Some days, I just hate Asperger's...

[mousescrapper]

sorry for the double post.

 

[Hasil72]

Thanks everyone for all the great suggestions on this thread!

We finally found a karate instructor that wasn't intimidated by DS's long list of issues. I hope to start about mid-December (when I'll have the crazy start up fees). DH works crazy hours so scouting might have to wait until next year.

Mousescrapper...the best advice I can give you is to go with the flow and follow your DS's lead. I learned the hard way and ruined my DS's first (and only so far) trip to the world. As a fanatic, I had everything planned out from what rides he would like and what to avoid. Bad move. Next time, we'll do the parks in few hour intervals with more frequent breaks for down time. Lucky for us both kids love to swim. We had great success with silicon earplugs for Wishes. We'll carefully choose character meals next time as some were way too overstimulating for both DD and DS to just sit and wait for the characters.

Keep me updated. I'm sure you'll have a great time!

 

[timmac]

I wanted to jump in on this thread because I have a DS5 who has received similar diagnoses from a neurologist and an occupational therapist. Aspie and/or SPD. She's currently in kindergarten, has her own aide assigned to her, and sees the OT twice a week for 30 minutes at a time. She has a pretty good social life, really, but has quite a few little quirks too. Most aren't horrible (though they are sometimes obvious), except for serious trouble with potty training... still.

On the flip side there are so many amazing qualities that blow my mind.

- For one, she has extraordinary memorization skills. Literally, if I tell her a story (even a non-familiar made up one), she can recite it back nearly word for word, even days later.

- She sees right through typical childhood "games", if you will. For example, if we say "you can only get this toy after you are a good girl sitting to get your hair cut", she'll reply "but the box doesn't say anything about having to sit to get my hair cut". One night I said it was time to see mommy to braid her hair. She non-chalantly put up her hand and stated to me "problem is, I don't want to get my hair braided"

- Similar to above, we visited a local kids theme park that featured "cinderella's castle". Much as she enjoyed that attraction, unfortunately the girl playing the part of Cinderella was a brunette. After we got out of the castle, her first words to me were "Daddy, when are we going to see the real Cinderella with the yellow hair?"

So, the way I look at it, with all the challenges come the blessings as well. God has given us each unique abilities... think how boring the world would be if we were all the same

And DS is starting to notice that other kids his age...even his "friends" at school...have a much richer social life than he does. They make plans with each other over the weekend. DS isn't included at that level.

It's interesting in a way to see this... my daughter's neurologist said that most likely one of her parents (e.g. DW or myself) was an Aspie. Between my DW and me, there was no question I wore that scarlet letter. In a way, it was initially very enlightening and freeing in a sense to learn so much about myself while learning about my daughter. Seeing what you said here about your son, I believe you said he's 16, really hits home for me pretty good. I was very blessed with a decent social life by then, but it took me a while to get to that point, and even then, I noticed similar to your son that it didn't seem as rich and frequent as others.

Even today, I know full well that there's certain things, particularly about social graces that I simply don't get. For the most part I've adjusted to work around that, but every now and again a moment that I can later laugh off makes it apparent. On the other hand, I spent much of my adolescence more or less on my own, playing with computers. Though maybe sad in some sense, if that hadn't been the case I probably wouldn't have as good a job as I do today. It's all in how you look at it.

 

[karynnix]

Today is another "I HATE ASPERGER'S" day. DS had some trouble with some boys picking on him before school. His aide picked up on it immediately when he got into the classroom and the school handled the situation perfectly.

It still kills me that this happens. The boys were just asking Jack questions and laughing when he answered. The principal said that they didn't realize the severity of what they were doing. When they left the principal's office, 2 were crying and one was waiting on his father to come and take care of him. The father was not pleased at all that his son had done something like that.

I'm glad that they see now that what they did was wrong, but it hurts me to my soul that Jack had to listen to them laugh at him. He doesn't know how to fight back and tell them to leave him alone. Thankfully, some boys in his class stopped them and walked in with Jack.

