Spanking

[LSUmiss]

The problem is you are assuming way to much while you are judging. You assume the parent has t tried anything else.

You assume the parent in the OP hadn't done anything else and wasn't willing to do something that unconvienced her. Maybe she was one Mom with two kids or more. Maybe they had already gotten out of line and she was t willing to make her other child sacrifice his/her trip. Maybe a lot of things. But because you don't believe in spanking you assume it's just lazy parenting when honestly you have no idea.

You are assuming the pp went straight from time out to spanking. The child was running through the house and practically knocking herself out but you think they need to take the 100 days to try every other method before spanking. Maybe spanking her bottom kept her from getting a concussion for Pete sakes. It sounds like the pp is at her wits end with a very challenging child. They have to do what works to get ahold of the child. But it's easier to judge than to support a parent right?

Judge away but stop assuming you can take take one little snapshot of someone's life and know exactly what is happening.

Are there not some things that you think are wrong regardless of the circumstances? I agree that almost things should be looked at on a case-by-case basis, but I also believe the some things are wrong no matter what. So for some of us, this is one of those things.

 

[mummabear]

I think that’s exactly the point. I realize the 2 sides will have to just agree to disagree, but the anti group believes that it’s wrong so when you believe something is wrong it’s not about preference & what works & it’s hard to not be judgmental. Ppl get upset about the lazy parent comments & say things like you don’t my kid. Well my DS can be challenging. It’s not that he is just one of these kids that just complies more easily. But, we do what we have to do which sometimes means we miss out too. The OP’s post to me is an example of that. A spanking or threat of a spanking is easier than getting out of line & dealing with the child appropriately.

Exactly this isn’t about cry it out or breast vs bottle. This is “is it ok to hit children”

The problem is you are assuming way to much while you are judging. You assume the parent has t tried anything else.

You assume the parent in the OP hadn't done anything else and wasn't willing to do something that unconvienced her. Maybe she was one Mom with two kids or more. Maybe they had already gotten out of line and she was t willing to make her other child sacrifice his/her trip. Maybe a lot of things. But because you don't believe in spanking you assume it's just lazy parenting when honestly you have no idea.

You are assuming the pp went straight from time out to spanking. The child was running through the house and practically knocking herself out but you think they need to take the 100 days to try every other method before spanking. Maybe spanking her bottom kept her from getting a concussion for Pete sakes. It sounds like the pp is at her wits end with a very challenging child. They have to do what works to get ahold of the child. But it's easier to judge than to support a parent right?

Judge away but stop assuming you can take take one little snapshot of someone's life and know exactly what is happening.

Does it matter if she has more than one kid, one of my kids misbehaves sometimes it looses fun for all of them, it is a great motivator to behave.

I am not assuming anything about the PP-her own words said she tried time out for 2 years then switched to spanking.

A snapshot is all I would need of this parent in line to judge them, all I need to know is that rather than get out of line she would rather hit her child.

 

[luvsJack]

Exactly this isn’t about cry it out or breast vs bottle. This is “is it ok to hit children”



Does it matter if she has more than one kid, one of my kids misbehaves sometimes it looses fun for all of them, it is a great motivator to behave.

I am not assuming anything about the PP-her own words said she tried time out for 2 years then switched to spanking.

A snapshot is all I would need of this parent in line to judge them, all I need to know is that rather than get out of line she would rather hit her child.

Because you are choosing to be judgemental. We don't have a clue what was going on.

By the way, that motivator can and does backfire. It's not the job of your other children to make one behave. And when it's the same child causing problems that means the others are always losing out. That isn't fair to them. Why should they be punished?

And so sorry, but if I just paid $5000 for a trip, we got out of line 5 times for one child misbehaving and made the other kids miss out, I can certainly understand the Mom deciding to put a stop to it.

Since the op says she didn't spank the child, sounds like it was handled.

As for the pp, she said they have done several things for other offenses and none worked. What she was doing was dangerous.

 

[cruisingtwins]

I believe using violence against anyone it's wrong but it's legal so I mind my own business.

One of my favorite quotes:

“Violence brings only temporary victories; violence, by creating many more social problems than it solves, never brings permanent peace.”

 

[luvsJack]

Are there not some things that you think are wrong regardless of the circumstances? I agree that almost things should be looked at on a case-by-case basis, but I also believe the some things are wrong no matter what. So for some of us, this is one of those things.

You don't have to assume and then throw around terms like "lazy parenting" or "uneducated". Because the fact is you do not know.

