Why do people have to say the worst to you..

[Mackey Mouse]

We got back from a very full day today in Boston for his first chemo, round 2.. he did well and tomorrow I get to go and buy the one he will take orally....hopefully insurance covers it but for some reason I am expecting a battle.. I do not want him to feel sick, but I do know that chemo is cumulative and he will get weak and sick from it....deep breathing here..

Anyhow, the hospital was great today...people who knew us from before were so supportive, hugging us and kissing him....and even his oncologist was upbeat today... I told him today that if he is going to be on our team than he needs to stand right along side of us and be a cheerleader too... He said....I am there, let's do it....It must be hard to be an oncologist....try not to get attached to your patients, because the prognosis is not a good one and you see so much illness.

Here's the part that is not so nice.. when people ask me what kind of cancer he has....why, why, do they have to tell you stories about this person who had this cancer and lived 3 months... I do not want to hear it, I know the odds but I am praying that he beats them....

Anyhow, I wanted to update you all and say any and all prayers are gratefully accepted....

Please take care of your own loved ones... and hugs all around..

 

[lyeag]

I'll be keeping both of you in my prayers.

 

[dmslush]

I don't know why people are like that. When SO's father was diagnosed with a terminal illness, everyone and their brother was telling SO how bad it was, how he would suffer, etc.. I really got to where I tried to filter all of that stuff and be the go between, change the subject, etc. SO had never been through anything like that before, and his father was a single parent so, it was very, very hard on SO. However, in the end, his father developed a related illness and went quickly and virtually painless. So that was a huge comfort to SO and the rest of us, there was not much suffering, and SO feels like all of those people were just naysayers!

I also think it is like pregnancy. If I start a thread and tell people that I had 17 hours of labor, there will be 100 posters say that their labor was harder and longer, or they knew someone who was in labor for 50 hours. Maybe, they just have to 'one up'????

I'll be thinking of you and your family!!!

 

[JennyMominRI]

When I was first diagnosed with HIV a few people told me that if they got that diagnosis,they would just kill themselves..Huh? That was just what I wanted to hear
Doed your DH take anything for nausea? I take Zofran,which is used for chemo patients..It works.

 

[robinb]

Here's the part that is not so nice.. when people ask me what kind of cancer he has....why, why, do they have to tell you stories about this person who had this cancer and lived 3 months... I do not want to hear it, I know the odds but I am praying that he beats them....

Because it's human nature. They think they are sympathizing with you. It is not meant in a mean way.

{{hugs}} to you and your family.

FWIW, the only personal cancer stories I know are good. Including my own distant brush.

 

[Kycha]

Some people are just insensitive. And I think some people just don't know how to deal with sickness and this is their ham handed way of trying to relate to what you are going through. I wish you and your DH the best. And just know that miracles happen every day.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

He does take Zofran Jenny.....you and he have something in common. and look at you....you have done great and will continue to do great. I have you covered in my prayers too.....Hugs...and thanks everyone for bucking me up after yesterday, it was an emotional day.....BUT I DID NOT CRY....no more crying in front of anyone.....I cry when I am alone and he cannot see it.. My girls cry all the time, it is so hard on them...they love him so. Getting snifflly so no more of that.. It is all about the PMA, right??? I loved that story....I might have a hat made for him with PMA on it....

Hugs all around.

 

[dmslush]

He does take Zofran Jenny.....you and he have something in common. and look at you....you have done great and will continue to do great. I have you covered in my prayers too.....Hugs...and thanks everyone for bucking me up after yesterday, it was an emotional day.....BUT I DID NOT CRY....no more crying in front of anyone.....I cry when I am alone and he cannot see it.. My girls cry all the time, it is so hard on them...they love him so. Getting snifflly so no more of that..

Hugs all around.

Well, you can come here and cry and we won't tell anyone.

A really good friend told me not too long ago, "Crying is God's way of clearing out your tear ducts!!" Kind of silly, but I thought it was cute.

 

[TnRobin]

Just remember Marsha, for every bad story there are good stories. A co-worker here at work is a 4 time survivor of cancer. The doctors did not give her very good odds each time. Well not only is she living proof that no person can predict your fate, but she had proved it 4 times. She is a very vibrant person and a great person to work with. She was a great help during my mom's struggles.

