Wendy's "I'm Going to SCOTLAND!!!!" Weight Loss Journey(Scotland Trip Report Pg 10)

[whgrn]

Wendy - I just sat here this evening and read this whole thread.

You are such an inspiration! Keep up the good work. One-derland is looming close.

Congratulations - and thanks for sharing your story.

The WHOLE thread?!? WOW!!! Glad you're enjoying it.

Thanks for reading!

 

[donac]

And his name is saltine crackers with melted chocolate/butter/brown sugar topping! Oh my gosh, those things are additctive!!!

I went to an Octoberfest party, and did pretty well food-wise. Chicken, beef stew, a pretzel, some bread with butter (admittedly, I didn't NEED that...), and some of the fruit salad I brought. and then those deadly cracker things. I couldn't help myself--just kept grabbing another, and then another. It's one of those situations where one is too many and a thousand aren't enough. I finally just decided to leave.

I had already planned that when I got home I would have a bowl of ice cream (I'm PMSing and I've just been craving it) Now the smart thing would have been to say, "no ice cream since I ate all that other stuff". But no, I had to have the ice cream too! So I hereby declare that my "splurge" is officially OVER!! As of this moment, I resume my regular routine.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (literally, since we live in a ranch style house!), my kids have suddenly grown up into "big kids'. Just yesterday they were in diapers, or so it seems. I blinked, and now today they're "all grown up". Yesterday my daughter got her braces on, and last night she went to her first TEEN cooking class. Meanwhile, her brother rode his bike after school to go watch his "girlfriend" play soccer, and then he and his best friend came home, had dinner, and then I took them back to school to their first 6th grade dance. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did they grow up so fast?!? Where did my babies go?? And if they're growing up, what does that make me? (answer: OLD!!)

Tomorrow we are going apple picking, and Thursday when the kids are off from school we will make applesauce. At least they aren't too grown up to want to do things with their old Mom!

Wendy, I have had those evil crackers and they are EVIL.

I know what you mean about them being all grown up. We just got back from taking ds2 back to college. He was home to see his old high school band play at the first home football game. (I was going to go but I got Shingles this week and am not allowed out too much) Ds2 told me that he won't be home again until Halloween for his dad's birthday. When did he get so grown up. ANd he's the baby

 

[whgrn]

Wendy, I have had those evil crackers and they are EVIL.

I know what you mean about them being all grown up. We just got back from taking ds2 back to college. He was home to see his old high school band play at the first home football game. (I was going to go but I got Shingles this week and am not allowed out too much) Ds2 told me that he won't be home again until Halloween for his dad's birthday. When did he get so grown up. ANd he's the baby

Shingles?!? I've heard that's AWFUL!! So sorry you have to go through that. I hope you're feeling better soon!

I have GOT to be PMSing--all sorts of evil things are calling me, and too many of them are getting answers...

 

[whgrn]

OH MY GOSH!!! I just had a total "come to Jesus" moment! An epiphany. An "a-HA!" thing.

I blogged yesterday about the evil saltine cracker dessert. Well, today started out well enough, ate a proper breakfast, had Wendy's chili for lunch on the way to pick apples. Picked 83 pounds of apples and dragged them up to the scales to weigh and pay. Now THAT was some serious exercise!

I came home, did my usual stuff, and was fine. I had a bowl of fruit salad. A few hours later, I was preparing to go to a conference at church, which would go through dinner time, so I had some more fruit salad to hold me over. All this was planned and logged.

For some reason, something snapped then. I ended up havng two "Sandwich Thins" which are like rolls only very thin, like thin sliced bread. One with butter, the other with strawberry cream cheese. Why? Because I was wanting the bread! OK, so I'm thinking, PMS. Makes sense, craving carbs.

Off to the conference, and at the break, there's fruits, veggies, chips, pastries, some other stuff. Last week I had some fruit and veggies. This week I had some fruit (which was extra because I did NOT plan for or log it) and then decided to have some chips. Just one bag of plain SunChips, 210 calories, but again, NOT planned or logged.

When I got home, I heated up my dinner. But instead of 2 T of cheese on my tortilla soup, I had closer to 1/2 CUP. And I didnt' measure out my tortilla chips, I just spread them on a plate (more than the 15 I had planned), and covered them with MORE cheese to make "nachos". AND I ate a few bites of my son's pizza.

WHY DID I DO THIS???????????????????

And then, as I sit down at my computer, it hit me. The REAL reason why I am doing this, which probably has NOTHING to do with PMS.

I am afraid of succeeding. I am 2.5 pounds away from ONEDERLAND. And I'm scared to death that I'm actually going to get there. And soon.

Why on earth should I be afraid of something that I want so badly? Something that is good for me? Something I've been working REALLY hard for?

Because if I get there, if I'm "thin", then I lose who I have been most of my life. The fat girl. Those layers of fat did alot more than keep me warm in the winter. They kept people at arms length. No one got close to me. No one. Not my family. Not my friends. Not even my husband. (hmmmm, wonder why he's my ex now??) If no one got close, no one could hurt me. So while I craved love, was desperate to be loved and accepted, would do anything, become anyone, if someone would only love me--I was pusing away anyone and anything who might actually do just that.

