Prayers for Bobby

[kenman]

This made me cry. Without going into tons of boring details, my best friend of 30 years FINALLY told me he was gay. Actually he couldn't even bring himself to say the words. He made me guess and this was via e-mail - UGH. He and I had kind of lost touch for about 10 years. Now we are in constant touch via text messaging, e-mail, phone and in person. The problem with the in person is he is in FL and I'm in MA.

He has never told anyone. He has a close circle of gay friends who of course know but he's never told relatives, co-workers, or other friends. He is 50 years old and so unhappy and uncomfortable with himself.

My most immediate problem is that in two weeks we will be going to WDW together with my 17 year old daughter and 19 year old son. My daughter met him and loves him. My son has not met him and there is the problem. My friend keeps putting himself down with such horrible comments. When he met my daughter which was also at WDW he bought her, her 17 year old friend and me all t-shirts. When he went to gaydays, he sent her a splash mountain shirt, which I think she wears 5 out of 7 days a week. My friend asked me if I think he should buy a t-shirt for my son or would he be uncomfortable getting a present from an old gay guy. I don't know how to respond to stuff like that. My response was I'm sure he'd love to get a shirt from my friend who happens to be gay. The four of us are staying in one room. I told my daughter she could share a bed with me and my son could sleep on the floor. Does that make my son or me sound like a homophobe? I am so terrified of say or doing something that will hurt my friend.


Now for the long term, he never really has had any long term relationships. I think he would really like to though. I think he makes stupid dating decisions that aren't going to lead to a long term relationship. But I'm no expert in this area. Does anyone have any suggestions? I think if I make a negative comment about his dating choices, he takes it to be a negative comment about "same-sex" dating and correctly points out that I don't know anything about it. He's right. I don't. But there would be nothing that would make me happier than to see him happy.

My problem is that in general I try to fix everyone's problems. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get informed so I can help my friend? Are PFLAG meetings someplace to start?

And he watched this movie just a few weeks ago and then did NOTHING for the rest of the weekend because he was too depressed.

Hmmm, I see I started this by saying without going into too much detail. Imagine if I had gone into detail.

All I can tell you is PFLAG is Amazing! But you know I could not have done it without other Gay men in my life for support! I am 35 and just told my family three days ago and it was the best think to ever happen to me! I saw this movie and I was a mess for two weeks I can tell you for the past 5 years I was planning my own funeral I knew i was going to take my own life I just didn't know how! Then I meet great people and the best thing is Love and just talking about it All a gay Man really needs is support! And Love! Please just sit down and talk about it! It will all be Ok Trust me If I can be Happy being gay Anyone can! I just need to know I was not alone!

 

[rpmdfw]

CONGRATULATIONS!

I can't tell you how much it makes my day, heck my WEEK to see you post that. It's not an easy thing to do, coming out to family. You're very brave, and I'm happy it went so well.

Don't be a stranger, Ken. Hang out on our boards. We're a lot of fun!

 

[kenman]

CONGRATULATIONS!

I can't tell you how much it makes my day, heck my WEEK to see you post that. It's not an easy thing to do, coming out to family. You're very brave, and I'm happy it went so well.

Don't be a stranger, Ken. Hang out on our boards. We're a lot of fun!

You know the strange thing I even felt guilty posting stuff online I always felt like I was doing something wrong! Like my parentswould find out but now I'm free! It took so much courage buddy i felt like I was going to have break down right thier! I told my parents about Pflag and asked them if they need help to deale with me being Gay and thay told me know that they would love me know matter what or who I am! Buddy I was in tears of joy! I am slowely letting them see the new me a Happy Gay Man! My mom told me I can bring someone home if I want to and that I don't have to worry about it at all! I did tell them that I was thinking about taking my own life and my Mom told me to never think of anything like that again! I am just so Happy to Finally just be ME!

 

[hematite153]

I agree, Congratulations Ken! I'm sorry that the world is a place scary enough to make it take you so long to be proud of being yourself, but, I'm glad that you're figuring it out and that your mom's more supportive than you'd feared.

Dopeyluver -- I'd say that people are people and how you and your kids treat your friend shouldn't be related to his sexuality. I.e. if he was really down on himself because he didn't have a lot of money would you let him keep doing it, or, point out all the good things about him that are independent of money?
If your son would sleep on the floor rather than share a bed with a straight friend of yours, then, stick with that plan. If it's solely about him being gay then consider whether there's an alternate plan you haven't yet considered. (Btw, these are just my thoughts based on my own experiences.)

 

[OrlandoMike]

Kenman....

