so your feelings on a teen's baby shower?

[Burnedout]

Lol I find it and using that people sharing pictures are the biggest issue. Do you people go about making your major life choices based on party pics? Do you actually know people who do? Would those needy kids yearn less if it were their 20 year old married cousin?

 

[KatheeME]

No, it isn't. Because by the time that support comes into play the decision to keep the baby has long since been made - abortion, not adoption, is the more common choice of teens who don't wish to parent for many reasons. And there isn't a teen growing up in this country that doesn't know the statistics that predict failure for teen mothers.

Besides, as others have pointed out teen pregnancy and birth rates are way down. The massive increase in single mother statistics you're talking about is due to the choices of adult women, not teens.

YES, it is.

 

[Burnedout]

Really? Um cancer is NOTHING like a unplanned pregnancy when the parents are in so condition to assume full responisiliby for the care of a baby. To suggest this is rude.

seriously? Lol I had colon cancer. I was blamed for it by some for not eating enough roughage.

Bad things happen to people. Sometimes they are the result of our actions or consequences of our behavior. We can support them or not. I think acting self righteous is rude.

 

[KatheeME]

That is a personal choice that has nothing to do with having a shower. If a the teen mother makes the personal decision to keep her child, while telling her "it will be fine" isn't being completely truthful; telling her that her life is over isn't either.

Besides, I really don't think you are giving teens enough credit. A shower is not going to make them think its all sunshine and roses.

The vast majority of the time, society has to take care of this personal choice.

 

[Wishing on a star]

tzolkin,
I am sorry to hear what you experienced!

And, I just want to clarify that I am all for any support for an expectant mother... It is just the, "Let's have a big party and post pictures, etc..." I think there is a fine line between support and unwarranted glorification.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I hope the Mods are seeing those two post above!

Mods?

 

[KatheeME]

I think it is a fine line honestly. Any baby should be celebrated, but I understand what you are saying.

My Godchild has had two babies young. At her baby shower and at the first birthday party it was glamorized in my opinion. Her girlfriends, who weren't married, kept saying how cute she was, how excited they were, and how they too wanted to get pregnant as soon as they could to experience what she was experiencing. My young daughter was standing there listening to this and you can be sure that we had a very long conversation in the car on the way home and then again once we were home where my husband was also included.

The end result is my girlfriend, the grandmother, has been supporting this young mother and her children. It's like my girlfriend has two more kids at an advanced maternal age. All the while my godchild is boosting how she "does this all on her own and how she is a wonderful mother" all over social media and every time you see her in person. She is immature and has a lot of growing up to do. In the meantime there are two innocent children that are caught up in the mix.

The saddest part is my godchild truly believes herself and that she is doing this all on her own. She is not. She is selfish and makes rash decisions. Is she a terrible mother? No. Is she a wonderful mother? No. She is the best parent she knows how to be but is much too young to take on the role. She doesn't want to sacrifice her hair or nails to provide, and expects others to support her financially. She is entitled and my girlfriend now struggles financially. Yes it is easy for anyone to tell her to cut her daughter off monetarily, but who would really be able to do that?

Now my girlfriend, who has a full time job, now has a part time job of watching her grandkids on the weekends while her daughter works. My girlfriend, in her 50's, has no break. I feel terrible for her and angry at her daughter. I keep my mouth shut most of the time, but I think it is an awful situation. I see her first hand and trust me, it isn't ideal and is a daily struggle for all involved.

THIS is the reality and not okay.

 

[KatheeME]

Please.... no need to even go there. And, I think this would be a religious, or political topic, which are kind of off limits.

This thread is about a big party/shower.

It has nothing to do with religion or politics, is a PERSONAL choice, which has already been stated and a fact of life. Like it or not.

 

[KatheeME]

I hope the Mods are seeing those two post above!

Mods?

It's a PERSONAL choice, nothing to do with religion or politics unless YOU make it so, I am NOT.

 

[Burnedout]

The vast majority of the time, society has to take care of this personal choice.

Lol, and this is made better by made giving them a baby outfit..?

Their chances of making it out are increased by support not by people being petty.

 

[luvsJack]

I truly believe that if a teen is dreaming about getting pregnant, there are a whole lot more problems for that teen than seeing a baby shower. And chances are, she is going to get pregnant with or without attending a baby shower.

I think the vast majority of teens are smarter and more emotionally stable than that.

 

[luvsJack]

The vast majority of the time, society has to take care of this personal choice.

Doesn't make it any less a personal choice nor does that have anything to do with whether or not there is a shower.

