I'm a bit frustrated with my older sister right now. She was very bossy when we were growing up, but as an adult, her need for control has skyrocketed. To give some context on that, when her first daughter was born, my brother took a picture of the baby through the nursery glass and posted the picture on Facebook with a loving comment. My sister became enraged at him because she wanted to "release" the baby photos on Facebook herself, and she didn't think he removed the photos quickly enough after she complained. This resulted in my brother being shunned from family events (which are mostly held at her house) for about four years. Yes, four years. No, they didn't have a bad relationship before that came up.
Fastforward to now. I see my sister and her family on a weekly basis, as my son and I travel to her home each Sunday. It's important to me to keep family relationships strong for the sake of all the kids. My sister has two daughters now, and we love them.
Our father died across the country last summer, leaving no will, but money has popped up in various accounts, and he had a safe-deposit box in California. My sister has been managing the process of getting these accounts together, which I really appreciate. She asked my brother and I to travel to California with her this summer to look into the safe deposit box, and any other accounts that might exist there. We agreed. I booked the flights she wanted me to book, and she said to not rent a car (even though I saw a great deal) because my brother would do it. I told her to let me know when the time to choose a hotel room would come up, as I'm a bit fussy about how & where I'll stay & wanted some input on that. 3 days later, she tells me via text that we're all (her, my brother & me) going to stay in a single standard room in a relatively cheap hotel that I would never choose to stay at. She says this room & the rental car will be paid for out of our joint inheritance. Well, fine about the money. Since she's doing the organizing work on this, imo she can manage payment of the trip how she likes.
But where I draw the line is giving up my adult right to choose where & how I spend the night. I booked an affordable but nice bed & breakfast that's a 5-10 minute drive from their hotel. I told her I would pay for it independently (not from our joint inheritance) as it was important to me to not sleep 3 adults to a room, & because I like to choose my own lodging.
My sister is really angry about this. Pointed out that the money for their hotel will still come out of our joint inheritance. I said that's fine. Then she complained that everything would take too long, since my B&B is in the "wrong direction". I told her I would get a taxi or rent my own car if that was a problem. I then ended the conversation. I had tried to keep it upbeat & positive, but she was, & probably still is, really angry.
Thoughts?