Discipline tips? We lost control at WDW!

[Debbie7452]

This is a difficult subjet to bring up. We recently had our first family vacation with the kids to Universal/WDW and we had a lot of problems with the kids. So much so, that my DH is pretty bummed about the whole vacation. It was worse than I expected, even though I am pretty realistic (being with them more often I guess). There are three kids...two DD's 10 & 8 and a DS, 4. We tried to go at an easy pace and not wear them out. We brought the stroller so the little one could rest. We had a few pool days, but not enough for DD,10 who wanted to stay at the pool and skip parks altogether.

So I am asking for help from you Disney Veterans. How do you keep control of the kids? If they act up do you have a strategy to straighten them out? Have you got any ideas for me in case I can talk my husband into repeating a WDW trip? I cannot be the only parent who has had this problem. At least I hope I'm not!!

My kids are not normally like this...really!

 

[tazdeb]

I think for your kids to behave you have to be realistic in YOUR expectations. Your kids are going to act like your kids always do. No magic dust will make them act different. That said, I think the biggest problem I see with families at Disney is that they try to do and see too much and forget that they're on vacation. With all the money your spending there is the temptation to wear them out or make them do things they dont want to, to justify the expense. What we do is let the kids set the pace, each kid picks out one thing they really want to see or do that day, then we do it. After that we just go at a good pace and have FUN. If it gets crazy, we swim or sleep or watch a show. I think every time I go I hear someone yelling at their kids that"We drove all the way down here and damn it we're going to have fun". Remember the reason you go on vacation is to spend time and be with your family,the fact that your at Disney is just the iceing on the cake.....TAZ

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

I'm getting a little apprehensive about our upcoming trip. We've always done everything together, and my children get along much better than I'd ever hoped, but they still do have their moments. In fact, DS (4), who has always been an easygoing kid, just last week started throwing tantrums. I suspect he was overstimulated and tired, but it doesn't help to know that when we're about to go to a place that will wear him out. Luckily, I've planned each day so that each child gets to choose one or more personal "must-see" things, but we'll also be done with that list by 2:00 at the latest. Oh boy, I hope that works!

As far as discipline, I've told both kids that inappropriate behavior will result in a few hours of Kinder Care (etc) while the rest of us continue to enjoy our vacation. Since we are such a unit, that's quite a punishment - and I hope enough of a deterrent.

I'd be interested in hearing how others have handled "situations," though - any words of wisdom??

Lori

 

[mirlow]

We have had our WDW melt downs too Usually when that happens someone is either tired or hungry. Add the summer heat and it could get bad. This will be our 4th trip and each yr we add more days. There is so much to see and do than it can overwhelm everyone. By having more time we don't feel so rushed to see everything and that allows more resort relaxation. My kids are younger, so they require a nap. This is a nice break for all of us. We also stay onsite so that it is easy for us to get back to the hotel when the crabbies start to kick in.
We don't get in until 5:30 p.m. and it can be crazy on that first day of traveling. I have decided that our first full day that morning will be a resort day. That way we can sleep in and take it easy
Lets hear some more suggestions!

 

[ChiTownZee]

Well I've lost control at WDW too. One time during one of the stampedes out of the park after the fireworks (it was after that that I vowed to always wait a long time after they end to leave). And one time at IOA, I was SO hot, and DH was being SO annoying and......... oh wait........we're talking about losing control of our kids ? Forget I said anything

 

[Debbie7452]

Thank you to all who are offering advice. I want everyone to understand we are NOT one of those dysfunctional families(screaming at the kids). We were trying hard to be understanding about the hardships (heat, lots of walking etc...) they were enduring but when they got out of control our usual methods of discipline just seemed impossible to accomplish (time out, go to your room!). We also were reluctant to reward a temper tantrum with a trip to the icee/ice cream cart.

We loved Disney and the whole experience. They were not bad all the time. I just know I was ill prepared to deal with these problems (a lot of it was sibling fights). Maybe we should have split up the group once in awhile?

Keep giving me ideas, Please!

It really helps to know we are not alone in this.

 

[campingcorgi]

Yes, definately split up the group some. You could let the older ones do some things and go a little faster, and let the younger one go at his pace. Or let some stay at the resort and swim and some go.

One thing we try to do is let the kids be involved in planning, and each pick one thing a day as a must-do. And the rule is--you must be polite about the other people's choices, too.

