My son's teacher says he lacks poor impulse control

[Lorix2]

Going to speak with the principal is a great idea. Consider going within the next week or two before school starts, you may find it helpful to discuss the teacher he will have as well as a friend or two with which he is comfortable. It may help if he gets the opportunity to meet his teacher prior to the first day.

My thoughts are with you. I try and embrace all the funny times, it helps me remain calm when my son is melting down.

You know, that's a great thought. I'll do that Monday actually, I know they are there. Lately, I'm so angry I can't remember the funny times, but I do agree. Thank you much.

 

[Jenna45]

My son has ADHD with a focus on Hyperactivity and impulse control. He is 11. He has little control over his actions without medication, not to say he can't do it, the computer , video games, he can easily stay occupied with out medication, but he lacks the ability to know when enough is enough, he is also the class clown which does not help. He can be persistant and annoying to not only us , but his classmates and friends when he things something is funny and if it makes someone laugh he will keep doing it, and with out medication he often reacts with out thinking. Luckily it has not affected his overall achivements or friendships but I am not sure that would be the case had he not taken meds... He is and I will say this lightly, "normal" on medication and most times even more well behaved then his peers, but when he was younger and before he was medicated, he was violent, and rude and impulsive. He went through several daycares, and had problems in kindergarton. But, now he is in sixth grade and does great, but I wish I had known then what I know now...

 

[freckles and boo]

There are different paths for an evaluation. If you prefer, you could call your pediatrician and INSIST upon a referral to a pediatric neurologist who has experience with kids like yours. With a medical report in hand, you might have better luck dealing with any resistance you might get from your school district. Or get evaluations from both and compare notes. My daughter is autistic and also has attention and impulse control problems. We have had terrific support from our district, but I know that many people do not.

 

[Lorix2]

There are different paths for an evaluation. If you prefer, you could call your pediatrician and INSIST upon a referral to a pediatric neurologist who has experience with kids like yours. With a medical report in hand, you might have better luck dealing with any resistance you might get from your school district. Or get evaluations from both and compare notes. My daughter is autistic and also has attention and impulse control problems. We have had terrific support from our district, but I know that many people do not.

I don't know what to expect from his school at all. Are pedi neurologists usually covered by insurance if referred by the primary pedi?

The guidance counselor at our school is a witch to put it mildly and we don't like each other. Not sure what role she'd play in all of this, but I found out from a friend of mine, not even from my son, that she'd been taking him away from his recesses in June and walking and talking with him without my knowledge. I am all for guidance, but why not make me aware? Why under the radar? Do you know she never contacted me after all the interaction with my son? My friend noticed them alone a few times while picking up her DD from the school for appointments and asked why? It was news to me and my son told me when I asked about it.

On the 2nd day of 1st grade, he cried and cried, his teacher just about had gained his trust and I was ready to walk away. I reassured him I would be back for him, he was safe, etc...out of nowhere, the guidance counselor wretched him from me, turned him around and said very loudly - "I HAVE A GIRL IN MY OFFICE WHO'S MOTHER IS DYING AND I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR, NOW YOU NEED TO STOP!!". I grabbed her arm, took it off of my son's wrist and said " DON'T YOU EVER wretch my son from me again, don't ever touch him again - it's obvious that this girl needs you now, we don't!". The principal watched me and I was waiting for him to have a word with me, but didn't ask to even though I would have been happy to talk to him about it.

I'm so afraid of my son being "labeled" and I don't trust this woman to keep things confidential either, I mean who are the only ones that are supposed to be "in the know" at school about children with disorders/behavorial issues?

 

[Christine43]

I don't know about the school systems everywhere else but I have had very unpleasant experiences with ours. I got another outside eval. because the ones the schools did are a joke, completely to benefit themselves. They also point out the problems my boys are having but have no real suggestions on how to help them with them. My autistic son was labeled mildly retarded by the school psych. and his outside eval shows he is absolutely not retarded. I know for a fact I am going to have an extremely hard time with them this fall with the rec.s I've gotten but I refuse to sign the IEP until I get them and I'm getting a special needs group involved and an advocate.
My experience is not to take the school's recs. at face value and get an outside opinion always.
Absolutely get a referral to a pedi. neuro. and go from there.

