It's too late for me to say everything I want, but I just had to drop in and send you a
and some
tonight!
I'll drop back by soon!
Pearlieq, I am so happy to see you. I think about you all the time and miss you! I need to visit your journal and see how things are going.
I did great with food yesterday. I took dd's birthday party friends to the rec center to swim and I walked for an hour. So that was good. Then I took them to Cold Stone and didn't order anything for myself. I did get five spoons and take a sample from each girl's ice cream which they found very funny! Went to church and came home and made a healthy dinner.
Then today, I had a problem with (you guessed it) chips! I did drink plenty of water and ate a light dinner but still. We went to the mountains to see some Aspen, we were going to take a hike but it was raining and lightening so that killed that. I went into a grocery store to use the restroom and bought some chips. Why do I do stupid stuff like that?
Tonight I was selfish. My sister called and it was right at the end of Cold Case. I had invested 53 minutes into that show, Dan was watching with me, we rarely get to watch a show together and I just let voice mail get it. When I listened, it was this sort of sad, pathetic message. She was missing my mom and said she was lonely. For around 25 years my sister chose to reject our mother, to blame her for everything and basically cause the entire family to feel stress and strain. Through the last 8 months since our mother died, I think the light finally came on for her. She is realzing what a waste she made of her relationship with her mother, and I think she wants to get closer to me. Whether that is because she doesn't want to regret that either or just because she has nobody else, I don't know. But that is not my problem. For years she has never missed an opportunty to treat me like total dog crap, so I guess tonight, I just didnt' feel the need to jump under the bus of her crisis. Dh was very proud. He hates the way when she calls, I am on the phone for hours listening to her.
I don't rule anything out with my sister. I sort of take it one day at a time where she is concerned. Since my mother died, we have had some nice times here and there. But she is sort of like Chinese food to me. I really have to be in the right mood to enjoy her! Tonight was not one of those nights. And in some ways, I find it almost insulting when she does this. It wasn't all that long ago she was standing around telling people how ugly my teeth are. Now suddenly I am her lifeline of support. Sorry, maybe I am getting to cynical, but frankly, Cold Case was more important to me tonight. Heck I even watched the second epiosde they had on for some reason!
In a way, I feel like this is somewhat of the same thing I do with food and my weight. I don't do what is the healthy, smart, self saving thing. I do what will work against me. If there is one thing I have learned from some of my recent grief counseling, its that its okay to put yourself first. After all, I am often lonesome and basically have an ache in my heart 24/7. She's not there for me, so mean as it sounds, maybe I can't be there for her either.
I may call her this week or just send an email. I said a prayer and asked God to give her comfort but that was all I felt I could do tonight.
So I guess the moral of today's story is that I didn't conquer the chips but I did at least not fall prey to one of my sister's phone conversations from hell.
I am ready for a good week. I plan to walk tomorrow and Tuesday, that will give me my 4x per week. I am a little concerned about the salt I ate today but all I can do is move forward. I did get right back on track within the same day and didn't just throw in the towel for a food fest. But that was a lot of chips I ate nonetheless!
I know exactly what you mean! 
well done Amy - i'm so proud of you 