Somebody posted that they had given their kids their souvenir money in a lump sum as one dollar bills, and took away one each time the kids had a fight. The money couldn't be spent till the end of the trip. Might work for your older ones. I know it would make me be good!!

Just hang in there, and remember--it could be worse. They could be teenagers!

 

[pwoodham]

ChiTownZee, you've got me ROFL!! I've had my moments, too!!
Anyway, back to the question at hand.... We've been to WDW several times with 4 boys, and we're headed back in Sept with 5, plus 2 cousins!
There are a few suggestions I have for avoiding meltdowns:
1. Ask them as you're doing the planning to pick their 3 (or 4, more might get messy) favorite "must do's" on vacation. Ask them also for input on restaurants (favorites and "I'll never eat there, ever, even if you pay me a million dollars")
2. Plan ahead of time what you'll do each day. Specifically, what park (if its a park day), and will there be a break to swim, nap, etc. (Make sure you incorporate their desires or this whole plan goes to pot.)
2. Tell the kids the plan - this is not negotiable. You want to go to WDW, this is what we're doing each day.
3. Within the framework you've established, give the kids an opportunity to have some control. Let them each pick their favorite "must see," and then maybe rotate what you see first at each park between their choices (Tommy's first pick at MK, Suzy's at MGM, etc.). You should probably decide in advance if you'll let them skip someone else's choice or not, since it would mean splitting up. (You know what I'm talking about - "Star Tours!! I HATE Star Tours! That's the stupidest ride at WDW! I'm not going on Star Tours!")
4. Know where you're going to eat, every day, every meal. Nothing is worse than a hot, tired kid except a hungry, hot, tired kid!!
5. Avoid "unplanned" time. This is when the trouble starts. I'm NOT saying don't be spontaneous. Just have that backup plan in your pocket if the spontaneity thing starts to go to downhill.
6. Set their expectations regarding souvenirs - we'll get something at each park, or we'll get you one thing at the end of the day, or you can spend $20 at DTD on the last day of the trip, whatever, but stick to it or you'll be alot poorer at the end of your trip!!
7. Don't push. Walk slower than you want to if they're walking slow, take an unplanned ice cream break when they're looking tired, stay out of that hour long line and look for hidden mickeys or find the talking trashcan. This forum is GREAT for ideas to use when you want to slow it down a bit.
8. Establish your own "disney traditions" that they'll look forward to all week - small presents from Mickey each night of the stay, swimming every evening for an hour before the pool closes (in the dark!), visiting the Poly to watch the Electric Water Pageant, whatever appeals to you.
That said, I'm hoping to follow my own advice in September. I'll feel successful if we are able to limit the meltdowns to 1/day!!!
Have a great vacation with those wonderful children, and God bless you!!

 

[bobcat]

We've all been there. I count to 3 and the kids know if they reach three there is a consequence. We use this at home and it gives them some measure of control. For any major meldowns my kids know that we will leave the park if they can't control themselves. I have done it at other places, stores etc., so they know I'm serious. We will find a place to sit and cool down until we are ready to move on. So far so good! Three trips under our belts and no major meltdowns.

 

[melindaandrob]

After a couple of days we discovered that if we took regular sit downs, every 2 hours and had a snack or something to drink the kids didn't get the cranky whinies. I think maybe blood sugar drops a little, or a little dehydrated.
How do the kids think they behaved?

 

[travelitis]

We let them fill their fanny packs with treats - some healthy some junk. They can snack at will and without our intervention unless we're headed for a meal, of course. They carry water bottles with powdered drinks. If we have someone getting cranky we change what we're doing. We'll call it quits and leave the park rather than have cranky kids. We get a double stroller and let the older ones have turns if needed. If an 8 yr. old is tired it doesn't hurt to give him a break from walking. So, with food, drink, and wheels readily available we don't have many problems with the kids being cranky. My DH is the one most likely to melt down since he's the one pushing the stroller. Our strategy is prevention.

