If a King Farts in the Woods Will a Bear Hear it?

[Cinderella's twin]

I am defiantly interested in trying that out. We've been down this road before. The getting ready. The lists, the hand painted outfits. Gee whiz I even have a half finished Trip Report laying around here somewhere, but I figured I would finish up that Bad Larry here, while preparing for the EPIC trip of 2010.

That's right. We are going to be staying somewhere new. Not PPO. Not even All Star (I see you Fluffy biscuit)

Sweet Mother of Fudge, we are staying in one of the Cabins in Fort Wilderness!!!!!


What? I know. You heard me. I am so excited. Well, a little scared too because There will be six of us in one cabin. That equals, in my special, advanced Math six butts and one throne.

I have IBS. I'm medicated so I am less likely to poop my pants than in the past.

FW has a place in my heart and my fart. My parents took my sister and I there a few years in a row in our beloved motorhome. We had an amazing time. At least I think we did. I have the worst memory and would have trouble remembering my name if wasn't on my driver's license.

There were marshmallows and Chip and Dale and endless nights filled with stars and fireworks. Or so they tell me.

If you haven't read a TR by me before, consider yourself lucky. I'm big on potty humor.

So we will be there in July. In my family we are getting more "dedicated" to celebrating our Disney trip every year. And by dedicated I mean "insane."

We have a countdown and a nightly song. Me and Mr. The King each have downloaded the Verizon Disney app and play it on the pooper. Well, I do. He is classier than that.

So what is there to know about us? We are not rich despite our yearly trips. My parents work in Disney, so we get in free and partake in discounts.

We have made our plans, and our reservation. Mr.TK loves to do the organization.

My biggest concern is the shirts we wear as a big creepy group when we hit the parks.

This is last years:

Many people asked us what was beginning, and we responded "The Fun!" or "Dinner" or, if we were grumpy "Your beating!"

No, we didn't say that. We are a much more passive aggressive group.

It is an adorable quote from Bolt, the hamster screams it before jumping off a bridge with the other animals.

So this year's saying has me perplexed. I am leaning towards a Phineas and Ferb quote.

Which would of course, be awesome.

So I started this tonight because you have to do something right? This time of year is so busy in this house. I have my calendar labeled by the hour, instead of the day. And May? Just as busy.

So instead of washing clothes or grooming my dogs. I want to bask in the Disney. I want to keep looking at the pictures of Fort Wilderness and try to picture a me just about the same age my kids are now running around happy.

Full circle, it should be. And by the way? We are getting a golf cart. One golf cart. Six people. This equation involves butts, so I can do it.

4 seats + 6 butts = more drinking

Are you on board? Do you have a strong stomach? You know I'm thrilled to be here.

 

[dellasgirl]

z

 

[Cinderella's twin]

I am so Definitely on board-and yes i DO have a strong tummy.
We in my family love potty humor!!!!
Love the Bolt quote
oh and i do know what you mean about overflowing calendars and looking for reasons to put off mundane boring household chores

Welcome gorgeous! Doesn't it get crazy at the end of the school year?

 

[__disneygirl]

I enjoy trip reports that openly include poop talk so I am in.

 

[dellasgirl]

z

 

[Cinderella's twin]

I enjoy trip reports that openly include poop talk so I am in.

Awesome

YES it does, we have a lot planned in may and June for DS High School Graduation--presentations to be listened to, meetings, award ceremonies, not to mention the actual graduation...the list goes on and on

It's non stop isn't it?

 

[Cinderella's twin]

So I did nothing to prep for the Disney trip today. I did buy KFC for dinner and I won't do that anytime soon again. Why is it more expensive than gold? Weird, and by the time I got home, it was greasy and coldish.

Yuck.

So who is going on the trip?

Mr. The King, my husband of almost 13 years. He is a patient man and very well liked.

Prince Charming, my son, is 11 and is the kindest boy in the entire world. He is the sweetest, most generous person in the world. He is like a baby saint.

Princess Stitch is my girl. She is 8 years old and has huge blinkie green eyes and quite a dose of feistiness.

Mother The King My mother is a wonderful person, but like every woman in my family, we have a wild streak. Hers is quite wide. She looks like an adorable Irish grandma, but she has the tenacity of a pit bull.

Grandpa The King Is the full blown saint for living with my mother he also always right, but not in a know it all way. He is just right all the time. It was fun being a teen in his house.

Me. Cinderella's Twin . I am ridiculous. I am also a substitute teacher.

We have three dogs and one stolen cat.


The stinking cat was overflow from a horrible bunch of animal owning nimrods. They let one of their cats have kittens, but refused to keep the animals inside. Animal Control came numerous times and removed various "pets". This little kitten would fight his way through the woods to jump in my kitchen window. I broke down and fed the kitten. He stopped leaving and started staying in our yard all the time. The neighbors didn't care when I approached them, so he lives with us. vetted and neutered. Don't worry, the dishwasher was a one time deal.

Snowy, our old blind dog we took in from neighbors who were going to send her to the pound.

Spike is a rescue pet that I had shipped from Wyoming, he was from a puppy mill.

And then there is Peanut, our inbreed Cocker Spaniel, rescued from a backyard breeder.

I love animals, as you can tell. The only person that loves them more is my girl child.

So that's the cast of the future tale! Well, the animals stay with a sitter, but they make cute eye candy.

