Spin-off: Gift Registries

[TipsyTraveler]

The subject of expecting gifts and gift registries came up on the Shower Etiquette thread. Bridal and baby showers typically include a gift registry and I’m wondering if those are the only “acceptable” occasions where it’s okay to make a registry. For example, my son received an invitation to a classmate’s 6th birthday party that had a link to an Amazon gift registry. Some of the items may have been requested by the birthday boy, but some of them were definitely things his mom wanted, like organizers bins and such. My thoughts on it were the same as they are about all registries, if I’m being honest — rude of you to tell me what to buy, but at least I don’t have to put any thought into your gift.

So… showers, kid’s birthdays, housewarmings, graduations, anniversary parties… Are there times when a registry is appropriate and times where it is not? And why, what’s the difference?

 

[Disneylover99]

Baby/Wedding showers - yes
Everything else - no

I think it’s a good idea for showers because there are often multiple ones, and nobody needs 3 toasters or bassinets, so it kind of makes sense.

Everything else just seems like a tacky gift grab.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

My sister in law keeps an amazon wish list for my nephew, but she never mentions it. I found out she had one from my mother in law I think. Now I always ask for the link at birthday and Christmas time. She doesn't include it on invitations or anything but I find it super helpful. She asked me once if I find it obnoxious (it's my husband's sister, but we are very close and honest with each other) and I said no because I explicitly ask you. What's the point of getting him stuff he can't use or wouldn't like?

I personally wouldn't include it on invitations or something like that. I don't necessarily buy all the presents I get him from that list but it gives me a great clue as to what he's currently into (they live in Charlotte and we live in Philly) and helps to avoid duplicates. I just ignore things I'm not interested in gifting.

I wrack my brain to figure out what to get my niece because she gets so many presents (she is lucky she is blessed with lots of generous people in her life) and my brother and sister in law won't make a list for her. They constantly say they don't want a lot of stuff but I'm going to get her something so it would be helpful to have some direction. Although I have come up with some random winners it's not easy and I fret about it.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Organizer bins for a 6 year old kid? Poor kid.

I’m fine with bridal and baby registries - cuts down on duplicates, tells you their style and colour, etc.

 

[megsters]

Kid's birthday party? Not even.

I'm on board with anything that comes with a shower, having a registry. Wedding, baby, adoption. Celebrating big, life events.

I love the idea of Fiver birthdays. If you want to contribute, you put $5 into a card. Less waste, no extra clutter, no returning duplicates, and helps contribute to a meaningful gift-and it's a teaching moment!


https://www.lovelyluckylife.com/fiver-party-kids-birthday/

 

[CynBeth]

Baby/Wedding showers - yes
Everything else - no

I think it’s a good idea for showers because there are often multiple ones, and nobody needs 3 toasters or bassinets, so it kind of makes sense.

Everything else just seems like a tacky gift grab.

I agree.

 

[pinkxray]

I would love an Amazon wish list for a kid. DS8 has been to a lot of parties in the last few years and the invite usually has a link to amazon. However, they always go to a generic- here are some toys an 8 year old boy might like. No one ever has an actual list. Knowing that my DS is pretty particular about what he would actually use, I hate to waste money on a toy a kid won’t use. So I give a card with $20 bucks for kids.

On the other hand, if I was to use the evite invitations for the kids parties, I probably wouldn’t create an Amazon list for them because that rude and tacky. Who am I to tell people what to buy? The kids should be grateful for whatever they get. LOL. So I guess I lean either way on that one.

 

[NAB]

Well went to a baby shower not long ago . She got a lot of duplicates because people look at the registry and buy it somewhere cheaper and it doesn’t get off the list.

 

[leebee]

I think showers are different from birthday parties. At least traditionally, a shower is to help a person/couple prepare for a major life-changing event that is an expensive undertaking: Furnishing a new home, preparing for a new life that requires specialized equipment (crib, stroller, car seat), etc. A birthday celebrates a person's trip around the sun, another year. I enjoy birthday parties and celebrating someone, but the reason for a party and a shower aren't equivalent, in my book. I also think about why a lot of people don't have a shower for baby #2. You already have the big, expensive, specialized stuff that can be used again, so many just do a small gathering, a "sprinkle" instead of a full shower, bringing diapers, onesies, different outfits that are needed (think gender specific or seasonal), etc.

Now that we have a young person here in our home again, I can 100% testify to the "not needing a bunch of presents" concept. I like the idea of a "fiver." Guests can usually afford $5, nobody gives the "best" gift, and the birthday child can choose what gift they'd like or to go out to lunch or have an experience instead of getting a bunch of things that might be duplicates, might not be used, that you need to find space to put away, etc.

 

[Moliphino]

Well went to a baby shower not long ago . She got a lot of duplicates because people look at the registry and buy it somewhere cheaper and it doesn’t get off the list.

Babylist.com lets you put anything from any store on your registry. Makes it easier to keep track of stuff like that. Some of my cousins have used it.

 

[PezRuth]

So I keep Amazon wish lists for my kids and for myself. This is because my parents and other grandparents always ask what to get and they like being sent a list they can chose from. This has made life very easy but would not do this for birthday parties or anything else.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I like Amazon wish lists. I don’t necessarily think they should be on invitations but if someone asks what your kid likes or wants for their birthday you can send that over. It makes life so much easier.

 

[auntfrannie]

I like Amazon wish lists. I don’t necessarily think they should be on invitations but if someone asks what your kid likes or wants for their birthday you can send that over. It makes life so much easier.

