) Just like I said in my last post...God only gives us what we are capable of handling and I think your post re-iterates that. You've got such an optomistic attitude in how you've handled the fact that your life, pregancy, & child's life is not what you planned and hoped. And I think God knew you'd be able to embrace what He gave you.
Throwing in my 2 cents:
1) ASD, ADHD, emotional disorders etc... are medical diagnosis requiring a Dr., a school psychologist can not make that diagnosis for you, only a Dr. can.
2) I absolutely agree that you need to talk to the pediatrician and see a specialist.
3) I also agree that you should have the school do a full eval. if they haven't already to check for other types of disabilities. (Although toilet training difficulty is common in children with ASD, it is also common in children with sensory disorders. Make sure and Occupational Therapist does an evaluation as well.) This is free and the school must comply. Check your states dept. of education website for specifics.
4) Children with disabilities can go to school not potty trained and usually have a self help goal on their IEP.
5) If your child is academically ready for kindergarten, I don't think that waiting will do any good. You will just add boredom to everything else. And if she does have a disability, it won't go away just because you wait a year. In fact, many studies have shown that children with disabilties do much better with same age peers (as long as they are getting the support they need.)
6) Don't blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong.
7) Don't be afraid to fight for what your daughter needs. Check out the Dept. of Ed. websites and learn your rights as a parent.
Edited to add: I reread my post and I sound kind of preachy. That's the problem with computers, you can't see my sympathetic face. Keep us posted.
Oh, I've spent the past two weeks agonizing over posting a reply. I have a 5 year old with a serious emotional disability. He has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, severe anxiety, panic attacks, Sensory Integration Disorder, and some developmental delays.
Like the OP's daughter, he is not yet fully potty trained.
My hesitation with posting was for this reason, I did not want the OP to think that I am equating what happened to my son with her daughter in any way shape or form. My son was adopted from foster care and suffered some pretty severe abuse and neglect at an early age. Again, a disclaimer, I am in no way saying or even implying in the least that the OP's daughter has been in any way abused or neglected.
My reason for posting is this:
When we got "M" at 25 months of age, we were told he probably had autism. An example, he would stare at the ceiling fan in an unresponsive state. (Obviously there is more to autism than that.) He would scream, have meltdowns, had very little language, in short, he appeared to be in his own little world. In my son's case, he was having dissociative episodes, he couldn't cope and would "check out." Only after seeing a pediatric psychiatrist who specializes in children under 7 yo was the real mental health issue diagnosed.
Mental health issues are not commonly diagnosed in young children and it takes an expert to figure it out. (My son's school still swears he has ADHD and I have to explain, no, it's severe anxiety.) Many behaviors in children with mental health issues are also found in children with ASD. (Meltdowns, delays in toilet training, sensitivity to sounds, lights, etc.)
My point in posting is not to scare you but to encourage you to see a psychiatrist for very young children. (I am not implying that the OP is anything other than a great mother.) There are treatments available for children with mental health issues.
Best of luck to you.
I'd be interested in hearing from other parent's as to how day care centers can get away with requiring all children to be potty trained when for some children with disabilities, that isn't possible at 4 yo. My son goes to preschool through the school system so he can't be "required" to be potty trained.
You've gotten some great advice, and since I agree with it, I won't completely repeat it. But I'd like to add just a little.
1. Don't trust every Dr. you talk to. We have had many many many diagnoses, and often they will contradict each other. There's no clear and simple test, like a blood test or x-ray that can definitively say anything, and especially if a child isn't severly affected, diagnosis is often a matter of interpretation and what they happen to see in the time they're with your child. If your gut tells you that something is missing or not right, TRUST IT. There is no better advocate for your child than you, no one who loves her more, or knows her more. Some Doctors understand how important and powerful that is, but a lot don't.
2. Allow yourself some time to be sad. To grieve what your child may not do, or have, and dreams that may not come true. Give yourself some time to recover from the shock of what has been said. Understand that just because someone uses the term "emotional disability" doesn't mean that there isn't a biological and often neurological basis. It doesn't mean that you or your child did anything wrong. It's just the way she is. The unique, special, fantastic, non average way she is. She can do more than you can imagine right now. She has a plan for her life, just like we all do. She is who she was created to be. And you were destined to be her mom. And that means that you are going to have what you need to raise her, even when you think you don't.
OT:Where are you, exactly? We just moved to Austin TX from Co. Cork 2 years ago. (I am American born to Irish parents and my husband is a Dub.)
Mazz;
Aw, thanks; you are so sweet
Your daughter sounds wonderful. I'm so glad that despite the work, you are able to appreciate and enjoy her for who she is
Nicole
One less thing to worry about.
