Broke the news to my mother!

[Summer-Caitlin]

Why not?

But it's not my mums wedding it's OURS, surely that is important!

 

[RobinMarie]

I think I should hurry and have another daughter. I'm worried about my chances of only having one and being able to attend her wedding! I want to be there!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Does the fact that I DON'T want at all, to have a wedding in my home town, not mean anything to anyone????? Or should I just go against my own feelings?

Have the wedding where you want, but INCLUDE YOUR MOTHER.

She doesn't have to be apart of all the extras (cruise, dinner at V&A...)but how can you leave her out of the wedding ceremony?

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

My mum wants a different Wedding for me, she wants a church, I do not, she wants a big wedding, I do not. As my fiance and I are paying for it, you recommend I do all this to please her?????

I might as well not get married then as I cannot please everyone. I didn't realise that is what weddings were about.....

 

[robinb]

But it's not my mums wedding it's OURS, surely that is important!

You said you didn't want it in your home town. What does that have to do with not wanting to get married in your home town? I'm missing something.

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

You said you didn't want it in your home town. What does that have to do with not wanting to get married in your home town? I'm missing something.

My mum wants me to have a big wedding here, at church, so everyone can attend! I never wanted to get married where I live as I don't know many people here, I grew up elsewhere!

 

[TinkBride]

I'm not going to sugar-coat this and considering that this board has a lot of people who are getting/were married at WDW, I'm sure that many of you will disagree. My opinion is that "Destination Weddings" are by inherently selfish. The fact that you don't want your mums (who you get alone with) to even go to your wedding is perhaps one of the most selfish things I have read in a long time. It seems that even is she scrapes up enough money she will just be in the way of all the romantic honeymoon-type things you have planned with your new husband.

I think you should have a small wedding at home and take a terribly romantic honeymoon to WDW. There is nothing "Fairytale" about a wedding that brings heartbreak to the ones that love you.

Think about who you are posting this to.......practically ALL of us on here are getting married in a Destantion Wedding........

None of us.....not even ONE.....can say that you have never done anything selfish! This poor girl (Summer-Caitlin) is dealing with the possibility of giving up her dreams that she has had since she was 11 to please other people in her life who are selfish as well.

It is really a lose-lose situation because no matter what someone's feelings may be hurt. But, i am sure her mother is not going to hold it against her. Would any of you hold it against your daughter if she lived her dream come true and you were not there? Would you actually be the type of mother that makes her feel guilty the rest of her life and hold a grudge and resentment?

I think you are all focusing on what the mother wants a little too much, not the bride.......but remember you are all so quick to bash her for having a dream......who is really the selfish ones here? Her mom will understand and accept.....just like you all would with your daughter's......possibly against your will......but "selfish" is actually expecting someone else give up their dream and hopes for you.......I would hope that ALL mothers would want their daughters to be happy, but I am finding that this may not always be true!

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Think about who you are posting this to.......practically ALL of us on here are getting married in a Destantion Wedding........

None of us.....not even ONE.....can say that you have never done anything selfish! This poor girl (Summer-Caitlin) is dealing with the possibility of giving up her dreams that she has had since she was 11 to please other people in her life who are selfish as well.

It is really a lose-lose situation because no matter what someone's feelings may be hurt. But, i am sure her mother is not going to hold it against her. Would any of you hold it against your daughter if she lived her dream come true and you were not there? Would you actually be the type of mother that makes her feel guilty the rest of her life and hold a grudge and resentment?

I think you are all focusing on what the mother wants a little too much, not the bride.......but remember you are all so quick to bash her for having a dream......who is really the selfish ones here? Her mom will understand and accept.....just like you all would with your daughter's......possibly against your will......but "selfish" is actually expecting someone else give up their dream and hopes for you.......I would hope that ALL mothers would want their daughters to be happy, but I am finding that this may not always be true!

Thanks TinkBride, I was beginning to feel very alone here

 

[TinkBride]

I am cheering away!

 

[rigs32]

My opinion is that "Destination Weddings" are by inherently selfish.

Ok, so if the bride is from city A and the groom is from city B and they now live in city C, where do you propose they get married that's NOT selfish?

 

[TinkBride]

That is why DF and I are doing a Selfish Destination Wedding, I grew up in Ohio, he in Indiana with a whole lot of nothing but corn in between, so we compromised and decided Disney was perfect!

 

[drag n' fly]

I don't think you are being selfish at all. That's exactly what I wanted and I gave in because everyone was telling me I was wrong and now I regret it. It's suppose to be a special time for you and your fiance. Do whatever you think is best for the two of you!

Ditto...... I did the same thing and regretted it ever since....even to this day...I wanted to elope in Jamaica and bended to family pressure. As much as you love your mum and feel bad if she cannot attend I am sure she will understand that it is your wedding and the family can plan a wonderful party upon your return... also what about flying her in and out in a matter of a few days instead of weeks? That may be an option?

 

[JackieSparrow]

Think about who you are posting this to.......practically ALL of us on here are getting married in a Destantion Wedding........

None of us.....not even ONE.....can say that you have never done anything selfish! This poor girl (Summer-Caitlin) is dealing with the possibility of giving up her dreams that she has had since she was 11 to please other people in her life who are selfish as well.

It is really a lose-lose situation because no matter what someone's feelings may be hurt. But, i am sure her mother is not going to hold it against her. Would any of you hold it against your daughter if she lived her dream come true and you were not there? Would you actually be the type of mother that makes her feel guilty the rest of her life and hold a grudge and resentment?