 

[Granny square]

I truly believe that if a teen is dreaming about getting pregnant, there are a whole lot more problems for that teen than seeing a baby shower. And chances are, she is going to get pregnant with or without attending a baby shower. I think the vast majority of teens are smarter and more emotionally stable than that.

I agree. It isn't the party or the pictures that cause the problem.

 

[disney junky]

In my gut (and age), I understand the OP's position.

Our school has a rule that no infants of students are to be brought into the school during school hours because it essentially romanticizes the realities of teen/unwed pregnancies.

The sense of guilt or shame doesn't really seem to exist much any more because we all have our own issues, so to condemn someone often requires an admission on our own part of things we did wrong before.

Even as I read some of the posts on this thread, I'm by struck the number of stories which hold some similarity. There is no simple answer. We celebrate the birth of a child, yes, but the inevitable hardships that this young lady will likely face shouldn't be minimized.

 

[luvsJack]

THIS is the reality and not okay.

It is not always the reality. That is the reality if the grandmother allows it to be or if she has raised her child to make it that way.

 

[Hannathy]

A shower is not for the baby! It is for the Mother. The gifts are for the baby and can be given without a party. The unborn baby gets nothing out of a party that is totally for the mother and is glorifying the pregnancy.

If people want to support the mother and care they can give baby gifts they do not have to have a party and socialize and eat, etc. That isn't support that is glorifying her pregnancy.

 

[Granny square]

A shower is not for the baby! It is for the Mother. The gifts are for the baby and can be given without a party. The unborn baby gets nothing out of a party that is totally for the mother and is glorifying the pregnancy. If people want to support the mother and care they can give baby gifts they do not have to have a party and socialize and eat, etc. That isn't support that is glorifying her pregnancy.

So cake and gift wrap are your problem got it.

 

[mhfrau]

I wouldn't be for it. I don't think you should add to the glamour of a poor decision. It isn't a joyous event.

If she is keeping it, another thing I disagree with. Then I might send something useful for the child like diapers.

a 15yr old is not equipped mentally, financially, educationally or emotionally to raise a child and I won't be endorsing something I feel strongly against.

While I agree that the circumstances aren't ideal, I don't think it's fair to say it isn't a joyous event. Whether or not the grandparents end up raising the baby because a 15 year old is still a child herself, you can't blame the baby. What are you going to to do, brand the child with a big symbol for "child of unwed, teenaged mother" when it pops out?! I only say that because I got the distinct feeling that the way you referred to the baby as "it", you felt like the child was going to be of less value to the world.

You could always send a nice blouse with a big scarlett letter on it

Couldn't help but to think of Demi Moore on the back of a horse drawn wagon when I read that!

The vast majority of the time, society has to take care of this personal choice.

Society has to take care of a great many things that result from "personal choice", and I don't think that babies born to a teenaged mother are the most expensive!

I'm certainly not advocating young girls getting pregnant, and would in fact be less than thrilled if my own 17 year old son got a girl pregnant. However, as sorry as I would be that his and his girlfriend's "young years" were done, I sure wouldn't penalize them if they made the difficult choice to put aside their own immediate hopes and dreams because they had to quickly step into adulthood and support a child. I don't think that is glamourizing teenage pregnancy, I think that is simply showing love and support. I also don't think that any of their friends that attended a baby shower would then want to run out and get knocked up themselves... I think that it is much more likely that they would smile, and be nice and then go out and gossip to each other that they were SO GLAD that they weren't in the same position!

 

[luvsJack]

In my gut (and age), I understand the OP's position.

Our school has a rule that no infants of students are to be brought into the school during school hours because it essentially romanticizes the realities of teen/unwed pregnancies.

The sense of guilt or shame doesn't really seem to exist much any more because we all have our own issues, so to condemn someone often requires an admission on our own part of things we did wrong before.

Even as I read some of the posts on this thread, I'm by struck the number of stories which hold some similarity. There is no simple answer. We celebrate the birth of a child, yes, but the inevitable hardships that this young lady will likely face shouldn't be minimized.

I don't agree with your school's stance at all. I don't think it romanticizes anything to see the mother with the infant, see the "stuff" that goes along, see the diaper changes, see the child crying--its reality.

I agree that the hardships should not be minimized. But, she shouldn't be shunned either.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Not having a shower for a pregnant teen is like closing the barn door after the horse is out. I doubt a girl will be persuaded to have a baby just to have a shower. There are other reasons a teen would want a baby like babies are cute, they want unconditional love, they want to trap their boyfriend, etc. all you have to do is watch talk shows to hear the reasons why teens want babies. Plus some girls accidentally get pregnant. As long as teens have sex the possibility of having a baby is there, and not having a shower won't change that.