 

[Jordan's MOM]

Debbie,

You have gotten some great advice on how to avoid the burn-out bad behavior problems that most kids face at one time or another. Thought I would just chime in with some ideas on what might work if they , even after using some of these ideas, have a melt down or just misbehave. Having three kids makes it much harder that if there were just one to deal with. It also makes a difference if they are just too tired or if they, like all kids can, just acting out. I agree if all is tired, head for the resort. But if just one or two are just acting up, I would look for other ways to dicipline in the park without leaving. This is real important if the 10 year old wants to go back to the pool anyway. Try taking away a treat. For that 10 year old (Ihave one too), Ok, if the behavior does not improve, no swimming back at the hotel. Take away their buying privlages for the day. Even if it's their money , you are still in charge. Let them miss out on the next special snack such as a mickey bar. If they are hungry, get a pack of plain pretzels for them. Let them miss a ride or two while the others go on. Try hard not to threaten to go back to the room unless the bahavior is very bad or if they are just tired. It is so easy to say this and then you HAVE to do it are you have lost all control. I do agree that if its a tired thing, going back too the room is best. Sometimes however it is just bad behavor and if with three you leave everytime one is a little tired, you will never see the parks! If the older two seem to get over tired, consider renting a double stroller and let them jump in with the little one for a short break, whoever is being nice, get a ride! Good luck.

Jordan's mom

 

[travelitis]

I absolutely agree with Jordan's Mom and most certainly put that into practice.

Also, when my boys got surgically attached to the Sega Genesis and Nintendo games in Innoventions we stepped outside and had a family meeting right in Epcot and re-thought our stance on not allowing a game system. Each boy agreed to pay 25% of the Nintendo, and we paid the other half. That meant a big chunk of their Disney money was gone because they'd need it to buy the Nintendo. It was a great lesson in making choices with your money and turned what would have been a huge fit into something productive that pleased everyone. They were then happy to go experience other things, and in the long run it was a good decision for us, too.

 

[Barb D]

I have three kids (11, 9, and 2.5). My big kids are both naturally well-behaved and compliant (most of the time.) God gave me my little one to prove that it wasn't my superior parenting skills that made the big ones so good!

Anyway, one thing we did before WDW was to practice some appropriate ways to act if you're tired, hungry, etc. If you're tired, you can say, "I really need a break. Can we sit down for a few minutes?" If you're hungry you can say, "MMMmmm. Those pretzels look good." You can NOT say, "I want a pretzel! Now!"

This way they know what they can say (nicely) to get what they want/need.

My little one, on the other hand... She NEVER gets what she wants when she whines. She didn't learn it from the big kids. Somehow she just KNOWS how to whine. It usually only takes "the look" from me to change, "I WANT A JUICE PACK" to a sweet, "May I please have a juice pack?" though.

 

[KJMAX1]

I must say we just did Disneyland for the first time two weeks ago with our daughter. We adopted her 6 months ago so you have to understand that she rarely and I mean not even to the grocery store, made trips outside the foster home.

She flipped out one time in a store because she had never seen so many things. Well, now that she has a shopping mom things changed in the past 6 months, and we went on a car trip that was nearly 4,000! she did great because we expected her to, but we also made realistic expectations for her as well.


Our biggest lifesaver for her, and her great grandparents who came along to DL was those breaks every two hours. We would go on a few rides, and then off to have a treat, and something cold to drink. This kept her hydrated, cool, and under control.

As with the 10yr old.....maybe next time she wont be so stuck on the pool. Or possibly the splitting up of the party will allow the older kids to not have to participate in the 4yr olds activities so much.

I guess to me, we have always made the best of it, and our daughter has kind of just had to adapt. I would take the kids along, and like the other said, if you dont want to participate than KinderCare is a viable option, either that, or maybe they could stay home with a friend or relative? Once or twice of that would cure it most likely.

 

[catwho]

Wow I have to say that WDW is the one time when my dh has the most patience with the kids. Rarely looses it unless *he* is tired or hungry. I guess it depends on what you consider misbehaving. Were they just down right horrid or were they just doing kid stuff? Maybe we are more relaxed when we are there and we expect our kids to be kids.

One of the things that we do is make a list of things that we want to do while we are there. What rides are important to each person, what gifts we want to buy, and at what places we just "have" to have meals. We divide the list up by the parks and make a check list. We agree that each kid will get a t-shirt from mom and dad but everything else has to come out of their own pocket money. They start saving for our trip about 6 months prior to going (we help them by paying them half their allowance in Disney $'s) Now having said that it isn't as bad as you might think. We do tend to buy them extras such as a hat or hair bows or a ring or something like that, but they don't expect it because it isn't on the list. This keeps whining *way* down for "stuff" We dont' hear all the "Can I have's"

They know we will buy them food and mostly at WDW the kids know that if they ask for something to eat and it isn't too close to a meal that they will get it. We also make sure that if we say, "No; we are going to be eating lunch within the hour (or after we do Splash Mt.)" that we have lunch within the hour or after we do Splash Mt. We also pack snackables in our back pack suck as granola bars or snack mix which helps as well.

