Need advice from parents of older toddlers

[TheExProphet]

I don't know where to post this. I'm a single father that works in a school for children with special needs and I'm not sure if this is where my paranoia started, but I'm desperate for guidance. I am seriously concerned about my soon to be 14 month old and old's development. We are waiting on EI to visit, but he has been seen by an OT and Speech and neither found anything alarming, which didn't ease my worries. His pediatrician is not worried either and seems to think he'll catch up, yet all of my internet searches and books I've read say otherwise. Could any parent here willing to share please tell me if any of this seems alarming to you, should I look for a new pediatrician?

Areas of Concern:
x Hand flapping a lot, no matter the emotional state
x Tenses upper body, holds mouth open or does a shake in excitement (seizures ruled out)
x Does not seem to understand much, if you ask where is mama or dadda
x Receptive language is my primary concern x Mouths toys all the time, plays appropriately only 10% of the time
x Likes to touch children, not sure if this is a pro or con. Seems very interested in them. Loves starring at them

Areas of Strength:
+ Understands "no"
+ Sometimes responds to "come here"
+ Always has had amazing eye contact
+ Checks in with me during play and during unfamiliar situations
+ Mimics certain sounds of gestures
+ Points, but does not look back at me
+ Waves when he wants to
+ Claps all the time
+ Loves to stare at people, especially new faces
+ 9/10 name response, his strongest skill really..
+ Babbles jargon, says dada but no attachment
+ Loves grandma, only affectionate with her really
+ Eats everything and anything
+ Sleeps for 9 hour stretches
+ Walks, and makes his wants known by reaching mostly

 

[mamabunny]

I don't know where to post this. I'm a single father that works in a school for children with special needs and I'm not sure if this is where my paranoia started, but I'm desperate for guidance. I am seriously concerned about my soon to be 14 month old and old's development. We are waiting on EI to visit, but he has been seen by an OT and Speech and neither found anything alarming, which didn't ease my worries. His pediatrician is not worried either and seems to think he'll catch up, yet all of my internet searches and books I've read say otherwise. Could any parent here willing to share please tell me if any of this seems alarming to you, should I look for a new pediatrician?

Areas of Concern:
x Hand flapping a lot, no matter the emotional state
x Tenses upper body, holds mouth open or does a shake in excitement (seizures ruled out)
x Does not seem to understand much, if you ask where is mama or dadda
x Receptive language is my primary concern x Mouths toys all the time, plays appropriately only 10% of the time
x Likes to touch children, not sure if this is a pro or con. Seems very interested in them. Loves starring at them

Areas of Strength:
+ Understands "no"
+ Sometimes responds to "come here"
+ Always has had amazing eye contact
+ Checks in with me during play and during unfamiliar situations
+ Mimics certain sounds of gestures
+ Points, but does not look back at me
+ Waves when he wants to
+ Claps all the time
+ Loves to stare at people, especially new faces
+ 9/10 name response, his strongest skill really..
+ Babbles jargon, says dada but no attachment
+ Loves grandma, only affectionate with her really
+ Eats everything and anything
+ Sleeps for 9 hour stretches
+ Walks, and makes his wants known by reaching mostly

OK... it's been about 27 years since I had a 14 month old in the house, but I'm an Old Rabbit Mama, so you know I'm gonna tell you how the cow eats the cabbage LOL

Our daughter was born with multiple orthopedic birth defects. She was VERY physically delayed, but her other skills appeared to be fine. She ultimately began to catch up by about Kindergarten, after surgeries and so. so. much. physical. therapy. She did have a lot of emotional immaturity for longer than we would have liked, but ultimately she grew up, and grew out of that as well.

I promise, I am *not* trying to make light of your concerns, or gloss them over... these answers are just exactly what I would tell you if we were sitting over a cup of coffee, talking about your little nugget. (Remember, I don't know *all* of the details, have never met y'all, so I'm going strictly on what you are saying here).