Now, I am NOT saying that no one loves me. Plenty of people do. These brave, hardy souls have managed to push through the barriers I put up around me, and get in close enough to love me. And some of them I have allowed to do that, but not many. The risk was too great. If I let you in, you can know me, and in knowing me, you will know how horrible I am. Becuase I am, you know. I am the worst person the world has ever seen. At least, that's what I thought of myself. For a long, long time, that's really what I believed!

By God's grace, I know that I am a valuable and worthy person. Far from perfect, but I have alot to offer. As my BFF would say, I'm quite a catch! But to let people close to me is to risk letting them hurt me. And that's scary stuff. It's easier to keep everyone at arm's length, and not take the risk.

Thats' sort of the beauty of the internet. I have online friends who only see what I let them see. it's safe. it's comfortable. It's also very fulfilling! Without all my inhibitions, I can be who I really am--funny, caring, friendly, crazy ME! And my weight doesn't matter here, not a bit.

But in the real world? Expectations of fat people are just different. I've always known what was expected of me. Now I'm not so sure anymore. What role will I need to play? Who will I need to be? Of course, the answer is: I need to be ME! I do NOT have to play a role, I just have to be myself. but that means taking that risk. what if who I am isn't good enough? what if I'm not acceptable?

I WANT to take that risk! I WANT to be who I am, and let people see the real me. I really do WANT to! I'm just a little (ok, a LOT) scared about exactly how to go about doing it, without losing myself in the process. Maybe I'm putting the brakes on a little, holding off on that whole ONEderland thing. Heck, maybe it's just an excuse for eating too much of the wrong things. I don't know, really.

OK, this is all getting a little deep and philisophical, so I am just going to stop. And think. ALOT. About where I'm going and what exactly I'm going to do when I get there. And I WILL get there. Maybe not this week, but soon. Sooner than I may feel ready. But deep inside, I AM ready. Ready to face the world and let my light shine. Ready to be who I AM, NOT who someone else thinks I should be.

I am Wendy. I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend. I am funny, kind, friendly, sensitive, generous, silly, smart, brave, strong, successful, interesting, honest, sincere, and I AM good enough. I AM ENOUGH!

 

[Pikester]

OH MY GOSH!!! I just had a total "come to Jesus" moment! An epiphany. An "a-HA!" thing.

I blogged yesterday about the evil saltine cracker dessert. Well, today started out well enough, ate a proper breakfast, had Wendy's chili for lunch on the way to pick apples. Picked 83 pounds of apples and dragged them up to the scales to weigh and pay. Now THAT was some serious exercise!

I came home, did my usual stuff, and was fine. I had a bowl of fruit salad. A few hours later, I was preparing to go to a conference at church, which would go through dinner time, so I had some more fruit salad to hold me over. All this was planned and logged.

For some reason, something snapped then. I ended up havng two "Sandwich Thins" which are like rolls only very thin, like thin sliced bread. One with butter, the other with strawberry cream cheese. Why? Because I was wanting the bread! OK, so I'm thinking, PMS. Makes sense, craving carbs.

Off to the conference, and at the break, there's fruits, veggies, chips, pastries, some other stuff. Last week I had some fruit and veggies. This week I had some fruit (which was extra because I did NOT plan for or log it) and then decided to have some chips. Just one bag of plain SunChips, 210 calories, but again, NOT planned or logged.

When I got home, I heated up my dinner. But instead of 2 T of cheese on my tortilla soup, I had closer to 1/2 CUP. And I didnt' measure out my tortilla chips, I just spread them on a plate (more than the 15 I had planned), and covered them with MORE cheese to make "nachos". AND I ate a few bites of my son's pizza.

WHY DID I DO THIS???????????????????

And then, as I sit down at my computer, it hit me. The REAL reason why I am doing this, which probably has NOTHING to do with PMS.

I am afraid of succeeding. I am 2.5 pounds away from ONEDERLAND. And I'm scared to death that I'm actually going to get there. And soon.

Why on earth should I be afraid of something that I want so badly? Something that is good for me? Something I've been working REALLY hard for?

Because if I get there, if I'm "thin", then I lose who I have been most of my life. The fat girl. Those layers of fat did alot more than keep me warm in the winter. They kept people at arms length. No one got close to me. No one. Not my family. Not my friends. Not even my husband. (hmmmm, wonder why he's my ex now??) If no one got close, no one could hurt me. So while I craved love, was desperate to be loved and accepted, would do anything, become anyone, if someone would only love me--I was pusing away anyone and anything who might actually do just that.

Now, I am NOT saying that no one loves me. Plenty of people do. These brave, hardy souls have managed to push through the barriers I put up around me, and get in close enough to love me. And some of them I have allowed to do that, but not many. The risk was too great. If I let you in, you can know me, and in knowing me, you will know how horrible I am. Becuase I am, you know. I am the worst person the world has ever seen. At least, that's what I thought of myself. For a long, long time, that's really what I believed!

By God's grace, I know that I am a valuable and worthy person. Far from perfect, but I have alot to offer. As my BFF would say, I'm quite a catch! But to let people close to me is to risk letting them hurt me. And that's scary stuff. It's easier to keep everyone at arm's length, and not take the risk.