 

[slmcn66]

You have voiced some really valid concerns. In NJ, the school counselor is separate from the child study team. Our school does not always communicate w/ parents re: school counseling sessions. I find that very frustrating. My son never spent time with the school counselor, but had he, it may have done more harm than good. We had a meeting w/ the child study team, (whose psychologist I did like) but since academics were not an issue they could not do a formal evluation.

NJ has a statute? called a 504, I'm not sure if it is federal. It allows for an individualized plan similar to an IEP if the student has a medical diagnosis, ie: diabetes, anxiety, aspbergers, etc. Our principal and faculty worked with us. The principal did not really want to write the 504 because it was more paperwork for her, but did make the necessary accomodations for my son to have a more successful year.

I am a certified teacher. Even so, I had to educate myself as to many of the laws regarding special situation education. The teachers themselves usually do their best to be accomodating with classroom needs. Often the administration offers as little as possible in the way of special needs due to both paperwork and funding concerns, so it becomes the parent's job to advocate for the student.

Last year we enrolled our son in a Catholic school. It was a difficult, but great experience for him. The structure in the day was a blessing as was the view of educating the "whole" child along with academics. It was not a perfect fit, but was better. The school was consolodated by the Diocese in June. My husband and I have decided to homeschool our two older children, 10 & 12. We feel blessed that we have the opportunity and are trying to embrace it. It helps that the kids are looking forward to it.

Hang in there. Keep educating yourself about options and turn to anyone you can for support. It really does take a village, both for parents and children. It is nice to have these boards as part of our village.

 

[Goofyluver]

I don't know what to expect from his school at all. Are pedi neurologists usually covered by insurance if referred by the primary pedi?

The guidance counselor at our school is a witch to put it mildly and we don't like each other. Not sure what role she'd play in all of this, but I found out from a friend of mine, not even from my son, that she'd been taking him away from his recesses in June and walking and talking with him without my knowledge. I am all for guidance, but why not make me aware? Why under the radar? Do you know she never contacted me after all the interaction with my son? My friend noticed them alone a few times while picking up her DD from the school for appointments and asked why? It was news to me and my son told me when I asked about it.

On the 2nd day of 1st grade, he cried and cried, his teacher just about had gained his trust and I was ready to walk away. I reassured him I would be back for him, he was safe, etc...out of nowhere, the guidance counselor wretched him from me, turned him around and said very loudly - "I HAVE A GIRL IN MY OFFICE WHO'S MOTHER IS DYING AND I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR, NOW YOU NEED TO STOP!!". I grabbed her arm, took it off of my son's wrist and said " DON'T YOU EVER wretch my son from me again, don't ever touch him again - it's obvious that this girl needs you now, we don't!". The principal watched me and I was waiting for him to have a word with me, but didn't ask to even though I would have been happy to talk to him about it.

I'm so afraid of my son being "labeled" and I don't trust this woman to keep things confidential either, I mean who are the only ones that are supposed to be "in the know" at school about children with disorders/behavorial issues?

We have always gotten our referrals for ourside doctor's direct from the pedi. Take your son, and politely demand a referral.

My son has many "labels"...and I remember when I was at your point...and I was worried about people "labeling" him and expecting less of him or treating him differently. I sympathize with you. The only thing I could say is that you are doing the right thing in seeking help and information...and what that brings, you will deal with. Because you're his mother and you seem like a good one!

I also work as an SLP in the schools, and I will be honest and say that those that work in the school are aware of most children and their differences. BUT...only those who work directly with a child have knowledge of that specific child and specific issues related to that child. This is the way it SHOULD be. Good luck!