I have thought of you often! I am so happy and relieved to find out you are finally at peace with yourself and a happy man! I am so proud of you! The worst is over, you have the rest of your life ahead of you!

If I had any words of advice for now it would be to take a deep breath and enjoy yourself for a few years. You have finally accepted who you are!

Plan a few vacatons, get to know "friends". Dont worry about the husband thing, that will fall into place when the time is right! What you need now are friends and good times with your new found self! (BTW there are plenty of us here in Orlando if you ever want to come down!)

So get out, live your life, and Congratulations!


By the way.....you get the special "Toaster of the Year award!"

Welcome to the club!

 

[OrlandoMike]

Dopeylover...

I think you may be overthinking things.....

Your 19 year old son is not going to want to share a bed with a man regardless of who it is! Thats just part of being a 19 year old boy. "I'll sleep on the floor, it's OK, I'm at Disney"

As far as your friends dating decisions, stay out of his buisness unless he asks. If he asks, offer your opinion, thats all.

You're going to Disney! Relax and have a good time!

 

[DOPEYLUVER]

Dopeylover...

I think you may be overthinking things.....

Your 19 year old son is not going to want to share a bed with a man regardless of who it is! Thats just part of being a 19 year old boy. "I'll sleep on the floor, it's OK, I'm at Disney"

That's for sure. My daughter isn't exactly looking forward to sharing a bed with me.

As far as your friends dating decisions, stay out of his buisness unless he asks. If he asks, offer your opinion, thats all.

Yeah, you're right of course, but it really does hurt when he talks about what a sad life he lives and how lonely he is when for me it's pretty clear what he's doing wrong. Oh well, we've always said we'd grow old in a nursing home together as long as he can have the remote.

You're going to Disney! Relax and have a good time!

Oh and I know we'll have a blast in Disney. Only 12 days wait now.

 

[rpmdfw]

Dopeyluver, to me, it seems like the solution to your sleeping arrangement is an easy one. You share a bed with your friend, and have your kids share the other.

It's not like you're going to have to worry about your gay friend sleeping in the bed with you, and I'm not sure about your kids, but I had to share a bed with my brother or sister many MANY times on family vactions (and with other kids on school trips.)

If the kids complain about the arrangement tell them that your friend gets one bed, you get the other and they can BOTH sleep on the floor!

 

[DOPEYLUVER]

If the kids complain about the arrangement tell them that your friend gets one bed, you get the other and they can BOTH sleep on the floor!

It may end up that way anyway. I don't think the kids would be OK with Momma sharing a bed with another man while Dad is at home - Gay or Straight.

 

[rpmdfw]

I think I just found out why Lifetime has be re-airing "Prayers for Bobby". I didn't realize it had been nominated for Emmy's. Specifically, Sigourney Weaver has been nominated for her portrayal of Mary Griffith.

http://www.advocate.com/news_detail_ektid108057.asp

I hope she wins!

 

[hematite153]

Dopeyluver, to me, it seems like the solution to your sleeping arrangement is an easy one. You share a bed with your friend, and have your kids share the other.

That was my first thought too.

Then I thought, some teenage girls don't mind sharing a bed with their moms as much as I did. But, now that you've mentioned your DD isn't thrilled with the plan either, I'd like to echo Rob's suggestion since it seems like a good one to me.

 

[kenman]

Does anyone know when thay are going to show Prayers for Bobby again! I never did see the whole movie I was way to upset to watch the rest of it! I never had a movie impact my life like this did! This movie mad me realize so much! Life I so much better when you just be yourself! Love KEN!

 

[geaux_half]

It looks like Sunday, September 20th at 2:00 PM ET is the next airtime.
http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/schedule/daily/2009/09/20/ET

 

[kenman]

Thank you so much!

 

[Haley]

I love the Prayers for Bobby movie and I LOVE this thread! I'm straight but I bawled through the whole movie-- so sad.

I'm in my 20's and it must be my generation or something but when someone says "he's gay" it's like saying "he has brown eyes"-- like whats the big deal.

I can't imagine how it would feel to have your parents not accept you for who you are- that breaks my heart.

I liked in the movie when the preacher said the bible also said women would be stoned to death for pre marital sex...lol... imagine if people did that today.

 

[kenman]

It looks like Sunday, September 20th at 2:00 PM ET is the next airtime.
http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/schedule/daily/2009/09/20/ET

The time was change from 2:00pm to 12:00pm just a heads up to all you want to watch this movie!

 

[lynn71092]

I purposely watched the Emmy's hoping that Sigourney Weaver would win for her role as Mary Griffin but she didn't but she ssooo deserved to.