My heart is breaking.....

[Dizfan4life]

So sorry to hear about your "party pooper!" If I was your DSIL I'd go without the DH and enjoy MY trip! My husband is not the Disney lover that my kids and I are and he has made it clear that there will be some trips that he won't be along to which I replied "okay... no problem!" I hope it all works out for the best and no one gets hurt feelings.... we all know how "MAGICAL" Disney is!

 

[Lightgician]

Everybody is trying to read between the lines and offer opinions. So here is mine and it may be worth just what you paid for it.

As has been said, the husband seems to be a controlling person. And I think the problems is that this trip is something that he does not control. And that frightens him. Others have made plans and reservations that he does not know all the details. He is not in charge of where to stay, where and when to eat, where to go each day. This unkown actually can be very unsettling to many people. They have to make the plans so that they know they are going into a known, safe territory. Insecurity can be a big factor in things like this.

 

[elleherself]

Not to be mean but sounds like a trip to Disney is the least of thier problems, maybe that money and time would be better spent on some good marriage counseling.

I know its upsetting for you to lose trip companions (been there) b/c of circumstances beyond your control but if I were in your shoes I would not complain or be sad around the sister b/c they can't go that is only going to make it worse, just leave the offer on the table if they can come but don't put any additional pressure on an already unstable marriage.

I agree completely with this advice. It is so sound and reasonable! Whatever your personal opinions about her situation and her husband may be, it is not your job to push her either way. Try not to make her feel worse about the situation by talking up Disney and expressing how sad you and/or your child would be if she didn't come. Understand that she is in a difficult spot in her relationship with her husband, and she and she alone needs to sort through that. You've made the offer for her to come on the trip, so now is the time to back off and remain friendly and supportive and not discuss the trip at all. I would make your plans without her, it is easier to open up a reservation than to close it down once things are finalized.

I would expect that she won't be coming, so if she comes it will be a nice bonus! And if she doesn't you will not have your hopes too high. This is especially important for your child. This is a vacation, it's supposed to be fun, so enjoy your planning and try not to let this situation get you too down.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

Id tell her to go with out him....

 

[PrincessTeresa]

Okay, I never thought in a million years I would get the response that I have gotten today.

First of all, DSIL is not in a controlling relationship. Everybody jumped the gun on this one. DBIL is usually a easy going guy. They are a normal everyday couple. Yes, they have their problems, but who doesn't? They go on regular vacations like everybody else. He just doesn't want to go to Disney for some reason. He thinks its a waste of money to go to a "theme park because he doesn't ride anything".

I am so sorry that I posted anything b/c I didn't intend for people to think that she is in a bad relationship or a abusive relationship. That was not my goal when I asked "How to cheer her up". I am very saddened that people would take it for more than what it was because all I asked was how I could cheer her up.

 

[KCMiller]

Here's the story - We've got a trip planned for May 29th - June 6th - Staying off property - We've been twice before as a family (DH, myself, DD, DMom, and DDad) - This time we invited Dh's sister and her husband. We've been talking about this trip for months now. My mom called the hotel we stayed at last year and made the reservations for this trip. She got three rooms - She even put down the deposit. My DSIL wants so badly to go because she's never been. But her husband is making it difficult. It's not that they don't have the money to go. He just won't give her a real answer. He's being so stubborn. She came over Saturday and DH, DD, and I told her all about the parks, the food, the parades, the rides - everything! For months now, her husband has been putting her off telling her that if she keeps on, then no, they aren't going to go. She finally told him the other day that my mom had made the room ressies and all he said was something to the effect of, well, she can just cancel them too. I don't know what to tell her. DH and I have gotten mad not only because her husband is being childish, but we really want them to go. We keep saying "It's a yes or no question - Pick one" There is no reason he should be prolonging giving her a answer and treating her like she's a kid. It's drivng DH and I nuts!! And our DD is so excited about them going - it's all she talks about - At one point, when we were visiting them, we weren't "allowed" to talk Disney scared1:I know!) because DSIL didn't want to "rock the boat" so to speak. We even told her that she could come with us and leave him at home! lol I just don't know what else I can tell her to make her feel better. I know some people don't like Disney but we're not those people. We LOVE everything Disney!! I'm just at a loss and my heart is breaking for her because I know she really wants to go. Does anybody have any ideas on what to do to cheer her up? Thanks so much!!

