What is a Friend

[disneychrista]

Inspired by @low-key 's Let's Be Friends thread

What does it mean to you when you say someone is your friend?

 

[kdonnel]

That person you can call that will bring the shovel, bleach, and tarp, no questions asked.

 

[wishesuponastar]

Someone who shares in your joy, is there for you when you have grief, generally someone who you are happy to see, talk to.

 

[Renarr]

Forky knows the answer to that!

 

[scrump]

Interesting question. For me, it means someone I want to spend time with. At work, I spend my time with a ton of people I don't want to be with - not friends. There are a few with whom I grab a quick lunch occasionally - friends.

Some people in my life, I make time for after work for dinner or drinks, visiting each other in our respective cities, celebrating milestones - I would call them good friends.

 

[2goofycampers]

If there is trust between 2 people they're friends. All other are coworkers and acquaintances.

 

[bridgetz03]

A friend to me is someone you can talk to and who will actually listen to you. They will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. It's someone you can trust and not have to fear being judged.

 

[cabanafrau]

That person you can call that will bring the shovel, bleach, and tarp, no questions asked.

Someone who shares in your joy, is there for you when you have grief, generally someone who you are happy to see, talk to.

And on the flip side someone you will drop everything for to do the same. Friendship is a two-way street.

 

[MGMmjl]

I do wonder how much the meaning of the word "friend" has degraded with the advent of social media. "I have X number of Facebook friends!"

To me, a friend is someone you can trust, who listens to you, will do things with/for you, and is easy to talk to, but is also honest with you and tells you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. And like the PP mentioned, it is a two-way street. You have to be a friend, and they have to be a friend.

 

[wishesuponastar]

And on the flip side someone you will drop everything for to do the same. Friendship is a two-way street.

oh yes definitely! I should have said it’s a two way street

 

[disneychrista]

I know people who call everyone they know a friend. I don’t have many people that I consider true friends. I am friendly with a lot of people.

To me a friend is someone you see socially and talk to regularly. They are someone you can count on. They are not those you only say hi to if you run into them at the grocery store but don’t make effort to see or talk to beyond that.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I think we have level of friends or at least I know I do. I have people that I would call in the middle of night and I have people that I'm happy to see and spend time with every so often. I have people that know everything about me and some that I genuinely like and enjoy but haven't dived that deep into forming such relationship. I have people in my life that will give me full on no BS critical feedback, which I think we all need. I know I do that for some of my friends, even when they don't want to hear it but will at least think about it.

I'm lazy honestly and I like having people in my life but don't always want to do the work of getting to know new people and understand their nuances and how to build someone up. what their level of crazy and dysfunction is. We all have it and some people are more tolerant than others and lately I'm too tired to be tolerant.

I also think the low key thread is lot different than friends I talk about above. Frankly, if people go from being lovers to just friends and having communication every day or doing things frequently, I imagine it can be confusing. I have a friend from my office going through this now and I flat out told her that he gets his emotional love from her while he gets to bang anyone else. She never thought about it as she sat waiting for him.

 

[cabanafrau]

I do wonder how much the meaning of the word "friend" has degraded with the advent of social media. "I have X number of Facebook friends!"

To me, a friend is someone you can trust, who listens to you, will do things with/for you, and is easy to talk to, but is also honest with you and tells you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. And like the PP mentioned, it is a two-way street. You have to be a friend, and they have to be a friend.

By a social media metric I have no friends. I don't do Facebook anyway, but the way I understand it "friending" someone on there isn't really indicative of a relationship.

I know people who call everyone they know a friend. I don’t have many people that I consider true friends. I am friendly with a lot of people.

To me a friend is someone you see socially and talk to regularly. They are someone you can count on. They are not those you only say hi to if you run into them at the grocery store but don’t make effort to see or talk to beyond that.

I don't call everyone I know a friend. I'm not even particularly outgoing and I'm pretty selective about who I consider a friend or those I would even pursue a friendship with. I do however have friends who I don't see or talk to for months at a time, yet whenever we do talk or see each other it's like no time at all has passed in terms of our friendship. Mostly we just wind up having so much news we want to share.

 

[kdonnel]

And on the flip side someone you will drop everything for to do the same. Friendship is a two-way street.

And the best friend is the one that remains to help move the body and dig the hole!

 

[disneychrista]

I do however have friends who I don't see or talk to for months at a time, yet whenever we do talk or see each other it's like no time at all has passed in terms of our friendship. Mostly we just wind up having so much news we want to share.

My oldest friend is someone I may only see a few times a year, she no longer lives here and has a lot going on taking care of an ailing spouse. We talk about every other month. But the thing here (vs someone you are really just friendly with) is the effort.

 

[nikkistevej]

I have probably only 1 real "friend", we have been friends since we were 14(we're 47), we get along great, my DD calls her Aunt(her son calls me Aunt), she truly is my sister I feel like. We have shared secrets that NO ONE knows but us, and we will take it to the grave. We have a group that we hang with a lot, and we have lunch, dinner, movies, bar nights, but none as close as her. I also have an older sister, we weren't close growing up(she's 6 years older), but we are close now. Honestly- still don't think we're as close as me and my BFF.
I think having that person in your life is important.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I think we have level of friends or at least I know I do. I have people that I would call in the middle of night and I have people that I'm happy to see and spend time with every so often...

I agree - different levels of friends, and also different stages of friendships. - I've had many "friends of convenience" over the years - like the girls on my dorm floor in college, or the moms in playgroup when DS was little... At the time, I would held their hair, or watched their kids, or whatever - immediately, no questions asked. But very few of those friendships developed into something that lasted beyond that stage of our lives.

Probably more of them could have, but I'm not great about putting in the time to really deepen friendships. I'm a introvert at heart, and while I enjoy social time, it "costs" me a lot in energy, so sometimes family is all I can realistically handle.

I'm not a phone person, either, so that doesn't help. Though texting has improved that a lot for me, I know I have missed opportunities over the years.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I have many acquaintances and few friends. My Nana predicted that I would learn the importance of this distinction as I aged; she was right.

A friend is someone I can speak to in confidence about any aspect of my life and they can do the same with me.
We are both there for each other no matter what. We don't need others to put parameters on the level of our communications. We tell each other truths when need be. A friend is ...a chosen family member.

 

[PollyannaMom]

A friend is ...a chosen family member.

I love that definition!!

 

[DuskKodesh]

I have three levels of friend:
1. Someone who already knows all the weird stuff about you but likes you anyways and the same goes for me liking them. We chat.
2. If they text me at 3AM I ask what's wrong before I'd ever get annoyed. Say they need help and I'm on the way.
3. If they lost their home I have an extra bed and food for them.