 

[LSUmiss]

You don't have to assume and then throw around terms like "lazy parenting" or "uneducated". Because the fact is you do not know.

I agree on the lazy parenting thing b/c I don’t know. But that’s part of the being judgmental that I admitted to.
So I’m judging that they might be lazy. I’m saying that I don’t need to know circumstances in the case of pp using spanking b/c I believe it’s wrong. There are some things that others believe are just wrong no matter the circumstances. As far as uneducated, I wouldn’t necessarily assume that if anyone just b/c they’re spanking. That was the demographic I saw in the clinic. It wasn’t assumption or a judgment, it was just fact. But, most of them were receptive to learning new techniques so that was never an issue.

 

[sam_gordon]

And, it’s hard not to judge ppl who should know better who think it’s ok to inflict pain on children.

Except you have said on this thread that you're ok with a swat to the behind. That's inflicting pain, isn't it?

“Violence brings only temporary victories; violence, by creating many more social problems than it solves, never brings permanent peace.”

Except numerous people here have said the "victory" is longer than temporary. In studies linked earlier in this thread (so in theory put out by professionals), a limited use of corporal punishment CAN be successful. I'm paraphrasing, but the "anti" crowd keeps pointing to "experts".

 

[LSUmiss]

Except you have said on this thread that you're ok with a swat to the behind. That's inflicting pain, isn't it?


Except numerous people here have said the "victory" is longer than temporary. In studies linked earlier in this thread (so in theory put out by professionals), a limited use of corporal punishment CAN be successful. I'm paraphrasing, but the "anti" crowd keeps pointing to "experts".

Well I have said I’m “ok with it” in that’s it’s not as egregious. So I’d be more willing to accept that & probably wouldn’t be as judgmental.

 

[mummabear]

Because you are choosing to be judgemental. We don't have a clue what was going on.

Sure am. Some things I am happy to judge on and need no more information.
Like smoking:I need to know nothing more than they choose to smoke to make a judgment about them.
Same with anyone hitting their children, I don’t care what the reasoning behind it is, it doesn’t change the fact that they are willing to hit their child.
If you are annoying me in line by cutting in do I get to give you a swat on your backside to get you to pull your head in, I mean as long as it is an open hand over clothes leaving a mark that last less than 30 minutes?

 

[Domo]

You can say what you saw. In the OP you said it "came close to a spanking" and then later you implied the child's pants were pulled down and the spanking happened. So which was it?

Jeez Louise, you don't like me do you! lol! I was simply saying that the child's mother was making threats of a spanking nature and that I was uncomfortable with the notion. Simple as that

 

[luvsJack]

Sure am. Some things I am happy to judge on and need no more information.
Like smoking:I need to know nothing more than they choose to smoke to make a judgment about them.
Same with anyone hitting their children, I don’t care what the reasoning behind it is, it doesn’t change the fact that they are willing to hit their child.
If you are annoying me in line by cutting in do I get to give you a swat on your backside to get you to pull your head in, I mean as long as it is an open hand over clothes leaving a mark that last less than 30 minutes?

Who said anything about leaving a mark?

By all means, swat someone in line. May end up with a black eye but go for it. Lol. Some deserve it.

Cutting in line isn't dangerous. Running full speed into a door jam can be. Running into traffic can be. Getting lost in a crowd can be. If a swat on the butt prevents the child from getting hurt by all means judge on.

It's sad that parents choose to judge each other so quickly. You judge based on a threat to spank or spanking for something that could be dangerous to the child. Someone else judges because "breast is most healthy!" Or judge because a parent chooses to let a child cry it out. And no one ever considers the rest of the story. Really sad.

 

[cruisingtwins]

Except you have said on this thread that you're ok with a swat to the behind. That's inflicting pain, isn't it?


Except numerous people here have said the "victory" is longer than temporary. In studies linked earlier in this thread (so in theory put out by professionals), a limited use of corporal punishment CAN be successful. I'm paraphrasing, but the "anti" crowd keeps pointing to "experts".

Depends how you define "successful" I think I would have failed if my kids ever think hitting another person is ok.

 

[sam_gordon]

Depends how you define "successful" I think I would have failed if my kids ever think hitting another person is ok.

Successful would mean the child stops doing the unwanted act. I spanked my kids and they don't think hitting someone else is OK. And they stopped doing whatever it was that led to the spanking, so I would consider that "successful." You may not.

 

[sam_gordon]

Well I have said I’m “ok with it” in that’s it’s not as egregious. So I’d be more willing to accept that & probably wouldn’t be as judgmental.