Thats' sort of the beauty of the internet. I have online friends who only see what I let them see. it's safe. it's comfortable. It's also very fulfilling! Without all my inhibitions, I can be who I really am--funny, caring, friendly, crazy ME! And my weight doesn't matter here, not a bit.

But in the real world? Expectations of fat people are just different. I've always known what was expected of me. Now I'm not so sure anymore. What role will I need to play? Who will I need to be? Of course, the answer is: I need to be ME! I do NOT have to play a role, I just have to be myself. but that means taking that risk. what if who I am isn't good enough? what if I'm not acceptable?

I WANT to take that risk! I WANT to be who I am, and let people see the real me. I really do WANT to! I'm just a little (ok, a LOT) scared about exactly how to go about doing it, without losing myself in the process. Maybe I'm putting the brakes on a little, holding off on that whole ONEderland thing. Heck, maybe it's just an excuse for eating too much of the wrong things. I don't know, really.

OK, this is all getting a little deep and philisophical, so I am just going to stop. And think. ALOT. About where I'm going and what exactly I'm going to do when I get there. And I WILL get there. Maybe not this week, but soon. Sooner than I may feel ready. But deep inside, I AM ready. Ready to face the world and let my light shine. Ready to be who I AM, NOT who someone else thinks I should be.

I am Wendy. I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend. I am funny, kind, friendly, sensitive, generous, silly, smart, brave, strong, successful, interesting, honest, sincere, and I AM good enough. I AM ENOUGH!

You ARE all those things!

BELIEVE!

 

[whgrn]

Thanks Pikester! I needed that tonite!

 

[Shmu]

Wendy you ARE all those things you said. Just like Pikester said.

I really enjoyed this last post. I'm so proud of you for making the connection.
The Wendy I have gotten to know over the internet is an AMAZING person.

 

[whgrn]

Wendy you ARE all those things you said. Just like Pikester said.

I really enjoyed this last post. I'm so proud of you for making the connection.
The Wendy I have gotten to know over the internet is an AMAZING person.

Thanks Shmu!!

 

[M&N]

I totally get this. I held my WW goal weight for probably 3 weeks and then up it went. I think I thought loosing the weight was going to solve all my problems and make me a perfect 'little' girl. It didn't and won't. Losing weight is more of a head game than anything else for me. I see the ads for loosing weight where they say it'll curb your appetite. Well, I don't overeat because I'm hungry. I don't eat the wrong things because I'm hungry. I want it...it gives me comfort. I thought when I retired, I would be able to do it better but it hasn't happened. I know I've said it before but you are really an inspiration to me. Your insight and honesty about your problems are to be admired...I just need to get with it and get to work. I knew there was some reason I talked myself out of going to the store for junk food.

 

[whgrn]

I totally get this. I held my WW goal weight for probably 3 weeks and then up it went. I think I thought loosing the weight was going to solve all my problems and make me a perfect 'little' girl. It didn't and won't. Losing weight is more of a head game than anything else for me. I see the ads for loosing weight where they say it'll curb your appetite. Well, I don't overeat because I'm hungry. I don't eat the wrong things because I'm hungry. I want it...it gives me comfort. I thought when I retired, I would be able to do it better but it hasn't happened. I know I've said it before but you are really an inspiration to me. Your insight and honesty about your problems are to be admired...I just need to get with it and get to work. I knew there was some reason I talked myself out of going to the store for junk food.

Years ago, when I lost a ton of weight on Optifast, I got down to 167 (for about 30 minutes.) I honestly believed that when i lost weight, my life would be perfect, or at least close. Guys would be lined up at the door, I'd have tons of great friends, everything would go the way I wanted it to. This was the story I'd heard all my life! I could have it ALL, if I just lost weight.

Imagine how I felt when I realized I'd been lied to by the people I trusted most in the world (parents, grandparents, etc). I was devestated. I felt totally betrayed. And on top of that, I was MISERABLE! I was so afraid to regain the weight that I became anorexic for awhile, and then bulemic. Actually ended up in rehab for eating disorders for 6 weeks! After that was when I got down to 167. I was in a major depression, the worst I've ever experienced. I spent 4 weeks hospitalized for depression--when I went in I was like a zombie, I couldn't function. I couldn't choose clothes to wear, what to eat, nothing. They changed my antidepressant and over time it got better. I gained 40 pounds in there!

When I came out was when I met my then future husband (now the ex). I was at a VERY vulnerable place emotionally, so my defenses were way down, or I'd probably not have given him a second glance. The rest, as they say, is history.

This time around, I'm not losing weight for anyone except ME. I know it will not make everything in my life perfect. It certainly won't make my kids behave any better!! The thing is, I FEEL better! WAY better! And that alone makes me happier. And more confident. My life still isn't perfect, but I wouldn't trade lives with anyone else!!

 

[whgrn]

I did it!!!!!!

This morning, 2 days before my birthday, I stepped on the scale and saw 199.2 looking back at me! This has been my goal for a long time, and I reached it! I am so happy I could just spit!

After my pool class this morning, I went to the jewelers to pick up my ring. It is beautiful! The diamonds just shimmer in the sunlight. I keep looking at it, thinking of what it symbolizes. Sure, the 3 stones represent me and my kids, but the meaning behind the ring is so much deeper.

