Wow. What a great find this thread was. I was just thinking earlier today what NYMomof3 said. I look around and see all these happy people around me and I tear up and think- thats all I want. I just want to be like them. Is that so hard? Then I read on and I see Mom+3girls post and I laughed. I too am in a bad marriage and on 40 mg of Prozac. Without it I think I would be suicidal. I too have 3 kids (coincidence or what? grin). Add to the craziness, what I do for a living is work with autistic kids. I happen to like them more than most "regular" kids. They are a gift and dont ever get depressed about having one. Yes, they are harder to live with and raise, but they also reward you much more. And with appropriate intervention (ABA and other therapies) they can AND DO grow up to live normal healthy lives. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. OK? God has chosen you to have one- dont be mad at Him. He will not give you more than you can handle.
Back to me (grin). I have managed for years to just "pretend Im normal" except I just take Prozac to help and I push away the tears until Im alone and then I cry. Im an expert at hiding the evidence. Lately its been getting harder and harder to push it away and pretend. Maybe you guys can help. I really think its all situational due to the bad marriage (no abuse, he's just a jerk and I dont love him anymore) and stuff- but Im in it for the kids- 12 more years and I can go on my own. It just seems far far away right now...I wonder if Im so used to being depressed its getting to be a normal state for me. I worry about it. I was always such a happy "up" person. And I liked myself that way.