Autoimmune.........

[paigevz]

Okay, so that was the rational update. Here's the irrational vent:

I want to blame somebody. I want somebody to be mad at. I want somebody to be at fault.

I want somebody to fix it. I want somebody to fix him. I want somebody to fix me. I want my life back.

This is what I grew up for? This is what I've done all this for? For this future?

It's wrong. It's not right. It's not supposed to be this way. I can't fix it right.

No one can fix it. Humpty Dumpty.

I shouldn't have trusted the happiness. I should have known it wouldn't last. I should have known better.

I hurt today.

 

[Christine]

Paige,

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. I'm not in the same position as you are but I am very familiar with the feelings that you are experiencing. It gets really hard sometimes and you wonder why *you* couldn't be the one where life went perfect.

I try not to have a "sour grapes" attitude myself, but it is difficult when you see how glowingly wonderful some people's lives are and they have never been even touched by an illness. Wouldn't wish it on ANYONE but it is hard when YOUR life is the one that gets the bad roll of the dice.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Okay, so that was the rational update. Here's the irrational vent:

I want to blame somebody. I want somebody to be mad at. I want somebody to be at fault.

I want somebody to fix it. I want somebody to fix him. I want somebody to fix me. I want my life back.

This is what I grew up for? This is what I've done all this for? For this future?

It's wrong. It's not right. It's not supposed to be this way. I can't fix it right.

No one can fix it. Humpty Dumpty.

I shouldn't have trusted the happiness. I should have known it wouldn't last. I should have known better.

I hurt today.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Oh, Paige. It's not fair and I don't blame you one bit for what you are feeling. Know that I am here for you anytime. You have my number...please do not let yourself sink too low. And your vent was not irrational, P.

 

[blue_river]

Paige...it has been some time since I joined you guys on the board and I wanted to check in here first.

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. As one who is experiencing the same sort of situation as your hubby, my advice to YOU is take it one step at a time. Try not to worry too much about the future and deal with it when the time comes. No one is to blame.

I can understand the stress you must be feeling and my heart goes out to you and your poor husband who is also dealing with this firsthand. Enjoy everyday as if it were your last and don't sweat the small stuff.

Hang in there. Be strong for your DH - he needs you now the most.

 

[paigevz]

HEIDI!!!!!!!!!!! Where you been?

I KNOW what you're saying, and I totally agree. I seem to be unable to stop thinking of the future though. I try, I do, and when we're together I do fine. But when we're apart, that's when it's hard. When we're at work, or when he's asleep and I'm up............it makes no sense, I know. I don't seem to be able to control it.

I am trying to be there for him.........he's not letting me, mostly.

Angel and T.........thanks.

Christine, I have no problem with others having nice lives. I would just like my husband well. And my friends as well.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Paige, one thing that you need to understand...it's important to be able to vent about what you are feeling. Your feelings are very normal and to be expected.

 

[L107ANGEL]

Paige, one thing that you need to understand...it's important to be able to vent about what you are feeling. Your feelings are very normal and to be expected.

And we're always here for you!

 

[hiwaygal]

Paige...I don't know what to say. Anything I can think of just sounds so inadequate.

I know you know that we are all here for you...I know it's not the same as someone right there in front of you but it feels the same to me.

As long as you know that the vents and the things you are feeling are totally normal...and know that you are NOT going crazy...well, I only hope that makes you feel even just a little better.

 

[disney kid at heart]

Okay, so that was the rational update. Here's the irrational vent:

I want to blame somebody. I want somebody to be mad at. I want somebody to be at fault.

I want somebody to fix it. I want somebody to fix him. I want somebody to fix me. I want my life back.

This is what I grew up for? This is what I've done all this for? For this future?

It's wrong. It's not right. It's not supposed to be this way. I can't fix it right.

No one can fix it. Humpty Dumpty.

I shouldn't have trusted the happiness. I should have known it wouldn't last. I should have known better.

I hurt today.

We are all here for you.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

Paige hugs to you my friend. Remember we are hear for you. Do you still have my cell phone number? Use it if you ever just need to talk. You are a very strong person. You will get through this and we all will help you as best as we can.

 

[paigevz]

Paige, one thing that you need to understand...it's important to be able to vent about what you are feeling. Your feelings are very normal and to be expected.

Thanks. I feel whiny sometimes.

And we're always here for you!

I know, that keeps me sane.

know you know that we are all here for you...I know it's not the same as someone right there in front of you but it feels the same to me.

It feels the same to me too.

We are all here for you.

Thanks so much.

Paige hugs to you my friend. Remember we are hear for you. Do you still have my cell phone number? Use it if you ever just need to talk. You are a very strong person. You will get through this and we all will help you as best as we can.

Thanks Tricia, I do have your number.

 

[SillyMe]

Okay, so that was the rational update. Here's the irrational vent:

I want to blame somebody. I want somebody to be mad at. I want somebody to be at fault.

I want somebody to fix it. I want somebody to fix him. I want somebody to fix me. I want my life back.

This is what I grew up for? This is what I've done all this for? For this future?

It's wrong. It's not right. It's not supposed to be this way. I can't fix it right.

No one can fix it. Humpty Dumpty.

I shouldn't have trusted the happiness. I should have known it wouldn't last. I should have known better.

I hurt today.

I didn't know this place was here until now. What an awesome idea. Paige, don't ever worry about venting. That's what friends are for. I wish I had the time lately to hang out with you guys. I miss you all. I've been busy shopping for ruby red lipstick and momjeans.

 

[CEDmom]

Paigey, I just found this thread. I just want you to know I love you when you're upset and I love you when you're happy .

 

[paigevz]

Well, we have not been communicating very well, but dh told me today that he was called by a nurse asking for him to redo his bloodwork "right away". He told her he'd go this weekend, and she said "What if you don't go this weekend?"..........which is an odd question, it seems to me, but that's what he says she said. He told her he WOULD, and she said "make sure you get that done". He went this morning. He told me all this when he got home. Normally, when he goes to get bloodwork done, we all go, and lunch or shop afterwards. Things are changing around here.................

 

[hiwaygal]

Well, we have not been communicating very well, but dh told me today that he was called by a nurse asking for him to redo his bloodwork "right away". He told her he'd go this weekend, and she said "What if you don't go this weekend?"..........which is an odd question, it seems to me, but that's what he says she said. He told her he WOULD, and she said "make sure you get that done". He went this morning. He told me all this when he got home. Normally, when he goes to get bloodwork done, we all go, and lunch or shop afterwards. Things are changing around here.................

Paige

Maybe he's trying to be strong for you...maybe he's trying to shield you a little to give your mind a break (I know, it's not working that way).

If you need to talk, let me know!

 

[blue_river]

Paige, I can feel your frustration. Perhaps he is trying to hide things from you like hiwaygal mentioned and I'm sure it's just making things worse for you.

I'm not sure what more you can do other than try and get him to be more open with you which I know you've been doing.

Hopefully, he will come around and see that your support is the most important thing he needs.

 

[paigevz]

Bloodwork looks GOOD! Cutting the ursodiol to 3 a day instead of 4. The cirrhosis is slowing........well, they can't tell for sure without biopsy, but the bloodwork seems to show that.

They didn't check the cholesterol though???? They told him they wanted to see if the cholesterol meds were working, but the nurse today said they just wanted to make sure it wasn't knocking his other numbers out of whack.

They are going to call him back though, and I told him to have them fax all his numbers so we can get a total picture.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Paige, I know I told you this elsewhere, but I am so glad that you got some happy news!

 

[L107ANGEL]

THIS IS GREAT NEWS!!!