I set out nearly a year ago to lose some weight and get healthy. I took a sabbatical from my job to focus on ME. I committed to working out, eating right, and doing whatever it took to reach my goal of 210 pounds. And I was going along very nicely with that, until my orthopedist said he'd like me under 200 for my knee replacement in January 2009. Ok, if I can do 210, I can do 200, right?

But that got me thinking, and I decided I wanted to weigh less than my Dad, who is currently the lightest one in the family, at 188. So I chose 186 as my goal. Why 186? Because 1) it's less than Dad, 2) it represents 100 pounds lost since last November when I decided to do something about my weight, and 3) it represents 300 pounds total loss since my gastric bypass in 2001.

So here I am, 13 pounds from that goal. Not much, but probably the hardest 13 pounds I'll ever lose! I hope to do it by New Years, but if not, it's ok. I will simply do my best and accept what my body decides. THIS, ONEderland by my birthday, was the goal that was so important to me.

When I went to the gym, I saw my trainer. I told her and she jumped up and down and hugged me. It felt good to know she was so excited! I texted my BFF, and got a very enthusiastic response from her too. I told my Mom, and she said how proud she is of me. I've had several comments on my SparkPage, and gotten some SparkGoodies, from my SparkFriends who are celebrating right along with me. It feels so good to know that others are supporting me in this, and are happy for my success. But i guess what matters most is how I feel about all of this.

Well, as my Grandpa used to say, "if I was any happier, I'd be twins!" That about sums it up. I'm walking around today, looking at my beautiful ring, and smiling like the cat that swallowed the canary. Only it wasn't a canary I swallowed, it was lots of good, healthy, nutritious food, and lots and lots of WATER!

Why did it work this time? After all the times I've set out to lose weight, why was this time different? I think there were several factors. First, I didn't decide to "go on a diet". I decided to GET HEALTHY. That didn't just mean a change in eating habits, it meant a change in LIFESTYLE. A totally different mindset.

Second, as I've mentioned before, my dear sister talked me into going with her to Canyon Ranch in January. It was a lifechanging experience. Because of it, I gave up dairy and wheat for 3 months, and continue to limit them. And I've not had any egg since then (except the time I ate Carvel soft vanilla and didn't realize there was egg yolk in there!) I've been eating healthy, organic, natural, unprocessed foods. No artifical ANYTHING! And eliminating eggs has eliminated most baked goods, making it that much easier to stay away from them!

Third, for some bizzare reason, I've developed a LOVE for exercise! I was a devout couch potato. I hated exercise. Sure, I'd done some before, a bare minimum, but never committed. Now, I'm at the gym and/or pool 6 days a week! And if I miss a class, I feel like something isn't right.

Fourth, I really, truly, completely did this for ME. Not for my family, my friends, or anyone else. Just for ME. Becuase I wanted to be healthy. For ME.

Finally, and this is actually the #1 reason why I believe this worked, is that _I_ did not do this! I can't claim the credit. Sure, I did the legwork (pardon the pun), but when I started, I sat down and had a talk with God. I told Him, "I can't do this. I've tried so many times and failed. This time, I'm giving it to YOU." And He did it! He has given me the desires of my heart! I could not have done this on my own strength and power. But I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me! So I give HIM the glory. (altho I am sort of basking in that glory just a teeeny bit myself!)

I am blessed. I am healthy. I am happy. I am in ONEderland.

It just doesn't get any better than this!!

 

[whgrn]

So I had this GREAT blog written about how today I took pizza to the guys who are renovating a house for a soldier who lost both legs in Iraq. All about sacrifice, honor, and what's really important. And I hit the wrong button and lost the whole darn thing. I can't recreate it--it was really good! So I won't even try.

But I still have my own inconsequential (relatively speaking) life, and so here's a story of what happened later today...

I went to pick up my kids from their father's tonite, as we were going to see a play. His family was visiting. His parents, brother and nephew, aunt, 2 cousins and their husbands. Most of these folks I haven't seen since the divorce--about 170 pounds ago!

Well, they didnt' recognize me! The couldn't get over the change in me, they were so amazed. They all gushed about how great I looked. It was a nice ego boost.

And it made me remember something I came up with a few years ago. Remember the Master Card commercials? Well, here's my version:

Gastric Bypass Surgery $50,000
Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery $25,000
New Wardrobe $5000
Catching your ex-husband "checking you out" PRICELESS!!!

(The really cool thing about that is that after seeing how well I did, HE went and had the surgery too! But I think I weigh less than he does. Teehee!! Haven't done that since we were first dating!)

So I'm 11.4 pounds from goal. I think I can do it by the end of the year. I hope so, but if not, it's ok. I feel great. I look pretty good too. Someone told me the other day I look like a teenager. LOL, I don't THINK so! But I'm happy with how I look, even if sometimes I don't recognize myself. (Hey! Who's that woman in the mirror?? Ooops! It's me!)

 

[Shmu]

Wendy,
You are such an inspiration. I just caught up with your journal. Been out of touch for a while with my internet friends but I had some down time this morning finally to try and see how everyone is doing.

Why did it work this time? After all the times I've set out to lose weight, why was this time different? I think there were several factors. First, I didn't decide to "go on a diet". I decided to GET HEALTHY. That didn't just mean a change in eating habits, it meant a change in LIFESTYLE. A totally different mindset.​

I love this. It his a core with me. I want to GET HEALTHY. I might send you a private email. Look for it.

