If a King Farts in the Woods Will a Bear Hear it?

[Cinderella's twin]

Yeah so last night was weird.

I had to use the bathroom, which in itself is normal.

I sat down, grabbed Nitelight, a Twilight parody I had received as a gift for my birthday. I commenced commencing.

At a critical moment, a freaking spider (I hate spiders) drops from the ceiling on his web and skids to a halt right in front of my left eyeball.

So I panic, like I should. The spider was huge. So I did the only thing I could, I smacked him like a baseball with my book. His alarmingly plumpy body hit the cabinet across the way with a thwack.

"I'll be okay now, that I at least killed him or stunned him." I thought.

Not so freaking fast. No, that just angered him. He came running back to me for round two!

So I wait with the patience of Angelina Jolie in Wanted, even though my brain is scurrying around my skull trying to get out.

Finally he reaches the mat my feet are resting on, so I fling him and the carpet towards the bathtub.

Well there goes the ease of a late night bathroom trip. Now I am all tense. And my funny little book has touched spider legs, so I am reluctant to touch it again.

Mr. The King slept through the whole situation. Of course. Though I think I would be hesitant to have him come slamming in the bathroom on his white horse holding a rolled up newspaper at that particular moment in time.


So Disney Plans sooth me, so I shall talk about those now.

We have a Trail's End dinner the first night we are there. We have done the Hoop de doo Review before. Butt We have never had the Trails end.

The following day, we have a brunch at Chef Mickey's. We do this one every year and are hoping for a great experience. Not sure how many more years we will get to do this one, the kids are getting older.

The next day is O'Hana which makes me drool just thinking about it. That place is out of control. I would pull my toenails out with my teeth to gain admittance to that shebang.

The second to last day we are trying Teppan Edo for the first time. We did go to the previous restaurant that occupied this spot. Actually, Boychild touched the hot grill and we had to treat the burn with ice. (I was off nursing girlchild, so it was all Mr. The King's fault)

The last dinner (sniff) will be the Garden Grill. We have never had this one before. We do love to eat at the land and always have. See how we are packing in an extra character meal? I still want to convince Mr. TK to add a princess dinner, but he won't go for it. Yet.

I also have to investigate how much decoration you can heap onto the poor cabins, because I would love some tacky, garish ways to be festive.

Saw Avatar for the first time last night and I am still thinking about it. What a wonderful movie.

Okay. Maybe I'm brave enough to finish what I started last night.

 

[Cinderella's twin]

Hello, I didn't know there was a new King PTR! Glad I got in at the beginning and don't have tons of catch up reading to do!

I'm thrilled you are here in the beginning!

Well holy fart knockers!! I can't believe your blowing back in.... and you've got the wind behind you to prove it!

I guess I should introduce myself...Hi, I'm Camille. I've gots two kids, DS17, and dd10, I'm the only one in the family who has Disney fever that puts all others to shame, but that's ok, my dd Mackenzie is a close second.

I've read your other reports and have laughed to the point of almost peeing my pants, my family wonders if I should be institutionalized. I just tell them.... "You try reading about someone calling their butt The Jiggler and banging their childs head into the t.p. dispenser and stall wall over and over again while trying to pin down the paper jiggler protector!"

So glad your back!

The jiggler story! You are hardcore old school. Excellent. I still want to pull Zzub out of retirement and have him post again. Welcome to this crazy trip!

Our phrase for 'Lady Problems' is--and don't laugh--
---------------Aunt Flo is in town----------------
silly but effective
Know what you mean when you have to get the house reasonably clean--
key word there is reasonably--and ours will be--as long as noone checking in on the cat(the dogs are going to live with their uncle) opens a closet

I want to kick Aunt Flo's butt! My sitter is a brave lady. My dogs are such nimrods. Welcome to the trip report!

 

[reelmom]

I'm thrilled you are here in the beginning!



The jiggler story! You are hardcore old school. Excellent. I still want to pull Zzub out of retirement and have him post again. Welcome to this crazy trip!



I want to kick Aunt Flo's butt! My sitter is a brave lady. My dogs are such nimrods. Welcome to the trip report!

Don't forget the Jellybags. I was telling DH about why I love your TR's so much.

 

[Pollito916]

Your spider in the bathroom story horrified me and made my skin crawl! I HATE spiders. I especially hate spiders that drop from the ceiling right in front of my face. Actually, I hate them all. But glad you survived the incident, and I hope you threw out the book.

