Empty nest Christmas - ouch!

[mom2rtk]

I so wish that you hadn't added that line. That's the kind of "mom shaming" that piles on the mom guilt and "where did I go wrong?" feelings. Most times those feelings are so unfounded but so difficult to shake.

The OP sounds like an awesome parent who is handling this situation in exactly the most positive way for future relationships with her son and his gf. She shared her hurt here but has said that she did not/will not lay any guilt trip on her son.

To you, may your children not disappoint you but as the parent of two grown children, I would warn that it's highly likely that your children as adults will make many decisions that aren't what you consider best or wise or in line with "how you raised them" and I hope you then realize that they are adults in their own right and every decision does not reflect their raising.

I read that as a personal feeling and inward response, not an indictment of the OP.

 

[sk!mom]

I read that as a personal feeling and inward response, not an indictment of the OP.

Agreed but since the OP has taken a few hits in the thread, I wanted to comment.

 

[mom2rtk]

Agreed but since the OP has taken a few hits in the thread, I wanted to comment.

I can see that.

@disykat , I'd feel the same way. And I totally get that you were just venting your frustration and disappointment here. I hope you have a warm and meaningful Christmas.

 

[pigletgirl]

Pigletgirl, on a similar thread, there was a wonderful reply that said that YOU (and your DH if you so desire ...) should go to a hotel, and leave the your imposing relative(s) at the house! Seriously, though, put your foot down now, before the baby comes, or you will be like my cousin's wife who got home less than 24 hours after having their first baby to find a dozen assorted family members scattered all over her house, come to stay for a week and "help". (She literally turned around, walked back out the door, and went and stayed at my aunt's house until her DH could get rid of them!)

Terri

Oh how we would love a silent night! Normally I’d be happy with them coming but I just don’t have it this year.

Maybe just maybe we’ll book a night or two when they arrive so DH and I can have some peace. We would love to see Star Wars.

 

[Poohlove]

I haven't spent Christmas day alone but I do spend Christmas eve solo. When it is on a weekday it goes by fast but the weekend days are tough. This year I plan to have all of my preparations done for Christmas day and am going to make myself a nice dinner then the dog and I will walk around town and check out everyone' lights.

 

[ThistleMae]

I haven't spent Christmas day alone but I do spend Christmas eve solo. When it is on a weekday it goes by fast but the weekend days are tough. This year I plan to have all of my preparations done for Christmas day and am going to make myself a nice dinner then the dog and I will walk around town and check out everyone' lights.

Great plan....and you do have your dogs.

 

[Poohlove]

@pigletgirl I am sorry that your mother has put you in that position. It could be construed as well intentioned and she invited herself to come and help but it doesn't not at all sound like that is the case!!! I hope all goes as smoothly as possible and as someone else suggested, it isn't your own bed in your own home but a night or two in a hotel could be a welcomed break.

 

[PlainJane]

All I can say is that be grateful you didn't do what my mother decided to do to us this year. She invited herself out to our place (it is plane ride away, or a lonnnng day in the car) to celebrate Christmas. By the time she told us, the plane tickets were purchased and she also informed us that she would be staying with us too.

I'm currently pregnant and have been so sick (been in the hospital 2x, each for 4 days for dehydration), and we wanted a quiet family Christmas. Wellll..... the whole family is coming. She invited everyone. I'll have 30 people here Christmas day. I told her she has to do all the work. I just can't this year.

This is a chance to find a new tradition. What if you did a movie and dinner? Its funny, I'd love to trade with you in a heartbeat. Regardless, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Oh, and get yourself some chocolate!

I’m going to guess your mother didn’t have difficult pregnancies.

I had HG with my son. I can’t even imagine being put in that position (and mine was not as bad as yours). I hope you have a lovely holiday and are somehow able to enjoy it.

 

[bellebud]

If one day my son decides to not visit me or our family for the holidays because his wife wants to stay home, well I would think I failed a bit in how I raised him.

Awwww, please don't feel that way. We are all individuals. *He* may want to stay home with his little family, and that wouldn't mean you did anything wrong as a parent, or that he doesn't adore his mom. Or, he may want to please his wife, and in that case, you did a good job of raising someone's husband. We aren't raising our children to be our children forever. I do get that it might 'hurt' a little, but that's our own issue, not our kids issue.

 

[ThistleMae]

Some day our kids will be without us...they should have their own traditions, maybe it will make life a little less sad when we pass.

 

[LSUmiss]

Some day our kids will be without us...they should have their own traditions, maybe it will make life a little less sad when we pass.

I agree with this except I also see it as since it won’t be forever, I would rather spend as much time with those who are likely to go before us. My dad just died this yr. I would love nothing more than to spend Christmas with him. I’m glad I thought of it this way when he was alive b/c he was always a part of our Christmas celebration. I’ve never been a huge fan of going to MIL’s for Christmas either, but I would never manipulate my DH into skipping it b/c I know she is getting older & her time is likely shorter than ours. One day she won’t be here & that’ll be when we establish our own traditions. I think it’s hard for young adults to fathom that loved ones won’t always just be there. I know it was for me back then. I mostly did things then out of obligation but am so thankful now that I did.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Times change

At this point my dad is gone, mom moved to Florida full time and won't fly
My husbands family has passed except for his step mother whom we have no relationship and are very happy about that
I am estranged from both my brothers at this time so it is the two of f us

We spend Christmas Eve w family friends and Christmas Day just the two of us

I miss having family gatherings like when I was a kid, but it is what it is. Some relationships you should not and cannot mend