My (black) friend’s daughter was offered a full scholarship. The problem was, it was to a practically all-white college in a part of the country not exactly known for embracing diversity and, as she said, “I just don’t know if I want to spend all day having white people ask to touch my hair.” That’s the crux of it when it comes to these “segregated” college experiences mentioned upthread. Some colleges allow minority-only dorms so the minority students can have a place on campus where they don’t have to exist as the minority. They can be surrounded by people with a similar background, culture, and experiences as themselves, people who are already familiar with what it’s like to be black (or latinx, or Asian, or LGBTQ...), so they don’t have to feel like an outsider or deal with biases or microaggressions in their own home environment. A white roommate might not mean harm when she asks why her black roommate wraps her hair in a scarf before bed or when she expresses surprise that perms do the opposite for black hair than they do for white, but it gets exhausting for the black student to always have to explain what it means to be black. One complaint that I have often seen mentioned by Asian people is the issue surrounding food. They want to eat their traditional dishes in peace without bland-diet Becky sneering and asking “Ew, what is that? Gross!” People don’t want to be “on” all the time, sometimes they just want to relax and surround themselves with people who understand them. This is one reason many of my friends and classmates chose to attend HBCUs. It’s a similar concept to Americans who move abroad and then choose to live in expat communities. People just want to fit in.
The separate graduation ceremonies are optional for students to attend and are held in addition to the school’s official ceremony. Again, this allows for students with similar culture and experience to come together and celebrate in a way that appeals to them, as well as allowing for speakers who can address more specific issues these students will face as they venture out into the world as a [black man, asian-american, undocumented young adult, trans woman...] Segregated freshmen orientations are also a thing, and for the same reasons.
Remember, minorities in this country live in a white-dominated society and they are used to being surrounded by people who are different from them every day, so having a space that embraces and normalizes their way of life is not a bad thing. Would bland-diet Becky benefit from diversifying her friend group and broadening her world view? Probably, but it’s not the asian person’s responsibility to open her mind for her — she needs to take the steps to do that herself. Instead of being outraged that minorities want their own spaces, perhaps white people should be trying to figure out why they might feel like outsiders around us and why they feel they need that escape.
Quick story: I’m white and I spent my childhood and half of my adulthood in majority-black environments. In my late twenties, I was one of a couple white people working in an otherwise all black club. I took one of my white friends to this club on one of my days off to drink and party. We had a great time but afterwards she said to me, “I knew there weren’t going to be a lot of white people there but I didn’t think we were going to be the only white people there.” I was shocked. I realized that was her first time ever having the experience of being the only white person in the room. That was such a foreign concept to me, to think she’d grown up in such a white bubble that she was nearly 30 years old before she’d ever been in the position to be the (almost) only person of her race in the room. I’ve come to realize how common this is in the years since. White people, if you’ve never been the only white person in the room then you haven’t experienced something every minority experiences on a regular basis in this country. Instead of judging their desire for “segregated” dorms or college parties, maybe just extend a little grace and admit you don’t know what it’s like to walk in their shoes.
One last thing that my first paragraph made me think of: I hear lots of arguments about white privilege, what it is, who has it, etc. If you or your child didn’t have to consider how well your race would be welcomed when deciding whether to accept a scholarship or which college to attend, that’s white privilege.