On to your areas of concern, you said/I say (my replies are in green):

x Hand flapping a lot, no matter the emotional state
Are his hands/wrists/arms floppy? Is it intentional, or does it appear to be involuntary? Is he twisting his hands as he moves them? Our daughter did this a lot - a twisting motion, while she was grasping as well. It was a kind of "stim" for her that she grew out of before kindergarten. She did it when she was bored, when she was excited, when she was tired, when she was hungry... honestly, it made me wonder how her tiny little wrists didn't just ache all the time!

x Tenses upper body, holds mouth open or does a shake in excitement (seizures ruled out).
Our daughter did this, and still does this, to this day! (especially when we make "the turn" on Main Street, and she sees the Castle for the first time on every trip ) We call it "exciting shivers" (that's what she named it as a kiddo LOL) She would tense up her entire torso, and then shiver with excitement. I will admit, it's kinda startling to see in a baby; when she was in about 3rd grade, she told me it was because her body got so much excitement in it, she had to just shiver it out!

x Does not seem to understand much, if you ask where is mama or dadda
Could it be because Dad is right there, asking where Dad is? I thought our daughter did not recognize me for a long time. (Got super emotional about it, too, because this tiny little stinker would say "Dada" very clearly, but never would say "Mama".) Instead she would say "BobBob", and then just laugh and laugh, like it was the funniest thing her tiny little self had even seen. To this day, it's "Dad and Bob", and she still, as a 28 year old adult, thinks that's about the funniest thing she ever did or said.

She also named herself; when I would try to teach her her name (Emily), she kept saying "LiLi" (and would laugh and laugh, like "HaHa! I know this is driving you crazy, BobBob!"). To this day, we call her "LiLi". Oh, and for the record - Nope, never had a moment of trouble with her "M" sounds. She was just messing with me, because she could. AS AN INFANT. You think *that* was crazy? Just wait until the teenage years, my friend... But the moral of the story is this: Babies are a *lot* smarter than adults give them credit for.

x Receptive language is my primary concern
Language growth and intellectual/intelligence growth (as well as emotional intelligence growth) are not necessarily connected, especially at this age; they can (and do) happen at different rates. Also, see above. Babies/infants/toddlers... they can be so much smarter than we adults often give them credit for.

x Mouths toys all the time, plays appropriately only 10% of the time
Appropriately for... who? For him? Or for a "normal" child? Repeat after me, please:

Normal is a setting on the washing machine. Nothing more.

Has he been around other children his age, like at daycare, for example? Or in the nursery at Sunday school, or at a regular play group? There are some things that we don't pick up until we see others (especially our peers) doing. If you never saw a bike, and never saw anyone ride a bike... would you know how to? Maybe he just needs to hang with some other tiny peeps, and learn how to play (and begin to learn about social concepts like sharing). Now, I know - you (and his other caregiver(s) probably show him "how" to play with toys, but the other important part to remember here is that he may not be interested in those toys.

True stories: My mom famously would cut or tear up magazines and the Sunday funnies from the paper, and then paste those pictures over the ones in her books, or create whole new books and stories of her own. Drove her parents and teachers crazy. I never played with my toys the way other kids did; I loved to arrange them in scenes, and then I would take the scene apart, and make a whole new one. Our daughter had very little interest in toys in general; she had exactly 1 stuffed animal, and 1 doll that she played with at all. From a very early age, she was always interested in how things worked, and loved to take apart things - broken or not!

Don't worry about "appropriate" play with toys - try to determine what he finds interesting, and let him take the lead!

x Likes to touch children, not sure if this is a pro or con. Seems very interested in them. Loves starring at them.
I'm calling it a "pro". Babies love other babies! There are picture books for babies that show other babies, including animal babies, and human babies! That shows that he is curious, and interested in other people his size!

Please try to remember that when it comes to our kiddos, every one of them is going to be exactly like... themselves. Uniquely, wonderfully, individual.

And your little guy is so very lucky to have you for a daddy. You clearly love him, and want the best for him. He doesn't know it yet, but he won the lottery when he got you. Sounds like he has a wonderful, loving Grandma too!

You are doing all of the right things - and I am willing to bet he is going to be an amazing human when he is all grown up. And regardless of any diagnosis he may get now... that does not mean he can't grow up to have a perfectly "normal" life. Washing machine, and all!