 

[Johnson1220]

I.m in - totally subscribing. I can appreciate a person who hates spiders as much as i do !

 

[Millie12591]

So glad your back! I've missed you since your last TR that you attempted.

By the way, did you ever comfirm for anyone why you decided to change your Dis name from MrsTheKing, and you really should put links to your previous reports on this name, waaaay to funny for others to miss out.

Haven't done Trails End, can't wait to hear about that one. Ohana's sounds like heaven on a grill doesn't it? We'll be doing that one also this go around, hope it's as good as everyone says it is.

Hope your female issues are OK, hate to think you were sick.

 

[mousetravel]

and you really should put links to your previous reports on this name, waaaay to funny for others to miss out.

I was also wondering about your other trip reports. We need LINKS!!!

 

[Cinderella's twin]

Chickens Are Jacking My Style #3 (unfinished)

Cockroach Biting my Butt #1 TR

Sweet Mother of Fudge #2 TR

I have undergone a make over, which we can't discuss. It's like Voldermort or Donald Trump's hair.

 

[FarmerDave]

Yes because king farts are LOUD! haha

 

[Millie12591]

Chickens Are Jacking My Style #3 (unfinished)

Cockroach Biting my Butt #1 TR

Sweet Mother of Fudge #2 TR

I have undergone a make over, which we can't discuss. It's like Voldermort or Donald Trump's hair.

Thank you CT, Donald Trumps hair huh? Got it!

 

[OhioDisneyLover]

Subbing, this sounds like fun.

Had I seen a spider like that, I would have screamed...... Not caring if the entire house woke up to me screeming. Well, there is just DH and our three cats.....

Can't wait to hear more!!

 

[dizneeat]

Guess this is one trip report I cannot pass by!

Your spider story is real scary! I H A T E spiders! Creepy little crawlies, no fun!

Can't wait for more "stories" and updates!

 

[Cinderella's twin]

So Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers! I had a wonderful day of being spoiled. The kids and Mr. The King made me breakfast in bed and showered me with homemade presents, my favorite.

I was looking at the Camping Forum earlier and getting my self all revved up for the Cabins at Fort Wilderness. I adore packing lists and read them like a novel. I know I’m not alone. We have yet to rent our golf cart, so that is on my mind. The pool looks wonderful, though I wonder about one pool for the whole resort. If someone (honestly I know I can say when someone) poops in that sucker we will have the awkward wait time while they “flush” it. And no, I don’t plan on pooping in the pool.

They also have a little splash park there, and I was trying to figure out whether or not they allow the older kids in there.

Can’t believe I have “older kids.” 11 and 8. Time sneaks up and pinches your butt before you can even catch that sucker.

In the interim, we are dealing with the everyday, trying to wrap up school like an unruly present with a lot of uneven edges. Boychild will be headed to middle school next year, so I decided now was a good time to start freaking out about that. Of course.

So, my health has been unpredictable and that annoys me. I really hate to whine and who wants to hear about what body part has run out of its warranty now, but my lady problems are taking time away from just about everything. Recently I had to have the dreaded exam. I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful Doctor who does the whole thing painlessly.

But the etiquette of the feet gave me pause. They hand you the oversized one-ply tissues to cover yourself. Even though they are big for tissues, they are small for blankets. I had arranged myself quickly and sat waiting for her return after I had readied myself for the procedure.

I realized then I had kicked off my croc shoes. Well, they are made of croc material, but they look like adorable shoes. Needless to say, they don’t “breathe” much. My hormones are bonkers throughout this whole nonsense and have encouraged my feet to sweat.

Crap.

Of all the things I normally worry about, my feet aren’t among them, usually.
My feet sweat is replicating vinegar which is appalling and potent. I have a choice to make, in my tissue.

Do I hop down and fetch my shoes, stuffing the sweaty suckers back in the cute shoes or not?

Hopping down is a risk because it has been a goodly amount of time since the Doc left. I don’t want her opening the door to my bare behind. It is bad enough I have to go through what I have to go through.

But would wearing shoes be weird? Is it like wearing socks with your bathing suit into the pool? Do I want to prop my horrifying stinky feet on either side of this woman’s head?