 

[Goofyluver]

As related to an above post...504 is a federal statute. However, it is only reserved for those children who are not eligible for services given on a regular IEP...so if there is no academic relevance for services, then modifications can be given on the 504 plan.

 

[Lorix2]

Christine43 & slmc - thank you for you're advice and encouragement, this is all helping me understand procedures and protocol more and more every day.

On you're advice also, as others here too, I will start with his pedi tomorrow, she's wonderful and behind me 100%, she knows how defiant he can be with her too, she also has a son and she's having him eval'd, so I would like to talk to her more about it.

 

[Lorix2]

Because you're his mother and you seem like a good one!

Aww, that was as comforting as a hug to me, thank you I appreciate you're input as well.

 

[KirstenB]

Lori, I hear what you're saying about labels. Our youngest has autism. Believe me, if I could get rid of that label I would. But, that label currently gets her speech therapy. And a muscle condition got her physical therapy until she no longer needed it. In school, a label can get your son an IEP, which will mandate accomodations if he needs them.

I always try to remember that our daughter has a condition that needs to be labeled for her to get what she needs. Again, good luck and hugs.

 

[Christine43]

Christine43 & slmc - thank you for you're advice and encouragement, this is all helping me understand procedures and protocol more and more every day.

On you're advice also, as others here too, I will start with his pedi tomorrow, she's wonderful and behind me 100%, she knows how defiant he can be with her too, she also has a son and she's having him eval'd, so I would like to talk to her more about it.

Sincerely, best of luck! Have you looked into any local support groups or groups online? They can be very helpful, great advice from other parents. Also there are many books you can read but in my experience, you'll get bits and pieces from different books that relate to your child. You sound like a great parent and very determined, just what he needs. You know him better than anyone, you're his biggest advocate. Take care, Christine

 

[lunapnp]

Christine43 & slmc - thank you for you're advice and encouragement, this is all helping me understand procedures and protocol more and more every day.

On you're advice also, as others here too, I will start with his pedi tomorrow, she's wonderful and behind me 100%, she knows how defiant he can be with her too, she also has a son and she's having him eval'd, so I would like to talk to her more about it.

Just my personal opinion (and speaking from experience), I would start with your pediatrician. It's hard to say whether or not your insurance would cover a ped neuro...all policies are different. I would think at the very least they may require you to have a referral from your pediatrician...but I don't see why insurance wouldn't cover a visit to a peds neruo. I know you stated you were going to call your MD in the morning, and I think that is wonderful. Speaking from experience, *most* school systems are not going to recommend any therapy, doctor visit, etc. to you. That would leave the school liable to PAY for those services. Also, you may want to check and see if your insurance covers psychiatric services. If it does, I would also consider seeing a child psychologist...but would recommend a child psychiatrist. I think a child psychologist/psychiatrist may do more of the testing that you would want for your son than say a ped neuro. I know all states are different, but in Alabama a psychologist cannot write prescriptions. So, if your son were to need medication he may need a psychologist to write the prescription. Best of luck. It is a long, difficult road, but hang in there. It will get better. And, like everything else, you have to take the good days with the bad. Hopefully, the good will outweigh the bad pretty soon!

 

[bzzymom]

Wow, I read your story and I think of my son. He is 10. I have known since 2nd grade that he was different from the other kids but I couldn't put my finger on it. Finally this summer, I read some articles about high-functioning autism and I thought this might be a possibility for DS. I took him to a pspychologist who diagnosed him with an anxiety disorder with obsessive compulsive tendencies. He has only had a few appointments and I have seen no difference in him yet, but I realize this takes time. I do my best to keep my cool with him, but it is difficult. I get so frustrated. I almost feel like I need more counseling than he does You are not alone.