WHEN WILL EVERYONE ELSE GET IT???

 

[ireland_nicole]

I hear you...yesterday my DD(8)got hit in the face b/c she didn't read that the people around her were getting out of control emotionally. They started fighting and one of them missed and hit her. I hate the fear for tomorrow and next year and the one after that. Not knowing how to protect her when I'm not with her, but knowing she can't protect herself.
Nicole

 

[Hasil72]

I'm with you both. I think it upsets me more than DS. I'll ask him occasionally if anyone was teasing, etc. But he doesn't always pick up on it when they make fun. For example, he thinks he's playing tag and laughing WITH the bigger kids when they are laughing AT him as he chases them. Poor thing will keep falling for the same tricks. I really worry what will happen in middle school when he will merge with students from two other schools.

 

[missypie]

One of our high school Aspies became something of an admired legend in his freshman year over a teasing/bullying issue. I'll call the Aspie "Joe" and the teaser "Damien." Damien is an obsese, not very bright boy who was probably looking to boost his own self esteem by tormenting others. Damien had been teasing Joe through middle school and they ended up in a common class in high school. Damien teased Joe day after day. One day Damien stuck out his leg and tripped Joe. Joe decked him, right then and there in class. Joe got a single day of In School Suspension, merely because the school could not look as if it condoned hitting. But it was merely a slap on the wrist because everyone pretty much agreed that Joe did what needed to be done. Joe gained the respect of the freshman class, and the teasing was concluded.

I'm not saying this was an ideal solution, but some kids deserve it!

 

[bookwormde]

Every parent does the best for their child with the knowledge and resources that are available to them so do not think I am judging.
I know everyone on the spectrum is different but I just wanted to leave you with these thoughts. I know that social skills training was almost unavailable to the older aspies but it is never to late. make your school do the level of social skills curriculum and generalization which is needed for your child to "fit into" society to the extend that they wish to. This will alleviate most of the co morbidities which can occur. Aspergers is something they are not something they have. We have no need for much of the social trappings that neurotypicals deem important. It leaves us the potential to have amazingly fulfilling lives, not the lives that neurotypicals have think we should have but our lives.

below is a post I left for a parent who is going through the process of Dx

If your daughter ends up with a diagnosis of aspergers you have many great things to look forward to (along with some challenges) First it is highly unlikely that she is emotionally disabled. what she has is lack of innate social skills and social skills processing hard wired into her brain as neurotypicals have. This means that she will have the extra curriculum and intellectual processing effort that is required to do this intellectually. She may also have some sensory sensitivity issues and need standard academic curriculum provided in a move visual format (thank goodness for the computer age). That is a small price to pay for the great benefits that go along with being an aspie.
She will be a person with no innate discriminatory thinking, she will have a heightened sense of social justice. She will be able to reason in a visual way which is much more efficient and robust than any neurotypical. She is 100 to 1000 times more likely to make a major positive impact on the future of society than neurotypicals. That is not to say that it will always be easy finding a place to fit into but that is getting better with time. And yes she will get married and you will have grandchildren (but probably not until she is in her 30's). Grieve a little celebrate a lot.

And yes it is ok to grumble, things can be difficult, we are living in a social structure that was not of our making. but we have been around through out history and much of the progress that society has made is because of us, and hopefully for our children's children society will catch up with the best of our characteristics.

and yes there are days that I need to grumble also

I guess here is a little. If you ever run into a clinician who says your child is to smart and expressive to be an aspie you can be sure that they are either uneducated or incompetent.

bookworm

So you know where I am "coming from" I am a 50yo sub clinical aspie dd from a long line of aspies. As I state to new people which I meet at support groups, I would have been very disappointed if at least one of my children had not been and aspie. I was fortunate to have a 8yo ds who is clinical. I also have a 4yo ds who is more to the neurotypical side of the world and a neurotypical dw.