Sorry, but when you use phrases like those above in bold type, you're making it seem like the guy in question is a control freak. And if he's really telling his GROWN UP ADULT WIFE that if she keeps asking, they're not going (as if she was three years old), or if she's seriously asking you to not mention it in front of him because she doesn't want to 'rock the boat', then they may really have bigger problems than a Disney trip.

If she really wants to go, and she has a good relationship with her husband, and there's no financial reason for her not to go, then she should tell her husband that it's OK for him to stay home, that she'll go with you guys. If her husband then isn't going to 'allow' her to go, she's got bigger fish to fry.

KC

 

[Bugsmom73]

I would leave him behind.

 

[Absolutely Disney]

I'd tell her that she can come with you if she wants to, and remind her that she can make her own decisions. If her husband doesn't want to come, but she does, I would leave him behind!

I hope everything works out, my heart was breaking for your DSIL as I was reading this. I think she needs to go! After all, everyone needs pixie dust sometime!

 

[PrincessTeresa]

It's obviously MY fault that everybody thought the guy was a dud - I had just wanted to explain the story behind why I was sad and people took what I wrote to the next level instead of taking it at face value and instead of answering my question, made it into something it was not. I will certanily be careful the next time I post a question or just simply ask the question or not post at all. Like I said before, I just wanted ideas on how to cheer DSIL up. Oh well, I've learned my lesson.

 

[Absolutely Disney]

Maybe you should do other special things with your DSIL and DBIN if your DSIL is not going to go. That way, she won't feel as left out.

What I've noticed is, when someone says things to me like, "Oh, it's OK, it's not the end of the world," it makes me feel WORSE. Especially if the people saying that get to go, and I don't.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I would happily leave that man behind!

OP: Good Luck to you ALL!

 

[Brian_WDW74]

This isn't really a theme parks planning issue, so I've moved it to the Theme Parks Community board.

 

[shalom]

He just doesn't want to go to Disney for some reason. He thinks its a waste of money to go to a "theme park because he doesn't ride anything".

I am not a rides person, either. I'm going to Disney World the first time this month, and I may come to the same conclusion your BIL has. But there is a great deal to do at WDW even if you're not into rides, from the Cinderella Mosaics in the Magic Kingdom to the free tours given by Norway Tourism people in Epcot to the live performances in all the parks. Should your BIL end up willing to discuss it, Steve Soares has a Live Entertainment schedule for each park:

http://pages.prodigy.net/stevesoares/

 

[MaggieMoo'sMom]

It's obviously MY fault that everybody thought the guy was a dud - I had just wanted to explain the story behind why I was sad and people took what I wrote to the next level instead of taking it at face value and instead of answering my question, made it into something it was not. I will certanily be careful the next time I post a question or just simply ask the question or not post at all. Like I said before, I just wanted ideas on how to cheer DSIL up. Oh well, I've learned my lesson.

Like I said earlier, my darling DH just simply did not want to go when we went in October. He's not mean...it just wasn't his thing.

 

[Nayan]

I have to agree with what KC said above. You made it sound as if he was this terrible monster and we all gave advice according to what you said. And I still stand by what I said, that she needs to tell him that if she really wants to go she'll go without him and if he has a hissy fit so be it. Be an adult and take a stand.

 

[letthewookiewin]

It's obviously MY fault that everybody thought the guy was a dud - I had just wanted to explain the story behind why I was sad and people took what I wrote to the next level instead of taking it at face value and instead of answering my question, made it into something it was not. I will certanily be careful the next time I post a question or just simply ask the question or not post at all. Like I said before, I just wanted ideas on how to cheer DSIL up. Oh well, I've learned my lesson.

