Mom lives alone and doesn't answer her phone. Ideas?

[Kim&Chris]

does she wear a watch? you could gift her a lovely new one that provides you with remote fall detection/emergency response and also can provide you with remote health information (i think it's more appealing than a life alert for many seniors-my mom would routinely not wear her life alert).

Oooohhhh! That's a good idea! Thanks!!

 

[leebee]

Apple watch or medic alert bracelet/necklace. That way, she can contact you if she needs help, rather than feel like you are watching her or checking up on her all the time.

 

[mjkacmom]

FIL (95) passed a few months ago. MIL refused to wear her alert bracelet except at night. She wasn’t taking her medications. She was having health issues, just got out of the hospital, bladder cancer. She’s now in assisted living, one daughter lives 20 minutes away, we are an hour, the rest out of state. She’s 93.

 

[barkley]

Apple watch or medic alert bracelet/necklace

the apple watch has less of a stigma and you can get them in pretty, fashionable colors.

 

[disneyseniors]

My mother was same way. We had gotten her the life alert and when she needed it the hospital found it underneath her when they rolled her in the trauma room after an accident. Hospital told us most older folks don't get to use it for a multitude of reasons. Ask her to agree to something to ease your minds. Good luck.

My mother was the same way with life alert. I would visit her and find it hanging on her lamp!!! She just would not wear it, so I gave up and we got rid of life alert. Some things you just have to accept that they will or won't do and go with it.

 

[LuvOrlando]

For my MIL they put in some cameras that helped assuage worry. She is now in a memory care facility but a few well placed cameras that accommodate privacy can go a long way, plus they allow you to talk to a person like an intercom if there is genuine worry. Like if she has a favorite sitting room maybe one nearby but not necessarily on her, same near her bedroom and you can aim it at a garage door to make sure they are closed and the front door too. My friend who lives alone loved the fact her doorbell one sends her a text when someone leaves a package. Been liking EUFY.

 

[lovesmurfs]

I set up some Echo devices in Mom's house and set them up to make and answer phone calls by voice. Would something like that help?

When Dad was sick, I set up a camera so that Mom would be able to log in and see him from another room so that she'd know if he were in distress.

 

[MamaMermaid]

I have no advice but wanted to send hugs - this sounds so stressful.

 

[Ursula J]

This is my struggle, too. I eventually talked with my therapist about the worry and she started pushing me to accept that my mom needs to make her own choices. We can explain to her why we're worried (I live 4.5 hours away) and what would help us worry less (medic-alert, cameras, whatever) but if my mom says no, we have to listen and let ourselves off the hook. Obviously, if she were having problems cognitively or something, we might need to override her wishes, but for now she is fully competent to make decisions, even if they're not the best ones. It's so hard, and I understand how frustrating it feels.

 

[georgina]

It is a difficult situation. We were fortunate that when the last of my siblings moved out of the area my mom (over 90 at the time) allowed us to hire someone to come in and help her in the mornings, with showering, breakfast and lunch, some cleaning. It was company for her also. She had meals on wheels deliver dinner. I think she found the life alert thing too confusing.

My mother-in-law was in an independent living situation and they had a nice system, when she got up in the morning she was supposed to put a tag on her door knob, or else someone would check on her.

 

[tony67]

Id look at cameras, but they also need their privacy so its a two edged sword. Blink is very inexpensive and you can add multiple cameras, but still they need the privacy.

Id consider something like the Galaxy\Apple Watch that has fall detection, but they have to wear it and they have to charge it so good luck with that.

I had the same issue so I feel your pain. I did go with camera in key locations in the end.

 

[Kim&Chris]

I have no advice but wanted to send hugs - this sounds so stressful.

Thank you

 

[jo-jo]

Apple watch sounds like great idea.

I don't know much about it, but have gotten ads from amazon of having a paid service with Alexa, you can call for help through Alexa. Maybe get Alexa units of some sort and spread them throughout the house. I don't know much about Alexa. We have one in livingroom, the room least used but DH sits in there for reading and music at times. Gift from kids. I'm not sure, but I'm thinking you can talk through Alexa if you are using a tablet and Mom uses Alexa. Not sure, I just recalled grandkids calling me through Alexa several years ago.