Finally, and this is actually the #1 reason why I believe this worked, is that _I_ did not do this! I can't claim the credit. Sure, I did the legwork (pardon the pun), but when I started, I sat down and had a talk with God. I told Him, "I can't do this. I've tried so many times and failed. This time, I'm giving it to YOU." And He did it! He has given me the desires of my heart! I could not have done this on my own strength and power. But I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me! So I give HIM the glory. (altho I am sort of basking in that glory just a teeeny bit myself!)​

Amen, Amen, Amen
This too hit a core with me.
I have tried to hit my "health" goal in my own strength. Not His.
Didn't realize it until I read this.

And it made me remember something I came up with a few years ago. Remember the Master Card commercials? Well, here's my version:

Gastric Bypass Surgery $50,000
Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery $25,000
New Wardrobe $5000
Catching your ex-husband "checking you out" PRICELESS!!! ​

About messed up my computer screen by spitting out coffee.
This is GREAT.

 

[donac]

Congratulations. It is so nice to see someone who had the surgery still working at it all these years later. YOu are a true inspiration.


Shingles are getting better but the pain is still there and I need to be on pain meds for at least the next month (I don't think she thinks the pain will be gone in a month. SHe gave me 2 refills.)

 

[whgrn]

Today I went to see my OB/GYN for my annual exam. (Not my favorite thing to do, but hey, ya gotta go!) I filled out a stack of forms—insurance, update address, etc. And then came a page of sort of general health questions.

It was the first question that got me. “Are you happy with your current weight?”

And I had to actually THINK about it. AM I happy at 193? If someone told me this is as good as it gets, I won’t lose any more, would I be OK with that? I’m 7 pounds from my goal weight of 186. I’ve lost 93 pounds in the past year, 293 since 2001. But what if this was all there was?

Filling out the forms quickly, I checked ‘yes’ and wrote “almost!” next to it.

But was that really my true answer? Am I happy or not? Why did I feel the need to qualify my answer with an “almost”?

So I’ve been thinking about that question for the past hour. And I realized something. I AM happy with my current weight. Sure, I’d like to “finish the job” and get to 186. But if that never happens, I’ll be OK with it. I figure, when I set out on this journey, I set out to lose 76 pounds, not 100. My goal weight was 210. I reached that goal a few months ago, and changed it to 186. I really hope I reach that goal, and I really believe I will. But if my body decides to hang around at 193? I’ll still be happy. I’m still in the best health of my entire life. I still look SO much better than I have in at least 16 years. I can still wear Misses’ size clothes. I am comfortable in my own skin. And really, that 186 is just a number on a scale. It doesn’t define success. Success is all the things I’ve achieved already, even with 7 pounds left to lose. There’s not a timetable on this last 7 pounds. Sure, I’d like to do it by the end of the year, but if it takes longer, it takes longer. My body is pretty much in charge now.

The doctor was called out on an emergency, so I have to go back to see him in 2 weeks. If I get to fill out that form again, I know what I will say. I will answer YES, without qualification. Because I AM happy with my current weight!

 

[Shmu]

Great post Wendy.
Good answer. You have a lot to be happy about.
So proud of you.

I can answer Yes to everything in my life but by weight.
That's going to change though this year, right?

 

[whgrn]

Yesterday I got on the bus and went to New York City. I love New York and I haven't been in awhile, other than a quick trip in to see the orthopedist. So when my uncle and his girlfriend invited me to join them for a show, I said SURE!

Sadly, it turned out they were unable to go, so here I was with 3 tickets to "Jersey Boys". Well, my friend Barbara has been DYING to see the show, so I said "come with me!"

I arrived in the early afternoon, with suitcase in hand. (well, on wheels) I immediately started looking for a place for lunch, since it was past 1:00 and I was hungry. I checked my navigator on my cell phone (gotta love these nifty gadgets!) and it told me there was a Wendy's right on my way to the hotel. Cool! A known entity--Wendy's Chili. I found it--2 flights down in a subway station! Hmmmm, carrying a suitcase down those steps and back up again... Well, I decided the chili was worth the effort, so down I went. My suitcase was farily light, since it was only 1/2 full (more on that later). I enjoyed my lunch and then trudged back up the steps to the street.

It was a gloomy, grey day, but fortunately not raining yet, so I didn't have the hassle of the umbrella to deal with. A good thing, since I walked about 15 blocks. I got to the hotel, checked in, and went upstairs to drop off all my stuff. Then I headed back out for some adventure.

My first order of business was to see Ground Zero. In all the times I've been in the city since 9/11, I've never gotten down there, and I was determined that this was the time. I sure wish I'd done my homework. Since lower Manhattan was a long way from my hotel on 53rd street, I took a cab. The driver looked at me kind of funny when I told him where I wanted to go, but I figured maybe it was just a language barrier thing. I was wrong. We got down to where the towers stood. I recognized some of the landmarks from TV, so I knew we were in the right place. And what did I see? A construction site, blocked off on all sides by a tall fence. That's it? Yup, that's it. There was a place you could walk alongside the construction site, but as it had started to rain, it hardly seemed worth it to walk past a fence, not to mention the trouble of finding another cab to get back uptown!