Oh - one more thing for the record. Our daughter? You know, lil Miss "Dad and Bob"?

Yeah. She's a software engineer. Works for Apple. Engaged to be married, has 2 dogs, an adorable little cottage, and is one of my best friends, ever.

Hang in there (((hugs)))

 

[lanejudy]

His pediatrician is not worried either and seems to think he'll catch up

What milestones has he missed that raise concern? What you listed as areas of concern don't actually measure up to missed milestones or a need to "catch up" at any point. Keep in mind that kids will develop at their own pace and there really is a fairly wide range of "normal" at that age. If you haven't already, maybe get hearing and vision checked, though I don't see anything mentioned that makes me think those wouldn't be fine. Maybe the EI evaluation will have some suggestions for you. But mostly, continuing providing a loving caring environment, interact with him frequently, spend time playing but let him lead and explore, give him opportunities to experience new things/places, and plenty of reading and cuddle time. You're doing great, dad!

 

[Betty Rohrer]

I don't know where to post this. I'm a single father that works in a school for children with special needs and I'm not sure if this is where my paranoia started, but I'm desperate for guidance. I am seriously concerned about my soon to be 14 month old and old's development. We are waiting on EI to visit, but he has been seen by an OT and Speech and neither found anything alarming, which didn't ease my worries. His pediatrician is not worried either and seems to think he'll catch up, yet all of my internet searches and books I've read say otherwise. Could any parent here willing to share please tell me if any of this seems alarming to you, should I look for a new pediatrician?

Areas of Concern:
x Hand flapping a lot, no matter the emotional state
x Tenses upper body, holds mouth open or does a shake in excitement (seizures ruled out)
x Does not seem to understand much, if you ask where is mama or dadda
x Receptive language is my primary concern x Mouths toys all the time, plays appropriately only 10% of the time
x Likes to touch children, not sure if this is a pro or con. Seems very interested in them. Loves starring at them

Areas of Strength:
+ Understands "no"
+ Sometimes responds to "come here"
+ Always has had amazing eye contact
+ Checks in with me during play and during unfamiliar situations
+ Mimics certain sounds of gestures
+ Points, but does not look back at me
+ Waves when he wants to
+ Claps all the time
+ Loves to stare at people, especially new faces
+ 9/10 name response, his strongest skill really..
+ Babbles jargon, says dada but no attachment
+ Loves grandma, only affectionate with her really
+ Eats everything and anything
+ Sleeps for 9 hour stretches
+ Walks, and makes his wants known by reaching mostly

as much as I hate to say this but I think your job colors your insight. you have your son's best at heart but he sounds like a great child

 

[clm10308]

If and OT and Speech have said that there are no concerns right now, then I would just wait and see how he is in a year. You can always ask for them to look at him again later. With a child that young, it is easier to fit within the “normal” developmental range. He might be showing signs of possible issues, but he is just to young to know yet.

 

[DLgal]

I am a strong believer in intuition. You know your child best. When my first born was 14 months, I had a lot of concerns, that NO ONE else shared. I insisted on a full evaluation. He started speech therapy at 16 months. At speech therapy, when they moved him to a group setting, they noticed atypical social skills. He was evaluated further. He was given more therapy, ABA type play therapy. He was officially diagnosed autistic at 29 months old, but knew he was not neurotypical by the age of 1.

Same story with my second. He's autistic as well. Everyone was like "he's fine."

The initial speech evaluation both my sons had did NOT suggest anything more. Speech therapists and OTs aren't trained to adequately evaluate for anything outside their domains.

Wait for the early intervention evaluation. It will be extensive.

In the meantime, don't worry. There is nothing WRONG with your child. He may just not be exactly what you expected.

My boys are 16 and 18 and are absolutely amazing young men. I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[TheExProphet]

@lanejudy He's hitting all of his milestones, with the exception of having words by now. I think what makes me more anxious is the stimmy behavior. Our doctor says this isn't a concern since he babbles and tries to communicate with us by grunting, reaching, and going to what he wants.