The trauma in my head is too much and I am paralyzed. I could say I ate a huge salad while she was gone…with my feet?

Finally the time for making decisions is over and The Doctor opens the door, smiling. That poor lady.

Eventfully the exam was completed and I had a few new drugs to try out. Next time I am bringing socks and a blanket from home.

So I hope you Mother’s day was wonderful. I still haven’t figured out our shirts’ saying yet, and it is kind of driving me crazy. Any suggestions?

 

[LaurLaur04]

Subbing!

You are my kind of woman! HILARIOUS!!

 

[Millie12591]

Happy Be-lated Mother's Day Lady!

Sounds like you had a good one. I love your description of your "lady exam." No matter what we do it's always a strange thing to go through. :

Can't wait for another update!!

 

[All7OfUs]

Agreed. They are... well, just awkward. Glad yours "warms things up".

 

[ZZUB]

Even if I didn't catch all the hints, I'd know in an instant that a Coackroach Bit Your Butt!

A secret identity? How cool. But your secret identity has a secrety identity. That's even cooler!

And you talk about the bathroom. Which makes you good people in my book.

A buttery, flaky mutual friend of ours said you were posting over here. And I'm never one to look a gift potty in the mouth. Ewww! That one was gross even for me.

It sounds like you've got some fun on the horizon. I look forward to reading about it. We've got a trip in the near-distant future as well.

 

[Cinderella's twin]

Even if I didn't catch all the hints, I'd know in an instant that a Coackroach Bit Your Butt!

A secret identity? How cool. But your secret identity has a secrety identity. That's even cooler!

And you talk about the bathroom. Which makes you good people in my book.

A buttery, flaky mutual friend of ours said you were posting over here. And I'm never one to look a gift potty in the mouth. Ewww! That one was gross even for me.

It sounds like you've got some fun on the horizon. I look forward to reading about it. We've got a trip in the near-distant future as well.

ZZUB!!! I thought I was seeing something and I was. Hello Rockstar. We are back from Disney and I saw your favorite hotel up close and personal. You just made my night.

 

[Cinderella's twin]

Does anyone know how to move this bad larry over to the main trip report forum?

 

[Cinderella's twin]

My family could take other vacations, go other places, but we don’t. No one in his or her right mind goes to Florida on purpose in July, but we do. For us, the vacation is Disney. It has been for years, it will be for years, if all things remain the same.

I’m very fortunate, my parents work seasonally for the mouse, so my little family gets a lot of perks because of their hard work. Going on our annual visit makes the most sense for us financially.

But honestly, Mr. the King and I have been bitten. Didn’t think Mickey had teeth? Well he does. He bites you on your butt, steals your wallet and leaves you wanting more.

This vacation spot encompasses all my senses. The smell of the hot asphalt and the candy shop. The noises of the steam train rumbling with a loadful of guests and the sweet harmonies of those dudes in the striped outfits. You can taste your own excitement as you round the bend and see the castle. You can feel your children under your hands; the smallest one clinging tight and the oldest letting you sling an arm over his shoulder.

But why is it so important? I haven’t nailed that down yet, but I know we are like Pavlov’s dogs. When you are immersed in all these particular stimuli together, you can feel the tension leave your shoulders.

You won’t be cooking, cleaning, answering emails. Disney is all about spending time with your loved ones. This place is dedicated to it. And tons of props should be sent the way of the cast members that work so hard maintaining this place we love. But I have a belief that good energy can combine and sort of snowball. There is a ton of great energy on Main Street to bask in.

As a family we take a million pictures. We make goofy faces and stop for all photo passes. I really love those pictures when I get home. And all our previous years pictures add up to a sort of history. Each visit different, despite repeating some experiences.

So this is 2010. My girl is 8. My boy is 11. My husband and I are celebrating or 13th wedding anniversary. My parents joined us; they are celebrating 40 years married. We have had an interesting year. I’ve had some annoying female problems that required attention. Surgery even. I was fearful of the upcoming trip. I didn’t want to hold my family back from having this time honored fun just because my whole system decided to go out of whack.

Now that we are back, I can happily say that I was able to make it to everything we wanted to do and more. So this trip report won’t be full of my complaining, about that anyway.

I’d like to welcome you aboard my Trip Report. I will be detailing our 6 day 5 might visit to the World while staying in a Fort Wilderness Cabin on the dining plan.