 

[nateryan]

My oldest DS sounds like your DS. My DS is 5 and seeing a Behavior Therapist. He can be very sweet, smart, funny, kind, etc. But then there are times that he is impulsive and mean. He has gone to a full time daycare since he was 3 months. Luckily, we are still there (I pray everyday that we don't get kicked out.) He doesn't think sometimes, his first reaction is to hit, push, kick, etc. He has great days too. So, the therapist thinks he just needs to be "socialized - which is the daycare's job" (her words). There has been no mention of medication yet. We are working on another problem (still potty training), we think it is a power struggle at this point.
This probably wasn't of any help but just know that there are other parents going through similar situations.

 

[Selket]

Each state is different - or maybe each school system. But our school system is pretty good with the evaluations they do. Had I had my son eval'd by someone outside it would have cost me out of pocket for his particular issue with our particular insurance. That really is a personal issue depending on your school, your insurance, your personal finances and all that! If your insurance pays for an outside eval then I see no reason why not.

Both IEP's and 504 are federal laws. I just wanted to add that an IEP has one important protection that a 504 doesn't for your case which sounds like it could be important - and that is if there ever occurs another time when he does something which could cause him to get suspended from school. With an IEP there are other things they must consider before suspending him - there are more protections in place.

I HIGHLY recommend this book: Nolo's IEP Guide: Learning Disabilities (Paperback)
http://www.amazon.com/Nolos-IEP-Gui...2454530?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1186359331&sr=8-1

That book will explain how to go about getting evaluations and dealing with the school for an IEP for your son if he has something like ODD.

Good luck with it all!

 

[fakereadhed]

NJ has a statute? called a 504, I'm not sure if it is federal. It allows for an individualized plan similar to an IEP if the student has a medical diagnosis, ie: diabetes, anxiety, aspbergers, etc.

Just wanted to add that a 504 is a plan a child can have even without qualifying for spec ed, not necessary to have a medical diagnosis. Also, a medical diagnosis most definitely qualifies for an IEP, under the category Other Health Impairment.

 

[Selket]

Just wanted to add that a 504 is a plan a child can have even without qualifying for spec ed, not necessary to have a medical diagnosis. Also, a medical diagnosis most definitely qualifies for an IEP, under the category Other Health Impairment.

Diabetes is certainly a medical diagnosis but most diabetic kids (I have one) get a 504 rather than an IEP for school issues. My older son is dx'd with ADD and has a 504 now but had an IEP when he was younger for other issues.

The issue of 504 vs. IEP is not the diagnosis but the type of accommodations required. For a 504 the issue is to remove the barriers to allow them to access the curriculum (allowing someone to scribe, use an alphasmart, etc). For an IEP the student is found to need supplemental educational services - like speech therapy, remedial reading/math classes, etc.

Here is a chart: http://www.ncld.org/content/view/1127/456169/

The difference between the 2 is confusing I realize - the Nolo book is helpful and it might be that the OP's child needs an IEP. But I think either would be helpful - the child definitely needs something in place and probably some intervention from a medical doctor (his pedi, etc).

 

[Goofyluver]

Just wanted to add that a 504 is a plan a child can have even without qualifying for spec ed, not necessary to have a medical diagnosis. Also, a medical diagnosis most definitely qualifies for an IEP, under the category Other Health Impairment.

In order to be eligible for an IEP, there must be academic relevance. SO...although several children have medical issues, if there is no academic relevance then an IEP is not appropriate. In these cases, the 504 plan is another option.

 

[solferino]

I'm reading this book right now, Too loud, too bright, too fast, too tight. I have some sensory issues myself, but didn't realise them as such until I started working with a child who has them. It's been eye-opening to say the least.

Another excellent book is called Is this your child? It explores how foods, additives, dyes and sensitivities to them and the chemicals in things around us can affect behaviours. It is a lengthy book, but broken down nicely. Thankfully food sensitivities aren't an issue here, but friends who do have them with their children have found it helpful.

It's a lot of work and can feel overwhelming at the beginning when sorting through these kinds of things. Good for you on taking the initiative on getting started.