@mamabunny Thank you so much for being so detailed and thorough, your child sounds very blessed to have you as a mother. I'm glad your child turned out amazingly. He isn't floppy at all, flaps his hand as if he is going to fly away. That's the best way I can describe it. He's doing really well in fine motor and gross skills.

 

[TheExProphet]

I am a strong believer in intuition. You know your child best. When my first born was 14 months, I had a lot of concerns, that NO ONE else shared. I insisted on a full evaluation. He started speech therapy at 16 months. At speech therapy, when they moved him to a group setting, they noticed atypical social skills. He was evaluated further. He was given more therapy, ABA type play therapy. He was officially diagnosed autistic at 29 months old, but knew he was not neurotypical by the age of 1.

Same story with my second. He's autistic as well. Everyone was like "he's fine."

The initial speech evaluation both my sons had did NOT suggest anything more. Speech therapists and OTs aren't trained to adequately evaluate for anything outside their domains.

Wait for the early intervention evaluation. It will be extensive.

In the meantime, don't worry. There is nothing WRONG with your child. He may just not be exactly what you expected.

My boys are 16 and 18 and are absolutely amazing young men. I wouldn't change a thing.

Thanks for the response. Do you mind sharing what were some of your concerns with your first born at 14 months?

 

[Princesca]

This sounds a lot like our 18 month old, and I am hearing stories of a lot of kids around this age who seem to be verbally developmentally delayed, reportedly because of COVID quarantining. When you are only regularly exposed to 2-3 people, it tends to slow up your social skills, I'm gathering. Our pediatrician said if our son doesn't have more words in the next couple of months, she'll refer us to speech therapy. He is very advanced in motor skills (he's walking backwards and has been running for months), loves to climb, hang upside down, etc. Babbles constantly in some language other than English and makes great eye contact, mimics (when he feels like it), but honestly he doesn't really say any words other than 'no' and sometimes 'mama'. It does have a very 'any day now' feel to it, though, and it's gotten more and more like that every week. I think at 14 months I would just wait and see for now. (Also our son shakes with excitement sometimes and open-mouth smiles and kicks his feet, but I honestly think it's because he knows we think it's adorable and encourage it. )

 

[TheExProphet]

This sounds a lot like our 18 month old, and I am hearing stories of a lot of kids around this age who seem to be verbally developmentally delayed, reportedly because of COVID quarantining. When you are only regularly exposed to 2-3 people, it tends to slow up your social skills, I'm gathering. Our pediatrician said if our son doesn't have more words in the next couple of months, she'll refer us to speech therapy. He is very advanced in motor skills (he's walking backwards and has been running for months), loves to climb, hang upside down, etc. Babbles constantly in some language other than English and makes great eye contact, mimics (when he feels like it), but honestly he doesn't really say any words other than 'no' and sometimes 'mama'. It does have a very 'any day now' feel to it, though, and it's gotten more and more like that every week. I think at 14 months I would just wait and see for now. (Also our son shakes with excitement sometimes and open-mouth smiles and kicks his feet, but I honestly think it's because he knows we think it's adorable and encourage it. )

That's great! I like your attitude and take on things. Does your pediatrician have any concerns? Mine babbles a lot too. Just hoping for a vocab explosion soon, so I can obsess over something else he isn't doing yet....good riddance!

 

[DLgal]

Thanks for the response. Do you mind sharing what were some of your concerns with your first born at 14 months?

No purposeful language (just mama, Dada, duh) sounds but not towards anything in particular.

