I find it telling that you keep mentioning this...
Because you are now 'solvent' doesn't mean you owe the world...
And, the whole secrecy thing.
Huge, Huge, H U G E, red flag.
If these people are so comfortable with guarding basic information, and putting forth appearances, creating miscoceptions, to make things look better, or come out to their own benefit, then they are doing this to you too.
There is a saying I heard here on the DIS.
When people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.
You are misunderstanding the purpose of us mentioning on our circumstances in the context of the post. It has nothing to do with our solvency.
People wondered how it is possible that they could purchase a home. I simply explained how it was and then showed how our circumstance was similar.
Now whether they are being honest about it or not--I haven't a clue to prove they are or not. However, our circumstances indicate that--down payment aside, it is totally possible to get a home following a layoff. It has nothing to do with me feeling I owe anyone anything. What it has to do with is that I have no reason to disbelieve their logistical situation preventing them from buying a home. That is all. Nothing more.
And call me a bad person--but I do judge them for borrowing the down payment under the table. To me it is irresponsible and greed acting. It is not something our family would ever do. In fact--I am trying to do the responsible thing for our next house and get something that is well UNDER what we can afford for once.
And as stated before--the secrecy thing ended several months ago. Not wanting to be a nark, I never opened my mouth--but I 100% agree that it was a red flag on character. I did refuse to provide her creative answers. I told her point blank that I wasn't going to lie. When she insisted her answer was not a lie, I wasn't going to argue--but I told her I refused to answer anything other than the truth. And it did come up a few times--and I told the people she lived with me but opted to keep that information private. And yeah--they thought it was weird and wrong as well.
And while I may sound argumentative on this point--I am not defending her on the secrecy thing. I was quite offended, but allowed her the space to mature on that point on her own. She was not respected in any way by anyway for her own personal shame of her circumstance. People felt bad for her, but were confused as to why she felt it necessary to be like that. And in hindsight--if secrecy was part of the deal, I would have never agreed to that. It was never mentioned and was an accidental discovery on my part. I did confront her about it--and not wanting to be the shameful friend (bad to think I would be a bad person), there was no need to broadcast it. It was when the kids started asking for friends to come over, that I was like...oh snap!
And to reiterate, many character traits have revealed themselves in the past several months. Not quite like the person in the thread about the vacation home--I don't think she would be that dishonest
. Thankfully they do not vacation with other people, so I will never have to worry about finding out.
I have learned my lesson from the collective behavior over the past several months and will remember it well. These are not people who do things for mutual benefit. They are ego-centric and ALWAYS seek to serve themselves first. It is quite eye opening.
Can I just say that I am peeved that I can't get a brand new construction home myself? Is that selfish?