Mom is starting hospice soon

[Rustysmom]

I just wanted to update again. Mom is at my house now. We knew she had to come here when she took a turn for the worse yesterday. She stopped eating and drinking and was very confused and in a lot of pain.

After going nuts on the hospice people, who didn't really seem to care, they are going to increase her aide in the morning from 9-5 and then send a nurse every night from 8-8am, until her pain is able to be controlled. At first they told me that she didn't qualify, until I let them have it and then they saw how much pain she was in. Even after morphine, she was moaning that her back hurt and her whole body hurt. She was taking the oxycodone every 3 hours, and then started taking the oxycontin instead every 12 hours, but it wasn't enough. Today I had to give her morphine every hour and she still had pain. They just sent more meds so now she'll take oxycontin every 12 hours, oxycodone every 3 hours, and the morphine as needed.

I think this may be the end though, because all she ate was a small thing of applesauce all day and hardly any water. She's weak and shaking and constantly crying out in pain. It's breaking my heart. She had to leave her beloved cat Penny behind at her house and she told Penny "I'm sorry Penny". That really broke my heart because she knows she'll never see Penny again. When she was in the hospital, all she talked about was how she wanted to go home to see and take care of Penny. It's been a bad, bad day today and I'm a wreck. I don't know how much more of this we can take.

 

[daisy2]

I'm so sorry you have to see your mom go through this. I am glad you are there to help get her pain under control. No one wants to see any loved one go through the pain that cancer patient has to go through. You and your mom will be in my prayers. Here are some hugs to let you know that you are in out thoughts.

 

[zalansky]

Mary - my heart aches for you. I hate to see whats happening to your family. Please know you will get through this. Your mom is lucky to have a daughter like you who is fighting for her and staying by her side. I am relieved to see hospice step in and take more of an active role. Keep us posted and hugs to you.

Can someone take care of Penny, or take her to a shelter? Its so sad, all of it!! I am so sorry.

 

[Rustysmom]

Thanks.

About Penny, no we could never take her to a shelter, and if you saw her, you would know why. She's 12 years old, blind in one eye and it's all white and bulging and she's very, very thin. We will keep her at mom's as long as we can and DH will go twice a day to feed and pet her and change her litter boxes. She loves my DH and will be happy to see him, but she'll miss her "mom". I would take her, but I have 2 cats and when Penny sees cats outside her window, she goes nuts, so I don't think they would get along. Eventually I might be able to put her in my bedroom, but I'll keep her at Mom's for as long as I can. She has a stupid reverse mortgage on her house and it has to be paid back within the year.

 

[minkydog]

is there any way you can bring Penny over for a visit? or even let her live in your mom's room?

When my father was dying all he talked about was his beloved cat, Sqweeks. He cried in pain and he cried from worry. Unfortunately, he was in a hospital 4hrs from home and no one would bring the cat, and Dad was too debilitated for me to leave him. I know that even one visit from his cat would have helped him relax. He wouldn't have fought so hard. He could have been at peace.

Think about bringing the cat over for a few hours and just let him hang out with your mom.

 

[Rustysmom]

I wish I could bring Penny, but my mom is in the living room and it's all open. She's a nervous cat and I'm afraid she would run and hide somewhere that I couldn't catch her again. Penny also freaks out when she has to go in the carrier and I couldn't put her through that. I think Mom is in too much pain right now to think about Penny. She can't even talk and when she does, she doesn't make sense. I don't think I can take much more of seeing her like this.

 

[minkydog]

Awww. Penny sounds like my Dad's cat, real skittish.

Hang in there. You know, we can do what we have to do. My dad had such pain(he had mesothelioma, that asbestos lung cancer--it's hideous) sometimes I had to grit my teeth because it was just too much. Once his digestion ceased working normally his oral meds were useless. We had the nurse start an IV so he could get constant morphine. It was the only way to keep him comfortable. Pain relief is job one. Can you call the hospice nurse and have her help you tonight?

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I have been in Boston with DH having a procedure.. anyway when I got back I checked here to see if you had updated.. I am pretty upset right now as my heart aches that she is so much pain and that the meds are not touching the pain... upset and scared for my own husband....

You would think that in this day and age, we would have pain meds that worked. I am so glad Mary that your Mom is with you... I hope that you can get her comfortable.....and I am glad that Hospice finally has helped a bit more.. I agree with the previous poster, if she is so much pain and not eating, I wonder if the oral meds are working.....maybe time for an IV and pain medication. I am in unchartered territory here, but I will tell you this, I would lose it if I knew that the pain medications were not working for anyone in my family when they were in pain. I can only imagine what you are going through..

We are here for you..

 

[Rustysmom]

Marsha, I hope your husband is ok.

They won't do the IV meds at home. They want her to go inpatient for that. I'm not sure if she'd want that and she went through a lot yesterday getting from her house to mine and I don't want to transport her again.

I don't know what I'm doing to do about giving her meds now because she's kind of hunched over sitting up and her head is down and she can't lift it up. The aide tried to give her some pureed soup and she's drooling it out. I gave her some liquid morphine before and some ran back out.

A nurse is coming at 8:00 and hopefully she'll be able to help.