Would not play reciprocal games like roll the ball, patty cake, peek a boo, etc

Would not attempt to mimic silly faces

Amazing receptive language, but no attempt at actual communication (leading to frustration for him)

Would use people as an extension of himself to get needs met (would grab our fingers and pull us over to things he wanted us to open--this sounds like an advanced skill, but it's not normal developmentally)

Was more interested in how electronic toys worked than what they actually did. Would immediately turn toys over and point to the screws and whine

Wasn't interested in eating (but my other son would literally eat ANYTHING), both extremes are not typical

Preferred to play alone

Would watch other children, but not join them (at the playground); if another kid came up to him and try to play, he'd walk away and if a kid took a toy from him, he didn't react

Had skills that were far too advanced for his age (including gross and fine motor and problem solving skills)...he was too clever. When evaluated at 15 months, he scored as a 2-3 year old on many tasks, but then as a 3-6 month old on all social rating scales, so there was a clear split in skills

Engaged in stimming behavior (repetitive flicking of his ears as well as licking around his mouth...he had raw, irritated skin around his mouth for months because of this)

Disinterested in televisons and other types of kids entertainment EXCEPT for an almost obsessive fascination with Thomas the Train (and trains in general)

Would line up toys, squat down to eye level and push cars and trains back and forth, seemingly entranced by watching the wheels spin and seeing the trains "up close"

He was an odd bird, even as a baby. He gave off the vibe that he was a fully grown man in the body of a baby. He seemed intensely curious but also innately knowledgeable about things that he had no previous exposure to. He was always a happy, smiley baby, and he was incredibly cute, so a lot of people would just say "he's a little genius." He really did not present as a typical toddler at all.

 

[Princesca]

Also, be aware that the CDC recently lowered their milestone expectations as well; like in the past month or two. I think their 'Milestones' app has been updated, but you can Google and see what specifically changed.

 

[Princesca]

That's great! I like your attitude and take on things. Does your pediatrician have any concerns? Mine babbles a lot too. Just hoping for a vocab explosion soon, so I can obsess over something else he isn't doing yet....good riddance!

Nope, she said about 21 months if he's not talking quite a bit she'll refer him to speech therapy. But apparently she's seeing this quite a bit more since COVID, and especially in boys. Well, she says it's almost always slower development in boys, for social skills, because they're putting so much energy into movement skills at that age. I think it's true in the case of our son. He's doing 2 year old movement stuff, per the CDC, and has been since 16 months. He almost went straight from toddling to running and now at 18 months I can hardly catch up to him. Definitely get evaluated as doctors recommend, but I think at 14 months I wouldn't stress yet. (Also Google can be the WORST. Every time I've panicked over something, in a few weeks, he's caught up. But in the meantime, I'm freaking out reading other people's accounts of how their precious little kid could sing Twinkle Twinkle at like 13 months and here is my kid at 18 months not even saying basic words like water or want or bath or doggie...)

 

[TheExProphet]

No purposeful language (just mama, Dada, duh) sounds but not towards anything in particular.

Would not play reciprocal games like roll the ball, patty cake, peek a boo, etc

Would not attempt to mimic silly faces

Amazing receptive language, but no attempt at actual communication (leading to frustration for him)

Would use people as an extension of himself to get needs met (would grab our fingers and pull us over to things he wanted us to open--this sounds like an advanced skill, but it's not normal developmentally)

Was more interested in how electronic toys worked than what they actually did. Would immediately turn toys over and point to the screws and whine

Wasn't interested in eating (but my other son would literally eat ANYTHING), both extremes are not typical

Preferred to play alone

Would watch other children, but not join them (at the playground); if another kid came up to him and try to play, he'd walk away and if a kid took a toy from him, he didn't react

Had skills that were far too advanced for his age (including gross and fine motor and problem solving skills)...he was too clever. When evaluated at 15 months, he scored as a 2-3 year old on many tasks, but then as a 3-6 month old on all social rating scales, so there was a clear split in skills

Engaged in stimming behavior (repetitive flicking of his ears as well as licking around his mouth...he had raw, irritated skin around his mouth for months because of this)

Disinterested in televisons and other types of kids entertainment EXCEPT for an almost obsessive fascination with Thomas the Train (and trains in general)

Would line up toys, squat down to eye level and push cars and trains back and forth, seemingly entranced by watching the wheels spin and seeing the trains "up close"

He was an odd bird, even as a baby. He gave off the vibe that he was a fully grown man in the body of a baby. He seemed intensely curious but also innately knowledgeable about things that he had no previous exposure to. He was always a happy, smiley baby, and he was incredibly cute, so a lot of people would just say "he's a little genius." He really did not present as a typical toddler at all.