So, where to next? I decided to start my shopping and headed for 34th Street, home of Macy's. I was looking for a couple of specific things, most importantly a white, fine gauge sweater. I looked at Gap. No luck. Daffy's. No luck. H&M. No luck. I figured, Macy's has EVERYTHING, so I went all through 5 floors of the world's largest department store. Nothing. I gave up.

Back out on the street, it was raining harder. And my umbrella? Back in my hotel room! I tried to get a taxi, and had no luck. But then a guy on a pedicab asked if I needed a ride. This is the coolest thing. A bicycle, and on the back is a little trailer with a seat, and a roof, and even a plastic covering to keep you dry! I figured, "why not?" and told him where I was going. It was about 20 blocks, and if it wasn't raining, or if I'd had my umbrella, I would have walked, but under the circumstances, I decided to ride. It was fun weaving around cars that weren't moving. I think we actually made better time than a taxi would have!

Back at the hotel, I fired up my mini-laptop and read email, caught up on Sparks, and did some web surfing, until it was time for dinner. I had checked on Mapquest and Yahoo to see what was nearby, and found nothing interesting. So I decided to stay close and try the restaurant in the hotel lobby. At least I'd stay warm and dry.

I ordered my favorite kind of salad--greens with slices of apples, walnuts and Stilton cheese, with a light viniagrette (on the side, naturally), and a seafood entree that sounded yummy. The waiter brought the bread basket, and I marveled at the huge quantity for just one person. I took a piece and buttered it, and it was good. And I was starving. So I took another piece. And it was good. and I was still hungry. So I took ANOTHER piece. And asked the waiter to please remove the bread basket from the table.

The salad was delicious. I used barely any dressing, since it really didn't need much. The seafood was so-so. The shrimps (3) were good, but the lobster was sort of gummy. The scallops looked gross, and there were 2 other kinds of mystery fish that I decided to leave on the plate. I asked the waiter to wrap the leftovers. I thought I might see a homeless person on the way to the theater, and then the food wouldn't go to waste.

I headed out to the theater to meet Barbara and her daughter, Amy. No homeless people, so I tossed the bag in a trash can. I sat in the theater lobby peoplewatching until the girls arrived. Up the steps we went to the theater to find our seats. I can remember so many times I've gone to a show and been so uncomfortable in the tiny theater seats. But these seats seemed quite roomy. Maybe they were bigger than others, maybe it's just that I'm so much smaller, but I was certainly comfortable. Except for the tall man who sat right in front of me, and leaned so far to the right to see around the tall man in front of HIM, that I was practically falling out of my seat trying to see the stage! Fortunately, Barbara pointed out that they had cushions you could sit on, so I asked the usher for one. It helped alot, and I was able to see pretty well.

I'd been in a pretty gloomy mood all day, but the music, the action, and just hanging out with Barbara and Amy, made me much cheerier. When the show ended, we walked back to the hotel. Barbara had gotten me a CD of the soundtrack as a thank you for inviting them. (Hey, the tickets were free--my uncle gave them to me!). We had a nice chat while we walked through the falling mist (not quite rain yet). They got a cab at the hotel and I went out in search of a snack. I was very happy to find a healthy grocery store just a block and a half from the hotel. I got a bag of granola (the same kind I have at home), 2 cups of greek yogurt with fruit, and some organic apples. By this time it was raining pretty hard, and the wind had picked up quite a bit, so I hurried back to the hotel.

I ate my nice snack, and put the rest away for breakfast (nice that the hotel provides a mini-bar, but it wasn't cold enough for the yogurt, so I filled the ice bucket and stuck it in there). I calculated my intake for the day and...uh oh. I was over by 327 calories! YIKES! And WAY high on fat. Well, there was nothing I could do at that point, I'd already eaten!

I didn't feel tired, but a little after midnight I went to bed. It took a long time to fall asleep. I woke up once to use the bathroom and was afraid I would be unable to go back to sleep, but I did. When I woke up, it was 9:28!!! I can't remember when I last slept that late! I got up and dressed and ate breakfast, packed up my few thngs, and checked out. I was able to check my bag at the bell desk so i didn't have to lug it around with me.

Then it was time for the highlight of my trip--Talbots!! I walked the 2 long blocks and one short one to the 4 story building, carrying just my umbrella. It was drizzling, but not too hard. This was the first time I've been there that I wasn't limited to just the one floor of Women's sizes. Today I had 3 entire floors to choose from!

I still had no success in my quest for a white sweater, but I hit pay dirt on all other fronts. They were having a store-wide sale--buy one, get one half price. Woohoo! I just LOVE saving money! I left 2 hours later with 4 pair of much needed pants, and 5 equally necessary tops. And the most exciting part was the sizes. A Misses size 16 blouse, and a pair of size 14 Womens Petite pants!! WOW! I haven't been a 14 since 1992! The other pants were cut slimmer in the leg, so I had to go with a 16, but the waists would have been better in a 14. Oh well...

The rain had picked up a bit, but I walked back anyway, since it was so close. I stopped on the way and went into the Gap, becuase I needed a nicer black top to go with the size 14 pants (I have a Memorial service to go to on Saturday). I found 4 and tried them all on. They were all nice, but I chose the last one, which seemed to classiest. The XL was too big, so I got a Large! WooHoo!!!