I really like the Amazon wishlists, too. They're especially helpful with nieces and nephews for birthdays and Christmas.

 

[bluezy]

I love when someone tells me they have an online wish list!! I'm terrible at coming up with gift ideas so I like having something to refer to. I don't necessarily buy something off the list, but at least I have an idea of what their interests/wants are. Just because someone has a wish list and gives you that link doesn't mean you have to buy something off that list. I'm very glad my kids (all adults) have wish lists for themselves and their kids. I was glad when some of our youngest (now 18 yo) DDs friends had birthday wish lists when they had parties. If they didn't provide a list, they most likely got a gift card to somewhere that they may or may not *want* a gift card to.

 

[ronandannette]

The subject of expecting gifts and gift registries came up on the Shower Etiquette thread. Bridal and baby showers typically include a gift registry and I’m wondering if those are the only “acceptable” occasions where it’s okay to make a registry. For example, my son received an invitation to a classmate’s 6th birthday party that had a link to an Amazon gift registry. Some of the items may have been requested by the birthday boy, but some of them were definitely things his mom wanted, like organizers bins and such. My thoughts on it were the same as they are about all registries, if I’m being honest — rude of you to tell me what to buy, but at least I don’t have to put any thought into your gift.

So… showers, kid’s birthdays, housewarmings, graduations, anniversary parties… Are there times when a registry is appropriate and times where it is not? And why, what’s the difference?

Ah well, I’m a little behind the times on the whole registry thing because nobody did it in my day (for anything) and I went about 15 years between ourselves and our friends getting married and the next generation of friends’ kids and family weddings. It seemed like an affront, at first, but now I see the more practical aspect and it doesn’t shock me that parents are starting to do it for kids’ parties. I’d probably just choose something fun (or cheap ) from the list and get on with it.

Well went to a baby shower not long ago . She got a lot of duplicates because people look at the registry and buy it somewhere cheaper and it doesn’t get off the list.

Guilty as charged. I can often get the same thing at WalMart as at The Bay.

Babylist.com lets you put anything from any store on your registry. Makes it easier to keep track of stuff like that. Some of my cousins have used it.

The last couple of bridal registries I’ve seen are like this too - websites that let them list things from various stores. You just went in and checked off if you’d bought that item; it wasn’t controlled by a single store’s own database recording your purchase.

 

[_19disnA]

I see gift registries as a good idea for baby/wedding showers or a wedding. People want to select things the couple wants/needs and it avoids having several people buy the same item. Someone else also mentioned about setting up a household with basic items needed when starting out which makes a lot of sense. Registries also tend to show a wide variety of prices, so you can pick something within your budget. Along the same lines, I have seen invitations to a party for someone who is turning 60 or a couple celebrating an anniversary that specifically says 'no gifts are expected'. I think it would be tacky to have a birthday party for a child's young classmates many who they probably hardly know, likely have never even been to their house and then include a 'gift registy' with the invite.

I don't know if you call that 'etiquette' or not but seems like some common sense goes a long way as well.

 

[kymom99]

My MIL used to have a fit over gift registries. I think they are a good idea for showers and weddings. My step daughters sometimes make lists for their kids on Amazon but only share them with a few people who ask. The one step daughter makes the lists herself, and the stuff she adds is sometimes strange. I’ve bought from them before and the kids are like….thanks? So I stopped buying from those. I give money to the older 2 and buy something fun for the younger girl.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

So I keep Amazon wish lists for my kids and for myself. This is because my parents and other grandparents always ask what to get and they like being sent a list they can chose from. This has made life very easy but would not do this for birthday parties or anything else.

I asked my daughters to make them for themselves and one for each grandkid. Makes it easier for me to know what they are in need of/want. I might not buy the exact one they want (for example, DD#2 wanted a travel backpack, but put a very generic one on her wishlist, because it was cheap. Reading the reviews, the quality was not good, and it wasn't big enough for what she wanted it for. So, I did research, found a really good one in the color scheme she wanted. Yes, it cost more, but she didn't have to replace it in 3 months; it lasted for 3 years, thru mulitple trips overseas and domenstic.), but it gives me some guidance.

ETA: DD#1 makes separate lists...one for her sister and us, and another for her in-laws. She puts different things on each, so no one has to worry about duplicating gifts!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think the OP's example highlights more the nuance into this.

Why should I have an issue with an animal shelter putting up a wish list for me to buy from just because it's not a shower? Why should I have an issue with a friend putting up a registry when she's undergone a painful divorce and now is starting off with much less things in a new place and so instead of trying to find random things for a housewarming gift that may not have any usage I can see that she'd find usage in a usb/outlet tower, works for me personally (and I still got her a random fun item in addition to it).

But clearly organizer bins for a young child's birthday party are less about the recipient so not the most honest usage of one and can see where that irks people but that doesn't mean the list itself is the issue (or rather has to be the issue).

Sister-in-law sends a wish list to her mom now every year for Christmas and her mom loves it. We send links from Amazon (mostly from there) for Christmas and mother-in-law loves it as well. She still gets random other stuff but likes having a very easy way of getting what we're looking/wanting.

Wish lists and registries have morphed in their usages and in general I don't see much of an issue with the premise of using either one for a variety of situations.

 

[Babs Johnson]

Online wish lists for birthday, Christmas, etc. gifts are fine with me.

They’re really no different than the hand written lists that I, my sister, my kids, nephew and niece, etc. used to have in the Stone Age.

Circling photos in the Sears catalog was another ancient format.

And my organizer bin for 6 year old me was an empty carton from the supermarket that once held cans of Green Giant peas.