Losing Weight for my Master's & Beating Diabetes-Comments welcome and appreciated

[toystoryduo]

Hi Jessi,

Great pictures! You are your boyfriend make a very nice couple.

That's wonderful that you're student teaching! What grade do you have?

You have a great plan for the year ahead! You CAN do it!

Have a nice day tomorrow!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Jessi, resisting the cheese curds at KFC is a great big step! The day I discovered those was a sad day for my waistline I am afraid.

You are just settling into your routine, it takes some time. I think you are off to a great start! Glad the teaching went well!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Thanks for the support.

Today was another miss. I was so freaking tired all day, it was a miracle I stayed awake during school. Not good when you're the teacher. I woke up too late to make my own breakfast (again) and had a breakfast burrito (again) figuring but skipped the Coke this morning figuring I would save points. Had my South Beach entree for lunch and had 1% instead of the chocolate milk from yesterday. I did have a Dew in the morning out of desperate need for caffeine. I maanged to skip the afternoon snack, mostly because I was so tired I crashed as soon as I got home.

I meant to Weigh-in and then cook (a healthy) dinner and watch the Biggest Loser, but I slept through it all like a moron. Ended up at Ponderosa because I was too tired and hungry to cook. I didn't eat that much, but I still felt uncomfortably full and my sugars were going crazy.

I've been trying to do the Biggest Loser challenge on the W.I.S.H. board hoping for insipiration, but we're not doing teams this time. Last time we did teams and people really knew and responded to eachother. This time it is one giant thread and it is very overwhelming. I find it hard to catch up with everybody when I come back to pages upon pages of posts. There are almost no personal replies. I am already thinking of calling it quits with that and it's only been a few days. I just can't seem to find my motivation.

I have been thinking of changing my goal weight. Initially I wanted to get down to 100 which is the last weight I truly felt comfortable at. Even that is a stretch for me. I still remember how devastated I felt when I hit the "triple digits" as I thought of them. I'm just not sure that is a reasonable goal. That is at the lower end of my weight range and I'm not sure I'll be able to do it. Part of me thinks I will have more success if I aim for a more reasonable goal, another part of me feels like that is giving up.

For now I have set my first goal at 137 (10%) and will re-evaluate from there. I think after that I will make my next goal the top of my weight range and see how I feel. I know it's shallow, but I want to be a size zero again. I doubt that will ever happen, but I miss those days.

And please don't think I'm trying to be unhealthy or anorexic, I am 4'10" and that is actually a very reasonable size and weight for me. That's the other thing, people don't understand that when you are petite you can't weight as much as everybody else. That is a perfectly healthy BMI (20.9), in fact, Weight Watchers will not allow yo uto go to the bottom of the BMI range, they build in a buffer zone it seems. I hate how sometimes people get onto me because my starting weight is their ending weight. I actually had to add my height to my signature on Weight Watchers because I got reamed out by some supposedly well intentioned members who accused me of being anorexic.

Sorry for all the negativity tonight. It's just been a tough couple of days. I am resetting my journal, and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

 

[Joanna71985]

I'm sorry to hear that Jessi.

I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Jessi, I am sorry you are feeling down! This is one hard battle to fight but I know you can do it. You just started your student teaching this week, its only natural and very understandable you are feeling tired. You have a lot going on, the holidays are just over and its hard to just suddenly say "okay its 2009 I am on point". Ease in slowly, it will happen.

Take your weight in increments, you may very well be able to get to 100 lbs, or you may need to readjust. You'll probably know more as you get closer.

Hang in there, I hope today was better!

I noticed the BL thing was different, I joined last time, didn't keep up with it, looked in on the new thing and felt like you did so I didn't join. If it doesn't feel right for you, well I know how you feel!

 

[toystoryduo]

Sending a gentle your way, Jessi. Keep on keeping on, sweetie. I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Jess - dont give up, we all have bad days & now your due some good days
You sound very tired & that will make you feel more down than usual, just keep going & you will get there in the end, you are trying your best & thats all we can do, please dont put too much pressure on yourself, non of us find this easy & thats why these journals are so great, you cant expect yourself to be a perfect healthy eater overnight & most of us will proberbly never be ''perfect eaters'' think how miserable we would be its about finding a balance thats right for you

so well done you for:
skipping the coke at breakfast,
for skipping the afternoon snack (although theres nothing wrong with that if its reseonably healthy!),
for not gorging at Ponderosa (which i would have done!!),
for setting yourself an acheivable goal,
& for resisting the cheese curds at KFC
(whatever they are!!)

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Thanks for all of the support. I guess I was just having an off day.

Yesterday and today went much better. I journalled for my whole day in the morning. Even though I took a long nap yesterday, I felt obligated to make the dinner I planned for even though I was tired. Did the same thing today and it went well. I weighed in and am down three pounds from last week. Sadly, I weighed at home last week so WW thinks I gained. Oh well, I know it's a loss, and that's what counts! Now, if I can survive this weekend (licensing exam which means lots of temptation for stress eating) I'll be golden!

 

[toystoryduo]

I'm glad you're feeling better today, Jessi.

Great job on losing 3 pounds!

Sending lots of for your licensing exam.

Have a great weekend!