Please don't let that one person bring you down. They aren't worth your energy.

HUGS

 

[safetymom]

Some people are clueless they just don't understand. You and your family have a great positive attitude. Just screen out all that other stuff people are saying.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I don't think people mean to be insensitive. My mother had pancreatic cancer so I understand where you're coming from. I got the same responses when people found out. Unfortunately I now find myself doing the same thing when someone asks me about it since they know I've been through it. I don't do it on purpose.

 

[goofy4tink]

A positive attitude goes a long way, but you already know that don't you!!?? Sometimes, I think it's all about one-up-manship with people. Kind of a 'well, you think that's bad, let me tell you my story' kind of thing. It's just insensitive. People don't always stop and think before running off at the mouth. I'm sure they mean well....that whole 'road to #### is paved with good intentions' thing.
Hang in there...you and Tommy are being prayed for by a bazillion people, every day, twice on Sundays. Keep up the great attitude. Hugs and the very best wishes to all of you, the girls included. They must feel so helpless, I know I would if in their shoes.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I just want to say to DCGrumpy, I am so sorry about your Mom......and I know you know the road that he and I are walking......I know the statistics and I am not looking through rose colored glasses, but I have to know that we are both trying our best to stay positive for our family....miracles happen and maybe he will be the one that will best the statistics...I have to hope for that.

I think about the doctor saying best case scenario, you will live the rest of your life on chemo and it will probably not be a long one.....that is a tough one to hear. But we are going to go for it, we are praying that he is the exception to the rule and we are living our lives...

I know that you would not hurt anyone intentionally and it must be hard not to be honest knowing what you know about Pancreatic Cancer.....hugs to you DCGrumpy...

 

[CarolynU]

Mackey Mouse,
I know exactly what you mean. I do think that in a strange way people are trying to help you by showing empathy with you, and yet by doing so it has the opposite effect. You don't want to hear about the tragedies you want to hear about the triumphs, and there are triumphs. It is just that maybe those people and their close ones are trying to move on and don't want to dwell on harder times.

 

[dcgrumpy]

A positive attitude make a big difference. My mother had a great attitude and remained optimistic and never gave up hope. She had a great sense of humor and was able to joke about it. I remember people at work being appalled when they would ask how she was and I'd make a joke. But that's how my family is and it helped a lot.

 

[JunieJay]

Glad to read the update Marsha, its so important to have a team of optimistic and hopeful medical people.

As for why people give you their worst case scenario, I couldn't tell you. I'm an optimistic person by nature - my glass is half full. I believe in my heart that Tommy can beat this, and I am going to keep believing that. And as your friend, I am going to keep telling you that as often and as much as possible. There is NO reason why he can't be the exception.

my friend. Big one for Tom too.

 

[pjb_hockey_mom]

Hugs all around tonight everyone!

I have found that most people like to share their stories and experiences in hopes that we find them comforting. Some just do it more (ahem) tactfully than others.

One thing I have picked up in my conversations with others is how a healthy, positive attitude can really make a difference in either their or their loved ones recovery and battle.

 

[CarolAnnC]

Even worse than the people who say negative things, are the people who avoid you during critical illnesses and such. I understand some people suffer denial and feel their own mortality when confronted with issues of sickness and death, but it is so disheartening to feel that people either avoid you or just totally disappear.

I am here for you Marsha, and you know I already consider Tommy a miracle! He is a fighter and is putting out all efforts to beat this disease. Hugs and keep the faith....

 

[JennyMominRI]

Even worse than the people who say negative things, are the people who avoid you during critical illnesses and such. I understand some people suffer denial and feel their own mortality when confronted with issues of sickness and death, but it is so disheartening to feel that people either avoid you or just totally disappear.

....

Word

People never talk about *my illness* That's what my mother calls it..She doesn't say the word..Every. I don't think I've ever heard her say it in 15 years. They probably figure it would upset me.
Ormaybe they think if they don't talk about it it's not real.

 

[Tinks]

Sometimes people just don't have the right words to say and I think they just want to say something , anything to somehow relate to you and show they care. It just doesn't always come out right.

Prayers for you and your family. The road is tough sometimes, but we can all stick together.