So it's ok to inflict SOME pain? So I guess with you, it's just a question of the level of pain.

Jeez Louise, you don't like me do you! lol! I was simply saying that the child's mother was making threats of a spanking nature and that I was uncomfortable with the notion. Simple as that

It has nothing to do with whether I like you or not. I was trying to get clarification on what happened and misread your follow up post.

 

[sk!mom]

Sure. Go ahead. Bottom line for me (and others apparently)...
1) Spanking "worked".
2) There was no long lasting impact.

Could other discipline methods have worked? Maybe, maybe not.

You asked me up thread how I proved "better off" not being spanked. How do you prove "no long lasting impact?" I would disagree with no long lasting impact.

Who said anything about leaving a mark?

By all means, swat someone in line. May end up with a black eye but go for it. Lol. Some deserve it.

Cutting in line isn't dangerous. Running full speed into a door jam can be. Running into traffic can be. Getting lost in a crowd can be. If a swat on the butt prevents the child from getting hurt by all means judge on.

It's sad that parents choose to judge each other so quickly. You judge based on a threat to spank or spanking for something that could be dangerous to the child. Someone else judges because "breast is most healthy!" Or judge because a parent chooses to let a child cry it out. And no one ever considers the rest of the story. Really sad.

People keep bringing up the pp who claims that spanking stopped the running in the house. I'm doubtful. If a head injury didn't stop it, why would a spanking? It's more likely that the child finally outgrew the behavior.

 

[sk!mom]

Actually, I said she sees her mom twice a month. Which is still not a lot. That may very well be part of the problem and she is in counseling to help deal with that. But that does not give her a free pass to hit DD, kick the cat, pee on her bedroom floor, draw on the floor, throw tantrums when she doesn't get her way, lie, and break any and all household rules she just doesn't feel like following.

DD11 is also a child of divorce and her biological father has actually been dead for the last 8 years. No one, and I mean no one, makes excuses for her behavior due to the fact that she never sees her father. It is always very interesting to me that in blended family situations the sympathy is ALWAYS given to the mans children but very little consideration is given to the womans children who are also stepkids who don't live with both parents. It's really boggling to me.

Her misbehavior seems extreme and a bit disturbing in the case of urinating on the floor at 7 and kicking the cat. I'm glad that she's seeing a counselor. What does your counselor advise with regard to spanking or effective punishment? I've never known a counselor who recommended spanking especially if she already has violent behaviors.

 

[LSUmiss]

So it's ok to inflict SOME pain? So I guess with you, it's just a question of the level of pain.

It has nothing to do with whether I like you or not. I was trying to get clarification on what happened and misread your follow up post.

I guess my “ok” was in the interest of compromise for the discussion. It was mostly b/c at that time the discussion had morphed into ppl saying whipping or hitting with an object is abusive. I agree with that for the most part. A swat on the butt is not abusive imo, but I don’t agree with it as a technique & don’t use it. Also I think the level of pain is relevant. Some ppl talked about a quick light swat on the butt to get a 3 yr old’s attention. While I don’t use it, that doesn’t bother me b/c I didn’t think ppl meant hard enough to actually inflict pain b/c it’s a 3 y/o for godsake. I think it all brings back my point that’s it’s all way too subjective & therefore too dangerous to allow parents to make “their choice of what works” b/c what works might actually be abuse. It’s still legal here for now, but I can only hope that changes one day.

 

[cruisingtwins]

So your kids don't think you hitting them is ok? Do you tell them it's ok for you to hit them but not someone else?

 

[sam_gordon]

You asked me up thread how I proved "better off" not being spanked. How do you prove "no long lasting impact?" I would disagree with no long lasting impact.

I think it's hard to prove a negative. Now, if you want a guess, all my kids are A/B students, have friends, DS (who probably got spanked the most of the three of them) is popular among peers and teachers. They're all polite and helpful. Any specific trait you'd like to know about?

 

[North of Mouse]

I believe using violence against anyone it's wrong but it's legal so I mind my own business.

One of my favorite quotes:

“Violence brings only temporary victories; violence, by creating many more social problems than it solves, never brings permanent peace.”

Well, guess you can live by your favorite quote as we all can have our opinions and what we think works the best.
I have 7 siblings (mid 60's - mid 80's) and we have no social ills, love each other, have peace, and were raised with a few spankings, so guess your quote doesn't fit everyone LOL.

And, I might add, the schools sure have much more problems today than they did when we, or our children went to school - very few disruptive students - but that's for another day!