I think you are all focusing on what the mother wants a little too much, not the bride.......but remember you are all so quick to bash her for having a dream......who is really the selfish ones here? Her mom will understand and accept.....just like you all would with your daughter's......possibly against your will......but "selfish" is actually expecting someone else give up their dream and hopes for you.......I would hope that ALL mothers would want their daughters to be happy, but I am finding that this may not always be true!

I agree with this post. Okay again a dream is a wish your heart makes, so are you going to break your own heart by giving up your dreams? If you are 50 years old and you decide to get married in a church or in your home town just because your parents want you to, you are going to look back and say to yourself, or even your children, well I wish I was married at WDW, and just look back with regret, if really you truly wanted to do something else.

haha I have so many thoughts on this but they are all running crazy in my head and I can't focus so may post more later but just wanted to say I agree with Tink!!!

 

[robinb]

AFAIC, weddings are about more than just the bride and the groom. No matter who is paying for it. They are about you and your family. I think it is selfish (you asked!) to have a wedding that excludes your parents. You don't need to have a "Big Church Wedding" if that's not what you want. It seems that you are trying to escape the "Big Church Wedding" by having a wedding thousands of miles away. Fait accompli!

You have a choice. You can have your "Fairytale" wedding knowing that you have hurt terribly the two people who love you the most after your spouses. Or you can bend a little to make your family happy and have a small wedding that they can attend, a big reception (as planned) and a great honeymoon at WDW. In the words of Ursula in the Little Mermaid: "Life is full of tough choices, innit?"

 

[antmaril]

I'm not going to sugar-coat this and considering that this board has a lot of people who are getting/were married at WDW, I'm sure that many of you will disagree. My opinion is that "Destination Weddings" are by inherently selfish. The fact that you don't want your mums (who you get alone with) to even go to your wedding is perhaps one of the most selfish things I have read in a long time. It seems that even is she scrapes up enough money she will just be in the way of all the romantic honeymoon-type things you have planned with your new husband.

I think you should have a small wedding at home and take a terribly romantic honeymoon to WDW. There is nothing "Fairytale" about a wedding that brings heartbreak to the ones that love you.

Thank you. You said perfectly what I was trying to say earlier on this thread.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Think about who you are posting this to.......practically ALL of us on here are getting married in a Destantion Wedding........

None of us.....not even ONE.....can say that you have never done anything selfish! This poor girl (Summer-Caitlin) is dealing with the possibility of giving up her dreams that she has had since she was 11 to please other people in her life who are selfish as well.

It is really a lose-lose situation because no matter what someone's feelings may be hurt. But, i am sure her mother is not going to hold it against her. Would any of you hold it against your daughter if she lived her dream come true and you were not there? Would you actually be the type of mother that makes her feel guilty the rest of her life and hold a grudge and resentment?

I think you are all focusing on what the mother wants a little too much, not the bride.......but remember you are all so quick to bash her for having a dream......who is really the selfish ones here? Her mom will understand and accept.....just like you all would with your daughter's......possibly against your will......but "selfish" is actually expecting someone else give up their dream and hopes for you.......I would hope that ALL mothers would want their daughters to be happy, but I am finding that this may not always be true!

The OP asked if it's selfish to not want her mother to attend her wedding. My answer is YES.

I don't care where the wedding takes place, how can you exclude parents that you are close to. I have friends that have awful relationships with their parents. None of them even considered not having their parents attend the weddings.

As a mother, I'd be very hurt if my son decided he didn't want me to share in his special day.

Not wanting your parents to be present at your wedding has to be the ultimate BRIDEZILLA attitude.

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

So for the mothers to attend I have to have my wedding here, where I live, which I never wanted.

Yes I know I asked if people thought I was being selfish, when I came home I started to worry that maybe I had jumped the gun as I realised I had upest my mother. Now that I think of it though, when I was being dragged to Australia and back again , 3 times, throughout my childhood, did I get consulted on that? Did I hell, my parents did what made them happy and never consulted my brother or I, so why should I be any different?

I don't want to play the kiddie tantrum card, but my family always do what makes them happy and although I may not always agree with what they do, I support them, because I thought that is what families are supposed to do. So again I'm supposed to bend I take it, why is it that my elders never bend for me? After all this is all I have ever asked for...

 

[gradtchr]

Summer-don't feel alone ok. There are a lot here who totally understand the emotions you are going through. Don't let those who DO NOT understand that get you down.

And destination weddings are not selfish. GOOD GRIEF! One of the largest reasons I held my wedding at Disney was because it was more CONVENIENT to get everyone there at the time. When one chooses to have a destination wedding they go into it knowing that not everybody they might have wanted to be there can attend.

 

[TinkBride]

The OP asked if it's selfish to not want her mother to attend her wedding. My answer is YES.

I don't care where the wedding takes place, how can you exclude parents that you are close to. I have friends that have awful relationships with their parents. None of them even considered not having their parents attend the weddings.

As a mother, I'd be very hurt if my son decided he didn't want me to share in his special day.

Not wanting your parents to be present at your wedding has to be the ultimate BRIDEZILLA attitude.

If you don't care where it takes place why are you insulting everyone on this board by saying all destination weddings are selfish?

 

[robinb]

Now that I think of it though, when I was being dragged to Australia and back again , 3 times, throughout my childhood, did I get consulted on that? Did I hell, my parents did what made them happy and never consulted my brother or I, so why should I be any different?

Parents make decisions for their families that they feel are right. Children are rarely consulted and sometimes don't understand why a parent chooses one path over another. Are you now punishing your mum for her past decisions or is this yet another excuse to exclude her?

Let's sum it up for those who are keeping score:
Mum doesn't have enough money to attend.

Mum will get in the way of my romantic honeymoon.

Mum wants me to have a big church wedding.

Mum dragged me to Austrailia and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.