So what is it the kids did that was so horrible?

 

[BrerMom]

I have three kids (11, 9, and 2.5). My big kids are both naturally well-behaved and compliant (most of the time.) God gave me my little one to prove that it wasn't my superior parenting skills that made the big ones so good!

Oh, Barb, I've even used that same phrase!!! We have 11, 8, and 3.

My friend had a similar situation, but doesn't have a solution either. Her two kids fought the entire way down, all through WDW, and all the way home.

Our family is almost the opposite, I think. Our kids seem to thrive on overstimulation and there's plenty of that at WDW. On our first trip, we had all these rests planned and early bedtimes every other night. It just didn't happen. We were tired, but the kids were energized. Our kids will argue at home when there's too much down-time, but not at WDW. Maybe your kids need the parks in smaller doses? If you could stay longer and have an annual pass, then only spending 1/2 a day at the parks wouldn't seem wasteful.

It sounded like you didn't have a plan that would overdo it for your aged kids. Different kids react differently and the same kids may react the opposite way on the next trip. Keeps parents on their toes!

 

[mamamia]

On our first trip to Disney in Feb. 2000 my children were 9, 7 and 4 1/2. I thought I had everything covered, we used strollers, I had gotten PS's had some great places including Cinderella's breakfast, I had planned which park we would be at each day and we took it easy, they all had $100.00 each to spend on souveniers (and when they ran out of money they just asked Daddy and they got whatever they wanted). We saw what we saw in the parks and didn't worry about anything we missed. I never anticipated any problems. On the day that we had scheduled Cinderella's breakfast was the absolute worst day. We go into the castle and of course there was a little bit of a wait. Which shouldn't have been a big deal. My kids sat with the Fairy Godmother - she gave them the pixie dust. Then we discovered our Camcorder was not working. While we waiting to go upstairs my husband was able to fix the camcorder and the kids were entertained. They finally call our name and that's when my 4 1/2 yr. old son lost it. He refused to go up the stairs. He had a horrible temper tantrum. We finally get him up and he's not in the best mood - refused to eat, but he's doing okay - the crying had stopped. We finish and go out and we are trying to get him to sit in the stroller, but he's having another tantrum. It was then that I made the mistake of putting my camera on the hood of the stroller. As he is about to get into the stroller he hangs on to the hood and my camera went crashing down on to the cement . That's when I lost it. I was not happy. That's when I realized it doesn't matter if you are at home or on vacation, the kids still have the same personality. My youngest has never been a morning person. Even when he went to preschool we sent him in the afternoon because we knew the mornings weren't good for him. My youngest is also very high strung. I laughed when I saw Barb D's post. My oldest 2 are mellow and you can take them anywhere, then came my youngest - he keeps me on my toes!!
As we get ready for our Nov. trip I have been doing the same thing as Barb D - having my kids practicing saying things like "I'm getting tired, can we find a bench", I have also told them that from the time they tell us they are tired until we find a place to sit might be a few minutes. I'm also only making one breakfast PS this trip so we won't have to get up as early. The other PS's will be for lunch or dinner. Everybody has picked a favorite character meal. We are going to try and do this trip without a stroller and if it turns out we need a stroller we will get one.

 

[lisaost]

This is a great thread....thanks for all this wonderful advice everyone!

I am afraid of how my 6 yr old....also an intense sort....will handle all this stimulation. We have scheduled whole days of down time for her and the babies, and plan mid day hotel breaks every day except for one and we plan to be flexible with our plan!

Cross your fingers for me!

 

[catwho]

There are ways to have "down time" without leaving the parks. A stop by the playground in Norway at Epcot, Donald's boat in Toon Town, a trip around the island on the steam boat, an hour on Tom Sawyer Island sitting on the dock playing checkers or ice cream. The Boneyard at AK as well as the two walking tours in Africa and Asia. We found mini-breaks to be as helpful as big breaks. When my son (3.5 at the time) would get overly tired or overly excited we would take him for a round trip on the Monorail. It was a great diversion. Got him out of the sun. He loves the Monorail (his favorite "ride") and since he would usually go with just one adult the older girls got a chance to do something "fun" without baby brother having to feel like he was missing out.