Spin-off: Gift Registries

[BrianL]

Registries have always been weird to me, but I get it for weddings and such. I don't really have an issue an Amazon wishlist for a kid or whatever - send it if someone asks. I wouldn't just include it outright in an invitaiton though. Really, shouldn't we be buying gifts for people that we at least know a little about what they like? I dunno, sometimes it seems obligatory. There have been several at work recently, weddings and babies, etc. and I'm like, I don't even know some of these people! It's one thing if I know and like you, but man, it just seems like everything is a gift opportunity these days.

 

[design_mom]

I don't have a problem with wish lists for birthdays, graduations, etc. (I also don't have a problem with charities -- animal shelter, holiday toy drive -- putting up a wish list and asking for donations. I think that's a totally different kind of thing, but someone mentioned it above so I thought I'd add that.)

I think it's weird to PUBLISH the wish lists if it's not a wedding/baby shower. If someone asks "hey, do you have any ideas?" then I think it's totally fine to point them to the wish list then. If I have asked, then I definitely appreciate the help! But to print it on the birthday party invite, housewarming invite, etc seems a little presumptuous.

 

[disykat]

I have to laugh because my kids loved organizer bins. I do agree it seems like that's a mom thing, but in our case I can totally see my kids wanting them. My younger son always asked for luggage (from about age 4.) He was obsessed with various duffel bags etc. We moved when they were 3 and 5 and they were totally enthralled with the whole packing and unpacking process. They are adults now and still love organizer bins. If they read this, they'd probably both laugh and agree.

 

[bluezy]

I have to laugh because my kids loved organizer bins. I do agree it seems like that's a mom thing, but in our case I can totally see my kids wanting them. My younger son always asked for luggage (from about age 4.) He was obsessed with various duffel bags etc. We moved when they were 3 and 5 and they were totally enthralled with the whole packing and unpacking process. They are adults now and still love organizer bins. If they read this, they'd probably both laugh and agree.

Our 2nd oldest son is the same way. He has always been super organized and neat as a pin. He's an adult now, but even when he was a kid/teen he often had some type of organization bin/tray/container on his birthday and Christmas lists. A few years ago I saw that our local Walmart had a bunch of magazine bins on clearance and I knew he loves using them for various things. I texted him when I saw them and he dropped what he was doing to drive there and get them before they were gone (I offered to buy them so he didn't have to come over but he *needed* to see them first and decide which colors he wanted). He loves bins...especially when he can buy them on clearance.

 

[Magical2017]

I don't mind if people include the registry information on any invite/event. It might be considered bad form, but it does make my life easier when trying to select a gift.

 

[disykat]

As for including registry information, I have to tell a story .... When I was getting married I went to a small enough church that the whole congregation was invited. Our pastor mentioned the wedding during the announcements at church and called out to me asking where we were registered. I was so embarrassed about being seen as a gift grab that I jokingly called back "Baskin and Robbins." Surprisingly, we didn't get any B and R gift certificates!

 

[tcufrog]

Organizer bins for a 6 year old kid? Poor kid.

A few weekends from now we're having a small family birthday party for my 3-year-old cousin at our house. My kids picked out a wooden train set from Amazon for him. It has tons of pieces so I plan to buy a bin for it so my cousin has a way to store it as soon as it's opened.

I always ask my cousin what her son would like before I buy it. They don't have a very big apartment so I don't want to saddle her with something she doesn't have space for.

 

[mrsstats79]

I like the idea of a wish list. Would make it so much easier to give presents at Christmas. Now I just give gift cards but I would prefer to give a gift that they want.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

So because I'm a professor and love data, I really am curious about the age breakdown between those commenting against registries for everything and those who are ok with registries for more than just weddings/showers. I'm saying this because I think we're seeing a generational shift here. Amazon and other sites have made it easier to create and share wish lists and people are far more comfortable with posting them (I have a friend who is a p0rn star and she regularly has people sending her things from her very public wish list). I know many younger couples who create registries for housewarming and for graduations. I think this trend is here to stay for awhile.

 

[Magical2017]

So because I'm a professor and love data, I really am curious about the age breakdown between those commenting against registries for everything and those who are ok with registries for more than just weddings/showers. I'm saying this because I think we're seeing a generational shift here. Amazon and other sites have made it easier to create and share wish lists and people are far more comfortable with posting them (I have a friend who is a p0rn star and she regularly has people sending her things from her very public wish list). I know many younger couples who create registries for housewarming and for graduations. I think this trend is here to stay for awhile.

I am in my mid fifties and would prefer the registry to be included.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Are there times when a registry is appropriate and times where it is not? And why, what’s the difference?

Appropriate to make one - anytime, appropriate to put it in the invitation - almost never.

Though I kind of see why it's changing, especially for the big life event showers...but only because times have changed. - It used to be assumed that if you knew the guest of honor, you also likely knew the person throwing the shower (or at least you had to phone them to rsvp) and could discreetly ask where the couple had registered.