 

[jo-jo]

It is a difficult situation. We were fortunate that when the last of my siblings moved out of the area my mom (over 90 at the time) allowed us to hire someone to come in and help her in the mornings, with showering, breakfast and lunch, some cleaning. It was company for her also. She had meals on wheels deliver dinner. I think she found the life alert thing too confusing.

My mother-in-law was in an independent living situation and they had a nice system, when she got up in the morning she was supposed to put a tag on her door knob, or else someone would check on her.

I'd probably forget to put out the tag. Last year, for boy scout food pickup, I put a bag of can goods by the front door a few weeks ahead of time. Yes Sir, We are ready. Pick up day plus one, I noticed the bag still by the front door.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

When my mother-in-law passed away and my husband and his brothers needed to keep a closer eye on their dad (none of us lived nearby - we were the closest at 7 hours), they got him an iPhone but he refused to use it. Would not keep it charged, would not carry it with him when he walked to the grocery store a half mile away, and refused to even learn how to use it. It was frustrating for my husband and brothers-in-law. Finally they had to move him out of his house and after a year bouncing brother to brother, we bit the bullet and made him go to a 55+ apartment building near us. At least if he doesn't show up to breakfast and lunch, someone at the front desk will call my husband and tell him that they haven't seen him that day, so he can call or go check on him. He doesn't answer the landline half the time. My husband was there last night and there were several new messages on his answering machine from the brothers. I've told my husband that he's doing the best he can under the circumstances, i.e., an uncooperative parent.

 

[Imzadi]

Great idea but she would never go for that

Maybe if you put one somewhere where you wouldn't be infringing on her privacy, but just where you can tell if there has been activity. Maybe over the kitchen sink or something, just to know if she is moving about.

Maybe a hidden nanny cam? They all don't look like teddy bears. Place one on the top of the kitchen cabinets where she doesn't dust, she might not find it. Or here's one hidden in a smoke detector.
https://www.amazon.com/Mayycinco-Detector-Wireless-Detection-Security/dp/B0CP1Z4WCY/

Some of them have a motion detector. So, you'd only need to check when was the last time she went into the kitchen.

I think you need to weigh her need for privacy against having the ability to get help to her in time if something happens to her.

 

[Skippy918]

Amazon echo. It has the drop in feature. You can also adjust the volume remotely.

 

[tvguy]

Does she have an answering machine on the landline? My mom never answered the landline directly (and always had the cellphone turned off), but she would pick up after we started talking to the answering machine. Be sure to chatter on long enough to giver her time to get to the phone after she hears your voice. And make sure to turn up the volume.

This was my mom too. Cell phone was only on when she checked the battery, or the 2 times she EVER made a call on it, both calls to me in an emergency. No even sure she knew how to ANSWER a call on her cell phone.

 

[PollyannaMom]

My elderly mother lives alone, and absolutely REFUSES to keep her cell phone by her side. Won't leave it by her bed at night. Won't put it in her pocket when she's climbing the stairs. Nothing!! To make things worse, her hearing is almost completely gone. So, even when she has it, she can rarely hear it. And, of course, she REFUSES to even consider a hearing aid.

Her land line is still active, but she won't answer that either. "Too many scammers", she says, so she just lets it ring.

I've run over her house so many times (with that sinking feeling of terror) to see if she was OK. Anyone else going through this, or something similar, with an elderly parent? Just had to run over this morning, again. Thank God, she was fine, just didn't feel like carrying her phone.

If she doesn't like to answer the phone, what if you put the responsibility on her to call you every (however many) days?

You could tie it to an existing part of her routine (like calling you after a favorite show or something) to make it a habit.

Then if she doesn't call, you'll
come check up on her?

 

[happybaker]

We set up an Amazon Echo Show in my MIL's house once she started living independently again (post aneurysm) so that we could "drop in" to her whenever we needed to check on her

I set up some Echo devices in Mom's house and set them up to make and answer phone calls by voice. Would something like that help?

I was going to suggest an Echo as well. You can use it to drop in. Even if she doesn't hear you, you should be able to hear if she's moving around.

I used to drop in on ours to see if my DH was awake while I was on my way home from running errands on Saturday mornings to see if he want something from Dunkin. I could tell by listening if he was up or he was sleeping.