Each animal is modeling a piece of my new hobby, knitting!

 

[All7OfUs]

You KNOW I'm in for this one!!!! Let's rock.

 

[Cinderella's twin]

You KNOW I'm in for this one!!!! Let's rock.

Hello beautiful!! So happy to see you here!!

 

[All7OfUs]

So, I think my next line is "yes". Yes, if a King farts a bear will hear it; I"m pretty sure he will smell it too.

 

[Cinderella's twin]

So, I think my next line is "yes". Yes, if a King farts a bear will hear it; I"m pretty sure he will smell it too.

Oh, he will. And I pretty sure after the pulled pork chili dog they sell poolside at Fort Wilderness the bears will start a parade to follow the offending butt.

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Well jiggle my gibblets and butter my buns! Woohoo! This was just what I needed to get my day going! You know I'll be on board. (Thanks for the heads up Liesa aka All7). FW cabins eh? Awesome says I! I can't wait to hear how it all turns out! I'm still sad our paths never crossed last summer, though it may have been more than The World could handle. Can't wait to hear how it all turns out!

 

[dellasgirl]

z

 

[Cinderella's twin]

Well jiggle my gibblets and butter my buns! Woohoo! This was just what I needed to get my day going! You know I'll be on board. (Thanks for the heads up Liesa aka All7). FW cabins eh? Awesome says I! I can't wait to hear how it all turns out! I'm still sad our paths never crossed last summer, though it may have been more than The World could handle. Can't wait to hear how it all turns out!

My favorite fluffy bread!!We would have torn the walls off the castle and ate them for breakfast. Welcome to the crazy.

your pets are so cute--loved the scarf's
We rescue animals also our latest little guy was found at a dump
they have a pulled pork chili dog at fort Wilderness???? Why didn't i know that?
Well that defiantly is going on the must eat list
Biscuit--let me say that i read your Grand Adventure
you have awesome story telling skills

Okay, there will be detailed pictures of the meat-tastic pool side treat. A big cart wheel for saving a life! Welcome to the pre trippie!

 

[reelmom]

I am about to pass out. Another Mrs.TheKing report has started. And I am in from the beginning. I can't wait!

 

[Cinderella's twin]

I am about to pass out. Another Mrs.TheKing report has started. And I am in from the beginning. I can't wait!

Hello beautiful! So happy to see you here.

 

[Cinderella's twin]

So today, no Disney prep. Though girl child told one of her teachers all about the FW cabins. There are no secrets in my house. If it happens, it's shared.

So I have been sidelined at home for a while, lady problems.

You know when I heard about "lady problems" when I was younger, I was always excited to know what that was. It sounded so lovely.

"What do ladies fret over?" I wondered. Maybe cutting roses from the garden, maybe painting their toenails a pearly pink color. Or even tying bows in ribbons. Lady problems.

Now I know what "Lady problems" are.

There is nothing dainty or cute about it. You sure as hell don't want to tie a bow on any of it.

Men have it made. They don't know, but we do.

During my internal sonogram the technician was having trouble viewing certain organs. Apparently I had (said in a proper technician voice) "bowel gas obscuring the view."

I guess they don't think it's cute when you say, "Want me to clear it out for you?"

Too bad I was serious. Oh well.

In school, the calendar reads "April 23rd" but all the brains that look at it read "June 32nd."

There is too much excitement. The flowers are blooming, the weather's warming and brains are melting. Teachers are as much to blame as the kids. There are people that get two weeks vacation a year. That's it. Two weeks. I think I would cry like a girl if I only had two weeks.

Gosh, I am such a baby.

So things I would like to get done this weekend have nothing to do with Disney. But like getting ready for the holidays, you do one thing to beget something else. Like cleaning the knick-knacks so you can tuck them away in paper while you drag out the garish, copious Christmas ornaments and turn your small house into a cluttered nightmare that looked like Santa and his twin brother just puked magic all over your house.

Maybe that's just me.

I want to have the house reasonable enough that the pet sitter won't run screaming when they have to spend time here. So that takes... like months.

Because mostly, I like to play Farmville. It's my new obsession. I even have a puppy.

But recently, I wondered, "What happens when I give up? Will all the blinkie eyed animals die? Gosh that is horrible."

So guilt drives me.

But I'm sort of an addictive personality. I like to play bejewled on the pooper. That makes no sense when you get good, by the way. Because your legs go numb, eventually. And if you're not smart enough to leg the blood get back to your feet you stagger around like Frankenstein with his ankles bound.

I wish I could by some patience on Farmville.

 

[Pollito916]

Hello, I didn't know there was a new King PTR! Glad I got in at the beginning and don't have tons of catch up reading to do!

 

[Millie12591]

Well holy fart knockers!! I can't believe your blowing back in.... and you've got the wind behind you to prove it!

I guess I should introduce myself...Hi, I'm Camille. I've gots two kids, DS17, and dd10, I'm the only one in the family who has Disney fever that puts all others to shame, but that's ok, my dd Mackenzie is a close second.

I've read your other reports and have laughed to the point of almost peeing my pants, my family wonders if I should be institutionalized. I just tell them.... "You try reading about someone calling their butt The Jiggler and banging their childs head into the t.p. dispenser and stall wall over and over again while trying to pin down the paper jiggler protector!"

So glad your back!

 

[dellasgirl]

z