As for the bins (somehow lost the quote) - I pictured mom saying to kid something along the lines of "you have to get rid of some old toys before you get new ones" and the kid promising fervently to organize them instead. )

 

[bluezy]

So because I'm a professor and love data, I really am curious about the age breakdown between those commenting against registries for everything and those who are ok with registries for more than just weddings/showers. I'm saying this because I think we're seeing a generational shift here. Amazon and other sites have made it easier to create and share wish lists and people are far more comfortable with posting them (I have a friend who is a p0rn star and she regularly has people sending her things from her very public wish list). I know many younger couples who create registries for housewarming and for graduations. I think this trend is here to stay for awhile.

I'm late 50's. I'm comfortable creating wish lists for myself and sharing them with others; I'm comfortable with other people giving me their wish lists; and I'm fine with people including them in any invitations including weddings. Just because someone gives me their gift list doesn't mean I have to buy something off of it. I'm still free to purchase whatever I want to as a gift...or just give money...or no gift at all.

 

[MrsPete]

I don't have a problem with wish lists for birthdays, graduations, etc. (I also don't have a problem with charities -- animal shelter, holiday toy drive -- putting up a wish list and asking for donations. I think that's a totally different kind of thing, but someone mentioned it above so I thought I'd add that.)

I think it's weird to PUBLISH the wish lists if it's not a wedding/baby shower. If someone asks "hey, do you have any ideas?" then I think it's totally fine to point them to the wish list then. If I have asked, then I definitely appreciate the help! But to print it on the birthday party invite, housewarming invite, etc seems a little presumptuous.

I was going to say this same thing.

I'm glad my adult children have Amazon lists "going" all the time -- gives me ideas. And IF I ASK someone else what they'd like, I'm happy if they say, "Oh, I have an Amazon list."

But sending the list out -- unsolicited -- for a kid's birthday party seems quite grabby.

 

[MrsPete]

I'm late 50's. I'm comfortable creating wish lists for myself and sharing them with others; I'm comfortable with other people giving me their wish lists; and I'm fine with people including them in any invitations including weddings. Just because someone gives me their gift list doesn't mean I have to buy something off of it. I'm still free to purchase whatever I want to as a gift...or just give money...or no gift at all.

I'm mid-50s, and I feel the same way. If I see a list, I might buy something from it, or I might choose something altogether different. I don't see a list or a registry as a must-do. Similarly, I often look for cheaper places to buy the same thing; for example, when my niece got married I got her ALL her silverware -- double the amount she'd requested. But I bought it all from Amazon over the course of months. Discount for me, full silverware drawer for her.
But I don't really give money. I'm too old-South for that.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

OP here!

We have two more classmate birthday parties this month. One for a girl turning 7, the other for twin boys turning 7.

I texted the girl’s mom to ask what kind of gifts the girl would like. Mom replied “She loves all things crafting, Pokémon, and Gabby’s Dollhouse.” Super easy, I found a couple gifts I think she’ll like.

Then I asked the twins’ mom what kind of things her sons like and got this response… “The boys have taken up reading as a hobby. They would like books.” I told my son I talked to X and Y’s mom and she said they want books for their birthday and my son got indignant and blurted out, “But X said he wanted cars!”

So, what to do, what to do? Give the educational gift the mom wants her kids to have, or give the fun gift they actually want?

(Gifts have already been purchased so I’ve already made my choice, but I just thought this might be an interesting thought exercise for the thread.)

 

[PollyannaMom]

So, what to do, what to do? Give the educational gift the mom wants her kids to have, or give the fun gift they actually want?

Books about cars??

Or books I really liked, with cars taped on instead of bows?

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Books about cars??

Or books I really liked, with cars taped on instead of bows?

Books about cars was my first thought too, but I wasn’t able to find anything that fit the criteria of being age-level appropriate, of gifting quality, within budget, times two for twins. (I wanted to get them equivalent gifts, but not identical gifts.) Plus, I only know that one of the boys likes cars. I’m not sure about the other.

I ended up getting them stem kits — one where you build your own cars for twin X and a robot-building version for twin Y. Hopefully that’ll strike the right balance between toys vs. educational to make everybody happy. Then I added on two inexpensive books, a Would You Rather book and an Interesting Facts book, hoping that the general topic nature of the books will appeal to the kids since I never really got an answer about what kind of things they like.

 

[tcufrog]

I'm mid-50s, and I feel the same way. If I see a list, I might buy something from it, or I might choose something altogether different. I don't see a list or a registry as a must-do. Similarly, I often look for cheaper places to buy the same thing; for example, when my niece got married I got her ALL her silverware -- double the amount she'd requested. But I bought it all from Amazon over the course of months. Discount for me, full silverware drawer for her.
But I don't really give money. I'm too old-South for that.

I was taught growing up that money is not what you give but if you don't know what they want you give a gift card. My husband is Indian and grew up in a culture where you give money as a wedding gift. Our compromise is that if we go to an Indian wedding we give money and if we go to an American wedding we buy something off of the registry.

 

[TiggerTrigger]

Bridal and baby are fine. Birthdays are ok IF they have reasonable items on the registry. I've seen a few where everything was higher end gifts. On the plus side, I knew where the kid wanted to do his shopping, so he got a gift card for a more reasonable amount. I've seen a couple of others that I don't mind...

1. Housewarming - A number of couples go years after marriage before buying a home. They shouldn't expect gifts on par with wedding level, but I've seen some cute asks.
2. College Bound HS Grad - I've seen quite a few of these and most of the list revolves around dorm decor and materials to help with studying.