 

[traceycooper]

congrats on the 3lb loss Jessi
Glad your feeling better

 

[Amy&Dan]

Jessi, so glad you are feeling better, well done with that 3 pound loss! I hope this weekend is going well and not too stressful. Keep up the good work and hang in there!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I'm having a bad night. I started feeling low (blood sugar) and tested. I was at 67, so not too bad. Anything under 70 is low, but 67 is not a super bad number. I figured I would correct now before I got any lower. I did a small correction so I wouldn't go too high, and waited 15 minutes to test again. Meantime I started feeling worse, but that is typical for me. The feeling gets worse before it gets better and it takes awhile to go away.

I tested again and I am at 53! I corrected again, and am waiting to test. I feel like crap. If you've never had low blood sugar before, you feel very shaky. It's hard for me to even type. It makes you feel dizzy like you can't sit up straight. And it makes me very emotional. That's the worst part I think. I feel like crying even though there is no reason to cry. It can also make me irritable, but tonight it is just making me weepy. I really hate this thing sometimes, and none of my family or friends understand. I was doing so well last week with my sugars, and this week it's been such a roller coaster. Really high for no apparent reason, and now tonight I'm low for the first time since November. It's probably just the change in routine, stress, and sleep deprivation, but it's still frustrating. I'm just wish I could be done with all of it.

 

[Joanna71985]

I'm sorry to hear that Jessi. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

 

[toystoryduo]

Jessi,

I hope you're feeling better today. I've had really low blood sugar before and it is a scary thing! Please take it easy until you feel better.

I hope your Monday is a good one!

 

[traceycooper]

Hang in there Jessi, hope your ok now!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I maintained this week, which is fine considering the week I had. I am going to switch my WI day to Thursday so Tuesday is no longer as long of a night for me. I did get back on track today. I worked out for 20 minutes at our student rec center and then took the dogs on a thirty minute walk (despite the fact it was 10 degrees). I did learn to look up points before eating. Who knew that Ruby Tuesday quiche and soup has 26 points? I won't make that mistake again.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I had a much better day today. My knee (not the one I had surgery on) was bothering me and it is seriously ten kinds of cold outside, so I did skip my workout, but my eating was much better.

I am doing the BL challenge here on WISH and my goal for this week is to see my name on the superstars list. I would love to be in the number on spot, but I doubt that will happen. I am keeping my fingers crossed for a loss on Thursday.

I posted this on the WISH thread but not here. One thing that I am finding to be motivating is a picture that was taken by my mentor teacher. She took it of me while doing the morning reading lesson. I love the look on my boys' faces, but when I look at myself all I can think about is how ugly I look. The picture depresses the hell out of me, and I just want to burn the damn thing. I know part of it was the angle that it was taken, but still. I'm tired of not feeling pretty, of only seeing the fat girl in the mirror. I'm tired of hating how I look in most pictures.

Although my looks have never been a primary motivation, it is still a motivation. I want to feel good about my body, to feel attractive (and dare I say...sex?) I know my boyfriend will love me no matter what I look like, he really is a wonderful man, but I want to feel like I am beautiful to him not just because I'm me but because I am actually beautiful- does that make sense? Like, if he didn't already love me he would still find me attractive.

 

[traceycooper]

Hi jessi - i'm glad your ok, hope the knee doesnt get any worse!!
Yes it makes sense about wanting to be beautiful - but remember everyone has a different outlook on beauty & i'm sure your boyfriend thinks your stunning - inside & out!

you just have to make sure you realise it too! dont be too hard on yourself

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Jessi,

I am so sorry you have all this trouble with your blood sugars, that must be so hard to deal with. I am glad they are better.

And good job doing well with food. I have also learned lately to look up the points before I eat out, its truly amazing. I have a salad I love at Chilis and its around 26 points too. Crazy.

I can understand your wanting to look your best. I also do this for my health more than anything, but of course would love to look good too! I think we all have those pictures that make us take a step back. It probably is very much the angle. Its so hard to not jude your own book by its cover, I am 44 years old and still do the same thing! But you are a very pretty girl and you have so much going for you! We are all always our worst critics.

Just hang in there and keep up your good work! You can do this and when you reach that goal, you'll look back on these struggles and think about how strong you are to survive them.

I hope your blood sugars stay stable!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

So the past two weeks have been a bust. I gained 1.2 last week and this week isn't looking os hot either. Last week was definitely because my "favorite" aunt (Flo to be precise) decided to drop by. It was definitely water weight. This week I do not have that excuse. I always get an extreme case of the munchies around this time of month. It's like no matter what I eat I'm still starving. I'm not looking forward to weigh in. Of course all the hormones mean sugars have been extra pscyho lately, joy of joys. Oh well.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am determined to get this sucker under control. A friend from another website sent me this really cool meter that acts as a logbook. I'd been wanting one, but I wasn't willing to shell out $70 bucks for it. (The companies give out meters for free because they know they will get you on the strips. Thsi has to be the only meter that isn't free.). I'm really hoping that this will help me track trends in my blood sugar and get a better picture of what is going on. I also got my purple back up meter in the mail the other day. It's so purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty. Anywho, it's about time for my meeting. Hasta la vista!