I'm so mad at my husband right now though because every Tuesday night he opens our old church for a prayer group at night to make a little extra money. I begged him not to go tonight but he said he had to because otherwise a 75 year old lady would have to do it. Right now I really don't care. I'm so scared something is going to happen between now and when the nurse comes. I'm also about ready to kill my kids because they are driving me nuts. They don't understand that something serious is going on and they are being so annoying and I'm just not in the mood for it.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hugs Mary. This is probably the hardest thing you have had to do, I can only imagine how hard it is. When my Mom was so ill, she was in intensive care, I never had the option of her being home with us as it was after open heart surgery. Here's the thing, you are a lay person and this is scary to watch. You are not trained to do this type of care and have to rely on the experts that you have finally gotten to your house to help you.

I would make lists of questions and I would get them answered....I am assuming that they are trying to help you with her pain care but I think it is such a fine line to get them painfree and maintain it. I think I said this before that our oncologist drew a graph and showed us how pain fluctuates...highs and lows, you want to keep the high and never let it go down. If that means oxycontin for 12 hours... and then if you feel she is in pain in 6, oxycondone maybe, I am just saying what the dr told us. Never let that pain level drop, the fact that you have morphine drops.....well I do believe that is very strong stuff and if that is not touching the pain, I wonder if the two oral pain meds are working.

I hope that you all had a restful night and that the nurse helped your Mom and you. DH had a polyp removed (found on his scan) in a colonoscopy procedure......he was a bit out of it from all the anesthesia, but doing nicely.....thanks for asking. The prep is really the hardest part, and he is such a trooper..

 

[Regina]

It's unfortunate that you had to fight with Hospice to get what you needed. It only adds to the incredible stress you're under. (Marsha, they won't use needles to deliver the meds since they're painful and the goal is to avoid that.)

You have so much to deal with right now. Having your Mom with you is the best thing, but it also makes it that much more intense. I understand how frightened you are. I often stayed at my Mom's and would be terrified that I'd be the one to find her after she was gone.

No matter how difficult this is, you somehow will find the strength to get through it. Believe me when I tell you this, you will look back and find an incredible sense of peace and comfort knowing that you were there for your Mom when she needed you the most.

I'll continue to keep your family in my prayers.

 

[zalansky]

No matter how difficult this is, you somehow will find the strength to get through it. Believe me when I tell you this, you will look back and find an incredible sense of peace and comfort knowing that you were there for your Mom when she needed you the most.

I totally agree with this statement.

 

[safetymom]

I agree with Regina. It is so hard watching a loved one suffer. Please take care of yourself too. We tend to give our all to the loved one and don't think of ourselves.

I will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[Torontogal]

As I mentioned before, my father passed away 2 months ago from pancreatic cancer. He passed 1 month after being diagnosis. This disease was a beast and I watched how it made him bedridden and in diapers.
I am so thankful that I was with my father right to the end. I washed him, helped comb his hair, cut his hair, washed his hair, etc. I am so thankful I got the strength to be with my father when he went into diabetic coma. I got to tell him I loved him and he was my hero. He heard me and could not respond. The memories I have with my father in the last 2 months of his life will forever be etched in my mind. They are the most precious moments to me.

 

[the who #3]

i am so sorry for your mothers pain and yours. having used hospice with my father, i realize how truly helpful they are. you may also consider a private duty nurse. they work very well with the hospice personel and will be worth whatever the cost. all of them make sure your mother is more comfortable with less pain and that you can relax a litte in order to spend that all important time with your mother. my prays to you and your family.

 

[mari360]

OH Mary my heart just goes out to your mom, you and your family. It is hard to watch someone go thorugh all of this. I have you in my thoughts and prayer. About Penny seeing as how happy she made your mom i'm not sure how far your mom's house is maybe your DH can pick her up one day just so your mom can see her and take her back. I knwo you are scared of her running and hiding. Maybe you can put some sort of dog leash on teh cat just so that she won't go hide. this is just to see a smile on her face seeing her cat. Also i know how kids can be not realizing the seriousness of the situation. Maybe you can set up some playdates for them with family members or friends that way they won't be in the house as much. I know how hard this situation must be for you and to deal with all the other issues in your life right now do not help the situation. There are many people here for you. There are a lot of people praying for your family.

 

[TaraPA]

Mary, reading your last post is making me cry! I wish I could do something, we all do. Please take up anyone's offers to help you at this time - you can't carry this burden alone....have friends & neighbors make meals, watch your kids, anything. They want to help you. Isn't anyone from your DH's prayer group willing to help out? Even if it's just to drop off some food or have a pizza delivered. I'm 2 hours away or I'd find something to help you with. As far as your kids - they always seem to act up at the most stressful times, don't they? They may know how serious this is, they might just not know how to handle it, or how to react appropriately. Give them each a big hug & tell them this is a hard time for mom & that things will work themselves out in time, but grandma needs mom right now to feel better. Please keep us posted.

 

[lookingforward]

I am so sorry for you and your mom! I wish I could help. You mom and entire family are in my prayers. I too wish you had better help so that the responsibility was off your shoulders and your mom's pain was better managed.

 

[Rustysmom]

Thanks everyone. She passed away this morning. I started a new post with the bad news.

 

[zalansky]

OMG my heart just sank. I am so sorry. I am so sad for you.