I collected my suitcase from the hotel, and fortunately everything fit inside. (Remember, it was only half full on the trip up!) I was quite warm, so I took off my coat and put it in the shopping bag, and hooked that on top of the suitcasee. The rain had stopped, so I didn't need my umbrella as I started back towards the bus station. I knew I didn't want to deal with steps again, but I really wanted to do lunch at Wendy's again since I knew it was a healthy choice (gotta love that chili!) I checked and found one only about 2 blocks out of the way, so I went there. No steps!! I had my lunch, and headed south. Only 12 blocks this time, and no rain!

I just missed the 1:20 bus, so I had to wait for the 1:50. The ride passed quickly as I read my book, and before I knew it, we were back in Freehold. I got off the bus and headed for my car, and noticed that my legs hurt. Alot! I guess it was all that walking.

So now I'm back home. I had a nice healthy dinner, and my calories are in the lower end of the range, so that offsets at least half of yesterday's excess. And I have a new "Master Card Commercial":

Bus trip to the big city: $11.75
Dinner at a swanky restaurant: $50
Tickets to 'Jersey Boys' on Broadway: $117 (paid for by my nice uncle!)
A pair of size 14 pants: PRICELESS!

 

[whgrn]

Lately ALOT of people have been commenting on my weight loss. Some are folks I haven't seen in ages, so obviously I look quite different. Some are people who have been watching me lose, have commented before, but are saying there's a big difference lately. And, strangely, a few who I see regularly seem to just now be noticing that there's something different about me. (Which makes me wonder, did they NOT notice the first 90 pounds?)

Anyway, regardless of which group they are in, nearly everyone has one common question. "How did you do it?"

Depending on the situation, I may give details, or I may just say something as simple as "diet and exercise". I've told alot of people about SparkPeople, and several have even joined. The amazing thing is, everyone seems so surprised to hear that I did it with diet and exercise. Some actually seem disappointed! What? No magic bullet? No miracle pill? No groundbreaking new diet?

Nope. Just eating healthy, nutritious, natural foods in reasonable quantities, and getting a daily dose of exercise. No gimmicks. No pills. No crazy fad diets. Just the sensible, tried and true, diet and exercise. (Well, yeah, and SparkPeople--maybe that's the magic bullet!)

Why is it such a surprise that I did it this way? Are we really so hung up on all the latest diet crazes and celebrity weight loss gimmicks that we can't believe it's possible to lose weight "the old fashioned way"?

I have an idea about that. People want an EASY fix. They want to do it fast--immediate gratification. They don't want to work for it. They don't want to wait for results. I know. I was one of them for a very long time. I could teach classes on nutrition with all I've learned over the years. I've lost (and regained) at least 1000 pounds in my life (really!) Somehow, the pounds always came back, and they brought friends too, leaving me heavier than ever. I wanted an easy way out.

I have finally learned that there is not a quick and easy way. But there IS a simple way. Eat a sensible, healthy, balanced diet.

Get some exercise at least 5 days a week.

Drink plenty of water and get enough sleep.

It's NOT a quick fix. But long term, it works. Why? Becuase it's not a diet, which by design is meant to end at some point, and then you're left with the rest of your life and the old "what do I do now that I'm not on a diet anymore" mentality. Nope, it's not a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I heard this so many times over the years, but it never sunk in. I've always been so black and white. Either I'm ON a diet or I'm OFF a diet. Starving my self or stuffing myself. Maintenance? Ya got me, I've never done that! So why is this time different?

It's different because I haven't just broken the old bad habits. I've replaced them with a completely new way of living. I have days where I don't track my food for various reasons (vacation, odd food situations where there's just no way to log everything, special occasions, etc.) But on those days, instead of eating myself silly like I would have done in the past, I find I actually stick pretty close to my regular plan. A case in point is my vacation over the summer where I didn't log my food, just wrote everything down. When I had access to a computer and logged things in, I found I was in or very close to my range for calories, protein, and fiber, even without trying or realizing it! Why? Becuase this is just how I do things now!

No one told me "you can't have" trans fats, or high fructose corn syrup, or processed sugars, or preservatives, or artificial ingredients. I CHOSE to eliminate them. And I CHOOSE to continue to do so. Why? Because I honestly don't want to put that garbage in my body. No one tells me "you have to" go to the gym, go to the pool, go for a walk. I CHOOSE to do it. Why? Becuase it makes me feel good. It gives me energy. I actually enjoy it now. So it's not about what I "have to" eat, not eat, do, not do, but what I CHOOSE to eat, not eat, do, not do. It's not a program that's been imposed on me. It's a program that I have CHOSEN to do. I dont' have to be accountable to anyone other than myself.

See, it really IS simple! Which is good, becuase if something is too complicated it is unlikely to be any good in the long run. But simple works long term. Simple I can do. I can stick with it. And in doing so, it actually becomes easy.

Hmmm, maybe I've found the easy way after all...

 

[whgrn]

I'm a mom. I have 2 kids. So it goes without saying that I have a busy life. Some days are busier than others. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a treadmill and can't stop! So how do I manage to eat healthy anyway?

