"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Why is it that when you're ready to board a plane, they say "you're getting ON the plane"? **** them!!! I'm getting IN the plane.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.