treat you. Or are you one of those children who always felt "entitled" to everything they could persuade their parents to pay for???

 

[meeshi]

Josierac, yes my daughter was granted a wish through the Make A Wish foundation. We have heard wonderful things about Give Kids The World and are very excited about our trip in 20 days!!

 

[tiggersmomof4]

We took my Mom last year for her 80th birthday. We paid for everything! It's not every day you turn 80! We even had a super stretch limo for ground transportation and cashed in a ton of Amex points so we could all fly first class!! She was in heaven! We got her a wheel chair for the parks. She tells everyone it was the trip of her lifetime. We all had a blast!

 

[mco-missy]

Meeshi-

Sorry this is off the original subject but I was so excited to see you are going to Give Kids the World. I volunteer out there on Sunday nights (not every Sunday). We watch the kids for parents night out. The place is just awesome! I'm sure you will have a blast. I assume you have looked at the pictures on their web site. Have a great trip!

Lisa

 

[aprincessmom]

If you invite her, you should pay for her. Airfare, hotel, food, tickets, etc. Now, if she offers to pay for some things, you should also graciously accept that. But keep it to a minimum -- a character dinner or the like.

 

[catwho]

We go to Disney annually. It's our one family vacation. This year after we got back we thought about how much my parents would love to go too and how much the kids would like having them with us. So we brought it up as a "Wouldn't it be fun if you joined us" We are all going dutch. BUT my parents do have enough money to afford everything themselves. Only have one year to save up. They both have incomes and have wanted to go.

We have thought a time or two about inviting dh's mom. (We haven't lost our senses enough yet though) and so I have thought about the logistics of her situation. She is a divorcee with very little income (mostly Social Security and her small alimony and disability income) and usually lives month to month. No such thing as savings. We would have to buy her tickets and air fare and housing and most likely pay for most of her meals and buy a souveniour or two for her.

You seem to be somewhere in the middle. She has some "disposable" income or savable income. What if you broached it to her as, "Hey mom. We want you to join us on our family vacation to Disney. We know it is sort of expensive and may be beyond your budget, so we want to help. Park tickets will cost $X, airfare will be $Y, and then there is the hotel and food (and goodies!)" Could you afford the park tickets and airfare if we financed the room and food? We could either stay 5 to a room at Contemporary Resort or we could get 2 Budget or Moderate Resort Rooms. What would you be more comfortable with?" I guess what I am saying is to include her in the planning process. Unless you can afford to just make it a gift to her.

 

[catwho]

Meeshi -

I hope you have a wonderful trip on your MAW trip. My dh is a big supporter of this organization and always makes it his United Way recipient each year. We've run into so many MAW families when we've been to Disney and the kids (and parents) just love it so much! Last year we met a CM who seemed just "overly" helpful to a family. My dh went over to thank him for all he was doing to help this family (child needed a power supply for some equipment) and he said it was the least he could do considering that he had been a MAW kid himself and it prompted him to want to work at Disney when he got older!

Have a memorable time!!

(who seems to be reading things backwards today)

 

[homeschooler]

every year we ask my parents if they are ready to go and each year I lay out what things cost and what we would do or change for them. For instance, we might stay at PO if they don't go but Cabins if they do. The difference in price is $50.00 (example only here) and saving on food out go is this. They would cover their tickets and spending money and generally they expect to pay the difference in room costs. I explain this because I don't want to make reservations one place and have them change their minds.

My MIL went for three days one year and that came up with, "I would love to go to Disney but only for 3 days and only with you." She paid her own way.

This year, she is 84 and has been traveling with us to our oldest sons wedding and soon to our oldest daughter's wedding. We again started discussing our Disney trip (like we EVER STOP) and she was interested. We travel with a 6 year old, 10 year old and 14 year old. She would have to have her own space so we checked out DI and off premises and showed her the options. She will need to pay for her tickets and spending money. We will have the kitchen stocked for ourselves unless she has a special desire but we will cover that. At meals, when she picks the restaurant, she pays (because she likes the much more expensive that we like). Otherwise, we pay.

Doesn't really help does it. I guess, whatever your relationship is and how you talk with them will be the deciding factor.

 

[Ityldu]

I love this topic b/c it is always a problem with us. We'd love to have the memories with my In-laws, but they are much more capable of affording it then we are, but they'd never invite themselves, because they are very concious of not imposing on us. Also FIL absolutely hates Disney, so if only MIL came along, we would feel even more pressured to foot the bill and she would definitely need her own room.

I do agree that if you invite someone, you should pay, but it seems sad that my kids will never have the great memories because of this etiquette issue. Some day I might try the "wouldn't it be fun to do Disney together" line, that seemed like a way around the issue. We've thought about saving for an extra year to afford to take her, but since we only go every 2-3 years, w/ no other vaca in b/w and they take at least 4 extended trips a year, we don't think it's fair to our family. (Their vacations are all to places where they own condo's and they use freq. fliers and eat in most meals., so they're fairly inexpensive) The price of disney resorts and park tickets would give them heart failure.