The first secret is a great big upright freezer chest! I cook in bulk, and then freeze individual portions for later use. So if I need a quick meal, I just toss it in the microwave, defrost and heat, and voila! A healthy, delicious meal in a hurry!

Some of my favorites are Chicken Tortilla Soup, Veggie Sauce with Turkey and Ground Beef, Turkey Chili, Spinach Lasagna, and a variety of soups. (Monday is soup night at my house, and I freeze the portions we don't eat for dinner!) I've also made family size containers of the fillings for my Chicken Pot Pie and my Shepherds Pie. All I need to do is thaw the filling and a pie crust, or make some mashed potatoes, and I've got a great meal for the whole family.

Another thing I do is "go to" meals. These are meals I eat on a regular basis that I could make in my sleep. Tuna Salad made with yogurt and sour cream instead of mayo. Lentil soup with canned chicken added for extra protein. My almost every day breakfast of yogurt, cheerios, and blueberries all mixed together (try it, it's YUMMY!) I know the calorie and protein levels of these meals, so it's easy to plug them into my menu based on my needs. For instance, tonite we had pizza for dinner. High in calories and fat, not so high in protein. So I had tuna salad for lunch becuase it's basically just the opposite. Balances out all my levels so I'm within range and I don't have to think about it too much.

I plan my meals in advance for the week (well, dinners anyway) Like I said, Monday is always soup night. Tuesday we are running, so we get pizza. Wednesday the kids are with their father, so I can choose something from my stash in the freezer. The rest of the week I look at what activities we have going on, how much time I have for meal prep, and decide on a menu based on that. I have a few "quickie" recipes that really help when I'm pressed for time, like a quick cooking flavored risotto with some frozen shrimp thrown in. Add a salad and it's a quick and easy meal. By knowing ahead of time what I'm making for dinner all week, I can cut down on last minute trips to the grocery store.

Finally, I make sure that I ALWAYS have plenty of fresh fruits and veggies around to grab for a quick snack or add to a meal. And in case I'm really desperate, I keep V8 juice, and some dried fruit handy (I even keep some in my car!) That way, I'm never stuck with NOTHING to eat. I also know that if I'm in a bind, I can stop at a Wendy's and get a cup of their chili. Best fast food meal out there! Plenty of protein and fiber, moderate fat and calories, and it's really yummy too!

It may be a cliche that "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail", but this is one instance in which that statement is really true. It hasn't failed me yet!

 

[whgrn]

Today the kids and I did a 5K walk to raise money for Christmas for the kids along the Gulf Coast whose families lost everything in Hurricane Ike. It was supposed to be a one mile walk, but I decided that was pretty lame, and that we'd do the 5K.

This morning dawned bright and...COLD!!!! It was about 25 when I got up at 8, and by the time we headed out to walk, it had only gone up to about 28 or so. Brrrrrr!!! Plus, my knee had been bothering me since yesterday, and actually kept feeling like it was giving out on me. NOT a good thing when you're planning a long walk. I decided if we got half way and were just too cold or my knee was to sore, we'd just do half the walk. But I really really really wanted to do the whole thing.

We bundled up in many, many layers. I had on: silk long johns (bottoms), an UnderArmour top, an undershirt, 2 pairs of socks, a turtleneck, my heaviest jeans, my heaviest hooded sweatshirt, sneakers, a wool scarf, an ear warmer headband, a pair of fur lined gloves, a pair of warm mittens, and my hooded ski parka. All I could think of was the kid in the movie "A Christmas Story"!! The kids were similarly bundled up. We each had Chapstick on our lips, and a water bottle in our pocket.

My daughter insisted on leading the pre-walk stretching, which consisted of touching our toes! I was actually able to do it, even with all the layers! We headed out at 11:20 am. It seemed to take forever to get down the first 1/2 mile, but as we rounded the next corner, it suddenly seemed easier. (which was wierd since now the wind was AGAINST us!) My knee went out a couple of times, but quickly recovered, so we kept going. Before we knew it, we were at the half way mark! I decided we would go the distance. Surprisingly, I really wasn't cold at all, except for my nose.

As we walked, we encountered a lone runner a couple of times going the other direction. My daughter wondered why anyone would be out running on such a cold day. I said, "well, WE are out walking!" She said, "yeah, but we have a reason". Ya gotta love the logic of kids!

Midway through our second lap, we saw a neighbor outside and stopped to ask him to take our picture. I had my cell phone with me, which actually takes a decent photo. We all look like the Michelin Man!

After the photo stop, we continued up the block into our last turn. We could see home! We were almost there! The kids broke into a jog, but quickly backed off to wait for Mom. We arrived back at home at 12:50 pm. So 90 minutes to do 3.1 miles, including stops for water breaks and a photo op. Not too shabby.

As I congratulated the kids on a job well done, I started thinking. A year ago we went to Disney. I spent the entire trip on an electic scooter thingy, becuase I could not walk through the parks. Now, just one year later, I've lost 95 pounds AND done my first 5K Walk!!! What a difference a year makes!

Now that I've done it, I want to do it again. Really! I had already been thinking about the Avon Breast Cancer walk next October. Now I know, I CAN do it! So I WILL do it! I wonder if I can talk the kids into coming along???