He does sound like a little genius. You must be very proud! On description, there are some similarities with my son. Did he smile at this age? I know no two autistic kids are alike, so it's hard to tell whether to be concerned or not at times. E.I is coming soon and I'm so ready to hear what they say! I have a feeling he won't qualify for services and I'll have to shed out hundreds for a private eval!

 

[DLgal]

He does sound like a little genius. You must be very proud! On description, there are some similarities with my son. Did he smile at this age? I know no two autistic kids are alike, so it's hard to tell whether to be concerned or not at times. E.I is coming soon and I'm so ready to hear what they say! I have a feeling he won't qualify for services and I'll have to shed out hundreds for a private eval!

Yes, he smiled. He was a pretty happy baby/toddler. He's a good kid now, but he still struggles immensely with social skills and never quite got the hang of reading comprehension, even though he began reading books at age 3. He's amazing at math, though.

I didn't expect him to qualify for services, and he qualified for a LOT. Like, almost 30 hours per week worth. But I live in a state that actually likes to help kids in early intervention. Not all states are so quick to provide services. I consider us very fortunate for the early intervention we received for both of our sons. It made a huge difference.

I did not have to pay a penny for any evaluations or any of the thousands of hours of speech and behavioral therapy over the years. Early intervention is a wonderful program when it works.

 

[lanejudy]

He's hitting all of his milestones, with the exception of having words by now. I think what makes me more anxious is the stimmy behavior. Our doctor says this isn't a concern since he babbles and tries to communicate with us by grunting, reaching, and going to what he wants.

Ah, that makes more sense - you indicated concern about receptive language, but your concern is actually his expressive language. A developmental pediatrician once commented something about kids that age either walk or talk, most don't do both equally. I used to be concerned about DD lack of speech; until she finally starting talking and has hardly shut up since.

Hand flapping at that age really isn't all that unusual. Even up to about kindergarten. I hear so many parents of preschoolers tell their kids "stop doing that, people will think you have autism." Statements like that really irk me so I tend to notice.

 

[TheExProphet]

Ah, that makes more sense - you indicated concern about receptive language, but your concern is actually his expressive language. A developmental pediatrician once commented something about kids that age either walk or talk, most don't do both equally. I used to be concerned about DD lack of speech; until she finally starting talking and has hardly shut up since.

Hand flapping at that age really isn't all that unusual. Even up to about kindergarten. I hear so many parents of preschoolers tell their kids "stop doing that, people will think you have autism." Statements like that really irk me so I tend to notice.

I'm concerned about both really. I have mild anxiety (diagnosed) so hard to tell if my condition is fogging my judgment here. I'm also surrounded by a bunch of vague specialists that give vague answers to everything asked. I wanted to know if it's normal behavior for a 14-month old to carry two random objects, one in each hand, and no one seems to give me a proper answer. Haha

 

[DLgal]

I'm concerned about both really. I have mild anxiety (diagnosed) so hard to tell if my condition is fogging my judgment here. I'm also surrounded by a bunch of vague specialists that give vague answers to everything asked. I wanted to know if it's normal behavior for a 14-month old to carry two random objects, one in each hand, and no one seems to give me a proper answer. Haha

It is normal for kids to carry around random objects, yes. It may be an issue if the child refuses to EVER let go of those objects, though, and it gets in the way of using his hands. Or if the child gets so distressed when the objects are taken away that he cannot be consoled. That may indicate an issue.

 

[TheExProphet]

It is normal for kids to carry around random objects, yes. It may be an issue if the child refuses to EVER let go of those objects, though, and it gets in the way of using his hands. Or if the child gets so distressed when the objects are taken away that he cannot be consoled. That may indicate an issue.

I see, sometimes he lets go of the object into my hand, randomly drops it, or tantrums after having it taken away. As you see, lots of variables here..Haha

 

[lanejudy]

I see, sometimes he lets go of the object into my hand, randomly drops it, or tantrums after having it taken away. As you see, lots of variables here..Haha

Which is all very typical at that age.