Not your fault, you just need to remember that people on the boards don't know your DSIL and her DH. The way it was phrased, especially the not rocking the boat comment, made him sound like a control freak.

It honestly just may be a money issue with her DH, and he just doesn't want to admit that. It's much easier to say he's not a ride person than it is to say that it's a money thing. We have invited my DH's brother's family on every WDW trip we went on. He didn't want to talk about it and he finally admitted he just thought WDW trip were way too expensive. Some people have a preconceived notion that WDW trips are extremely expensive and you practically have to give away your first born to afford them. This last summer my DBIL's family went on a vacation to Dollywood. When he got back he apologized to me, b/c he said for what they spent, they could have gone on one of the WDW trips I priced for them.(The trip included 4 adults and 1 child and he was comparing it to the cost for 2 adults 1 child at WDW.) If that's the case, maybe if your DSIL could show him how you can make WDW trip economical maybe it will help. If he's like my DH and he thinks it "unmanly" to like going to WDW (how my DH described how he used to feel about going to WDW) he really has to go once to hopefully get the magic. Hopefully, he will go, have a magical time, and be bugging you non-stop to go on WDW trip. My DBIL is now planning on going on a WDW trip with us. His wife just started school and once she is done, they want to take a WDW to celebrate. Honestly, right now all you can do is pray, cross your fingers, wish on a falling star, that he will change his mind. Sending pixie dust that they will call and say they are going.

 

[john1928]

I have no idea what if any other circumstances may exist there, but for our trip 2 years ago I was unable to make a firm commitment until very late in the process due to work. I was on a multi-year, multi-million dollar project that was supposed to be done in September, but it looked like it was going to run long right until the end.

I would never tell my wife that she MUST or CAN NOT do something but I would say that there was no realistic way for me to go when there was that much on the line if the project wasn't done. She then determined that she would not go by herself with an 11mo. It wasn't an issue of cost, it wasn't an issue of vacation time, and it wasn't a mystery to my wife just what the determining factor was.

Unfortunately, on (what felt like) a nearly daily basis from February to July I was asked if I could go or not. This got very old. My wife knew the situation and she's a bright woman, but she is very enthusiastic about vacations... I am certain that if it had been phrased as "I need an answer right now, yes or no" it would have been a NO as I simply couldn't make that promise. Of course if it was a question of "Can the little guy and I go, yes or no" then it would have been an easy yes.

Unless they (SIL & spouse) have had a frank conversation about the issues it's hard to say for sure what the concern is. It's also possible that they have had that conversation but aren't willing to share their reasons with others (money, medical, work, not really wanting to spend time with the other family members going, etc. issues?) and agreed to use the "hubby is being a stick in the mud" excuse instead. If as the OP says he's normally a laid-back non-controlling kind of guy perhaps that's another possibility.

 

[DisTeach1]

Okay, well then, since you are blaming yourself for giving us misleading information, here is what you could have said...

"My sister-in-law is in a great marriage and married to a great guy. We were all planning a vacation together to Disney, but now he doesn't want to go, she can't change his mind, and doesn't want to go without him. I'm sad for her (and for myself). How do I cheer her up?


To which I would have said...

"If you want to cheer her up....DON"T TALK ABOUT DISNEY IN FRONT OF HER." Don't keep pressuring her, don't make her feel worse.

Duh. I still dont' think you talking about it, going on about how bad you feel, and trying to get her to change her mind is going to "cheer" her up.

 

[duffy]

Money always cheers me up.

 

[PrincessTeresa]

DBIL said he'd go to Disney with us!!! He said tonight that he was getting tired of her talking about it, so he finally gave in! He said as long as we don't bother him and then when we get there don't make him ride anything (LOL). It still makes me mad that he was treating DSIL like a kid, but oh well..... DSIL is so much more excited!!!! I told DSIL that it would be hard not to talk about it b/c it's what we talk about 24/7 365! LOL

Thanks to the people who listened to me vent! I wasn't sure he'd come around and see the light!